Sleepovers and children: a poll

[longhornwino0907]

I just came across this article posted by someone I follow on Facebook. Another friend recently posed a question about letting her 11-year-old see Pitch Perfect 2, and made a point to say that their parenting styles involved no sleepovers at all, but taking the kids to concerts of various natures. I don't know this person well, but it struck me as odd, and then the article this morning.

So I'm curious: parents of children old enough to go to or host sleepovers: do you let them? Those that haven't faced this situation yet, do you plan on letting your children attend sleepovers?

I get the points made in the article. But I have to say every sleepover I ever went to was innocent. I mean, sure, when we slept over at friends' houses as teenagers, maybe we went out and TP'd a house, made prank calls, whatever. But nothing scarring or traumatic happened. In fact, I have very fond memories of birthday sleepovers, creating a "girl group" with my two childhood best friends and writing songs and creating choreography late into the night. I do not know what I plan to do, but I'm curious what others think/do.

[icaughtfire]

I thought this was gonna be about sex with kids in the room.

[longhornwino0907]

May 29, 2015 9:40:58 GMT -5 icaughtfire said:

I thought this was gonna be about sex with kids in the room.

Oh no, not going there. That's gross. That FFFC was a bit much for me.

[dashook]

May 29, 2015 9:40:58 GMT -5 icaughtfire said:

I thought this was gonna be about sex with kids in the room.

Hahaha same!

[Deleted]

so glad it's not icaughtfire,

I have hosted quite a few and my boys sleep over on occasion. I don't find that kids, or maybe it's just boys/my boys, do as many sleep overs as I did when I was their age but I wouldn't dream of not ever letting them. Of course knowing the other parents, other kids, activities they plan, etc is important and needs to be age appropriate.

[jags8]

Sleepovers are the best! I would never deny my kids of that. Of course I would want to meet the parents first.

[longhornwino0907]

May 29, 2015 9:46:20 GMT -5 W said:

May 29, 2015 9:34:56 GMT -5 longhornwino0907 said:

I just came across this article posted by someone I follow on Facebook. Another friend recently posed a question about letting her 11-year-old see Pitch Perfect 2, and made a point to say that their parenting styles involved no sleepovers at all, but taking the kids to concerts of various natures. I don't know this person well, but it struck me as odd, and then the article this morning.

So I'm curious: parents of children old enough to go to or host sleepovers: do you let them? Those that haven't faced this situation yet, do you plan on letting your children attend sleepovers?

I get the points made in the article. But I have to say every sleepover I ever went to was innocent. I mean, sure, when we slept over at friends' houses as teenagers, maybe we went out and TP'd a house, made prank calls, whatever. But nothing scarring or traumatic happened. In fact, I have very fond memories of birthday sleepovers, creating a "girl group" with my two childhood best friends and writing songs and creating choreography late into the night. I do not know what I plan to do, but I'm curious what others think/do.

I don't have kids, but here is my view on them from my experience. We always had sleepovers at my house. I wasn't allowed to go friends houses with older brothers because my dad was worried something would happen, so friends came to my house. My parents were the kind that would have a sleepover every weekend if I wanted. The sleepovers were innocent, but I also was very very sheltered. 

If I ever have children, I think I'd be very, very picky on whose house my (theoretical) children stay.

I feel like this is where I'm at on the subject. I was a pretty innocent kid, had innocent friends, we just didn't do things that would get us into trouble or put us into scary situations.

My parents were picky about whose house I could sleep over at. I had a friend whose mom and step-dad fought all the time and sometimes it got physical. I could not sleep over at her house. She came to our house.

I think this is how I'll be. I need to feel that I can trust the parents to care for my child as their own when he or she is over at their house. And I'll do the same for any children that sleep over at our house.

[rablissful]

As long as I know the parents and the children going, I'd be good. Sleepovers are the best!

I was also a "good kid"

[dashook]

As for the article, I don't know. I think it's a little extreme to suggest that sleepovers are basically just a conduit for the devil. I had lots of sleepovers as a kid and never had any bad or traumatizing experiences. In fact, all I have are fond memories. So yes, I do plan to let my kids have/host them.

ETA within reason. I think I was just assuming that I'd know and trust the parents.

[shemarie82]

When I was in middle/high school, it doesn't seem like there is a weekend that I was not with at least one of my friends. They stayed at my house more than I stayed at theirs, but that was mostly because my mom was much less controlling of the situation. She let us do as we pleased, but we were pretty good kids.

It was such a fun experience, that I cannot imagine not allowing children to participate. Of course, I would want to know the parents of the children, and not just send them off anywhere.

[housecarder]

My kids aren't old enough yet for friends' houses yet but they love to sleep over at their cousins' houses. H and I are split on friend sleepovers when they are older. He only has bad memories (nothing like molestation, just anxiety) and I have plenty of good ones. So I guess we will see. I'm fine with sleepovers at my house.

[daisy818]

I went to sleepovers all the time as a child. It was a lot of innocent fun. My SS, who is 11, has never spent the night anywhere but with either his mom or DH. And it doesn't seem like he is turning away invitations, so maybe kids these days just generally have fewer sleepovers?

[jewel441]

I went to sleep away camp for 7 weeks of summer from the time I was like 11 until HS. If sleepovers are a bad influence I don't even want to know what she would think of that. It's a sleepover that lasts all summer and the only people watching you are 2-3 teenagers who are having a sleepover of their own. It was the best time though and I definitely plan to send my future kids and let them have all the sleepovers. I do hope we are the house that future kid's friends want to go to, I have always wanted that. I would let them sleep out too though.

[goldenlove3]

My parents were very strict growing up so I never got to do go to a sleepover other than with cousins. I remember one birthday party where I actually had to leave when everyone was getting ready to sleep.

I think as long as I know the parents and trust them, I wouldn't have an issue. I guess as my kid got older, I would have to trust him/her as well.

[longhornwino0907]

May 29, 2015 9:52:24 GMT -5 daisy818 said:

I went to sleepovers all the time as a child. It was a lot of innocent fun. My SS, who is 11, has never spent the night anywhere but with either his mom or DH. And it doesn't seem like he is turning away invitations, so maybe kids these days just generally have fewer sleepovers?

This is something I was wondering, too. I don't have much experience with sleepover-aged children, so I'm not exactly sure. But maybe they just don't happen much anymore.

[goldenlove3]

May 29, 2015 9:54:08 GMT -5 W said:

May 29, 2015 9:52:24 GMT -5 daisy818 said:

I went to sleepovers all the time as a child. It was a lot of innocent fun. My SS, who is 11, has never spent the night anywhere but with either his mom or DH. And it doesn't seem like he is turning away invitations, so maybe kids these days just generally have fewer sleepovers?

I know with the kids I nanny they do more play dates than sleepovers, they never really stay anywhere (and if they do they end up coming home at midnight because they miss home). From my experience I agree that I think there are less sleepovers nowadays. 

Seems like maybe the excitement of being with your friends all night isn't there anymore. Now you can just go online and chat and play games with them instead.

[nuggetrn]

May 29, 2015 9:52:36 GMT -5 W said:

My parents are so brave though. One time I had 10 FRIENDS (I was 15) over and my brother (he was 5) had 8 FRIENDS over the same night. We had 18 extra kids there. It was insane, but super fun. We annoyed the shit out of them.

This is like my family was growing up. SO many kids all over the place, it was so much fun.

We don't have kids, but for right now I definitely plan on allowing our kids to go to and have sleepovers. It will depend on the family and the kids (both mine and theirs) but I want them to have those experiences. I loved my time with my friends and I hope that my kids will have those experiences growing up as well.

[joy]

I went to all the sleepovers. My parents hosted other sleepovers. This was a non-issue for me growing up.

Many of my friends had older siblings and we befriended them. They took care of us in school, looked out for us, etc.

My kids can go to all the sleepovers as long as an adult is home.

[mustloveerica]

I had no idea sleepovers weren't a thing anymore. My childhood best friend STILL sleeps over sometimes. We even had sleepover birthdays when I was a kid where there would be 12 girls or so sleeping over. I plan to let my kids go and host them. But of course I will need to be comfortable with the parents and the planned activities.

[singingsea]

I'm fine with sleepovers as long as I know and trust the parents.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Yes to sleepovers. No to not doing a little background check first (ha).

I still remember the first time I got to sleep over at a friend's house on a school night. I couldn't believe my mom said yes! It was awesome.

[longhornwino0907]

May 29, 2015 10:18:03 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

Yes to sleepovers. No to not doing a little background check first (ha).

I still remember the first time I got to sleep over at a friend's house on a school night. I couldn't believe my mom said yes! It was awesome.

Lucky! My folks never let me sleep over anywhere on school nights. Or let anyone stay with us. I mean, I get it. But still, boo!

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

I also hope that I can teach my kids to recognize uncomfortable/inappropriate situations and to not fear calling me for anything. Ugh, I hate that that's something I think about.

[doodler]

I posted a similar article yesterday. The whole Duggar situation has made me think a lot about this kind of thing this week. I personally think you need to strike a balance. As others have said, I went to all the sleepovers and never had a bad experience. I think they are also a great way for kids to begin to assert some independence but in a sheltered environment(hopefully). At this point we have lots of friend/family who have kids. These are people that we would absolutely trust. My nieces spent the night all the time before my son was born and I'm sure there are many more cousin sleepovers to come. When my son goes to school, I'm not sure how I will handle "vetting" other parents that I don't know.

I do think that it is very important to open lines of communication with your kids and make them feel comfortable to discuss things with you. Honestly, if something HAD happened to me on a sleepover I don't know if I would have gone to my parents about it. I will teach my son about boundaries for his body and what is acceptable for people to say/do to you. I'd also like to teach him about how an adult should never ask you to keep something a secret, but I am not sure how I will approach that one.

[bunnyfungo]

Sleepovers are free babysitting. Hell yes to sending my kid to a friends. I will tolerate them at our house only because I know they'll have to reciprocate.

[shemarie82]

May 29, 2015 10:25:17 GMT -5 @underdog25 said:

  When I was a preteen/teenager I went to summer camp, then worked at it in my later teens. That's where all the trouble is, I tell ya.

In this area church camp has lead to teenage pregnancy more than a few times.

[daisy818]

May 29, 2015 10:21:48 GMT -5 ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ said:

I also hope that I can teach my kids to recognize uncomfortable/inappropriate situations and to not fear calling me for anything. Ugh, I hate that that's something I think about.

It's a good thing to think about though - I'm all about age-appropriate lessons in appropriate vs. inappropriate touching and that a child can tell me anything, even if another adult told them not to tell me (so often that's the biggest problem - kids are told to listen to adults, so when an offender says "Don't tell anyone, this is our little secret" the kid does as they are told and keeps it a secret, even if the offender has not made actual threats). 

Erin's Laws are becoming more common (I think such laws have passed in 21 states now) - they require education in schools about how to handle inappropriate touching.  I heard Erin Merryn, for whom the law is named, speak at a children's justice conference once - she is doing really important work.  Here's a link to the page if you are interested in reading more (safe link, I promise): www.erinslaw.org

[samanthasays]

I had a best friend growing up who lived a mile from me. We spent every weekend night together every single weekend. It was like having another sister! I loved that. But I do see the other side too. If I get a bad vibe from the parents? No way in hell are my kids staying there.

Another thing for me is I grew up with sisters, so there were no boys to worry about. I don't know how I would feel if my daughter stayed at a home where there were older brothers. But maybe this Duggar thing is too much in my mind.

My H used to have sleepovers with girls from his class when he was in elementary school. That seems a little weird to me. But obviously some people are fine with it.

[URMySunshine77]

Most of my sleepovers were benign growing up, but I did go to one shady sleepover at seven. All of the girls were making each other faint against a wall. (Was this a thing at other sleepovers?) And then the parents let us watch The Exorcist.

I wouldn't allow a sleepover unless I felt very comfortable with the parents' and children's ethics. I also like theophania's rule to have at least one adult awake while the children are up.

[nuggetrn]

May 29, 2015 10:24:05 GMT -5 doodler said:

I posted a similar article yesterday. The whole Duggar situation has made me think a lot about this kind of thing this week. I personally think you need to strike a balance. As others have said, I went to all the sleepovers and never had a bad experience. I think they are also a great way for kids to begin to assert some independence but in a sheltered environment(hopefully). At this point we have lots of friend/family who have kids. These are people that we would absolutely trust. My nieces spent the night all the time before my son was born and I'm sure there are many more cousin sleepovers to come. When my son goes to school, I'm not sure how I will handle "vetting" other parents that I don't know.

I do think that it is very important to open lines of communication with your kids and make them feel comfortable to discuss things with you. Honestly, if something HAD happened to me on a sleepover I don't know if I would have gone to my parents about it. I will teach my son about boundaries for his body and what is acceptable for people to say/do to you. I'd also like to teach him about how an adult should never ask you to keep something a secret, but I am not sure how I will approach that one.

I ran across THIS article while browsing pinterest a while ago, I thought it was an interesting concept.