Social anxiety tips?

[Deleted]

Hi all.

This Thursday my office is having an open house. We recently expanded into a really nice space and we're having clients and colleagues over for appetizers and drinks. I think close to 100 people are expected. We're a small office so we're all expected to be here as "hosts". Our managing principal also asked us to try to mingle as much as possible and make sure we're not all collected in once place (our office is spread across 2 suites).

Large groups, parties, schmoozing... so not my thing!!! I get panicked when I walk into a room full of people, especially if the expectation is for me to be socializing. Starting and ending conversations is really hard for me, I feel so awkward. I feel awkward in general. I can barely focusing on not sounding like an idiot while talking to one person, let alone thinking about whether I should be moving to another side of the office.

I do want to go because I really love my office and my company, and there will be people here I want to see and catch up with. I'm just afraid the anxiety will take over and I'll be miserable. So do you ladies have any tips for managing social anxiety in these types of situations? I will try to remember to take deep breaths, and I might bring my essential oils but I don't want people to think I smell weird.. haha! Ugh. TIA.

[bluerainfire]

I would just focus on a few people you want to talk to, for the night. Then just focus on them. I can only do conversations with people I like, and even then I feel awkward. Sadly drinking helps with my social skills..good luck, I got invited to a co-workers birthday party, and am trying to force myself to attend....

[Deleted]

Apr 27, 2015 19:03:48 GMT -5 bluerainfire said:

I would just focus on a few people you want to talk to, for the night. Then just focus on them. I can only do conversations with people I like, and even then I feel awkward. Sadly drinking helps with my social skills..good luck, I got invited to a co-workers birthday party, and am trying to force myself to attend....

Ha, drinking helps me too, but alcohol does not agree with me on this combo of meds. That is a good idea just to focus on the few people I want to talk to and not push myself. I'm pretty sure my principal realizes I'm not the most social butterfly.

[tjr42px]

I try to focus on what I'm good at. I'm a total introvert and just picturing 100 people is two suites is making me cringe, but I also know you are going there as a team. Yes, you have marching orders to not bunch up with your co-workers but if there is someone you know well and trust, pair up. I do so much better if I have a wingperson to take the pressure off of when to get in and out of a convo. I also get there early and get comfortable in my environment. Even if I work in the space all day, but being there at night throws me off a bit. I'm also one for maximizing my strengths and minimizing challenges. We share similar concerns (starting/ending convos). I tend to hang out by the food 1) because I'm a stress eater, but 2) that is a place your guests cycle through. You won't have to worry about moving much yourself, but you'll still be schmoozing away. Plus, as they cycle through, chances are good your intro to each small group will be the similar. "Welcome! (Food is priority one when they arrive. That plate is a buffer for your guests anxieties) These ----- are amazing, have you tried one?" And your basic spiel is likely to be similar, too. I do well talking about things I know well. 30 mins in I have my mantra down having said it a few times. If I'm feeling like I need to get out of a convo but don't know how I'll "need" to get a water or something, usually conveniently located away from the food.

I also know after, I'm going to be mentally and physically drained. Forgive yourself that feeling and indulge in a bath. Better yet talk SO into a massage. Muscles get so tense in stressful situations. I try to not use the bath as a "wow I survived" but a reward for all the things that went well. It's a subtle reframe, but focusing on the positives is helpful for the next time I'm forced into those situations. I can recall all the ways I ricked it and the strategies that helped.

Good luck! And enjoy catching up.

[Deleted]

tjr42px Those are all great ideas, thank you! Hanging somewhere that guests have to cycle past me is brilliant. And yes, I know I will be wasted by the end of the night. I should stash some Gatorade or something in my car for the ride home. It always feels like a workout!

[booksntea]

Hey Rocknroll friend, I have some social anxiety too. I find it helps to introduce myself to people who are standing by themselves because many people find it hard to be alone in a crowd and will welcome the opportunity to talk to someone. So, I usually go up to them and say hi, and try to make some small talk. Now, I am not that great at small talk so I try to ask people about themselves and pepper in a little about myself so it doesn't seem like an interrogation. I also try to remember that most people are not judging me but are instead are more worried about how they are coming off themselves, so I focus on them and putting them at ease.

[Deleted]

May 1, 2015 13:34:58 GMT -5 booksntea said:

Hey Rocknroll friend, I have some social anxiety too. I find it helps to introduce myself to people who are standing by themselves because many people find it hard to be alone in a crowd and will welcome the opportunity to talk to someone. So, I usually go up to them and say hi, and try to make some small talk. Now, I am not that great at small talk so I try to ask people about themselves and pepper in a little about myself so it doesn't seem like an interrogation. I also try to remember that most people are not judging me but are instead are more worried about how they are coming off themselves, so I focus on them and putting them at ease.

Oh that is an interesting approach. I have noticed I feel more at ease when someone seems more shy than me. I focus on helping them feel less awkward. That's a good idea!

[tjr42px]

@rocknrollfriend, How did it go? The event was last night, right? I'm sure you are relieved it's over but what were the positives from the night? Did you get a chance to catch up with everyone you were hoping to?

[Deleted]

May 1, 2015 19:17:36 GMT -5 tjr42px said:

@rocknrollfriend, How did it go? The event was last night, right? I'm sure you are relieved it's over but what were the positives from the night? Did you get a chance to catch up with everyone you were hoping to?

Thanks for asking! It ended up going well. I decided to avoid walking into the larger space where there were more people, at least at first, and hung out mostly in the quieter space. I also took lots of bathroom breaks just to get a breather. And used my essential oils. That all helped a lot.

We had a pre-party "pep talk" and what did not help was our marketing director pointing out that I looked nervous.. great, thanks for noticing. I stayed focused on staying calm and while I was anxious for about the first half of the event, once more of the people I knew showed up I was feeling more at ease. I did get to see everyone I wanted to and it was really nice to catch up.

I was freakin' exhausted though after being in meetings all day, and couples therapy, and the socializing.. it was a long day! I'm still tired today.