Teaching Manners

[xanthepants]

    Sure there are bigger fish to fry, but I am beginning to be horrified that although my kid looks like she is 5 she stuffs her face, eats with her mouth wide open and smashes food all over while her feet are on the table. So I've been on this manners mission. And she looks at me like I'm an alien. The same look I get when I ask if she is telling the truth.  (Here is the truth Mommy as she hands me a barrette) I digress.
    Anyone have any fun games, little sayings, quircky ways you are infusing manners into your day?  We always sit down for dinner together and most meals already.  We lead by example for the most part and have conversation, napkins, utensils - the usual.  Any fun books you've run into?  I want to make it fun and not a bore or a chore.  We joke about not being a pig at the table. But literally she farts at the table. She smears things everywhere still (and I get it, she's still 2). Or if we are with people she becomes a complete ham and screams or laughs manically. I read somewhere about  Manners on/Manners off dinners and thought that might be a way to approach it.  Concept - 90% of the time is Manners off, anything goes, but 10% you practice for when you are in public or when it counts. 

We got "Achoo: Good Manners Can be Contagious"  which is really cute. But I'd be open to finding others if you know of some.

[summergirl1211]

Besides prompting her to say please and thank you, waiting her turn at the park, and saying excuse me after burps/farts, we haven't really started much on manners. I do, on occasion, tell her to take her feet off the table though.

[britbratjf]

May 19, 2015 14:33:46 GMT -5 summergirl1211 said:

Besides prompting her to say please and thank you, waiting her turn at the park, and saying excuse me after burps/farts, we haven't really started much on manners. I do, on occasion, tell her to take her feet off the table though.

This. I do tell her (often) not to play with her food, talk with food in her mouth or interrupt when other people are talking. So every meal intend to just repeat a lot & if it gets toward the end & she is playing with/smashing food I just get her down because I figure she's done.

[pinkluna]

Sorry no suggestions. We have some work to do at home too. The other day I had to remind them "we do not talk about poop while eating." They were eating meatballs and apparently they thought it'd be funny to say they were eating poop.

[aylafsu1881]

We try to correct but at this age it is really tough. We tell E to use a fork, we help her with the fork/spoon. Sometimes it works and other times she refuses to use it. I figure at almost 3 she still has a lot to learn. All I can do is encourage. I will say she is good about wiping her mouth but we do have to tell her.

We also do like PPs with using please, thank you, your welcome, yes sir etc. It is a learning process though and some days are better than others.

[bliz1712]

May 19, 2015 14:33:46 GMT -5 summergirl1211 said:

Besides prompting her to say please and thank you, waiting her turn at the park, and saying excuse me after burps/farts, we haven't really started much on manners. I do, on occasion, tell her to take her feet off the table though.

This is the extent to what we have been doing as well.  The only thing additional that I can think of was that we make her say sorry and apology accepted, but that's mainly because DC does this.

I probably won't enforce the chewing with mouth open for awhile, but V was THE WORST at it so I'm sure I can use my tricks with her.  It didn't help with V that her Mom's house could care less if they were slobs so she basically forgot it when she went there.  And now we are dealing with it all over again with the braces added.

I know C is sometimes a little more advanced in what she comprehends than Hanna, so here are some of the things that I've done with V or looked into doing with her.  1) record her eating and show it back to her so she can see how gross it its.  2)  remind her a lot.  We even went as far as to discuss that others won't want to eat with her or my parent's won't take her out to eat because it's gross.  Or even use your hand to make the quiet signal.  This would reiterate that she needs to close her mouth.  3) if she continues after constant reminder, then make her eat alone.

[trixi282]

J has a good amount of manners down; please/thank you are regularly used, but she still requires prompting sometimes. She still forgets to excuse herself when she burps or farts, but I know at this age she can't help when she does that, so if it happens at the table I just always remind her to excuse herself.

We put the kibosh on feet up at the table when she was really young, I would push her chair away from the table so she couldn't put them up and she hated it.... she's tried to press that one again and she gets a time out.

As for other table manners... we're still working on utensils, she uses a fork at least 75% of the time it seems, but some things she struggles with (naturally) like certain veggies, or small items. But if it's something big I know she can get, I do ask/remind her to use her fork. No talking with food in her mouth is still a bit of a struggle at times, but i usually just say "Finish chewing first! (point to mouth).... Thank you! Now tell mommy what you want to say" Sometimes it's cute, if someone asks her a question when she has food in her mouth she'll just look at them and point to her mouth while she chews - makes me proud!

She can be pretty messy still, but I figure she's still not quite 3... and even at 3, kids get messy, especially with foods that have sauces or things. So I'm not too worried yet.

[nesenotes]

She's really good and polite about a lot of things, especially around others. What I've had a hard time with is getting her to say I'm Sorry. Jesus it's like pulling teeth. Step on my toe with your heel? You need to say I'm sorry. She'll start crying and look obviously distraught but it will take 20 minutes to get her to apologize. I had an incident at the park where she didn't wait her turn to go down the slide and slid right into someone. Again pulling teeth to get her to say sorry. She stares at the person and cries and when she says it it's in the teeniest whisper of a voice.

But yeah I need her to understand when you see you hurt someone you apologize.

I have no idea how I'll ever get her to excuse herself to fart. I can't get my stupid husband to that and he's 33.

[britbratjf]

May 19, 2015 15:27:45 GMT -5 nesenotes said:

She's really good and polite about a lot of things, especially around others. What I've had a hard time with is getting her to say I'm Sorry. Jesus it's like pulling teeth. Step on my toe with your heel? You need to say I'm sorry. She'll start crying and look obviously distraught but it will take 20 minutes to get her to apologize. I had an incident at the park where she didn't wait her turn to go down the slide and slid right into someone. Again pulling teeth to get her to say sorry. She stares at the person and cries and when she says it it's in the teeniest whisper of a voice.

But yeah I need her to understand when you see you hurt someone you apologize.

I have no idea how I'll ever get her to excuse herself to fart. I can't get my stupid husband to that and he's 33.

My H is the worst. He'll fart then blame it on me or Dagny. I finally yelled at him he needs to quit bc he's not teaching her good manners.

[xanthepants]

Maybe part of it is seeing her in the preschool class and some of the kids have such nice table manners. And clearly some kids are still itty bitties (like mine!) So I want to start addressing it in a fun way as much as possible and just ease into it I suppose. She won't be perfect and I still want her to be a kid and have days when it doesn't have to matter. Thanks for the input!

[bliz1712]

xanthepants, it could just be their individual personalities. I know comparing Hanna to Eliza they are going to be completely different. Hanna actually doesn't chew with her mouth open and uses her utensils most of the time. Eliza is starting to be the complete opposite.

[justbeth]

We mostly just started instilling manners into the everyday routine and encourage them when she forgets. Once Emma got used to them being required she quit fighting them. We do tell her that big girls use their manners if she's trying to whine about it, because she's all about anything 'big girl'. A few of our big ones are not interrupting when others are talking, sitting at the table nicely until everyone is finished eating, please and thank you, and saying 'May I please' instead of 'I want'. We encourage utensil use but still let it go if she is struggling, because it's a skill she doesn't fully have yet. We don't worry about her getting messy as long as it isn't intentional, but she isn't allowed to play in her food or we take it away. We've recently started working on not talking with her mouth full and chewing with a closed mouth, but those are both definitely still a work in progress. This not-a-baby, not-yet-a-big-kid phase is tricky!

I don't have any 'fun' recommendations though... Maybe there is a daniel tiger about manners??

[roo1582]

May 19, 2015 14:33:46 GMT -5 summergirl1211 said:

Besides prompting her to say please and thank you, waiting her turn at the park, and saying excuse me after burps/farts, we haven't really started much on manners. I do, on occasion, tell her to take her feet off the table though.

This is pretty much where we are at too.  She's not horrible about chewing with her mouth open, but she still on occasion talks with her mouth full.  We just try to give gentle reminders to stop, finish chewing, and then talk.  I think her biggest issue is saying excuse me, so we're working on that one.

The feet on the table thing was a battle for us a while back, but we would move her away from the table when she would do it.  Eventually she got the message.  

[sarahandeddie]

May 19, 2015 15:30:21 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

May 19, 2015 15:27:45 GMT -5 nesenotes said:

She's really good and polite about a lot of things, especially around others. What I've had a hard time with is getting her to say I'm Sorry. Jesus it's like pulling teeth. Step on my toe with your heel? You need to say I'm sorry. She'll start crying and look obviously distraught but it will take 20 minutes to get her to apologize. I had an incident at the park where she didn't wait her turn to go down the slide and slid right into someone. Again pulling teeth to get her to say sorry. She stares at the person and cries and when she says it it's in the teeniest whisper of a voice.

But yeah I need her to understand when you see you hurt someone you apologize.

I have no idea how I'll ever get her to excuse herself to fart. I can't get my stupid husband to that and he's 33.

My H is the worst. He'll fart then blame it on me or Dagny. I finally yelled at him he needs to quit bc he's not teaching her good manners.

My H thinks it's hilarious to fart. What's worse is he farts more than anyone I know. I keep trying to make him see a doctor. Thankfully the girls don't follow his example. Avery says "Daddy gross" or "Daddy nasty" when he farts.