Birth Plans, Names, and other "big" changes....

[carolyngrace]

I feel like we've been talking a lot about details (what to bring to the hospital, etc) which is helpful, but at the same time there are some "bigger" topics still on the table in my house. 

We had been planning to let my mom and sister in the room during my birth to "watch" (ie not participate). I got to watch my sister's babies being born and it was awesome. Well, DH came home from drinks with a friend last night and passionately made his case for having just us in the room. Again this morning he said "I want to share the birth of our firstborn child just with you... I don't want to get distracted by anything." I'm almost 100% on board with him, but it feels like a big switch at this point and telling my family will be a bit difficult!

Also, our name debate has been going on this whole pregnancy, and I posted about a recent idea of mine in the name board. If you want to check it out and give your opinion on the name that would be great

goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/33620/peter?page=1&scrollTo=1768412

Anyone else with "bigger" decisions still yet to be made? 

[erbear]

I think the only thing that's changed is my wavering on getting an epidural now. Even H is freaked out by them after childbirth class last night!

[Widget123]

Not really I guess? There are a few things I'm going to have to have a chat with DH about though prior to LO's birth.

1. Trying to keep the IL's more in the dark / away from the hospital until after LO is born. I don't need a repeat of what happened when DD was born, which was all of the IL's walking into the delivery room unannounced right when I was pushing.

2. DH actually being "de-plugged" from work during the first week after the baby is born when he is supposed to be on leave. With DD, DH was fine, but he has a different boss now and he has mutated into more of a workaholic than ever before. No, I do not want him participating in teleconferences and as far as I'm concerned his laptop should stay shut that entire week.

3. The 4th of July. It is a big holiday for DH's family but I want nothing to do with it this year. I also don't want DH and DD being gone all day and leaving me home alone with the baby, especially because I don't trust that anyone else would keep an eye on DD as much as I would if people are shooting off fireworks. And no I don't want anyone coming over to our house that day either, because then I'm going to have to kick them out when they overstay their welcome and that is unnecessary drama.

[megd893]

carolyngrace We're having the same discussion about who will be present. I'd like for my mom to be there, K would like it to be just the two of us. I haven't mentioned it to my mom at all yet, so theres no expectation, but I know how much it would mean to her and how much help it will be for me. We're landing somewhere in the middle I think. She can be there, but when he's born, she needs to know (and I need to make it clear) that we need that time together the three of us. So feel free to go announce to everyone etc. but you won't be first to hold him or anything like that lol.

K's family lives an hour and a half away... so the other diffficulty is going to be telling them (especially her Gram) that they can't come up for a week at a time right away. If K is able to take two weeks right away, she'd like those two weeks to be majority just us with some visits here and there. Let us settle. We need to start telling people this sooner than later...

[alayne926]

We have our girl's names picked out, but we're still debating boy's names, so we'll need to get that figured out.

We talked about how we wanted to to introduce DS to the baby have s/he gets here and DH REALLY wanted him to be the first to meet the baby and I was OK with waiting until later in the day when a grandparent can pick him up from day care and bring him to the hospital. New plan is to have him spend the night with grandma and pop and he'll come to the hospital with them and DH will go get him after I'm in recovery so he can meet the baby first and then everyone else can come in two at a time to see the baby.

Other than that, I think we're good.

[mathistm]

carolyngrace we are going the same way with who will be in delivery. B and I have talked about it just being us and sharing that moment together. Plus I don't think I will want anyone there who is not an active participant. If you are just going to be there to chat while I am in a ton of pain-that's not my jam. You better be getting me cold wash cloths, rubbing my back etc.
How far do your sister and mom live from the hospital? Could it be something you play by ear? Do they want to only be there for the actual birth and not labor? Haha sorry for the ?s.

[Widget123]

Apr 30, 2015 8:11:14 GMT -5 alayne926 said:

We have our girl's names picked out, but we're still debating boy's names, so we'll need to get that figured out.

We talked about how we wanted to to introduce DS to the baby have s/he gets here and DH REALLY wanted him to be the first to meet the baby and I was OK with waiting until later in the day when a grandparent can pick him up from day care and bring him to the hospital. New plan is to have him spend the night with grandma and pop and he'll come to the hospital with them and DH will go get him after I'm in recovery so he can meet the baby first and then everyone else can come in two at a time to see the baby.

Other than that, I think we're good.

Hmm I haven't thought about how DD will meet the baby.  I really like your idea of having your DS meet the baby first, but I wonder if I will really be able to keep the IL's out of the room so DD can have time with the baby by herself (the IL's will be the ones watching her while we are at the hospital).  I will have to think about this some more.  I'll add that to the list of things to talk to DH about.

[baytosa2013]

I think we have all the major things together except a middle name but we have one we like already in mind. It is the AFTER that is now becoming an issue.

DH's sister is planning to come out after the baby is born. I've been asking about the plan and when. My DH has been NO help with relaying any info. I finally find out last night that she's planning to come after I go back to work to keep LO out of daycare an extra week, which is totally cool. The not totally cool part...she's planning to send her 14yo daughter out ALONE for a week when the baby is like 3 weeks old. Um no. I'm NOT entertaining a teenager when I have a 3 week old. now of course DH gives me the "you just don't want them to come" speech.

[Bluedaisy]

We've had our name picked out since I was about two weeks pregnant (didn't mean to but it just came to us and fit so well and we both loved it).

DHs parents are across the country and have booked their flights to come stay with us for six days about two weeks after baby is born so that is sorted.

My mom doesn't want to be in the room which was a relief because I was really on the fence so it made it easier. She said if I really want or need her she will but thinks it should be just between us. We will call my parents and they can come to visit as soon as baby is born (they live an hour and a half away so it will give us time to bond first).

The only thing really up in the air is my doggy we still don't have a concrete plan for her and probably won't until closer to.

As for epidural...yes please...if needed. I'm going to see how it's going but I'm not opposed to having one at all.

[missjenniebean]

I don't think we have big decisions left. It was always just SO and I in the room, names we surprisingly figured out. I think at this point it is how much time he should take off work, since he doesn't get paid. And who will watch the kid when I returb to work.

[junch817]

I still have no idea whether I'd rather hold out for a VBAC or have another CS. It's basically my call. OB says I am an ideal candidate for a VBAC, but the unknown is freaking me out. A CS was no walk in the park, but it's familiar to me at least. I know what to expect. I have a temporary CS scheduled for June 8 (40+1). If I'm not showing any positive signs like thinning out or being dilated, then I'll probably go with the CS. If they check me and I'm dilated to a 3 or 4, then I don't know - but that would make my 40+ minute drive to the hospital even more nerve wracking, esp needing to get someone to watch my daughter in time.

[turtletyme]

I still don't know if I am having a c-section or not, so that's kind of a stressful thing to have still hanging out there. Hopefully will know in the next couple of weeks, but my dr seems to love "wait and see."

My favorite part of our L&D tour was when the nurse showed us the different lounges, "depending on how much you like your family." There are two on the ward, so you can send your people to the closest or furthest from your room, depending on preference, or leave them outside the locked doors in the main waiting area (which I am too much of a puss to do, but I bet lots of people do!) We haven't figured out the logistics of family being there yet, and it gives me a headache, but they definitely won't be in the room til after the baby is born THANKS.

[fuccimama]

Just wanted to put my vote in for Peter Gordon carolyngrace!

[bendherova]

LOL I read the Peter thread on Baby Names this am without even reading who the OP was. You'd get my thumbs up.


Also, you are the one giving birth to the baby, but I have to give a major amt of importance to what your DH wants at birth- just you two. (also, I'm skewed here bc it's exactly what i've wanted at both of my births- to share with just DH).

If he'd said he wants HIS mom there. I'd be giving the Nope-topus to that.



As for big decisions from us: biggest is white vs black-brown Hemnes dresser. This is one benefit to having a second child of the same sex- we've already had the birth discussion (up to me), and circumcision discussion (wasn't much of one the first time anyway, it's a no)

And DH even let me pick the MN out of the two we narrowed down to.



Thankfully DH and I are on the same page about keeping DS1 in town (instead of sending him home with grandparents) once DS2 is born, even though everyone has offered.

I do need to discuss having DS1 meet DS2 first of all of the relatives, but I'd imagine he'll be on board with that too.

[alayne926]

Apr 30, 2015 8:27:02 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

Apr 30, 2015 8:11:14 GMT -5 alayne926 said:

We have our girl's names picked out, but we're still debating boy's names, so we'll need to get that figured out.

We talked about how we wanted to to introduce DS to the baby have s/he gets here and DH REALLY wanted him to be the first to meet the baby and I was OK with waiting until later in the day when a grandparent can pick him up from day care and bring him to the hospital. New plan is to have him spend the night with grandma and pop and he'll come to the hospital with them and DH will go get him after I'm in recovery so he can meet the baby first and then everyone else can come in two at a time to see the baby.

Other than that, I think we're good.

Hmm I haven't thought about how DD will meet the baby.  I really like your idea of having your DS meet the baby first, but I wonder if I will really be able to keep the IL's out of the room so DD can have time with the baby by herself (the IL's will be the ones watching her while we are at the hospital).  I will have to think about this some more.  I'll add that to the list of things to talk to DH about.

DH is pretty adamant that DS will meet him/her first, so I told him he's in charge of crowd control.  

[kemdupuis]

carolyngrace, I totally feel the same way about not wanting anyone in the delivery room (or even at the hospital when we deliver). I so agree with your DH that bringing your first child into the world should be a shared moment between you and your DH. I am actually not allowing anyone to our house until at least a week after he is born, because I feel it is so incredibly important to have that bonding time as a new family, allow you to heal in peace/privacy, and also allow you guys a few days to figure things out before Mom and Dad and the ILs come around to try to tell you how to do everything. I'm very passionate about all of this, and although my parents and my DH's parents aren't in love with the idea, they said they would respect our wishes and our privacy.

As far as the name goes, I love Peter H.G. Kippus. I think family names are great, and since you can't agree on Henry/Gordon, I think it's a nice compromise. What does your DH think?

[baytosa2013]

Apr 30, 2015 8:41:56 GMT -5 @hazeldublin said:

baytosa2013 I would go crackers if someone was sending their kid to stay with me when I've just had a baby. That's not ok, your tired after the labour for weeks. Having a 14yo hanging round me would not be good!

I'm totally ready to lose my shit over it but I'm trying to maintain since it's family and he's close to his sister.

[dmoney]

Apr 30, 2015 7:05:11 GMT -5 carolyngrace said:

I feel like we've been talking a lot about details (what to bring to the hospital, etc) which is helpful, but at the same time there are some "bigger" topics still on the table in my house. 

We had been planning to let my mom and sister in the room during my birth to "watch" (ie not participate). I got to watch my sister's babies being born and it was awesome. Well, DH came home from drinks with a friend last night and passionately made his case for having just us in the room. Again this morning he said "I want to share the birth of our firstborn child just with you... I don't want to get distracted by anything." I'm almost 100% on board with him, but it feels like a big switch at this point and telling my family will be a bit difficult!

Also, our name debate has been going on this whole pregnancy, and I posted about a recent idea of mine in the name board. If you want to check it out and give your opinion on the name that would be great

goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/33620/peter?page=1&scrollTo=1768412

Anyone else with "bigger" decisions still yet to be made? 

You are a saint for wanting your mom and sister in the room.. Im sorry but nope, not going to happen they each have had their own deliveries they dont need to be a spectator at mine!!  In fact once I get admited to the hospital, no one will be allowed in the back until after I deliver.  I originally didnt even want my parents to be in the waiting room but my mom threw a hissy fit. So now all of the grandparents can be in the waiting room.  But my mom and dad will be the first ones in the back after I deliver and I am ready to see them.  NO ONE will be holding the baby until I have held her first and get some one on one time with her and DH.  


My in Laws do not know how to get along so I have a feeling that there is going to be a fight that  breaks out, So I am telling the nurses on duty that whoever starts yelling first is to be told to leave and they are not allowed back into the hospital.  I will not put up with their BS the day or first few days after I deliver.   My MIL thinks she is a doctor so she is going to try and read my chart and what not and im sorry but no, keep your hands off, it is not for you to read or know.  Anything that you need to know DH or I will tell you. Otherwise Mind your own business. 

As for names, we are stuck between two, will probably come down to when I deliver and whatever name pops into my head first! 

[lalamomma]

We had my mom in the room last time but this time I assume she will be there, because DH is probably going to fly in before my due date or if I go into labor early he will grab a flight asap. It's all we can really do, so I know she will be there but we will see. I hope it's not a fast labor exactly lol.
I want DD to be first beside my mom if she is in the room obviously. My in laws will b*tch about the drive and probably not come until the next day. So no concern about that really.
We have our name, and all decisions done. I'm not sure DH and I would both pick the same for circumcision but I let him decide. Since he has a better understanding and is making an informed decision.
We still have stuff to buy but it is all picked out now.

[lunalovegood]

We know my mom will watch the other kids when we go to the hospital and that it will just be me and DH in there.
My in-laws are coming to visit a couple weeks after baby is born and my mother in law has already asked what I want her to make while she is there (I love that woman!)
I just decided last week that I don't know if I like either of the names we picked out (team green). DH just rolled his eyes at me and asked if I had other options, which of course I don't. I think I am just being moody and feeling overwhelmed. But I don't know. This is the first time we have not found out so I am really struggling with feeling prepared and the name thing is just one part of that.

[veggiemo]

Just like last time, it will be just me and DH in the delivery room. I'm with your DH on this one, just let it be the two of you. There will still be plenty of special moments and memories you can have when your parents/in laws come in to see the baby for the first time. And you'll be able to take it in more that way too.

I like the name Peter! If we have a girl her name will be Petra, which is a feminine form. We took DS to the zoo a couple weekends ago and there was a little boy waiting in line with us named Peter. He had an older sister and she kept calling his name and saying "Peter! Hey Pete!" and it was really adorable.

As far as big decisions, I am constantly worried about names. I just try not to think about it too much because I feel like the more I think about it the more I second guess my choices. I second guessed DS's name for months even after he was born, but I feel like I will do that no matter what. It's such a hard decision and I'm constantly worried there is something better than I'm missing!

[mcp6286]

I have to go to my 32-week appt tonight and continue to argue with my OB's office about coding my c-section as "elective". I'm waiting to hear back from the insurance company if having it coded "elective" will affect the out-of-pocket cost we incur. I don't know why the damn OB can't just give it another code! I understand that the medical reasoning isn't obstetric and is a little unconventional but there is a legit medical reason for me to have it and I feel like that should count!!! Grrrr. This is going to be a major problem if the insurance coverage is significantly affected.

My other big problem was with my MIL being at the hospital during delivery. DH was dragging his feet addressing the issue but FINALLY just told her straight up that she can only come if FIL takes the day off and comes with her, because she can't take care of herself at all and I don't want DH's focus to be pulled from me and baby because his idiot mother gets lost or doesn't know where to park or smthng. If they do come, they will be in the waiting room until DH and I have had bonding time with baby. Then they can go to the nursery to see her while I rest. I told DH that they can sleep at our house if they want but I don't want to see their faces until at least the next day! Luckily, I doubt FIL will be able to take off so it will prob end up being a moot point.

[silv3rlining]

With DSs birth it was DH, my doula, and my mom in delivery room. My mom wasn't preplanned but I called her that morning (I was induced) and told her she could come down (she lives 2 hours away). Our hospital only allows 3 people total in L&D and you have to give the names upon arrival. Each person gets a band and has their pic taken. So if you're in labor a long time, even if 1 person leaves they can't give their band to someone else. My mom likely won't be there this time (due to work constraints) so it will likely be DH&I and maybe a doula. I'm hoping for my same doula as last time but it just depends on if there's any conflicts. I do have a backup doula (friend who is a doula), but not sure I'd be comfortable having her there.

With DS we didn't have any visitors and I loved that. I do know I want DS to come to the hospital to meet his sister. And I'm sure whoever is watching him (either MIl or FIL) will visit with him. So we still have to figure out the dynamics of the first meeting.

[dmoney]

Apr 30, 2015 13:44:25 GMT -5 silv3rlining said:

With DSs birth it was DH, my doula, and my mom in delivery room. My mom wasn't preplanned but I called her that morning (I was induced) and told her she could come down (she lives 2 hours away). Our hospital only allows 3 people total in L&D and you have to give the names upon arrival. Each person gets a band and has their pic taken. So if you're in labor a long time, even if 1 person leaves they can't give their band to someone else. My mom likely won't be there this time (due to work constraints) so it will likely be DH&I and maybe a doula. I'm hoping for my same doula as last time but it just depends on if there's any conflicts. I do have a backup doula (friend who is a doula), but not sure I'd be comfortable having her there.

With DS we didn't have any visitors and I loved that. I do know I want DS to come to the hospital to meet his sister. And I'm sure whoever is watching him (either MIl or FIL) will visit with him. So we still have to figure out the dynamics of the first meeting.

I really wish my family wouldnt come to the hospital at all...but i know thats not going to happen!!

[txngrl31]

A different point of view: carolyngrace, My mom is coming from across the country to be with me during the weeks leading up to the due date, and I have requested that she be present in the delivery room with me and DH. For me, it's a comfort thing. I've been without family this whole pregnancy and for some reason, I have really wanted my mom's presence and support. My mom never requested to be present , so all this was me asking her, and my husband is completely on board with it. I'm scared of hospitals and all things medical in general, so he sees it as a way to keep me calm. If you really want your mom there, you should be able to have her there. You are the one having the baby. If it's not a necessity for you, then I would definitely take your husband's request in to consideration.

[omgtree]

So saw my OB today and am going to have my section on the 3rd or 4th of June! I can't believe I'll have another lo in 5 weeks!!!!!

[silv3rlining]

dmoney I made my wishes clear well in advance. My mom was to be the only exception (I was going to let her come visit after baby was born initially). Thankfully DHs family is all over the place and would require a flight or minimum 10 hour drive. ILs came out when DS was 3 weeks old.

This time I appreciate having help with DS but kind of wish I could still say no visitors for a while.

[bendherova]

dmoney, just don't call anyone until after the baby has been born. Then they can't barge in on you while you labor.

[txngrl31]

I'm really in shock over how many of y'all are planning to not call or text family that you are in labor.

[ladymouse]

Supposedly know who we're calling as emergency back up child care if I go into labor early, but it still registers in my head as unresolved.

This baby is currently transverse. If she still is when I go into labor (and I go into labor before my due date), it makes some plans wildly unrealistic. My mom is the primary child care for DS, but she's 8-20 hours away, and if the baby is transverse or breech, we'll have to go to the hospital at the first signs of labor instead of waiting for active labor. (Last time, there was a 12 hour false labor 2 days ahead of regular labor, and 16 hours of "surely this can't be labor - it's too mild" early labor before I told my midwife to come.)