Man Seeking Woman-Woman Seeking Sleep

[misshart00]

My best advice is to just do it. Even when I don't necessarily want to, I find that I'm enjoying it while actually doing it.

Are you on any kind of BC? Changing that may help if you are. One pill I was on caused my sex drive to tank but once I got on another, I was back to normal.

[WittyLittle]

I have the same problem. My sex drive is lower than my bank balance. Boooo on both accounts. For me what also helped was just doing it, on the one hand, and forcing myself to take initiative. Sending DH an app that I "wanted" him when I got home kind of locked me in to it and I couldn't back out anymore. Then we got a bit of a routine going (how romantic...) and that helped make that jump from 'let's start having sex again' to it being a reasonably normal part of life.

[misshart00]

May 17, 2015 12:02:05 GMT -5 badw0lf said:

I got the mirena at the end of April so I don't think I'm going to be switching it out anytime soon.

Yeah. I understand not wanting to switch that out. It's a little more complicated than changing pills.

Sorry you're having trouble. It makes me sad when women don't enjoy sex for some reason. It should just get better with time. You might talk to your doctor about it if it doesn't.

Have you tried at all yet? Did you have a bad first time after giving birth that's affecting what you like now?

[lilyelayne]

Another vote for just do it, since you want to. Wine may help, especially if it's helped in the past. It may be hard to find time / space / relaxation / privacy, but maybe a few solo orgasms will help you get back in touch with your sex drive without the performance pressure of a partner.

[lotsofdotts]

I'm with everyone saying just do it. I rarely initiate it anymore, which is a huge change for us, but I have started just going with it and I do enjoy it when we get started.

You may need to talk to your SO and tell him that he needs to spend more time getting you going. My DH makes a concerted effort to spend as much time as possible getting me in the mood and ready. It has helped even though he has more work to do on his part.

[mmarie]

I'm another one that rarely initiates sex anymore but once we get started I enjoy it. It's a combination of lack of sleep and lack of time for us. We are completely opposite schedules with him working 3rd shift right now. It will get better!!!!

[Deleted]

Just want to add, lots of lube to help with the pain side of it.

[michelle142]

What's a sex drive?

Mine must be stuck in reverse.

[dreemkin]

I don't have a sex drive either but I think mine is linked to low self-esteem. I'm losing weight so I think that'll help. I agree with PPs though, once we get going I always enjoy it

Hang in there! Hopefully it'll get better for you!

[xoxolicia]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm almost disgusted every time he touches me. I'm starting to feel better about myself, but I'm still not ready to go back to our old routine.

[mishka29]

Read a romance novel or some dirty book.

[seamonster]

Maybe try some non-PIV sec like oral to get things going for you and help you relax.

[mands1125]

Free dirty stories on the web! The name of the site is slipping my mind but it got me in the mood!

[lilyelayne]

Even if sex is a no go for me, and especially if I'm going through a long period of time where sex is a no go (looking at you, second trimester, thanks for all the vomit!) I still prioritize naked cuddles. Skin to skin time is beneficial to more than just babies.
Getting in a routine of being naked and touching each other has helped me with not recoiling when DH initiates sexy time (not an issue I've had pp, but one I've dealt with in the past). Naked cuddles helps me feel like I'm still a woman and a wife and a potential sexual partner, even if I'm not up for DTD in any way. Also helps me feel like I'm not ignoring DH or avoiding him because I don't want sex. And sometimes naked cuddles turns into sex, and that's good too.

[misshart00]

May 17, 2015 21:53:21 GMT -5 lilyelayne said:

Even if sex is a no go for me, and especially if I'm going through a long period of time where sex is a no go (looking at you, second trimester, thanks for all the vomit!) I still prioritize naked cuddles. Skin to skin time is beneficial to more than just babies.
Getting in a routine of being naked and touching each other has helped me with not recoiling when DH initiates sexy time (not an issue I've had pp, but one I've dealt with in the past). Naked cuddles helps me feel like I'm still a woman and a wife and a potential sexual partner, even if I'm not up for DTD in any way. Also helps me feel like I'm not ignoring DH or avoiding him because I don't want sex. And sometimes naked cuddles turns into sex, and that's good too.

Yes to this! I even try and sleep naked at night (but usually have a bra on because leaking).

[lilyelayne]

May 17, 2015 21:56:36 GMT -5 misshart00 said:

May 17, 2015 21:53:21 GMT -5 lilyelayne said:

Even if sex is a no go for me, and especially if I'm going through a long period of time where sex is a no go (looking at you, second trimester, thanks for all the vomit!) I still prioritize naked cuddles. Skin to skin time is beneficial to more than just babies.
Getting in a routine of being naked and touching each other has helped me with not recoiling when DH initiates sexy time (not an issue I've had pp, but one I've dealt with in the past). Naked cuddles helps me feel like I'm still a woman and a wife and a potential sexual partner, even if I'm not up for DTD in any way. Also helps me feel like I'm not ignoring DH or avoiding him because I don't want sex. And sometimes naked cuddles turns into sex, and that's good too.

Yes to this! I even try and sleep naked at night (but usually have a bra on because leaking).

Yes to sleeping as naked as possible, even if you're not a bedtime cuddler. Do you like nightgowns or lingerie or robes? If so & your pre-preg stuff doesn't fit, buy something new. Feeling good about your body and sharing it with your husband is important. I have a robe and a chemise from Wintersilks that feel so good against my skin it always makes me feel better.

[Mom2Ms]

Count me in the no sex drive category. It's been almost a year. I'm not kidding. Fertility drugs, weight gain from fertility drugs, OHSS, then getting pregnant, then a hernia, then bedrest, then having a baby.... I've got some body image issues with the extra 10 pounds that hang on......All while our relationship was tanking? Yeah no. We just pecked for the first time in 9 months. Sex isn't even on my radar. However, I think the advice of just do it is good. I know thats what I will have to do....