I think DH and I are on the same page about hospital visitors, but our situation is a little different because my parents are out of state. I kept telling my mom I wanted her there for delivery and she kept saying "honey, are you sure?" It wasn't until a month ago I realized she thought I meant IN the delivery room, which I do NOT want, I just meant in the general area. Ha! Now that we cleared that up, the plan is to let my sister (who lives 3 hours away), MIL & SIL (live 5 hours away) and my parents know I'm in labor. I imagine my parents will be on a flight the next day, and MIL & SIL will drive up the next day as well. All have been instructed that we would love them to visit at the hospital, and then everyone goes home for a few weeks while we settle into our own routine. I am lucky that my parents have the means and schedule flexibility that they could book a last minute flight like that and leave a day or two later, only to have my mom come back a few weeks later to stay for a week. I just want to make sure she has a chance to see her grandson right away along with my MIL. We have our first name picked out and are 99% sure on the middle name, but DH said he wants to decide after LO is born to 100% confirm which I am fine with since it would be his dad's name.
Post by carolyngrace on Apr 30, 2015 19:53:41 GMT -5
megd893, I wish I hadn't mentioned anything to my mom/sister yet! But I did. They asked about it right away, because of how my sister handled things. But I think they'll be understanding about it. I told them I was considering it, but we hadn't decided for sure...
The more I think about it, and DH and I talk, the more accepting I am of it being the two of us. He is really sweet about wanting to start off "our family" with no interruptions or distractions (and yes, my family can be distracting!). Although I told him that if I change my mind in the heat of the moment and want my mom, I want that to be ok.
@jemomma, Yes, I think he's open to them popping in! So if I end up laboring for a while at the birth center before I start pushing I might ask to see them. I think either way we'll call them once we're admitted to the birthing center and they can wait in the lobby.
Thanks for all the support on the name!!! I am still in love with it 24 hours later, so that's a good sign
kemdupuis, I told DH I had a new first name, but was too scared to tell him what it is. He told me to sleep on it a couple of days and then share it if I still love it. He's open to a new FN, though, and using both middle names!
Post by carolyngrace on Apr 30, 2015 20:12:12 GMT -5
@bubbs119, It's a lot to figure out!! Is your mom willing to be flexible about how long she stays? You might not know what you want in that regard until you're home with DB..
I am pro just H and I in the delivery room. I don't care if people come before hand or after to visit (I too also don't think I couldn't tell anyone I'm in labour/in the hospital until after the baby is born, I can't keep a secret and we are both very close to our families and friends!) but that time in the delivery room I very much want it to be just H and I.
When DS was born, he went from delivery room to NICU. If I would have had to share the 10 seconds he sat on my chest with anyone other than H, it would have been very difficult and I would have felt we would have missed out on a very special moment of the first time of the three of us. I hope that NICU isn't a regular occurrence for us, but just another point of view for anyone who may be up in the air deciding.
My mother thinks she is going to take my dad and park herself in the waiting room while I'm in labor. My dad had a stroke 13 years ago and does not handle change and uncertainty well (he usually has a seizure in high stress situations) and I do not want this happening. So as much as I might want to tell my mom I'm in labor, I think I'll wait until I'm like, crowning.
These posts about family expectations make me feel blessed. My mom flew to where I was living for DD and her role when she came out was photographer. She was very in the background and quiet. Once we had a few candid photos she was quiet and stayed back to give us time and even left. She was wonderful. Had she been anything else I would have not wanted her around this time. MIL doesn't care enough to want to be there. Which is easier for me.
dmoney I made my wishes clear well in advance. My mom was to be the only exception (I was going to let her come visit after baby was born initially). Thankfully DHs family is all over the place and would require a flight or minimum 10 hour drive. ILs came out when DS was 3 weeks old.
This time I appreciate having help with DS but kind of wish I could still say no visitors for a while.
OH I had told my mom that we weren't going to tell anyone when we went into the hospital and she threw a FIT. She said that's not right this is her daughter and if she wants to camp out at the hospital then she will. I have a feeling that if I dont go before my due date and we dont tell her she is just going to start showing up to our house or the hospital to call. She knows that If I dont pick up something is wrong so she will show up.
@bendherova- They wont be barging in on me either way because my Hospital (I am pretty sure of) only lets one person in the back during labor that will be DH. You have to be signed in/told what room you are going to after the baby is born, and the only one the hospital is allowed to release any information to is my husband, so my parents can come and sit in the waiting room but they will not know what is going on until AFTER I deliver and AFTER we have had ample time with the baby as just us.
dmoney I made my wishes clear well in advance. My mom was to be the only exception (I was going to let her come visit after baby was born initially). Thankfully DHs family is all over the place and would require a flight or minimum 10 hour drive. ILs came out when DS was 3 weeks old.
This time I appreciate having help with DS but kind of wish I could still say no visitors for a while.
OH I had told my mom that we weren't going to tell anyone when we went into the hospital and she threw a FIT. She said that's not right this is her daughter and if she wants to camp out at the hospital then she will. I have a feeling that if I dont go before my due date and we dont tell her she is just going to start showing up to our house or the hospital to call. She knows that If I dont pick up something is wrong so she will show up.
@bendherova- They wont be barging in on me either way because my Hospital (I am pretty sure of) only lets one person in the back during labor that will be DH. You have to be signed in/told what room you are going to after the baby is born, and the only one the hospital is allowed to release any information to is my husband, so my parents can come and sit in the waiting room but they will not know what is going on until AFTER I deliver and AFTER we have had ample time with the baby as just us.
Maybe you shouldn't have told her you weren't calling anyone and just not do it? (Hopefully that wording makes sense). But seriously like being in labor isn't enough to worry about?!?
Honestly I'm not sure if we'll text or call people on the way to the hospital7/when we're settled in. With DS I was induced so people knew. But if I go I to labor on my own? I'm not sure who all we'd let know ahead of time. I mean I'd like some people to know so they can be praying for L&D but I also don't want to feel like people need to be updated on the state of my cervix, lol.
I have my first class next week so I'm sure I'll be more decided about things after then but as of now I'm planning to try gas and air and the possibility of an epidural if I feel I need it.
Only SO & I will be in the room as I'll feel vulnerable enough anyway and could do without worrying about anyone else. My mom however has been pressuring me to let her into the delivery room. I have said no and I'm standing my ground. I believe SO and I should have this bonding time and we will let others know of his arrival maybe the next morning. I still have to get a few things in place before he is here.
Oh. I forgot the big one (there's nothing I can do about it, so I try not to think about it.) DH isn't sure whether his job contract is ending the week after the baby is due or not. So not sure if we're in for a cross country move with a newborn, huge pay cuts, moving back in with my parents until DH finds a job... Just... ugh. Not going to think about it until DH hears about the contract renewal.
Oh. I forgot the big one (there's nothing I can do about it, so I try not to think about it.) DH isn't sure whether his job contract is ending the week after the baby is due or not. So not sure if we're in for a cross country move with a newborn, huge pay cuts, moving back in with my parents until DH finds a job... Just... ugh. Not going to think about it until DH hears about the contract renewal.
That is such an awful position to be in. I hope everything works out for you guys
Oh. I forgot the big one (there's nothing I can do about it, so I try not to think about it.) DH isn't sure whether his job contract is ending the week after the baby is due or not. So not sure if we're in for a cross country move with a newborn, huge pay cuts, moving back in with my parents until DH finds a job... Just... ugh. Not going to think about it until DH hears about the contract renewal.
I don't have the worry of pay cuts, but I moved across country mid pregnancy and will move again with a 1-2 month old. Stressful! I hope things work out for you!
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