Post by missjenniebean on May 14, 2015 8:46:39 GMT -5
Now, I don't know about you all but I was trying to think of schedule for Baby when he or she arrives, now obviously I realize the first week or so will be chaotic as baby, SO, and I adjust to this miraculous change. My mom laughed and said good luck when I was talking about a schedule. Yay mom! Ha.
My thought process is I only have 6weeks leave. SO gets about two weeks. My main goal is getting to bed and to sleep at a good time - and yes I realize there will be middle of the night changes and feedings but this initial bed time thing to me is something I feel will benefit at least SO and I, if not Baby for when I return to work. Plus the daycare would like a daily schedule of happenings to know what to expect. And I want Baby in his/her own room asap. Which most people think is too hopeful and say I will feel different once baby is here, which could happen.
To be honest, the schedule is more for my sanity as I prepare to balance baby and work.
Is this a bad idea? Am I crazy? Being a FTM am I being to hopeful?
I'm a FTM as well so I don't have much input, but in all of our classes we were told that baby should be in our room for at least the first six months. I believe this is due to SIDS risk being lower by sharing a room. Honestly, I think that would be easier anyway as long as baby is up MOTN because you wouldn't need to get all the way up for every feed or change. Anyway, I don't think there's any harm in trying to create some semblance of order, especially with LO going to daycare at six weeks, I would just be prepared to be flexible and change things around as needed. I would also say after working with infants in a daycare setting, we typically just used the schedule as a guide to try to make things easier on the parents. I wouldn't stress about it too much for their sake because in the end, if babe is hungry or tired, they're going to take care of that.
missjenniebean I was surprised as well. I think the most difficult part is having somewhere for them to sleep as they get bigger because you really need the full size crib at that point since they can roll over and sit up. It does seem like my hospital must be in the minority because it seems like most people around here are hoping to start LO in their own room much sooner.
I dont think you are crazy at all. My sister went back to work at 12 weeks and didnt put the babies on a schedule... She paid for it dearly. I only have 8 weeks off so I am in the same boat as you are. I think if you talk to your pediatrician they might be able to help you out with setting up a good one. They will probably know what is best! My day care is the same way as your BTW- we provide them with our childs sleeping and eating schedule and hey follow it as best as they can!
As a FTM I read Baby Wise and thought a schedule sounded like a great idea, even for a nursing baby. What I found in real life was that timed schedules went out the window pretty fast, and that trying to make my baby nap on a schedule was not happening for us. He had his own schedule and that was okay. What did work was following a routine of eat, play, sleep that repeated throughout the day (so typically I wasn't feeding him to get him to sleep), and I always put him down for the first sleep cycle of the night (usually around 9pm in our house) in his crib so he got used to his room right away. He might end up in the bassinet or our room eventually after one of the night feedings, but always started every night in the crib so there was no big transition to crib later on.
Post by islandgirl14 on May 14, 2015 9:06:14 GMT -5
I wouldn't go in with too many expectations of schedules, especially within the first six weeks. I get why it would be helpful in your situation, but I think the baby will just be too young during that time to be on certain schedules. As for baby being in their own room, we always heard it's best to have them in their own room up until around 3 months (for SIDS), which is what we did. By then, he was just starting to outgrow the bassinet anyways, so timing worked out well.
Did you ladies put baby down for a nap is their crib? So it would become familiar? Or just the initial sleep process?
Not until we started the transition into the crib permanently. So, all sleeping was done in his bassinet for the first three months. I should add too, I know others mentioned six months in the same room as you... No harm in that either!!
From my experience, we followed the EASY method with DS and he was on a pretty good routine by the time I went back to work at 10 weeks. It is similar to what tatersalad suggested. We had DS in his room at about 5 weeks because his little grunts and movement were really distracting to DH and I when we were trying to sleep for the short periods we got between feedings. At that point, a well rested mommy and daddy made for a happier mommy and daddy and a happier baby as a result. I was worried about SIDS also, so we took other precautions-ceiling fan on to circulate air, monitor right next to my pillow and frequent checks on him. It's going to be hard to get LO in a routine by 6 weeks, but if you're consistent, it will be easier. I suggest reading about different methods and combining what you think will work for you.
As a mom of a not quite 2 year old, the word isn't necessarily 'schedule', it's 'routine'. You kind of just find it as they grow and develop and change and that's what works for us. He is on a 'schedule' now, but as we figured out what worked for him, that's how we got there, and didn't really make a plan ahead of time what that schedule would be (Winging it mom 101 lol)
However, I am a SAHM who's never had him in daycare so assuming I'm going to have a different approach to it all than what you'll need to do. Good luck!
Did you ladies put baby down for a nap is their crib? So it would become familiar? Or just the initial sleep process?
My kid was a terror about this. Would not nap in the crib at all and either had to be held or fall asleep in car seat or stroller. I found out he would nap in the swing at daycare so we are buying one for this LO. However, at about 6-7 months he decided he was too big to sleep on me comfortably and went straight to napping in the crib with no issues. You can do whatever works for you. As for the SIDS issue, we always took other precautions. Fan on, tight Swaddle, no tummy sleeping, and monitor. It worked for us and we will do it that way again.
Post by leenziepops on May 14, 2015 9:25:58 GMT -5
Something I learnt in my class that may help you figure out a schedule is that babies tend to cluster feed between 4pm to 4am (STMs weigh in please! ). And unless otherwise told, it's okay to let them sleep past a feed due to the cluster feeds. My sister said she remembered feeding for ages from 2am. Then my niece would conk out for a good 4 to 5 hrs.
We were told the same thing--6 months preferably, but at least the first 3 months in the same room due to SIDS.
I'm a FTM as well, but the only advice I've gotten so far for "scheduling" is just not to let them sleep all day. We were advised to wake them up for regular feelings every few hours so they kick the nocturnal habit as soon as possible.
I actually didn't think you were supposed to wake up for feedings? If my memory serves me correct (which it may not... haha), I thought you only need to wake to feed if there was a weight gain issue with the baby - like if they weren't gaining as fast as they should or something.
I could be totally wrong though... It's been two years since I've had to think about these things, so I'm feeling a bit rusty!
Post by carolyngrace on May 14, 2015 9:30:24 GMT -5
I've seen too many moms with multiple kids have extremely different experiences with each kid to even THINK about what the "schedule/routine" will be for this baby.
The only thing DH and I are talking about is when WE will get to sleep. Regardless of waking to feed, during which time periods will he be responsible for calming, changing, etc of baby. I think as long as we both can have a stretch of (relatively) uninterrupted sleep, we'll survive whatever baby decides to do.
I can see the pressure with going back to work to find a routine... but many babies completely change their eating/sleeping patterns between 4-8 weeks. It can be a really rough time to have any expectations.
Also wanted to add - nurses and your doctor will tell you that you need to wake up baby every 3 hours for feedings if they don't wake on their own. That is a load of crap. Unless your LO is having issues with weight gain, just let them sleep, it likely won't be for longer than 4 hours anyways, but that extra hour of sleep will be good for you both.
ETA: islandgirl14 - you must have been reading my mind
To be thinking about schedule now before baby is even here is a bit overzealous, I won't lie. The first 2-3 weeks are completely on-demand typically for baby... or even scheduled 2-3 hour feedings if your baby is like a friend of mine's son who was a little guy who just liked to sleep and wasn't gaining... it is so situational it's not realistic to start 'planning a schedule' just yet.
Once baby is born and you know their own personality (easy going, colicky, big eater, not an eater, night owl) then it's more realistic to figure out what works for you and your baby.
I will say, one thing I found helpful with my first (the first few weeks) was keeping a log of when things happened... eating, pooping, and peeing (pee at first because docs wanted to know how many wet diapers). But when we got home we kept a little notebook with the time she ate and how much (formula since I can't BF) - which was so helpful because with so little sleep and trying to focus on healing as well it was hard to remember sometimes. For BF mamas there are apps that you can use for time you fed and what side so you remember - a lot of my friends used the apps since it gets hard remembering what side baby last fed from.
Keeping that log helped me start to notice her natural patterns which helped me adjust things as we neared 5 and 6 weeks to create more of a schedule.
To be thinking about schedule now before baby is even here is a bit overzealous, I won't lie. The first 2-3 weeks are completely on-demand typically for baby... or even scheduled 2-3 hour feedings if your baby is like a friend of mine's son who was a little guy who just liked to sleep and wasn't gaining... it is so situational it's not realistic to start 'planning a schedule' just yet.
Once baby is born and you know their own personality (easy going, colicky, big eater, not an eater, night owl) then it's more realistic to figure out what works for you and your baby.
I will say, one thing I found helpful with my first (the first few weeks) was keeping a log of when things happened... eating, pooping, and peeing (pee at first because docs wanted to know how many wet diapers). But when we got home we kept a little notebook with the time she ate and how much (formula since I can't BF) - which was so helpful because with so little sleep and trying to focus on healing as well it was hard to remember sometimes. For BF mamas there are apps that you can use for time you fed and what side so you remember - a lot of my friends used the apps since it gets hard remembering what side baby last fed from.
Keeping that log helped me start to notice her natural patterns which helped me adjust things as we neared 5 and 6 weeks to create more of a schedule.
Yes!! I'm so glad you said this... in regard to keeping the log! That is what I did with our first, and will do with our second. It took a little bit of extra time logging things (I had/have an app on my phone), but it really, really helps to figure out what their natural pattern is, so you know what to expect (generally) day to day. The most helpful things I found to log were sleeping and eating.... I highly recommend logging!
Did you ladies put baby down for a nap is their crib? So it would become familiar? Or just the initial sleep process?
Our apt. with our first was split, so her nursery was clear across the apt (as in I had to walk through the LR, DR and a small hall to get to her room from ours...) so we had her in our room for the first 3-4 months or so, and she slept in the raised basinet style top of the PnP at night. We kept her in there when I first went back to work, and after we got settled into that routine and she started waking up less, we transitioned her to her crib... the first week was a little rough at night - because she was still waking up on average 2x a night but it went fairly smoothly.
As for naps, the first week or 2 she slept in a little basinet type thing (that came with our PnP) in the living room ,or in my arms... may have even been the first 3 weeks. But after that I did start using her crib for naps during the day at least once a day to get her used to that room and the crib.
We were told the same thing--6 months preferably, but at least the first 3 months in the same room due to SIDS.
I'm a FTM as well, but the only advice I've gotten so far for "scheduling" is just not to let them sleep all day. We were advised to wake them up for regular feelings every few hours so they kick the nocturnal habit as soon as possible.
I actually didn't think you were supposed to wake up for feedings? If my memory serves me correct (which it may not... haha), I thought you only need to wake to feed if there was a weight gain issue with the baby - like if they weren't gaining as fast as they should or something.
I could be totally wrong though... It's been two years since I've had to think about these things, so I'm feeling a bit rusty!
We just went to a breastfeeding class last night and were told that for the first 2 weeks while baby needs to regain his/her birth weight that feedings should be every 1.5-3 hours, even if you have to wake them. After their check-up if he/she has gained the weight back and doctor says it's okay, then you don't have to wake them for feedings in the middle of the night.
Oh yeah islandgirl14, the log saved my sanity the first few weeks in particular, especially when we would go to the ped! You think you'll remember those poopy diapers, or that they ate at 11:30, but sleep deprivation is ridiculous!!
We kept the log for a long time and eventually it just became eating time/amt. which helped us tell daycare her basic schedule too when she started.
Until they reach birthweight, we were told to wake up every 3 hours to feed. This was the hardest for us--A was jaundiced and very sleepy, and we were dealing with a Supplemental Nutrition system and donated milk because my milk was slow to come in. We had goals for intake, and I'm not going to lie--it sometimes took 1.5 hours for her to get the 2 ounce feeding done because she was so sleepy. We had to strip her, put cool wash clothes on her... anything to keep her awake. But this meant 1.5 hours of sleep before waking her up to do it again. Fortunately, she hit birthweight at 2.5 weeks, and then we could let her sleep. But she was up probably every 4 hours or so after that. Then one day, your kid will sleep for 8 hours and you'll wake up in a panic, but they'll just. be. sleeping. It is a miraculous day.
Napping: This was a biggie. I thought she'd just fall asleep when she was tired, but she wasn't that kid. She really needed to be encouraged to take a nap. The swing was worth its weight in gold (though she hated it at first, I would put her in it while I went to the bathroom, and over about a week or so, she grew to love it). So much of our early crying must have been from sheer exhaustion (hers and mine).
Sleeping: A was a grunter, and neither DH or I could sleep well with her in the room. When he had to go back to work, we moved her to her crib without too much trouble.
"Schedules": I read somewhere that newborns really only have about 1.5 hours of wakefulness in them before then need to take another nap. I wouldn't take that as gospel for your kid, but it was helpful to know that at 1.5 or 2 hours, I really needed to be quieting things down, closing the blinds, putting her in the swing, etc. to encourage the nap.
Ok, so the first time I read your post my immediate reaction was what is she thinking? But as I read through the response and re-read your post, I think I get it now. I can also weigh in as a working mom.
I agree with PP's emphasis on a routine of "eat play sleep" instead of a schedule. When you are on maternity leave, I suggest you follow the general rule of sleep when baby sleeps for your personal sanity. I knew DD would sleep longer if I did certain things, so I didn't do them during the day but did them during the night, such as I knew she hated sleeping flat(but when you have your LO in daycare, you won't have as much control over that). I wouldn't try to even attempt a "schedule" until close to the 4 week mark, just because I know how crazy and unpredictable those first few weeks are.
When you are starting to get ready to go back to work, try to go to bed really early (coinciding with when the baby falls asleep), whatever that means for you. I used to feed DD as much as I could in the hours leading up to my "bed time" to try to discourage her from waking up hungry too frequently in the middle of the night, but it was a little different for me because I was an EP'er giving bottles of breast milk. Some babies in daycare clusterfeed at night to make up for time away from mommy during the day, so if that is how your baby is you will just have to deal with it as it comes.
Now I know baby sleeping in his/her own room sounds like a great idea, but baby sleeping in your room may not be as bad as you think it is. I am the type that every little sound wakes me up and makes me want to check on baby and it may be hard to do that even with a monitor if the baby is in the other room. DD still slept in our room well past me going back to work and DH was pretty good with sleeping through most of the MOTN wake-ups.
Some more thoughts on daycare. You are right they are going to want a feeding schedule of sorts, but they are going to revise the schedule as they need to and it can vary greatly day to day because they have to juggle multiple baby schedules. They are also going to recommend certain things as your baby ages in terms of how often to eat, sleep, etc. As long as your baby is eating enough and sleeping enough at daycare (but not too much) the timing isn't as important.
I will let you know if I think of anything else useful. But I'll just say, you would be surprised how well you may be able to function at work on as little as 4-5 hours of sleep.
Oh yeah islandgirl14, the log saved my sanity the first few weeks in particular, especially when we would go to the ped! You think you'll remember those poopy diapers, or that they ate at 11:30, but sleep deprivation is ridiculous!!
We kept the log for a long time and eventually it just became eating time/amt. which helped us tell daycare her basic schedule too when she started.
For sure! I actually just looked at the log from DS, and it was really interesting to see how over time the amount of time he slept would gradually increase. I think it'll help give me at least a little bit of a marker as to what to sort of expect with this baby. Obviously every child is different, but at least I have an idea of when things MAY start to change!
I tried to follow the EASY route from the baby whisperer but it didn't work for DD. I ended up scratching that method and started to follow her cues. Which meant feeding on demand (for breast feeding) and letting her nap when she needed a nap (she would never nap very long). I logged her sleep and eating times and eventually we worked out a rough routine. Which would be thrown for a loop for every single growth or development spurt. The first few months were a bit rough but we got through them. We probably didn't really start having a schedule until 6 months maybe a little later. She was also a frequent night waker until we began to do night weaning.
I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way. I think you need to find out what works best for you and baby.
ETA: a friend of mine who had a baby 2 months after DD was born had a LO that would do one last feeding at 12 and sleep until 7 or 8am without needing to wake again. The kid slept like a champ for her parents. No sleep training required. DD was not that kid. Even now she still wakes up once at night and she's almost 3. I've learned that you can't expect your kid to do the same as other kids. And I just roll with it now.
We tried a schedule of ' eat play sleep' with DS and it drove both of us nuts. Once I switched to just following his cues we both adapted to a baby led routine which was more like wake up eat play eat sleep or wake up, play, eat sleep.
I found one of the miracles of breastfeeding is that you can breastfeed them to sleep. I felt like for us eat play sleep was going against the natural tendency of a lot of babies to want to breastfeed or have a bottle to sleep ( similar to what a pacifier does for a baby) it relaxes them. Later when we switched to a bottle and formula the bottle was also a natural sleep inducer. So to not give him a bottle before a nap just never made sense for us.
Also I found many times while trying eat play sleep that DS would eat then want to have tummy time but his tummy was so full from eating that he would spit up a lot of the milk he had just taken in while he was trying to play.
But then all babies are different so maybe for DS following his cues just worked for us and naturally created a routine over time.
Aside from feedings, I recall his napping schedule adapting and evolving over time so initially he would take 5 naps a day then the next few months it switched to 4 naps then 3 naps etc. I would watch for his cues and if he yawned or became overly fussy I would start the process of putting him to sleep w BF or a bottle then take him on a walk in the stroller ( which was always a sure fire way to get him to nap) or rock him in the rocking chair and then put him in the bassinet.
We just followed DD's cues for everything. Eventually, she settled into her own "schedule" of the eat play sleep variety, but it was nothing we pushed/tried to implement. It worked for us, but I don't know how that will go this time around with a toddler and a newbie. We'll see.
As far as sleep, she had finally started sleeping longer stretches at night when I had to go back to work. Then, she refused to eat from bottles, so went through reverse cycling until well after 1 year old. That sucked.
And, we breastfed to sleep until well into this pregnancy. Then it sort of naturally fell away as I implemented some night-weaning for my own sanity's sake.
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