Post by aggiebug on May 13, 2015 18:55:50 GMT -5
Help. H and I our struggling with our relationship with his parents. I feel awful since I know it is already a frustration and stressful for H and then I add on my frustrations and issues with them.
back story
I want to start by saying before kids the relationship was just fine. H could basically ignore his father and life went on. They would only visit for holidays or on a work trip, would hint that we should come visit we would say we don't have money for that and it was dropped. Oh and we live in VA they live in TX.
Since DD was born they are here a lot. We requested they ask us before making trips up here and his dad got pouty and gave us the silent treatment. We haven't even told them no. We also got the silent treatment after DD was born because they live so far away and it was going to be a month before they met her. (because they had to buy tickets back in August not my fault). He seriously would not respond to texts, answer when H called or even say anything when we tried to video chat with them. He is pushy and will seriously push until he gets his way with everything.
current issue
We are going to Texas for 10 days in July. In this time we are visiting his entire side of the family all over the east side of the state for the first half and then staying at a lake house with my family the rest of it. I really want to get a rental car because I hate the way FIL drives. I feel sick to my stomach when in the car with him. He cuts people off, he speeds (excessively), he will drive in a right turn lane to get to the front of the line and then cut over to go straight because he is impatient, he will park in the space between handicapped spots (you know the no parking area) because he is too important to park away from the front of the store. You get the idea.
I told H I don't want DD in the car with him. Well to rent a car basically doubles the expense of the trip. It is also a temporary fix, as H brought up, because this won't be the last time we visit. H says we need to come up with a better solution. I told him he basically expects me to shut up and be OK with the situation, he claims that isn't the case but he doesn't have any better ideas.
What would you do? I feel like no matter what I am the bad guy. It will all be my fault and it won't be a good thing for my relationship with my ILs. (it's honestly just fine at this point because I tend to bite my tongue). Either we talk to him before hand and I am the bad guy before we arrive (and let's be honest I am not sure it will help) or I have direct confrontation with him once there.
I and MIL is lovely but seriously non confrontational, as is H although not as much, so she isn't much help.
If you read all this you deserve a cookie
Heck you deserve a margarita too
back story
I want to start by saying before kids the relationship was just fine. H could basically ignore his father and life went on. They would only visit for holidays or on a work trip, would hint that we should come visit we would say we don't have money for that and it was dropped. Oh and we live in VA they live in TX.
Since DD was born they are here a lot. We requested they ask us before making trips up here and his dad got pouty and gave us the silent treatment. We haven't even told them no. We also got the silent treatment after DD was born because they live so far away and it was going to be a month before they met her. (because they had to buy tickets back in August not my fault). He seriously would not respond to texts, answer when H called or even say anything when we tried to video chat with them. He is pushy and will seriously push until he gets his way with everything.
current issue
We are going to Texas for 10 days in July. In this time we are visiting his entire side of the family all over the east side of the state for the first half and then staying at a lake house with my family the rest of it. I really want to get a rental car because I hate the way FIL drives. I feel sick to my stomach when in the car with him. He cuts people off, he speeds (excessively), he will drive in a right turn lane to get to the front of the line and then cut over to go straight because he is impatient, he will park in the space between handicapped spots (you know the no parking area) because he is too important to park away from the front of the store. You get the idea.
I told H I don't want DD in the car with him. Well to rent a car basically doubles the expense of the trip. It is also a temporary fix, as H brought up, because this won't be the last time we visit. H says we need to come up with a better solution. I told him he basically expects me to shut up and be OK with the situation, he claims that isn't the case but he doesn't have any better ideas.
What would you do? I feel like no matter what I am the bad guy. It will all be my fault and it won't be a good thing for my relationship with my ILs. (it's honestly just fine at this point because I tend to bite my tongue). Either we talk to him before hand and I am the bad guy before we arrive (and let's be honest I am not sure it will help) or I have direct confrontation with him once there.
I and MIL is lovely but seriously non confrontational, as is H although not as much, so she isn't much help.
If you read all this you deserve a cookie
Heck you deserve a margarita too