Grandparent Rant

[Bluedaisy]

First off, let me say that I know I am incredibly lucky to have 3 out of 4 grandparents still alive (especially since one grandmother is 94 and the grandfather I lost died peacefully in his sleep in his own bed at 93).

However sometimes my grandmother drives me insane.  Talking to her yesterday she tells me "I know it really doesn't matter that you are having a boy but I really wish it was a little girl.  Boys are ok but little girls are just so special..."

Also she lives about an hour and a half from me and is retired.  She is very active and healthy and OFTEN comes to my town because it is bigger so she is here to shop, etc.  She NEVER comes to visit me, even when she's in town and always complain that I don't drive to visit her enough.

Last night she says "I really hope I'll get to see this baby, but I guess by the time he's even fun to play with you'll be back at work and I'll only get to see him in the summer."  I just about lost my shit.  Seriously...if you're going to say my son isn't as good as a girl and then that??

Sorry just needed to rant.  Normally I am all for respecting elders but I needed to rant about this so I don't call my mom and whine about it.  I don't want to start drama.

Anyone else have grandparents who sometimes don't think before they speak?

[billyhorrible]

I know I mentioned before that my grandmother died last month. At her memorial my mom wanted us each to share a nice story about her. I couldn't think of one. Neither could her sister.

My mother shared the story about how after my father died, my grandmother complained about how hard it was on her to have a daughter so depressed. Everyone laughed. She wasn't kidding.

My brother shared the story about how my grandmother ruined his rehearsal dinner by stealing a microphone (everyone was warned not to let her near it because we knew she'd be inappropriate) talking about his love of "boobies" in front of his wife's family, most of whom he'd never met since they live in Japan.

[Widget123]

First of all, I assume you aren't talking about the 94 year old grandmother, because one of my grandmothers is in her 90s and she is all sorts of senile, lives in a nursing home, and can't drive. If she is the 94 year old grandmother, first I am shocked, second I would give her a pass just because of her age.

Now assuming she is much younger than 94, yeah I agree with you that what she said was totally inappropriate and that she should be able to make an effort to come see you, but I still think it is one of those things that you just have to let it go and let her be how she is. I'm sure she'll get to see your baby plenty and will love him when she sees him, so her off comments won't mean anything in the end.

[mathistm]

I would just try to keep in mind your first paragraph. You are extremely lucky to have grandparents left to spend time with.

[belle0720]

I think as people get older they definitely tend to lose their filter and you just can't take things to heart. Vent and laugh about it after the fact, but definitely be grateful to still have your grandparents around. That's pretty special and I wish my grandma was still around, even just to say crazy shit to me.

[wormgerm]

I hear you Bluedaisy. Of course you're grateful to have living grandparents. But just because someone is elderly doesn't mean they are warm fuzzy Mrs. Claus type cookie baking grandmas. Sorry yours sounds kind of ornery. She doesn't seem to have much of a filter left and doesn't mind sharing her opinion on things.

Some people prefer little new babies while others prefer when they can interact. She just said that kind of rudely. Like you were already letting her down x2.

[lalamomma]

My grandpa had been "off" since my grandma died in November.
The other day he made a really gross sex related comment to me about his neighbor lady.
He is also very much "everyone come to me" but he is still fit and able to do anything he WANTS. The problem is he expects everyone to only do what he wants and has always been this way. He can get downright nasty if you disagree too.
He has many good qualities but it can be so frustrating!

My grandmother who just passed made a rather ignorant comment about DDs cleft lip and it was really out of old school ignorance but I called her on it because I didn't want her saying it to anyone else or in public.
I try to give them passes but sometimes it just isn't okay the way some older people feel entitled to be rude.

[tatersalad]

My favorite grandma died 2 weeks before my son was born. The last thing she said to me was "look at how fat you've gotten!". She was and is truly dear to me, but had definitely started to lose it her last few years on this earth. I always say old people are like toddlers, they say and do what they want without filters.

[Bluedaisy]

May 5, 2015 8:43:17 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

First of all, I assume you aren't talking about the 94 year old grandmother, because one of my grandmothers is in her 90s and she is all sorts of senile, lives in a nursing home, and can't drive. If she is the 94 year old grandmother, first I am shocked, second I would give her a pass just because of her age.

Now assuming she is much younger than 94, yeah I agree with you that what she said was totally inappropriate and that she should be able to make an effort to come see you, but I still think it is one of those things that you just have to let it go and let her be how she is. I'm sure she'll get to see your baby plenty and will love him when she sees him, so her off comments won't mean anything in the end.

Definitely not talking about the 94 year old.  She gets a pass on all things because she struggles with dementia (she keeps reminding my mom to tell me not to bring the baby to the hospital to visit because he could get sick....forgetting he hasn't been born yet)

[Bluedaisy]

May 5, 2015 8:14:03 GMT -5 @littlechivette said:

+1, mine can never let me have my time to shine. I called her when I got engaged, "oh, to ryan? " than proceeds to tell me which cousins are engaged and getting married before me. Called to tell her I'm pregnant, she proceeds to tell me all my cousins that are pregnant.

Not nearly as bad as your situation, but she doesn't filter which sucks.





Ouch! That's so frustrating...I hate how they always compare people!

[Bluedaisy]

May 5, 2015 14:02:36 GMT -5 tatersalad said:

My favorite grandma died 2 weeks before my son was born. The last thing she said to me was "look at how fat you've gotten!". She was and is truly dear to me, but had definitely started to lose it her last few years on this earth. I always say old people are like toddlers, they say and do what they want without filters.

Definitely!  I totally get what you are saying...part of why I wanted to vent here.  I realize she didn't mean anything by it and was just being insensitive but I needed to vent a little so I could let it go and not let it eat at me.