I need to vent about DH

[sarahandeddie]

I'm seriously ready to strangle DH! It started last weekend when we had the girls' dance recital. I was running 500mph getting them ready with hair and all. I also had to get myself ready and then DH wouldn't even get out his own clothes out! On top of that I asked him to pack snacks for the girls and he played a game on his phone instead. He also refused to buy a program for me when I was backstage with Avery.

He's been pissy ever since. He's been sick for a couple of weeks with a cold and refuses to take meds. He's also complaining I don't want to have sex. I just don't want his germs!

Then Monday he forgot half the groceries so I had to run to the store and throw dinner together before DD#1 had tumbling. He wouldn't lift a finger to help.

And yesterday he had the whole morning to himself and didn't do anything! Then he got mad when I wouldn't help him manscape. My sister was over and he insisted I help him right now. He refused to go to dinner with me and the girls because of it.

I seriously feel like I have a 3rd kid.

[summergirl1211]

Wow, that seems really crappy of him. Especially after the stunt your FIL pulled before the recital. I highly suggest a come to Jesus talk with him. If that were me I would have blown up already! GL lady.

[sarahandeddie]

I'm afraid I'm going to end up on Snapped!

And he decided to work noon-3am Saturday and he has to work at 4pm Sunday so I won't get a nice Mother's day. I'm so pissed.

[xanthepants]

Yeah I would have lost it by now. Sounds like a out of character selfish phase. Usually he's not really like this- right? I don't recall you saying too much about him being this hmmm - how do I put it - oblivious? I would have a come to Jesus thing about how much you are juggling and that he just needs to step it up once in a while.

[sarahandeddie]

DH and I have had a lot of issues in the past. I've just never posted them on here before. I'm just to a point I have to vent somewhere. He is a really selfish person in many respects. He's a great provider but that's about it for positives right now.

[summergirl1211]

May 6, 2015 11:24:57 GMT -5 sarahandeddie said:

DH and I have had a lot of issues in the past. I've just never posted them on here before. I'm just to a point I have to vent somewhere. He is a really selfish person in many respects. He's a great provider but that's about it for positives right now.

In that case, I would really find a time to sit down and talk. If you aren't able to have a conversation calmly, maybe write down your frustrations/concerns and either read them out loud to him or let him read it and schedule a time to talk. I know I get very heated very quickly, even if I try my best to stay calm. I hope you two can figure this out!

[mommymadness]

Oh man that sound super shitty! I would be livid! Hopefully he steps up a lot more.

[cbear]

I agree to sit him down and have a talk. You are going to run yourself into the ground! I'm so sorry he is acting like such a child, big hug!

[trixi282]

Um no, that is ridiculous and I'd be livid! I'm sorry he's being so immature and selfish right now. I would have blown up at him already too, you're far more patient than I am.

I think Sunday morning you should get up and leave the house... and just come back in time for him to leave for work. Do something by yourself, for yourself, you deserve it. Brunch and a pedicure comes to mind... Either way, I would be talking to him about things.

[aylafsu1881]

Guys tend to be self absorbed at times, I seriously think it is a personality trait for all men. I agree with PPs, sit him down and talk to him. It may snap him out of this selfish phase and back to reality.

[sarahandeddie]

May 6, 2015 11:45:48 GMT -5 trixi282 said:

Um no, that is ridiculous and I'd be livid! I'm sorry he's being so immature and selfish right now. I would have blown up at him already too, you're far more patient than I am.

I think Sunday morning you should get up and leave the house... and just come back in time for him to leave for work. Do something by yourself, for yourself, you deserve it. Brunch and a pedicure comes to mind... Either way, I would be talking to him about things.

I would love to just leave but he would literally refuse to care for the girls. I'm going to plan a weekend for me and the girls. It just shows me how little he appreciates what I do. I think I may also take his overtime check from this weekend and spend it how I want.

As for talking to him - I've been having this conversation with him since the girls were born. It never does any good. If I'm honest, I've stayed with him for the sake of the girls. He's good to them and I know it would destroy their world if we divorced.

[mommymadness]

So what would/ wouldn't he do if he was left alone with them?
Would he not be forced to care for them?

[trixi282]

Seriously?? If you were to go out for awhile by yourself what would he do leave them to fend for themselves? Hmmm.

Honestly, coming from a child of divorce, who's mom stayed for 6 long years after she wanted to leave.... She finally did it, and although it was tough at times, I'm so happy she did. If you seroosuly are having that many issues and are unhappy, I would try counseling and if it doesn't get better don't stay just for the kids... Its not fair to them either.... They eventually see it.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

[xanthepants]

Hugs girl. This sounds like a bigger deal than I originally thought or than just a little vent for the day. I'm sorry. Have you guys considered counseling? Is it something that you could seriously put on the table with him? Taking the girls for a day or weekend sounds like it wouldn't even phase him - heck he might enjoy the alone time and it might not even dawn on him it was meant to be an eye-opener. I'm trying to think of something that might be impactful to him. Would putting up a chart of all the things that need to get done in a week with intials by them - you put yours by all the things that you for sure are goign to do, but maybe leave some blanks for say 1/3 of them so he can take some on. And when he doesn't volunteer or accomplish anything - you can have acome to Jesus about what needs to change in the household.

[britbratjf]

May 6, 2015 13:53:07 GMT -5 trixi282 said:

Seriously?? If you were to go out for awhile by yourself what would he do leave them to fend for themselves? Hmmm.

Honestly, coming from a child of divorce, who's mom stayed for 6 long years after she wanted to leave.... She finally did it, and although it was tough at times, I'm so happy she did. If you seroosuly are having that many issues and are unhappy, I would try counseling and if it doesn't get better don't stay just for the kids... Its not fair to them either.... They eventually see it.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

This. I would try counseling but if he is so selfish & unhelpful that he wouldn't even care for the girls if you left for a night I don't know that I could survive in that kind of marriage. And your girls are young now but as they get older they will see you are unhappy - you should also consider if that's a good message to send to them (stay in a marriage where you aren't valued & with a partner who is unwilling to help). They will look to your example when finding their own husbands.

[mightybee]

Sending you some hugs.

[ThePinkSuperhero]

Very sorry, dear. I feel like, "I need to vent about DH" should be an open, ongoing thread on this board, right next to "Chat Stew".....husbands/spouses/partners are ridic sometimes.

[sarahandeddie]

Part of the problem is his work schedule. He works long hours and lots of overtime. He feels like his work trumps certain things (like mothers day) because he supports our family. It's very frustrating!

Since he won't get off until 3am he would refuse to watch the girls. He would probably stay in bed and let them do whatever.

I'm used to basically being a single parent because of his schedule but it'd be nice if it wasn't like that all the time.

He also refuses to go to counseling. I've tried getting him to go before and he won't.

[lkamenko]

Hugs, girl! Sounds like you have some troubles in your marriage. You should stand for yourself. I agree with pp - try counseling and talking to him. Sometimes men need very clear message to get through their thick skin. Did he asked you what do you want for mothers day? If he did not, just tell him - "for mothers day I want to go out and have some alone time, while you are taking care of the girls".

[somethingcleverer]

Big hugs. Your H is being a big turd about everything you mentioned. I hope you can get some down time on Mother's Day and I hope he gets the treatment he deserves on Father's Day.

[sarahandeddie]

May 6, 2015 15:11:29 GMT -5 lkamenko said:

Hugs, girl! Sounds like you have some troubles in your marriage. You should stand for yourself. I agree with pp - try counseling and talking to him. Sometimes men need very clear message to get through their thick skin. Did he asked you what do you want for mothers day? If he did not, just tell him - "for mothers day I want to go out and have some alone time, while you are taking care of the girls".

I told him I wanted to do lunch and go to the air show and craft fair as a family. His response - "You and the girls have fun."

And then tonight he decides to go get ice cream. I asked him to wait until the kids were in bed and he wouldn't. Of course the kids were flipping out because he had a treat and they didn't. And this all happened at bedtime. I swear I'm going to make the news for killing him!

[paddyb]

May 6, 2015 21:18:19 GMT -5 sarahandeddie said:

May 6, 2015 15:11:29 GMT -5 lkamenko said:

Hugs, girl! Sounds like you have some troubles in your marriage. You should stand for yourself. I agree with pp - try counseling and talking to him. Sometimes men need very clear message to get through their thick skin. Did he asked you what do you want for mothers day? If he did not, just tell him - "for mothers day I want to go out and have some alone time, while you are taking care of the girls".

I told him I wanted to do lunch and go to the air show and craft fair as a family. His response - "You and the girls have fun."

And then tonight he decides to go get ice cream. I asked him to wait until the kids were in bed and he wouldn't. Of course the kids were flipping out because he had a treat and they didn't. And this all happened at bedtime. I swear I'm going to make the news for killing him!

Wtf. This plus what you posted before blows my mind, and not in a good way.

[somethingcleverer]

May 6, 2015 21:42:56 GMT -5 paddyb said:

May 6, 2015 21:18:19 GMT -5 sarahandeddie said:

I told him I wanted to do lunch and go to the air show and craft fair as a family. His response - "You and the girls have fun."

And then tonight he decides to go get ice cream. I asked him to wait until the kids were in bed and he wouldn't. Of course the kids were flipping out because he had a treat and they didn't. And this all happened at bedtime. I swear I'm going to make the news for killing him!

Wtf. This plus what you posted before blows my mind, and not in a good way.

Yeah I agree with Paddy, your H is being more than selfish.  His behavior is ridiculous. I'm sorry you have to deal with that sarahandeddie. 

[junkytrunk]

I'm so sorry your H is being a dick. I feel like the only kind of action that would get the message across to him is for you to leave with the kids for an extended amount of time. I know that's a huge step, but it doesn't seem like he "gets" anything you have already and very clearly stated to him.

[trixi282]

May 6, 2015 22:16:01 GMT -5 junkytrunk said:

I'm so sorry your H is being a dick. I feel like the only kind of action that would get the message across to him is for you to leave with the kids for an extended amount of time. I know that's a huge step, but it doesn't seem like he "gets" anything you have already and very clearly stated to him.

Honestly what may be more effective is if she kicked him out of the house.

I would need a break from the apparent teenager living in my house that just happens to support us. I am shocked he couldn't wait a short while to get ice cream... I would have flipped out and probably done something crazy after everything else, like snatch it out of his had and throw it outside.... But I'm crazy.

I'm so sorry this has gone on so long. I know he works a lot and his hours are long... And if I remember correctly he travels for work a lot too, right? But that's no excuse to be so uninvolved in your girl's lives, or to completely disrespect you as his wife.
((Hugs lady))

[roo1582]

sarahandeddie - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree that if he isn't open to talking or counselling, it might be time to take a little break. I know you said he hasn't had the best of parents growing up, so it sounds like he's learned some really bad behaviors (although I'm not trying to make any excuses for him). I think he needs a wake up call to understand what is at stake here. I hope it all works out for the best <<hugs>>

[britbratjf]

Wow. Honestly he sounds like a total child. Acting out and doing the opposite of what you asked to get attention. I Mean did he tell the girls nana nana boo boo too? I wouldn't be able to handle raising my kids in that environment.

[Riverdong11]

That's a complete shit move to get ice cream and proceed to eat it in front of the kids without getting them some too. YH is being a selfish ass. I think counseling on your own would be good if YH is refusing. I also agree that it might be time for a break from each other.

[sarahandeddie]

May 7, 2015 6:43:15 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Wow. Honestly he sounds like a total child. Acting out and doing the opposite of what you asked to get attention. I Mean did he tell the girls nana nana boo boo too? I wouldn't be able to handle raising my kids in that environment.

I really feel like he is seeking attention. We haven't had sex in awhile because he's been sick and things tend to get like this when we're having a dry spell. I've also been working a lot (I sub for extra money) and I think it bothers him. I'm saving for our family trip to Disney and new furniture for our new house.

I thought about packing up and leaving for awhile but money is tight and I don't want to blow what I've saved. I kicked him out (for a night) in December. DD#1 flipped out. She knew something was wrong and I don't want to do that to her again.

Part of me is super tempted to change our vacation to just me and the girls and go to Disney without him.

I'm so frustrated that I want to scream but I'm also used to this behavior from him and it just makes me sad. I'm sort of numb at this point.

[britbratjf]

Well you could try & use sex as a reward system. Although that sucks for you I think.

Also re: Disney I would at least bring your mom or something! Disney alone with 2 kids would be hard!