Are these feelings from IF (just a little emotional)?

[twinkl0503]

A little background on me (aside from IF)...H and I met while traveling for work many yrs ago. We lived in different states but started a relationship. I ended up moving to be with him after about 2 yrs b/c he had 2 kids from previous marriage. That was 8 yrs ago. We have a great marriage (most days), but it has been TOUGH. Blended family, infertility, moved again within the 8 yrs, distance from my family. His family hasn't always been supportive of us (they seem to prefer his X-wife since she bore his children!), etc.

In addition, H travels for job #1 and over the past 2 yrs became involved with his family's business so was working 2 jobs. Both required travel since his family's business is 4 hrs away. Between his kids, his 2 jobs and my IF, I've been extremely lonely and unfulfilled for a while. I also miss my own family despite having been gone 8 yrs.

H travels at least 50% of the time with kids on top of that. He did agree to get out of the family biz this year b/c of the stress it was causing us both. It's tough at 35 to find new friends when you don't have kids of your own and live in a new state, new culture. So...I just wonder if creating our own family will impact the un-fulfillment that I feel so often.

Does IF leave you all feeling lonely and unfulfilled? I wonder b/c I know I have so many other factors impacting me as well...  Sorry for the emotional vent; maybe it's the BCP I started this week!

[tptbabe]

I think you're feeling a combination of alot of things. We've been in a similar situation too. It can be really tough to get out there and meet new people when you feel like the "new kid in school" and everybody else seems to have something in common. (In this case, children mostly.) You could start with maybe a Resolve group if there's one near you? That way it's a safe environment where you know that people understand and won't ask dumb questions. Or sign up for a class in something you're interested in? (That way you get to do something for yourself as well, right? Even if it doesn't lead to new friendships.)

I'm sorry IF is making you feel this way. It really can be isolating, especially if you're not open about your struggles. It sucks so hard that IF takes so much from you

[DrHooch]

I certainly feel lonely due to IF, but it sounds like you have quite a bit going on that's making it so much worse. I'm sorry I feel like meeting new people and making friends used to be so much easier than it is now that I'm older. I don't really have any good suggestions but we're here for you!

[durham1008]

Yes, all the time. Yesterday at work, a few of my coworkers were talking about their kids and how their kids are doing in school, etc. So I just sat there, not saying anything. IF sucks. I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated.

[Ann612]

you are dealing with a lot!! no wonder you feel that way. It doesn't sound like just IF, it sounds like IF is one thing among many. I'm really sorry you feel so lonely and unfulfilled. It sounds like at least your H is aware and willing to make changes to help.

I would look for groups to get involved in, and if there isn't one, trying starting it perhaps? I know this sort of thing is easier said than done. tptbabe had some great suggestions

good luck, and know we are always here for you!

[Deleted]

I agree with the PPs. It's probably a mix of both. I ended up up and moving to another state right before my wedding. And the past few years since have been pretty rough. I'm thankful we had new awesome neighbors move in across the street, so MH and I finally have someone to hang out with. And of course the IF doesn't help the situation, especially being on all the meds.
Being a part of this group has been really helpful though. I'm glad I stumbled upon it.

[bellefontaine]

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I've felt exactly the same lonely, unfulfilled feelings you described so know you're not alone. Plus you have other things contributing to these feelings. One thing that helps me is doing things that take my focus off my situation. For example, the local animal shelter is practically begging for volunteers to come play with puppies and help them with leash training. What is better for putting a smile on your face than playing with puppies? For another example, I just got a sewing machine for Christmas and plan to sign up for classes at my local craft store. They also offer cake decorating, scrapbooking and a couple more. That's a great way to meet new friends! I try really hard to keep myself busy so those feelings don't creep back up on me. And of course this is an incredibly supportive group of ladies that will be here for you. I hope things get better for you soon!

[bluefairy5]

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely and unfulfilled. The IF is probably exacerbating those feelings, but I hope you don't think "Oh, I just feel this way because of IF/BCP, they're invalid feelings to have." Not. True.

[BunnyBerry]

I'm so sorry, that move must be so hard. I did 3 years away from family in DH's home country, and that was hard enough. Are you able to take time to do regular travel of your own and visit family and friends back home?

It's great that YH really heard how you were feeling and was willing to get out of the business that was keeping him away from you.

I absolutely hear you on the lack of fulfillment. I had planned on a few years of pouring my all into teaching, but the real life vocation is supposed to be homeschooling mom of many. After so many years waiting for this dream, and of course when there is so little I can do to actually make this happen since in the end it's out of my control, I am feeling very unfulfilled! Being part of the 3T/IF community makes a huge difference there because I can see this is a normal SE of IF, as so many strong, fascinating, and unique women are also stuck in a kind of limbo while waiting for their take home baby(ies).

Is there a RESOLVE group where you are? I have gone to a few meetings and met a couple real-life friends. It was hard for me to come back to my hometown and make friends as an adult, since everybody I grew up with has kids.

[twinkl0503]

Thanks for all the positive feedback...so nice to hear I'm not alone. I like the ideas of finding new things to do. I'm trying to think that way.

I rejoined my neighborhood book club last month (a little tough; I live in a small neighborhood overrun w/kids. The houses are pretty large w/ many bedrooms. Obviously I thought we'd have kids when we moved here but I'm trying. I'm also trying to find a church (haven't gone in yrs) and have found some volunteer opps there and meeting w/ a friend tomorrow to think about starting some sort of girl's dinner group.

I'm looking forward to this board during the IVF journey!