Am I overreacting? SO vent + Clicky!

[cnumbers]

SO and I are at his parents house with his little sister, about an hour ago they proceeded to play really loud dance music - I don't like dance music so I got all pouty and just decided to be a bit pissed off. I just wanted peace and quiet as today was supposed to be our day with just us two & his friend was supposed to be coming over tonight but instead wanted to change it to tomorrow. I'm not really into dealing with his friends at the moment as they do not know I'm expecting and will make a big deal of it and I don't see why we should have to change our plans tomorrow to accommodate them. Anyway, upon seeing I was in a little bit pissed SO decided to try and cheer me up, he tried several attempts but I told him I wanted to be left alone as my bad mood would lift on its own.. He then said 'CNumbers will you marry me' as a joke. I don't find this funny at all as it's something that I want badly & something that I value highly. I told him to F off and he said 'I'm serious' my reply 'if your serious where's the ring' he was eating onion rings at the time and offered me one as my engagement ring, he knows how important this is to me I told him I don't find him joking about that funny. I'm now in an even bigger mood and I was close to tears as I thought to myself I'm having his child and he hasn't popped the question yet so maybe he won't although he says he will in future but him joking about it had made me think that he doesn't take it seriously, I'm now thinking I'm overreacting but I'm just in an emotional mood.. Looking at engagement rings online.. I suppose I shouldn't.. I'm only making myself feel worse. Sorry ladies, I needed to vent. Hope you are all having a better day.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 15:12:37 GMT -5 @demanda88 said:

The hormones probably got the best of you if you're really upset about the engagement ring joke, which I think is a bit understandable, I would talk to your SO about it when you've calmed down & aren't upset with him. You may have reacted differently if you hadn't been in a bad mood to begin with. It sounds like he didn't even realize that what he said was hurtful to you & he was just trying to be sweet and cheer you up. I think we have to give our husbands/ SO's a break right now and go easy on them- they don't fully understand the emotions and hormones that play into pregnancy and how quickly moods can change. Unless he's being a real jerk over something, I would try to let it go.

I do think I overreacted slightly.. I'm confused as well because I don't know if he was maybe being slightly serious so now I'm all 'was he being serious, wasn't he?' He's still saying he was.. The man is confusing me! I've calmed down but now I have really bad back pain on my right side, it feels like my rib cage.. Maybe LOs foot is stuck so once my pain has eased I'll talk to him

[Widget123]

Your age and your SO's age might influence my vote, honestly

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 16:28:00 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

Your age and your SO's age might influence my vote, honestly

I'm 20 and he's 24. I suppose we are young but we are having a child together and have been together for two years. So of course the thought has crossed my mind and we have discussed it. I don't see any reason not to marry in the future, but I suppose waiting awhile wouldn't hurt either. I'm not talking about getting engaged and then getting married the next year. I'd happily be engaged and wait for a couple of years whilst we save up as a couple.

[Widget123]

In that case both of your behavior doesnt completely shock me. Honestly i think its best for both of you to focus on the baby when he/she arrives. You would be surprised how much stress a baby can put on a relationship and im sure both of you will continue to mature a lot from the experience. Then after you've settled into your roles as parents, i think you'll be in a stronger place as a couple to talk marriage.

[silv3rlining]

I think you are both young. And from reading other posts of yours have quite a bit of maturing to do. It really concerns me that his friends do not know you're expecting especially this close to your due date. It makes me question how they're going to respond once you do give birth. I also question how your SO hasn't brought it up to them. I really wish the best for you guys, having a baby is hard and as PP implied can really affect your relationship.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 17:17:15 GMT -5 silv3rlining said:

I think you are both young. And from reading other posts of yours have quite a bit of maturing to do. It really concerns me that his friends do not know you're expecting especially this close to your due date. It makes me question how they're going to respond once you do give birth. I also question how your SO hasn't brought it up to them. I really wish the best for you guys, having a baby is hard and as PP implied can really affect your relationship.

His friends aren't close close friends. They're people he knew from high school. He doesn't see them often. We wanted to keep it between ourselves and only tell family. Just keep it private. We also haven't shared anything on social media either. It was just our preference. The only reason his friend is finding out is because his sister saw SO and I in town and told his friend that I was pregnant. We just didn't want to tell anyone & we didn't want questions or people's opinions.

[mathistm]

I mean this from 100% the kindest heart, honest. I've been reading many of your posts and thinking about how it seems you and your SO are having a hard time being on the same page. Since I am a little younger maybe it is easier for me to recall what it was like to be 20 and insecure as well. The two of you need to have some serious conversations and get on the same page and both be realistic. I'm sure the hormones that come along with pregnancy do not make things easier for you as I know I have definitely felt pretty irrational in hindsight during this time.
It seems like there is some insecurity there on your behalf but I don't think anyone can blame you for looking for your relationship to be solid and committed, especially with a baby that is going to be here so soon. I think you should think about what would make you feel your relationship was more secure (aside from a ring or marriage) and convey that to your SO. He needs to understand that you need that security and find a way to give it to you. We all have self-doubt and doubts about our relationships at times, but it seems like sometimes this is very consuming for you. I hope that he would be willing to give you what you need, whether it be reassuring words or some other gesture.
I am a FTM but I can only imagine that things are going to get harder with little sleep and hormones after baby is here. I think even the strongest relationships probably meet a point of major stress in those first few days, weeks, and months. It seems like you are having a lot of fears and he probably is too.
Also you need to cut out people who aren't supportive or who you are worried about impressing or their thoughts on your pregnancy. Your sweet little baby is going to be here soon and I think your comfort as a mother and a partner is a hard thing to find if you are worried about what others think of your situation.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 19:16:32 GMT -5 budders said:

Based on your recent posts and what I know about your history with your SO from what you shared on TTGP prior to you getting pregnant, I completely agree with others about needing time to mature. The two of you need to figure out your relationship and communication and not obsess about rushing into marriage.

Also, a pet peeve of mine: while hormones play a part in the intensity of our reactions, I don't believe in blaming actions on hormones. You chose to get pissy about the situation and the interruption to your weekend. Own your reaction and your lack of effective communication about your wants/needs with your SO, and his failure to do the same.

Thank you for the advice , I guess maturity will just come with time and experience. I do believe I have changed since the beginning back on TTGP. I never mentioned in the post about hormones only in the poll as I decided to try and make light of the situation. I agree, they didn't effect my decision on how to handle the situation but they possibly affected how it made me feel & why it annoyed me more than normal. Also, not being sarky but a pet peeve of mine is my past on TTGP being brought up a few times and everyone that flamed me back then coming out of the woodwork when I feel I've done more than enough to show that I've redeemed myself and settled into June 15 & the community. I'd rather forget about it myself but I dont expect everyone else too.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 18:23:44 GMT -5 mathistm said:

I mean this from 100% the kindest heart, honest. I've been reading many of your posts and thinking about how it seems you and your SO are having a hard time being on the same page. Since I am a little younger maybe it is easier for me to recall what it was like to be 20 and insecure as well. The two of you need to have some serious conversations and get on the same page and both be realistic. I'm sure the hormones that come along with pregnancy do not make things easier for you as I know I have definitely felt pretty irrational in hindsight during this time.
It seems like there is some insecurity there on your behalf but I don't think anyone can blame you for looking for your relationship to be solid and committed, especially with a baby that is going to be here so soon. I think you should think about what would make you feel your relationship was more secure (aside from a ring or marriage) and convey that to your SO. He needs to understand that you need that security and find a way to give it to you. We all have self-doubt and doubts about our relationships at times, but it seems like sometimes this is very consuming for you. I hope that he would be willing to give you what you need, whether it be reassuring words or some other gesture.
I am a FTM but I can only imagine that things are going to get harder with little sleep and hormones after baby is here. I think even the strongest relationships probably meet a point of major stress in those first few days, weeks, and months. It seems like you are having a lot of fears and he probably is too.
Also you need to cut out people who aren't supportive or who you are worried about impressing or their thoughts on your pregnancy. Your sweet little baby is going to be here soon and I think your comfort as a mother and a partner is a hard thing to find if you are worried about what others think of your situation.

It's more issues I have within myself as opposed to issues in the relationship, I don't voice them often to him - my insecurities, that's probably why I overshare on here haha!. He knows I'm uncomfortable in my skin but I guess I felt comfortable speaking out in June 15 as I feel welcome here. I think I need to do some searching within myself and get my perspectives into place. Thank you for the advice .

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 21:29:24 GMT -5 @imapenguin said:

Major lol at the mod of this board responding to your poll being everyone coming out of the woodwork and flaming you.

Not budders. That wasn't who I was referring too. I mean the familar names that haven't spoken to me since TTGP loving the post. It just seemed rather random is all. Maybe it's just a coincidence that it was everyone from back in the day that was suspicious of me. Oh well, the Internet is a crazy place

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 21:36:19 GMT -5 @imapenguin said:

Apr 25, 2015 21:34:15 GMT -5 cnumbers said:

Not budders. That wasn't who I was referring too. I mean the familar names that haven't spoken to me since TTGP loving the post. It just seemed rather random is all.

More lolz at love tits being flames.

Agreements. Each to their own. I can't dictate the internet. I just find it strange as I haven't communicated with many of you since TTGP but like I say, I want to forget about it and leave it in the past. As I haven't spoken to you since then, how are you?

[Bluedaisy]

I never communicated with anyone on TTGP much...my lovetit was for Budders saying that she doesn't like it when women blame their hormones for their actions.

It was nothing to do with anything from TTGP so I'm not sure why you think everyone is flaming you for stuff from there. I didn't even know what it was referring to.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 21:50:21 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

I never communicated with anyone on TTGP much...my lovetit was for Budders saying that she doesn't like it when women blame their hormones for their actions.

It was nothing to do with anything from TTGP so I'm not sure why you think everyone is flaming you for stuff from there. I didn't even know what it was referring to.

I'm only referring to people that knew me from that board. Not everyone that lovetitted. I can only see the first two or love tits as my phone doesn't let me see who else love-tit and those two where from people who took a dislike to me and still judge me I think based on my actions there. It isn't personal, what she said about the hormones was right and everyone's advice has been great and on point. I just get irritated when I feel I'm still being judged for something that happened months ago. I should have been clear that it was only directed at those who know me from then & still openly don't trust me due to my past & I don't expect them too. I would hope people that know me from here though have their own opinions.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 21:59:20 GMT -5 budders said:

Apr 25, 2015 21:38:58 GMT -5 cnumbers said:

Agreements. Each to their own. I can't dictate the internet. I just find it strange as I haven't communicated with many of you since TTGP but like I say, I want to forget about it and leave it in the past. As I haven't spoken to you since then, how are you?

You know that Penguin is a June 15 mom, right? She belongs here just as much as any of us.

I didn't know that as I haven't seen many posts from her or communicated directly with her since TTGP. I'm not saying she doesn't belong. I didn't say that or mean to insinuate it at all. I wouldn't say that to anyone, as this is a community. I was being genuine in asking how she was, not sarky.

[cnumbers]

Apr 25, 2015 22:04:23 GMT -5 budders said:

Apr 25, 2015 21:59:14 GMT -5 cnumbers said:

I'm only referring to people that knew me from that board. Not everyone that lovetitted. I can only see the first two or love tits and those two where from people who took a dislike to me and still judge me I think based on my actions there. It isn't personal, what she said about the hormones was right and everyone's advice has been great and on point. I just get irritated when I feel I'm still being judged for something that happened months ago. I should have been clear that it was only directed at those who know me from then & still openly don't trust me due to my past & I don't expect them too. I would hope people that know me from here those have their own opinions.

I was vague in my reference to the TTGP info because it's not my place to dredge up the specific details. That being said, you put those details out there on a public forum. Just like you put this post on a public forum, and asked people to vote and evaluate your response to the situation. I have all of that knowledge to build into my response, and it does color the way that I perceive your posts and respond to your situation. I don't think I was rude to you, and answered very similarly to most of the other posters. 

Also, people liking/agreeing with what I said does not equal a flaming or a judgment of you. It means they agree with one or more of the points that I brought up.

You weren't rude at all. & im not implying that I agree with what you said about hormones.You are right it is public and people will have opinions, I appreciate them. I guess I just found it strange that those who were/still are suspicious or unsure of me decided to agree that's all. I guess I just felt a bit like I was being judge but thinking now it makes sense that they would agree because they know what went down and they already had opinions and views on the situation before. I suppose I'm just sensitive about the past as I do want to forget about it but like you said it is public, it is the Internet & I chose to put it out there so I can't put my fingers in my ears and say 'la,la,la' when someone has an opinion.

[sidneyvicious]

cnumbers, you know I've encouraged giving you a fresh start here in J15 after learning a little more about you, but I think you need to look inward here. You've opened up discussion about issues with your SO, and your history with your SO is relevant to that, very relevant, so it's pretty unfair to blame anyone for bringing it up. It paints a broader picture of your situation.

More open communication with him, less worrying about who clicks/types/writes what here, and some good solid personal reflection on what's really bothering you and what you really would like to see happen, that's my advice. You said yourself you decided to be in a bad mood. Deciding instead to work on your issues would serve you better, because punishing the people around you without addressing why isn't helping one bit.

[missjenniebean]

I don't think these ladies were flaming at all. It is no different from when a good friend comes to you asking the same thing, you know the history and it is able to guide your advice more directly towards a solution. The only difference is it on a forum, not IRL.

That being said, I think these ladies gave excellent advice. While not married myself and in a relationship with my SO fairly new, I find some of the same insecurities. As these lovely ladies said, talk to him about everything you are feeling, reflect on yourself. Say sorry, ask him what his insecurities are.

I dont think any flaming went on and think everyone has been quite helpful.

Now, lets all go drink some chocolate shakes!

[cnumbers]

I just overreacted on here & IRL. I'm sorry ladies.

[wormgerm]

Don't worry about an engagement and marriage. It won't fix anything.

Like everyone else has said you need to work on yourself and focus on raising your baby. You've spoken a lot about anxiety, insecurity, and communication problems. See a psychiatrist/shrink/counselor/whatever and get in control of your own self. Then once you have a better grip on your processing and response to things you and SO can work on your relationship.

Maybe at some point the timing will be right for engagement. Then marriage. Or maybe you will realize that just because you have a kid together doesn't mean you have to be together forever. Bottom line, being pregnant and having a baby isn't a reason to get married. Especially when you don't have the skills to maintain the marriage.

From experience I can tell you marriage is hard. My husband and I are 26, have been together since we were 15, got engaged and married at 23. We have good times, we have coasting times, and we have bad times. It takes work to notice when we're coasting and try to get back on track to the good times before it blows up in to full blown neglected bad times. It takes work to be on the same page about decisions for our baby, our money, our home, and our future.

Wishing you the best. Really though, get some mental/emotional help, learn some communication skills, and move forward. You can do this.

[mcp6286]

I would HIGHLY suggest that you and SO start seeing a counselor, individually and as a couple. DH and I got married when we were your age and honestly we probably shouldn't have. The first 5 years of our marriage were hell with some rare happy moments mixed in. We were both young, selfish, immature and insecure. I look back at it and have no clue how we've made it to where we are now. Two years ago, we started seeing a counselor and things did a complete 180 degree turn. That's why we're just now, after 7 years of marriage, having our first baby....there was no way we were emotionally prepared to be parents before now (especially DH - he had such a Peter Pan complex). I so strongly believe in therapy, especially for young couples, and I think since you guys are going to be parents soon it's imperative that you work out your issues ASAP. It really has made it possible for us to have a happy, supportive, nurturing relationship instead of one full of angst, resentment and sadness like before. I'll be thinking of you as you work through all this!

[silv3rlining]

Apr 25, 2015 17:49:24 GMT -5 cnumbers said:

Apr 25, 2015 17:17:15 GMT -5 silv3rlining said:

I think you are both young. And from reading other posts of yours have quite a bit of maturing to do. It really concerns me that his friends do not know you're expecting especially this close to your due date. It makes me question how they're going to respond once you do give birth. I also question how your SO hasn't brought it up to them. I really wish the best for you guys, having a baby is hard and as PP implied can really affect your relationship.

His friends aren't close close friends. They're people he knew from high school. He doesn't see them often. We wanted to keep it between ourselves and only tell family. Just keep it private. We also haven't shared anything on social media either. It was just our preference. The only reason his friend is finding out is because his sister saw SO and I in town and told his friend that I was pregnant. We just didn't want to tell anyone & we didn't want questions or people's opinions.

If you were posting on TTGP previously, meaning this was a planned pregnancy, I really don't understand why you are trying to keep it so secretive (not that you have to post on social media, but saying just family and not wanting questions or opinions. It still concerns me on what you and your SO are going to do once baby is actually here. Not to mention getting pissy because people turned on dance music. I get being irritated since it's something you don't like, but allowing it to dictate your mood as much as you did gives off the appearance that everything has to be your way. I want to echo PP that you seek some sort of counseling. I think it would help with your insecurities. And you're right, maturity does take time and you're only 20. However your behaviors remind me a lot of my ex-fiance's ex-gf (after me) and it was a toxic relationship for him. He ended up losing a lot of friends over it because she kept him from going to social functions with his friends from high school (that he did have close relationships with prior to her).

[Deleted]

I thought you overreacted but said only a little bit because I also took your age (which I already knew), combined with hormones, into consideration. And no, we shouldn't blame everything on our hormones, but they do play some role in how we perceive things these days and I know that, at more than twice your age, I've had my own moments of not reacting to things the way I should have. But yes, we are all ultimately responsible for our behavior, hormones or no.

The reality is that at 20, we all thought we were were more mature than we actually were, no matter what we were going through at the time. That's a realization that only aging and looking back over time can bring forth so I guess we all just have to ask you to trust us on that. Getting pregnant is a huge thing and having a huge thing happen is not always instantly followed by the maturity we want or hope for, but it will come if you just slow down and let it. It's a day by day process. Being together for two years may seem like a long time, but when that two years is 18-20, it's really not. You just have no idea how much you are going to grow and change over the next several years. It's going to be drastic. Getting that ring on your hand right now may make you feel more secure in the short term, but it won't fix anything or make it stronger in the long run. Take one major step at a time here. Have the baby. Settle into parenthood. See how you and SO function together once it's here and then make the next big decision. Baby is going to drastically change the dynamic of your relationship and you just can't predict how.

[silv3rlining]

Apr 26, 2015 10:38:07 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

I thought you overreacted but said only a little bit because I also took your age (which I already knew), combined with hormones, into consideration. And no, we shouldn't blame everything on our hormones, but they do play some role in how we perceive things these days and I know that, at more than twice your age, I've had my own moments of not reacting to things the way I should have. But yes, we are all ultimately responsible for our behavior, hormones or no.

The reality is that at 20, we all thought we were were more mature than we actually were, no matter what we were going through at the time. That's a realization that only aging and looking back over time can bring forth so I guess we all just have to ask you to trust us on that. Getting pregnant is a huge thing and having a huge thing happen is not always instantly followed by the maturity we want or hope for, but it will come if you just slow down and let it. It's a day by day process. Being together for two years may seem like a long time, but when that two years is 18-20, it's really not. You just have no idea how much you are going to grow and change over the next several years. It's going to be drastic. Getting that ring on your hand right now may make you feel more secure in the short term, but it won't fix anything or make it stronger in the long run. Take one major step at a time here. Have the baby. Settle into parenthood. See how you and SO function together once it's here and then make the next big decision. Baby is going to drastically change the dynamic of your relationship and you just can't predict how.

Not sure how to do a clapping smiley, but well said.

[cnumbers]

Apr 26, 2015 10:30:01 GMT -5 silv3rlining said:

Apr 25, 2015 17:49:24 GMT -5 cnumbers said:

His friends aren't close close friends. They're people he knew from high school. He doesn't see them often. We wanted to keep it between ourselves and only tell family. Just keep it private. We also haven't shared anything on social media either. It was just our preference. The only reason his friend is finding out is because his sister saw SO and I in town and told his friend that I was pregnant. We just didn't want to tell anyone & we didn't want questions or people's opinions.

If you were posting on TTGP previously, meaning this was a planned pregnancy, I really don't understand why you are trying to keep it so secretive (not that you have to post on social media, but saying just family and not wanting questions or opinions. It still concerns me on what you and your SO are going to do once baby is actually here. Not to mention getting pissy because people turned on dance music. I get being irritated since it's something you don't like, but allowing it to dictate your mood as much as you did gives off the appearance that everything has to be your way. I want to echo PP that you seek some sort of counseling. I think it would help with your insecurities. And you're right, maturity does take time and you're only 20. However your behaviors remind me a lot of my ex-fiance's ex-gf (after me) and it was a toxic relationship for him. He ended up losing a lot of friends over it because she kept him from going to social functions with his friends from high school (that he did have close relationships with prior to her).

I'm not stopping him seeing his friends at all. It doesn't bother me. It's not one sided that I didn't want too many people to know, it was a mutual decision, it was just something we wanted, we had said we'd tell people after three months and just never got around to it as we have been busy organising everything, time has just flown by. his friend was due to come over tonight & we were going to go for dinner but something came up. I said to SO that if he wants to go and have guy time then he's more than welcome too & not to worry about me as I would have a pamper night to myself or go out with my sisters for a bit. The reason the loud music bothered me more is because I wear hearing aids and it irritated my ears - I forgot to mention that in OP. I told SO this also, I'm aware I overracted but I don't exercise control over him as everyone needs their breathing space. I have made an appointment with my doctor to discuss counselling & I am looking forward to resolving my issues & finding myself in a better place as a person and in my relationship.

[cnumbers]

Apr 26, 2015 8:31:28 GMT -5 wormgerm said:

Don't worry about an engagement and marriage. It won't fix anything.

Like everyone else has said you need to work on yourself and focus on raising your baby. You've spoken a lot about anxiety, insecurity, and communication problems. See a psychiatrist/shrink/counselor/whatever and get in control of your own self. Then once you have a better grip on your processing and response to things you and SO can work on your relationship.

Maybe at some point the timing will be right for engagement. Then marriage. Or maybe you will realize that just because you have a kid together doesn't mean you have to be together forever. Bottom line, being pregnant and having a baby isn't a reason to get married. Especially when you don't have the skills to maintain the marriage.

From experience I can tell you marriage is hard. My husband and I are 26, have been together since we were 15, got engaged and married at 23. We have good times, we have coasting times, and we have bad times. It takes work to notice when we're coasting and try to get back on track to the good times before it blows up in to full blown neglected bad times. It takes work to be on the same page about decisions for our baby, our money, our home, and our future.

Wishing you the best. Really though, get some mental/emotional help, learn some communication skills, and move forward. You can do this.


thank you for your advice, like I said in another post I have made an appointment with my doctor to see about some help. I know some things don't last forever, as much as I hope it does - and all I can do is hope and try my hardest to make it work - I know some things can just run their course as that is reality. I did overeact. It's down to my personal issues more than hormones. I spoke with my SO today and apologised for my behaviour, I said we need to communicate more rather than getting frustrated - he agreed. We spoke of marriage, I told him it is important too me but what's more important right now is our baby and adjusting to him in our lives before we throw engagement into the mix. We've agreed to wait for a few years as there is no rush, we have plenty of time & right now we'll focus on each other and the LO. I'm happy with the possibly of marriage in the future. SO said that he was just trying to cheer me up and put a smile on my face, I just overeacted. 

[cnumbers]

Apr 26, 2015 10:38:07 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

I thought you overreacted but said only a little bit because I also took your age (which I already knew), combined with hormones, into consideration. And no, we shouldn't blame everything on our hormones, but they do play some role in how we perceive things these days and I know that, at more than twice your age, I've had my own moments of not reacting to things the way I should have. But yes, we are all ultimately responsible for our behavior, hormones or no.

The reality is that at 20, we all thought we were were more mature than we actually were, no matter what we were going through at the time. That's a realization that only aging and looking back over time can bring forth so I guess we all just have to ask you to trust us on that. Getting pregnant is a huge thing and having a huge thing happen is not always instantly followed by the maturity we want or hope for, but it will come if you just slow down and let it. It's a day by day process. Being together for two years may seem like a long time, but when that two years is 18-20, it's really not. You just have no idea how much you are going to grow and change over the next several years. It's going to be drastic. Getting that ring on your hand right now may make you feel more secure in the short term, but it won't fix anything or make it stronger in the long run. Take one major step at a time here. Have the baby. Settle into parenthood. See how you and SO function together once it's here and then make the next big decision. Baby is going to drastically change the dynamic of your relationship and you just can't predict how.

Thank you, that's great advice as has everything everyone has said. I'm going to remember everything said on the thread & the advice I've been given when I go to the doctor. Hoping I can learn the tools I need to deal with my behaviour at times. I'll continue to lurk but may refrain from overreacting in future .

[laurenlou83]

Apr 26, 2015 10:33:24 GMT -5 Fearsy said:

Apr 25, 2015 22:02:43 GMT -5 cnumbers said:

I didn't know that as I haven't seen many posts from her or communicated directly with her since TTGP. I'm not saying she doesn't belong. I didn't say that or mean to insinuate it at all. I wouldn't say that to anyone, as this is a community. I was being genuine in asking how she was, not sarky.

Also a June mom even though I don't technically go here anymore. I will love tit all the things if I want to and no one can stop me!!!!!11

*streaks through thread* Haiiiii, June!!

We heart you Fearsy!!! I like when you drop in! I may or may not lurk to check up on you every so often. Hugs!

[gilder40]

I'm 32, and I'm definitely NOT the same person I was when I was 20, 21, or 22! I don't believe I really matured and discovered my true self until closer to 25. And even then, some things were difficult, and they still are. As tough as it can be (I'm a people pleaser), I ALWAYS strive to talk to people and tell them if something is bothering me, if I need something from them, or when I screw up. Open, compassionate, and respectful communication is key to having successful relationships and friendships. People can't read minds, so talk to them before things eat away at your well-being and mental state. When my husband and I first started dating, he had no idea how to be in a relationship as he has never been in one! If he said or did something I considered inappropriate or that bothered me, I would calmly and discreetly pull him aside away from everyone and politely tell him that my feelings were hurt, I didn't appreciate some action, etc. I didn't nag, I didn't gripe. Communication is EVERYTHING!!

Good luck to you! I hope everything works out and that you enjoy your journey of self-discovery.

[cnumbers]

Apr 26, 2015 19:22:52 GMT -5 gilder40 said:

I'm 32, and I'm definitely NOT the same person I was when I was 20, 21, or 22! I don't believe I really matured and discovered my true self until closer to 25. And even then, some things were difficult, and they still are. As tough as it can be (I'm a people pleaser), I ALWAYS strive to talk to people and tell them if something is bothering me, if I need something from them, or when I screw up. Open, compassionate, and respectful communication is key to having successful relationships and friendships. People can't read minds, so talk to them before things eat away at your well-being and mental state. When my husband and I first started dating, he had no idea how to be in a relationship as he has never been in one! If he said or did something I considered inappropriate or that bothered me, I would calmly and discreetly pull him aside away from everyone and politely tell him that my feelings were hurt, I didn't appreciate some action, etc. I didn't nag, I didn't gripe. Communication is EVERYTHING!!

Good luck to you! I hope everything works out and that you enjoy your journey of self-discovery.

It is our first proper relationship with anyone for the both of us! Possibly that plays a huge part. Thank you