Question about warnings for mentions of losses/MCs'

[nikolie93]

Hey ladies! Quick question here. I know that over at the other place it seemed that we would put a warning if we were going to discuss losses/MC's. Is that still a rule to be followed over here? I just wanted to know so I could help educate new people coming in if they want to talk about their losses. 

Thoughts?

[mushe]

Meh. I'm one that would need to provide lots of warnings (loss/LC), so while I want to be sensitive, I would also love to not have to provide warnings for every dang post.

[lickwed]

I was curious about the LC one. On the last board we were pretty lax about that because of the age, several people already had LCs, but I don't want to upset anyone. I think a loss or LC only in an intro would be great but I will defer to the majority.

[vh2014]

I think if it's a casual mention, eh... we can handle it. Like when some people say "after my loss......" or "DD said....". When the whole post is about a loss,LC,BFP, or anything else that might trigger it should be in the thread title. But if it's a casual mention I think we always seemed to be ok before, but if it's a trigger people didn't want to acknowledge before and do now... speak up! I'll warn if necessary.

[nikolie93]

I've had losses so I can't chime in on how it could impact others.

As many of you know I'm moving forward with being childless but it doesn't bother me at all the LC's are talked about here.

I just wanted to make sure we are doing the right thing in moving forward

[waterbaby]

I would agree with vh2014. I haven't had any losses so I can't speak to how it might feel but I agree that if it's a casual mention it shouldn't be too traumatic.

[meredithcarole]

It really doesn't bother me to have it mentioned. I think I would agree that a casual mention of it is not any reason for a warning. An entire thread devoted to the topic probably is

[nikolie93]

I agree with all you ladies! I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page

[agpjt413]

Jan 22, 2015 0:01:55 GMT -5 meredithcarole said:

It really doesn't bother me to have it mentioned. I think I would agree that a casual mention of it is not any reason for a warning. An entire thread devoted to the topic probably is

+1

[WVaRN]

One option if anyone wanted to post something with sensitive information they could use the "spoiler" feature. It hides the text unless someone clicks on it they can't see it. You can change the word "spoiler" to something else also example below.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click her for hidden text}Just testing. Your text would show up here if you wanted to discuss a sensitive matter.

[vh2014]

Jan 22, 2015 10:38:23 GMT -5 WVaRN said:

One option if anyone wanted to post something with sensitive information they could use the "spoiler" feature. It hides the text unless someone clicks on it they can't see it. You can change the word "spoiler" to something else also example below.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click her for hidden text}Just testing. Your text would show up here if you wanted to discuss a sensitive matter.

That's cool.. How did you do that?  

[katie0919]

Jan 22, 2015 11:11:16 GMT -5 vh2014 said:

Jan 22, 2015 10:38:23 GMT -5 WVaRN said:

One option if anyone wanted to post something with sensitive information they could use the "spoiler" feature. It hides the text unless someone clicks on it they can't see it. You can change the word "spoiler" to something else also example below.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click her for hidden text}Just testing. Your text would show up here if you wanted to discuss a sensitive matter.

That's cool.. How did you do that?  

Looks like when you do a quick reply, there is a red triangle button that if you hover your mouse over it, it says 'insert spoiler'. too cool of a trick!

[katie0919]

Also, and this is by NO MEANS to offend anyone that participated in TTCAL on the other site (I would never want to hurt anyone at all, especially those that has suffered a loss)...but I was a "noob" over there after my loss in September and I ever so casually mentioned having to run errands for my DS's bday party, and I got GOBS of PM's telling me that there was no reason I should have mentioned a LC. I was seriously taken aback. Anywho, my point being, I would like for it to not be QUITE that serious over here. I definitely respect and have empathy for those who have experience a loss, but I think a passing comment shouldn't require a warning, like most have said! ::::
EDITED to try and insert a heart, but I'm just not cool enough with the emoji thing yet, I suppose!! 

[vh2014]

Jan 22, 2015 14:24:45 GMT -5 katie0919 said:

Also, and this is by NO MEANS to offend anyone that participated in TTCAL on the other site (I would never want to hurt anyone at all, especially those that has suffered a loss)...but I was a "noob" over there after my loss in September and I ever so casually mentioned having to run errands for my DS's bday party, and I got GOBS of PM's telling me that there was no reason I should have mentioned a LC. I was seriously taken aback. Anywho, my point being, I would like for it to not be QUITE that serious over here. I definitely respect and have empathy for those who have experience a loss, but I think a passing comment shouldn't require a warning, like most have said! ::::
EDITED to try and insert a heart, but I'm just not cool enough with the emoji thing yet, I suppose!! 

I think in TTCAL it's warranted.  Some of the ladies over there have had multiple losses and the wounds are still fresh.  In TTC>35, most of us are older and many have LC or Step children or "other children" in our lives.  I'm sure it still smarts sometimes but TTCAL is definitely a safe haven.  

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}
Just testing the hidden text trick. This is cool... starting to like this interface. Trying the cool triangle trick

[Deleted]

I'm lame and mostly lurking, but I really and truly loved the one aspect of no warnings needed for most posts overthere. I agree the ttcal board is meant to be a safe haven and I can appreciate their desire for warnings. I hope no new guides are given on this site for lo's, etc.

[nikolie93]

Jan 22, 2015 14:24:45 GMT -5 katie0919 said:

Also, and this is by NO MEANS to offend anyone that participated in TTCAL on the other site (I would never want to hurt anyone at all, especially those that has suffered a loss)...but I was a "noob" over there after my loss in September and I ever so casually mentioned having to run errands for my DS's bday party, and I got GOBS of PM's telling me that there was no reason I should have mentioned a LC. I was seriously taken aback. Anywho, my point being, I would like for it to not be QUITE that serious over here. I definitely respect and have empathy for those who have experience a loss, but I think a passing comment shouldn't require a warning, like most have said! ::::
EDITED to try and insert a heart, but I'm just not cool enough with the emoji thing yet, I suppose!! 

Hi As a TTCAL'er, no offense taken but vh2014 is right. The environment is a bit different in TTCAL and with good reason. People are in a bit of a different place.


With all of this said, I guess we should wait for a mod to confirm it's ok to not know worry about loss warnings unless the whole post is dedicated to that?

[katie0919]

I hope everyone is not misunderstanding me. I am also a TTCAL'er. I get that it was not my place to mention my LC in a post on TTCAL (I didn't know the rules prior to posting in there, which was my bad). All I'm saying is, (and I was using that experience as an example), I don't think a regular TTC board needs to have such a formality in warnings or be such a safe haven - I think just the "usual" warnings you see on most boards will work fine such as "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning", but a simple mentioning in passing of a loss : for example: "when I took clomid monitored by an RE, I got pregnant right away, sadly that pregnancy ended in a loss" does not warrant a warning. KWIM?

[katie0919]

I hope everyone is not misunderstanding me. I am also a TTCAL'er. I get that it was not my place to mention my LC in a post on TTCAL (I didn't know the rules prior to posting in there, which was my bad). All I'm saying is, (and I was using that experience as an example), I don't think a regular TTC board needs to have such a formality in warnings or be such a safe haven - I think just the "usual" warnings you see on most boards will work fine such as "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning", but a simple mentioning in passing of a loss : for example: "when I took clomid monitored by an RE, I got pregnant right away, sadly that pregnancy ended in a loss" does not warrant a warning. KWIM?

[nikolie93]

katie0919..I knew what you meant and I agree

Edit: dyslexic moment with the numbers in the tag!

[meredithcarole]

Jan 22, 2015 21:24:29 GMT -5 katie0919 said:

I hope everyone is not misunderstanding me. I am also a TTCAL'er. I get that it was not my place to mention my LC in a post on TTCAL (I didn't know the rules prior to posting in there, which was my bad). All I'm saying is, (and I was using that experience as an example), I don't think a regular TTC board needs to have such a formality in warnings or be such a safe haven - I think just the "usual" warnings you see on most boards will work fine such as "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning", but a simple mentioning in passing of a loss : for example: "when I took clomid monitored by an RE, I got pregnant right away, sadly that pregnancy ended in a loss" does not warrant a warning. KWIM?

I get what you're saying I think different boards have different cultures and this one due to our *ahem* life experience is a bit more laid back. 

[katie0919]

Jan 22, 2015 22:29:45 GMT -5 meredithcarole said:

Jan 22, 2015 21:24:29 GMT -5 katie0919 said:

I hope everyone is not misunderstanding me. I am also a TTCAL'er. I get that it was not my place to mention my LC in a post on TTCAL (I didn't know the rules prior to posting in there, which was my bad). All I'm saying is, (and I was using that experience as an example), I don't think a regular TTC board needs to have such a formality in warnings or be such a safe haven - I think just the "usual" warnings you see on most boards will work fine such as "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning", but a simple mentioning in passing of a loss : for example: "when I took clomid monitored by an RE, I got pregnant right away, sadly that pregnancy ended in a loss" does not warrant a warning. KWIM?

I get what you're saying I think different boards have different cultures and this one due to our *ahem* life experience is a bit more laid back. 

"life experience"!!! LOL, I like that. 

[aswedishbee]

Jan 22, 2015 10:38:23 GMT -5 WVaRN said:

One option if anyone wanted to post something with sensitive information they could use the "spoiler" feature. It hides the text unless someone clicks on it they can't see it. You can change the word "spoiler" to something else also example below.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click her for hidden text}Just testing. Your text would show up here if you wanted to discuss a sensitive matter.

I had no idea about that ... Thanks! (lots of awesome features over here)

[URMySunshine77]

Hi everyone.

I hope that this conversation was reflected in the sticky at the top of our board. Please let me know if you would like me to change or tailor any language to fit the culture here.

Thank you!

[nikolie93]

I think that is fine. We never really had any issues on the other board so we probably won't here either. Since I've had multiple losses I certainly don't need a warning but I wanted to be respectful to people that may be sensitive to that.

All you ladies rock btw, and congrats Missus Mod URMySunshine77

[ttcbabyj]

Jan 23, 2015 9:20:34 GMT -5 katie0919 said:

Jan 22, 2015 22:29:45 GMT -5 meredithcarole said:

I get what you're saying I think different boards have different cultures and this one due to our *ahem* life experience is a bit more laid back. 

"life experience"!!! LOL, I like that. 

Is life experience code for "old." LOL...I think I'm going to make my RE refer to my age like this instead of AMA or 37.3 years of age. And yes he includes the .3