Intro and Bonding with a NICU baby

[tahitiandreamin]

Well, I guess this will be a new home for me. My baby girl Isabella was born yesterday by c-section at 36+1 due to complete placenta previa and very high amniotic fluid levels.  Unfortunately she has a lot of fluid on her lungs and had to go to the NICU. She was put on CPAP and after spending a few hours on that she hadn't improved so they hd to transfer her to another hospital with a higher level NICU. I was able to hold her for 15 min before she was transferred. She's stable and doing well but this is far from an ideal situation with both of us at different hospitals and me trying to recover from a c-section. 

For those of you who had little ones in the NICU, did you at first have hard time bonding with them?  How did you overcome this?  Given that I've seen so little of Isabella since she was born, it doesn't even feel like I've had a baby. I feel incredibly bad that I feel so detached from her.   I could be in here for any type of abdominal surgery based on how I'm feeling. To make it worse, my older daughter (3) is sick and can't come to visit. How have you gotten through those first few days in the NICU?

[direy25]

First, congratulations on the birth of Isabella! I'm sorry that you have to be here. Honestly, I don't know what else to say except the bonding will happen. My son was born at 27w3d, I had to be put under general anesthesia for my c-section and didn't even get to see him until about 12 hours after he was born. It definitely did take some time for it all to set in that he was here and that I'd actually had a baby. We didn't get to hold him for the first time until 3 days after he was born. Once I was able to be more involved in his cares (diaper changes, taking temp, etc.) and after the first time we did Kangaroo care, I definitely felt like his mother.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to get too discouraged or feel guilty, you'll get there.

[jense927]

Congrats on the baby girl! I understand how you feel. I felt the same way until I had him home with me. I felt more like a bystander at the hospital. It will happen though. I feel like with my DS I seriously have more love for him everyday. It's not always an infinite amount of love/connection from the get go.

[irishvodkagrl]

I completely understand where you are coming from. When my twins were born it took 16 hours for me to be able to see them, and another three days before i could hold even one of them. I promise it will come, and you will find it so natural one day. Don't feel badly about how you feel at all- it is completely normal to mourn what you didnt get.

[minae01]

I felt like all I did was stare at my kid and cry for his entire NICU stay. It didn't feel real and I took his surprise early arrival (32w) really hard. Holding him, doing KCare, and eventually nursing him when he got home helped me to feel more connected. It really didn't sink in that he was mine until he was home from the NICU after 21 days! Give yourself some time to recover and you will bond soon! I hope she has a very short, easy NICU stay. Congratulations, mama!

[tngrl3]

Congrats on the arrival of your little girl. It is so hard in the beginning of a NICU stay, especially since you are at a different hospital. For me it was helpful to have physical contact with him when I went to visit him, even if that was just touching him on the hand or leg. As others have mentioned kangaroo care is great for bonding. I hope your recover is easy, and that you get to be with your little one very soon.

[theycallmekveld]

Congrats! I'll echo the others and say it was very hard for me to connect with my preemie. I also couldn't hold/see him much and that was difficult. But after a while we bonded! It did take a couple months but now we're buds

[threetexans]

I'm a preemie lurker, but wanted to respond. First of all congrats on your little girl!

Like others have said, the bonding will come. DD was 3 days old before I got to go visit her. I was still on 24 hours of bedrest on mag after she was born via c-section. That turned into a 2 day ICU stay for pulmonary edema and aspiration pnuemonia. I saw her for about a minute, before the whisked her off to the NICU. Spending time with her helped, but the bonding really happened when we started doing kangaroo care. Being involved in her daily care also helped. We did diaper changes, temperature checks, helped with baths, and helped or held her during feedings. Try not to stress. It will come. Hang in there.