Mom has son arrested

[Widget123]

For this particular offense, I think it was the wrong punishment. There had to have been something else that she could have tried that would have been more appropriate. For this kid, I hope it works in the longer term, but I doubt it.

I would only consider something like this if my child had done something that was actually illegal, like shoplifting.

[mrskblack11]

Nope. I find this very inappropriate. You are going to have your 10 year old arrested because he is rude to his teacher and won't do his school work??? If anything I would feel this would create resentment toward the mother. There has to be a better solution to getting your child to do their school work and teach them manners.

It surprises me that the police agreed to go along with this. Don't they have better things to do? Like stop real crimes or hand out traffic tickets.

[fuccimama]

I do not know the extent of her child's actions. I have a 7-year-old step-son who is just freaking disrespectful in school - teacher, student it does not matter. It has been two years running (his entire school life). He is in behavioral health, counseling, counseling at school, on medication for ADHD and nothing works he is just bad. Hitting other people's kids, name calling, interrupting the entire class, etc. This would be something I would explore just to try and help my child see the error in his ways. He might hurt another kid really bad one day!

He does not act like this at home though! I cannot help what he does at school, all I can do is discipline and continue to seek professional help. His real mother is in jail, but she is nuts too. It might be something psychologically wrong, but they say it is too early to tell since he does not communicate all that well (he chooses not to talk about the necessary things).

Anyways, I say it might have been the only thing she could think of at the time hoping that it had an impact on him. I too hope that this worked.

[fuccimama]

May 6, 2015 9:48:53 GMT -5 mrskblack11 said:

Nope. I find this very inappropriate. You are going to have your 10 year old arrested because he is rude to his teacher and won't do his school work??? If anything I would feel this would create resentment toward the mother. There has to be a better solution to getting your child to do their school work and teach them manners.

It surprises me that the police agreed to go along with this. Don't they have better things to do? Like stop real crimes or hand out traffic tickets.

For some kids, talking does not work! They need to be shown what reality will be if there actions continue. Hence the whole scared straight programs and what not. Police is also there to help where ever they can. I understand where you are coming from; however, if they can help make a difference in their community by helping this young man, what is wrong with that?

Everyone does not learn things from the same teaching strategies, sometimes you have to take the hands on approach. I am sure the entire story was not told here, I would not put all of the bad details in a report either as a mother. I would not put this in the news at all, but I probably would try anything that would not physically harm my child to help them better their future. Does that truly make me inappropriate or a bad mother? If so, I'll take that title.

[alayne926]

Nope...I think this totally sends the wrong message to kids about what police officers are there for. He will probably be forever scared of police officers. We are teaching our son that they are here to help us and keep us safe.

[alayne926]

May 6, 2015 9:54:37 GMT -5 fuccimama said:

I do not know the extent of her child's actions. I have a 7-year-old step-son who is just freaking disrespectful in school - teacher, student it does not matter. It has been two years running (his entire school life). He is in behavioral health, counseling, counseling at school, on medication for ADHD and nothing works he is just bad. Hitting other people's kids, name calling, interrupting the entire class, etc. This would be something I would explore just to try and help my child see the error in his ways. He might hurt another kid really bad one day!

He does not act like this at home though! I cannot help what he does at school, all I can do is discipline and continue to seek professional help. His real mother is in jail, but she is nuts too. It might be something psychologically wrong, but they say it is too early to tell since he does not communicate all that well (he chooses not to talk about the necessary things).

Anyways, I say it might have been the only thing she could think of at the time hoping that it had an impact on him. I too hope that this worked.

What a difficult position you are in, but it sounds like you are exploring every avenue for help for him that you can. 

I hope that you can figure out how to help him see how his actions could hurt someone someday.

Good luck, momma!

[mrskblack11]

May 6, 2015 10:02:14 GMT -5 fuccimama said:

May 6, 2015 9:48:53 GMT -5 mrskblack11 said:

Nope. I find this very inappropriate. You are going to have your 10 year old arrested because he is rude to his teacher and won't do his school work??? If anything I would feel this would create resentment toward the mother. There has to be a better solution to getting your child to do their school work and teach them manners.

It surprises me that the police agreed to go along with this. Don't they have better things to do? Like stop real crimes or hand out traffic tickets.

For some kids, talking does not work! They need to be shown what reality will be if there actions continue. Hence the whole scared straight programs and what not. Police is also there to help where ever they can. I understand where you are coming from; however, if they can help make a difference in their community by helping this young man, what is wrong with that?

Everyone does not learn things from the same teaching strategies, sometimes you have to take the hands on approach. I am sure the entire story was not told here, I would not put all of the bad details in a report either as a mother. I would not put this in the news at all, but I probably would try anything that would not physically harm my child to help them better their future. Does that truly make me inappropriate or a bad mother? If so, I'll take that title.

No one is never going to be arrested for being rude or not doing their school work so it is not "reality". As an adult, if you were rude or didn't do your work you would fired, not arrested. The article only says he was being disrespectful and does not go into detail about what disciplinary actions/tactics she used prior to the fake arrest. From the information presented, I feel like having your child fake arrested is extreme. 

I agree that not all children learn things the same way. My sister has been in and out of trouble for years. She has a learning disability and also suffers from depression. She brought alcohol to school and got drunk once. She was not even arrested. She was expelled and sent to an alternative school. My parents have done everything they could to get my sister the help she needs and help get her on the right path, but ultimately it is my sister who needs to own her actions and take control of her life. My parents, however, would never call the cops on her or have her sent to jail (even though they have had the opportunity to do so). She has been going to therapy since she was 15. She is now 23 and is finally growing up and being responsible, although she still struggles every day. For some children, it just takes time for them to get their act together. 

If this child was actually doing illegal activity, then that could justify a fake arrest to show him/her the "reality" of their actions. Not doing your school work and being disrespectful? Not so much. 


 

[jessila]

I see this from two different sides.
As a FTM, I don't really know that it was necessary but he's not my child. But different tactics work for different children. DH and I have had few conversations about discipline but agree that it is individual to the child. My parents telling me they were disappointed broke my heart and led me to stop behaviors. He benefited from the use of wooden spoons across the butt.

As a teacher--an elementary school teacher--I can imagine previous students of mine that would have benefited from this. Which is really hard to admit. There was one student in particular that I am sure this would have worked for. The student I have in mind ended up in military school for the 2 years after 5th grade and became a completely different child. I saw him at my school one day and froze in my tracks. He had made my life a living hell. He refused to follow any direction from me except to go to the office. Because that meant he got out of class and there were few repercussions there. He would constantly walk around my classroom shouting while I attempted to teach. Administration was at their wits end of what to do with him. He refused to do work. The only time I ever had success getting across to him was when I finally lost my temper. It took until April or May. He screamed in my face and I screamed in his. I'm still ashamed of this behavior because I strive for my classroom to be a place where my students feel safe. I apologized to him after I cooled down and explained that I acted in a disrespectful way. I asked for his forgiveness. He was fine for the rest of the day. And went back to his previous behaviors the next day.

So, we can't really judge unless we know the whole situation which the media tends to lack.

[belle0720]

I think this was overboard for misbehavior at school.

If he had done something like steal or get in a physical fight (something that could actually lead to arrest if he was an adult) then I might get on board with it.

[fuccimama]

May 6, 2015 11:09:59 GMT -5 mrskblack11 said:

May 6, 2015 10:02:14 GMT -5 fuccimama said:

For some kids, talking does not work! They need to be shown what reality will be if there actions continue. Hence the whole scared straight programs and what not. Police is also there to help where ever they can. I understand where you are coming from; however, if they can help make a difference in their community by helping this young man, what is wrong with that?

Everyone does not learn things from the same teaching strategies, sometimes you have to take the hands on approach. I am sure the entire story was not told here, I would not put all of the bad details in a report either as a mother. I would not put this in the news at all, but I probably would try anything that would not physically harm my child to help them better their future. Does that truly make me inappropriate or a bad mother? If so, I'll take that title.

No one is never going to be arrested for being rude or not doing their school work so it is not "reality". As an adult, if you were rude or didn't do your work you would fired, not arrested. The article only says he was being disrespectful and does not go into detail about what disciplinary actions/tactics she used prior to the fake arrest. From the information presented, I feel like having your child fake arrested is extreme. 

I agree that not all children learn things the same way. My sister has been in and out of trouble for years. She has a learning disability and also suffers from depression. She brought alcohol to school and got drunk once. She was not even arrested. She was expelled and sent to an alternative school. My parents have done everything they could to get my sister the help she needs and help get her on the right path, but ultimately it is my sister who needs to own her actions and take control of her life. My parents, however, would never call the cops on her or have her sent to jail (even though they have had the opportunity to do so). She has been going to therapy since she was 15. She is now 23 and is finally growing up and being responsible, although she still struggles every day. For some children, it just takes time for them to get their act together. 

If this child was actually doing illegal activity, then that could justify a fake arrest to show him/her the "reality" of their actions. Not doing your school work and being disrespectful? Not so much. 


 

I agree with you on being that way in school would not get someone arrested. I am just going off of what I have seen throughout my lifetime. Bad kids seemed to get worse overtime and tend to do things that are illegal if not addressed. Sometimes parents are exhausted and think of things they feel would scare their children straight. Sure it does not always work, but she felt she had to try something! Not everyone make the same decisions, they make the best parenting decision for them and their circumstances.

This is where the fence is straddled for me because a mother knows her child (usually)! I know that this would not work for my 7-year-old child right now! He would be upset that day, but it would be an after thought by week's end. So, he will stay in therapy until we figure out what is the actual problem.

It is good to hear a positive story, as far as your sister is concerned because truly I am praying for my kid.Though the circumstances are extremely different, my child would probably get put into jail when old enough for assault.

So all this is to say, I get where you are coming from. I can even agree with you depending on the situation and circumstance. For this article and the information provided, sure I can see your point, but I can also see the mother's too.

[Bluedaisy]

Can I just mention the HUGE waste of police time? This is not reality and what he probably learned from this was the cops come, arrest me, I bawl and apologize and get let out. That's not going to happen when he actually breaks a law.

Have police come to talk to a child for something that is actually really dangerous can work (I know the RCMP will talk to a child who keeps dialing 911- they give them a good stern talk and freak them out a bit but don't go so far as cuffs).

[leenziepops]

TBH it made me laugh a little bit but I do think it was a bit overboard. Would I do it? Probably not. Would I trick my kid in a different way? Yes, maybe. I read an article years ago when these parents got one of their unfamiliar friends to pretend to be someone taking away naughty children and he rocked up at their home looking very intimidating. I thought that was pretty great.