GTKY: adjusting

[dreemkin]

I posted this on the FF check-in but I wanted to hear from everyone! It's been about 3 months for us all sooo:

S+TM, how are our other "babies" adjusting? I know this was a concern for a lot of us.

FTMs can play too: How are YOU adjusting to life with a child?

[dreemkin]

This is #2 for us and we were nervous about bringing another one into our happy little family. It's definitely been a bigger change overall than just one. Although, we are more "relaxed" about some things, going out for shopping/eating or whatever seems like a big production now. Norah (her big sis) has been GREAT! She has adjusted waaay better than I thought she would. She really only gets mad when I bathe Anna with her bc it cramps her style. Anna's crying doesn't seem to bother her. I'm happy they are so close in age! And SOoO happy we had a 2nd!

[misshart00]

I think the hardest part for DD is that she wants to play with the baby. She keeps trying to pick him up and she's trying to teach him how to wave. But she still gets jealous when in holding him or feeding him. She's also taken to lifting up her shirt a lot. And when I lift up my shirt to feed, she comes over to pull it down. Lol

It's really not fair to toddlers. You get them all excited while you're pregnant that there's going to be a new baby. Then they can't play with them for awhile.

[dreemkin]

misshart00 I don't breastfeed but I can definitely see how that would be confusing to a toddler.

[michelle142]

DS is 3.5. He adjusted SO much better than we expected. He wasn't too sure about DD at the hospital, but once we got home it was like she had been here all along.

Of course, there are times when he gets frustrated because he wants to do something and DH or I are busy with DD. But overall, he's doing so well. He's a wonderful helper and jealousy is very minimal.

He doesn't quite get that she can't play with him yet, but I told him to enjoy having all the toys to himself while he can.. lol

As far as me adjusting, adding another baby into the mix was far easier than the first baby. DD just wiggled her way into our existing routine.

ETA: He loves little sister

[lotsofdotts]

I may have a different perspective than most STMs because my older kids are 14 and 10. The 14 yo boy really couldn't care any less. He loves his little brother, but he just does his thing and Brady hasn't changed that. He comes downstairs and asks to hold Brady periodically. My DD will be 10 on Wednesday. She is my little mother to Brady. There have been some times when she wants my attention, especially the night before she has to go to her dad's house. Overall, it has been a rather easy transition for the kids because of their ages.

[greenpony33]

FTM here and the adjustment for me has been good, DS just seems to fit in. DH and I were just talking about how we don't remember a time without him it seems. Hardest part so far has been socializing but I think that is more because one of my closest friend just moved to another state.

lotsofdotts I was 9 1/2 when my little brother was born (no other siblings between us) and I was totally like a 2nd mom to him. DH use to tell me all the time to back off and not treat him like a little kid (when he was in his teens). He is 20 now and he still calls me for advice and we are closer than I think anyone would have thought with such a big age gap.

[taberbtb]

Glad to hear everyone so far is adjusting well, especially the siblings!

FTM and I think now I am pretty well adjusted, or as close as I will get. I had such a hard time at first, DH works a lot and I am very independent. I was used to being on my own and doing my own thing whenever I felt like it. Having a little someone around who "needs" me so much was a huge struggle and adjustment for about the first 6 weeks. I am so thankful to have my family close by or I might have plunged off the deep end. Being housebound in the height of winter may have played into that as well.

Now, most days are pretty good. DH is still learning to be more comfortable with DD, but he's getting better and he's really great with her, I think he just lacks the confidence.

Like others, nights can be difficult. DH and I would like to go out and socialize more but don't want to disrupt DD's sleep. We did go out when she was younger and would sleep anywhere, but the older she gets the easier her sleep gets disrupted.

[misshart00]

Yes to the evenings being difficult. It's 7:30 here and I just put the toddler to bed. It's still bright and sunny outside and I wish I could go do something.

But here's the other thing. When the kids sleep through the night and go down fairly early, you can get a super cheap babysitter at like 8. Then you and SO can have date night while the babysitter just sits there and watches tv and makes sure the house doesn't burn down. And extra bonus, your kids don't know you were gone.

[mishka29]

Things here are pretty good with 2. It's hard since they are 2 years apart so DD1 is still very much in the terrible twos. She has adjusted better than I expected however we still have our challenges. For two weeks now both girls are going to bed at the same time but it's tricky because it's "mommy's turn" a lot but I need to nurse DD2 before bed. We're still trying to perfect the system...

[lilyelayne]

FTM
I've actually adjusted really well to being a full time mom. I don't think I'd be doing nearly as well if I had to go back to work already or if I had to return full time. Being a SAHM has been my dream for years, and it's really reassuring that I actually do find it super fulfilling. It helps that I have an easy baby.
DH is adjusting pretty well. I think sometimes when he's tired from work and doesn't really want to spend all evening with the baby he feels guilty, like he should want to be playing or cuddling every minute he's home because he misses all day.

I love watching my parents become grandparents. And though this is my paternal grandmother's fourth great-grand, DS is the only one who lives close by. She struggles with dementia (mostly short term memory loss but she'll go through bad spells where she gets super confused about everything) and she's been more focused & put together ever since I had DS. She loves to hold him & play with him. She just can't remember his name

[cloe111479]

Ftm here too.

I think both DH and I are adjusting really well. I still need to find time in our schedule for me and running (January 1/2 marathon is closer than I want it to be) but overall we are doing well.

Is it perfect nope but it never will be.

Id love for DH to hear her at night and take the initiative but I have accepted that it ain't going to happen. (He sleeps really really hard and honestly when I do wake him it takes him so long to go and get her it's not worth it. )

He really is great with her during waking hours and doesn't hesitate to take the day off to have her when the babysitter is off.

[cloe111479]

Oh and meant to echo lilylayne about my parents being grandparents.

They already have pseudo grandkids in my best friends kids (who are my godchildren) but I never expected them to be as crazy about Quinn as they are. My mom literally schedules time to see her every week.

[mmarie]

FTM-the only thing that has been extremely hard for me has been not being able to just run to walmart quick and get something. Going to town is like an ordeal now. We live 25 minutes away from a real town with something besides bars and gas stations. I don't go very many places without LO. I love her with all my heart but with F working 3rd shift and not really being much help during the week, I don't get any adult time. I tell my mom all the time that doing dishes is my me time!

[kartish]

I feel like I've adjusted better than I thought I would. I wasn't mentally ready to have kids when I got pregnant. But since he's come along it has been such a blessing.

I do miss when I could run to the store real quick and things like that. I eat drive thru so much more because I don't want to pack the baby in the restaurant.

Oh and the animals are adjusting fine. The cats ignore him and the dog wants to check on him all the time. The bird doesn't care, except he doesn't get as much attention. None of them do now, I feel bad, but it will get better.

[flyster]

I think our adjustment to ftp has gone.pretty well. We are still adjusting to my going back to work and I'm not full.time in the office till June. I think the hardest thing is how much work we have on the house and how hard it is to get it done. Dh is stuck on one project that he needs 2 ppl for an hour or so and we just havnt been able to get that done. We've been traveling on the weekends too which makes it harder. Once his mom is done with the school year I think she'll but up alot which will help a ton.

Other than that the cat has been way better then.expected. I have a demon of a cat who is on prozac now and we were really worried about him attacking the baby..I'm still really careful about.leaving them in the same room or if the cat is awake and wandering around but so far do good. Hopefully he'll keep adjusting as lo gets older and more mobile.

[flyster]

Oh one more adjusent. Especially with the adition of daycare and now a car payment we are working on budgeting for sure! I don't think we are quite there yet but working on it..we had a pretty good amount.of disposal income before that will pretty much be all day care so we have to be much more consious of random costs.

[Deleted]

Some days I feel pretty well adjusted and other days I don't know what to do with myself. It is harder than I expected to be home with an infant all day long and do nothing "productive" when you are used to working full days and have projects going on all the time (not that I'm always productive at work, but you know what I mean...).
It's also hard for me that DH can go see his friends baby-free but because of BFing I almost always need to bring her with me.

But in some ways it also feels like she has always been here. I don't go back to work till January so I'll have a lot of time to adjust to not working and I'm sure it will be quite the shock when I do.

[Deleted]

Oh and flyster, I totally understand the income adjustment, it's been hard for us too!

[michelle142]

May 19, 2015 2:25:56 GMT -5 flyster said:

Oh one more adjusent. Especially with the adition of daycare and now a car payment we are working on budgeting for sure! I don't think we are quite there yet but working on it..we had a pretty good amount.of disposal income before that will pretty much be all day care so we have to be much more consious of random costs.

I hear you on the income adjustment.
Adding a 2nd child in daycare is a huge hit to the paycheck.

[taberbtb]

@alyllyra I completely understand feeling "unproductive" at home. DD is not a great napper so I have small windows to get anything done. I won't go back to work until January either and am unsure how I feel about it. Working full time = way easier than caring for a baby full time and some days I would welcome the break. Other days I think I just couldn't handle being away from her 5 days a week. I guess there is still lots of time to figure that out.