Got one: will there be "warning" contractions before your (if) water breaks or is it possible that your water will break without you having contractions first?
This is going to sound so incredibly stupid, but for those who have family come after the baby is born, how do you have them help you? MIL and my mom have both offered to help after H goes back to work, but both have already said that they just want to hang out with the baby and let me sleep. While this will likely be much appreciated, I feel like there will be other things that I would prefer they do for me (cook, laundry, grocery shop, etc.). I am worried that they will end up sitting around "bonding" with the baby and I will be doing everything else, instead of the other way around. I want to be clear with my expectations for their time here (not because I'm ungrateful, but because they both require direction), but I don't know what those expectations should be. Any advice for specific things that I should request help with?
Cooking, laundry, helping with DS, going with me to Dr appointments & running errands (I wont be able to drive for like, 2 weeks) & watching the baby so I can sleep are the main things I've mentioned & my mom & friends have offered to help with.
If they're at your house & you have a load of laundry that needs to be done, just say, "Hey, would you mind throwing this stuff in the washer for me?"....I find it easier to just ask as you go. Or, if they come & ask what you need help with, you can always write a list & say, "Whatever you can help me with on here would be great!"....I'd just kind of play it by ear.
I know if I went to help a friend & they were telling me what to do & what was expected of me, I wouldn't want to help. To me, its all about how you approach it. I'd always ask, never tell.
If you ask them to help or give them a list and you see they haven't done much, I'd just give a friendly reminder like, "Were you able to get that load of laundry done?". If they need direction, I'd definitely go with the list...
Cooking, laundry, helping with DS, going with me to Dr appointments & running errands (I won't be able to drive for like, 2 weeks) & watching the baby so I can sleep are the main things I've mentioned & my mom & friends have offered to help with.
If they're at your house & you have a load of laundry that needs to be done, just say, "Hey, would you mind throwing this stuff in the washer for me?"....I find it easier to just ask as you go. Or, if they come & ask what you need help with, you can always write a list & say, "Whatever you can help me with on here would be great!"....I'd just kind of play it by ear.
I know if I went to help a friend & they were telling me what to do & what was expected of me, I wouldn't want to help. To me, its all about how you approach it. I'd always ask, never tell.
I agree, I would never tell someone what they needed to do. It's hard to explain my anxiety over this and why I'm asking; I have some relationship issues with both for different reasons (my mom for personal things, MIL because she is a pain in the ass and legitimately crazy), so having them here isn't going to be super comfortable for me, and I have found that trying to outline expectations in advance helps things to go more smoothly (versus MIL getting passive aggressive when she gets here and I ask her to help with something because she had come in with the mindset that she would just hang out with baby, for example).
Yeah, I'd definitely go with a list then. Just write somethings down & just say, "So, here's the things I'd really like to get done today so whatever you can help with would be appreciated." Or, if they need more direction like you said, you could say, "I need to get these things done so if you could help with this, this & this, we could get done pretty quick & then that'll leave plenty of baby time!"... Again, you may just have to play it by ear & just see what works.
Post by holliberry28 on May 31, 2015 9:22:43 GMT -5
budders, that's a tough situation. I would probably ask your H if he could ask her to pick up some food, or make some soup or something. As for my mom, I'd probably ask her regardless if she would get mad or not. But, I'm probably more obnoxious than you are lol. I had to tell my MIL that she won't be sleeping over because I plan to breastfeed exclusively at first anyway, but she's more than welcome to come during the day to help out and so that I can nap.
I guess I know the answer to my SQS which is you can never tell..but I feel like because I never really have braxton hicks or practice contractions, it's going to mean that I'll definitely go past 40 weeks. Any STMs have their baby before their EDD without having any sort of practice contractions/BH's?
Cooking, laundry, helping with DS, going with me to Dr appointments & running errands (I won't be able to drive for like, 2 weeks) & watching the baby so I can sleep are the main things I've mentioned & my mom & friends have offered to help with.
If they're at your house & you have a load of laundry that needs to be done, just say, "Hey, would you mind throwing this stuff in the washer for me?"....I find it easier to just ask as you go. Or, if they come & ask what you need help with, you can always write a list & say, "Whatever you can help me with on here would be great!"....I'd just kind of play it by ear.
I know if I went to help a friend & they were telling me what to do & what was expected of me, I wouldn't want to help. To me, its all about how you approach it. I'd always ask, never tell.
I agree, I would never tell someone what they needed to do. It's hard to explain my anxiety over this and why I'm asking; I have some relationship issues with both for different reasons (my mom for personal things, MIL because she is a pain in the ass and legitimately crazy), so having them here isn't going to be super comfortable for me, and I have found that trying to outline expectations in advance helps things to go more smoothly (being able to tell MIL "when you come, I think I'll need help with..." versus her getting passive aggressive when she gets here and I ask her to help with something because she had come in with the mindset that she would just hang out with baby, for example).
This is one is hard for me--because I literally have zero problem delegating to helpful individuals. When we moved back in March, DH's BIL, SIL and friends came over and I had a point-and-shoot project for someone at all times, lol. My SIL was like, "OK. Your move was a lot more successful than ours." Which is true, because I kept everyone busy and she didn't want to delegate. I find that typically people would rather you have things for them to do if they OFFERED to come over and be helpful. But...maybe make a list of things you'd like them to do and communicate that in advance (I'll need help with making dinner, doing dishes, and keeping up with the laundry). That way you have a couple tasks at all times that you can delegate out if you feel like they're not doing what you need. Also--I'd advise updating the list in your mind, or actually writing it down (don't show them obviously) so you can be the task-master and keep them busy! That's what I would do at least, but then again, I don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings in this type of a situation and I definitely don't know yours first-hand. Good luck, Budders!!!
Alright, so this has been beaten to death, I'm sure...but I have a friend who's had two babies in the past three years and INSISTS that I'm going to lose my mucus plug and that its like THE precursor to labor. I'm like, "Biatch. My Mom AND my OB said that they don't recall losing theirs." There are others out there that have NOT lost it, right? Am I freaking crazy for not thinking I'm going to lose mine?
Got one: will there be "warning" contractions before your (if) water breaks or is it possible that your water will break without you having contractions first?
My didn't break on it's own with DD, and with both, it was the tipping point that started transition (I was 7 cm).
Alright, so this has been beaten to death, I'm sure...but I have a friend who's had two babies in the past three years and INSISTS that I'm going to lose my mucus plug and that its like THE precursor to labor. I'm like, "Biatch. My Mom AND my OB said that they don't recall losing theirs." There are others out there that have NOT lost it, right? Am I freaking crazy for not thinking I'm going to lose mine?
You might, you might not. It's definitely NOT the precursor to labor.
With DS I *think* I lost mine in pieces but I'm not 100% sure. People go into labor all the time without for sure losing it.
budders Cooking meals, laundry, cleaning is what I would consider SUPER helpful. And once baby goes down for nap maybe letting you sleep then when baby wakes up and is hungry bringing baby to you so you don't need to get out of bed. But I think also holding the baby while you are eating meals so you don't always have to be holding the baby ( it can get tiring). I say just wing it for now and after baby comes hopefully things will fall into place with your family and how they will help.
I know the answer to my SQS which is you can never tell..but I feel like because I never really have braxton hicks or practice contractions, it's going to mean that I'll definitely go past 40 weeks. Any STMs have their baby before their EDD without having any sort of practice contractions/BH's?
With DS I had maybe 5 BH randomly throughout the last 3 months of pregnancy. My water never broke on its own, I never had a "real" contraction but I had dilated to 4cm & was walking around like that.
Got one: will there be "warning" contractions before your (if) water breaks or is it possible that your water will break without you having contractions first?
Only can speak from my experience last week! My water broke in the middle of the night on Tues/Wednesday. I had occasional cramping and sporadic BHs over the past week or 2, but nothing alarming the day of or before. Looking back, the only indication anything was different is that he was way less active all day on Tuesday - to the point I was getting worried and complaining to DH. I know everyone is different, but for me, I had no signs of my water breaking, especially 3 weeks early
budders don't be afraid to ask and make sure DH helps you stay on the same page with the visitors and expectations. My mom is awesome about doing everything, laundry, cleaning, meal prep, etc. without asking. ILs are just different. I actually collapsed on the stairs (thankfully not holding baby!) during their visit because I was doing too much of the work and had to focus on entertaining them as opposed to resting and spending time with my baby. Lesson learned, trust me. We also ended up eating a ton of the freezer meals I'd made for DH and myself during their visit, and they had DH helping them with things they wanted to do, places they wanted to go, so he spent part of his paternity leave doing stuff for them. (I put the kibosh on that pretty quickly though, not okay!) Just don't let "helpers" be more stress than help.
This is going to sound so incredibly stupid, but for those who have family come after the baby is born, how do you have them help you? MIL and my mom have both offered to help after H goes back to work, but both have already said that they just want to hang out with the baby and let me sleep. While this will likely be much appreciated, I feel like there will be other things that I would prefer they do for me (cook, laundry, grocery shop, etc.). I am worried that they will end up sitting around "bonding" with the baby and I will be doing everything else, instead of the other way around. I want to be clear with my expectations for their time here (not because I'm ungrateful, but because they both require direction), but I don't know what those expectations should be. Any advice for specific things that I should request help with?
I just let them know what I needed. I didn't let them just hold the baby and watch me work. Firstly I didn't feel well enough to do certain things. My mom knew that and helped with anything. MIL cooked and helped pick up. Both helped do laundry as well.
It probably depends on your relationship with them how direct you can be, but if they don't want to help with house duties I don't know if I would want them there at that time personally. I think this is a time you get to be selfish and their visits aren't a vacation for you.
This is going to sound so incredibly stupid, but for those who have family come after the baby is born, how do you have them help you? MIL and my mom have both offered to help after H goes back to work, but both have already said that they just want to hang out with the baby and let me sleep. While this will likely be much appreciated, I feel like there will be other things that I would prefer they do for me (cook, laundry, grocery shop, etc.). I am worried that they will end up sitting around "bonding" with the baby and I will be doing everything else, instead of the other way around. I want to be clear with my expectations for their time here (not because I'm ungrateful, but because they both require direction), but I don't know what those expectations should be. Any advice for specific things that I should request help with?
MIL was like that. My mom helped with laundry, cooking, dishes, sweeping, grocery shopping, MOTN non-feeding fussiness... My mom is a superstar.
It became a lot easier to deal with MIL when I stopped thinking of it as helping. Coming to play with the baby every so often is fine, but call it what it is - a social visit to baby. Social visits are not "help". I did not appreciate it when MIL tried to shoo me away the second DS was cheery and playful - I resented it. And she patently ignored all my advice on what calms him, so the second he cried, I either had to take him or he'd end up screaming his head off and take me way longer to get him calm than if she hadn't tried. "Should I take him?" "No, Grammy's got this." Small fusses turn into crying, I get milk letdown. "He responds well to X." "I've got this." Screaming, milk soaking through my bra. "I've really found that X soothes him." "Oh, I know." Ear-piercing shrieks, milk halfway to my waist. "Maybe you'd like Mommy." I do X, he starts calming down... Three days later, she starts doing X, and she has way more time with a calm grandbaby - IMAGINE THAT! It was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. If my in-laws were local, I would probably tell them what number of hours per week is OK for that kind of social visit, but say that more "visiting" than that needs to be productive help.
Any STMs have their baby before their EDD without having any sort of practice contractions/BH's?
I delivered DS at 33 weeks without any early sign of labour except for my water breaking after a normal day at work. Between that experience and this pregnancy, I can also say I don't think I've lost (or at least noticed losing) my mucous plug with either pregnancy so far (39 weeks tomorrow), and I only occasionally feel BH this time, nothing painful though just once in awhile I notice I'm contracted and it's uncomfortable. I just started noticing it maybe a week or two ago? So, I can't say what pre labour is going to be like for me this time, but so far nothing too crazy has happened to me, and really haven't had any 'is this it?' moments yet.
Alright, so this has been beaten to death, I'm sure...but I have a friend who's had two babies in the past three years and INSISTS that I'm going to lose my mucus plug and that its like THE precursor to labor. I'm like, "Biatch. My Mom AND my OB said that they don't recall losing theirs." There are others out there that have NOT lost it, right? Am I freaking crazy for not thinking I'm going to lose mine?
I lost mine while in labor. Not a precursor for me.
Does a scheduled csection affect your ability to breastfeed because your body doesn't release all those happy labor hormones?? How does it know to start producing the milk??? <feeling oh so sheepish>
Post by pghtruelove on May 31, 2015 10:38:37 GMT -5
This is really dumb I feel like and I've been hold on to it for a while because I feel so silly, but I am now having serious anxiety about it... Will k be allowed to drive home from the hospitial? I don't like being a passenger already and the thought of even SO driving J is giving me panic attacks mutiple times a day.
Alright, so this has been beaten to death, I'm sure...but I have a friend who's had two babies in the past three years and INSISTS that I'm going to lose my mucus plug and that its like THE precursor to labor. I'm like, "Biatch. My Mom AND my OB said that they don't recall losing theirs." There are others out there that have NOT lost it, right? Am I freaking crazy for not thinking I'm going to lose mine?
With my first I don't remember losing it. With my second I lost it a week and a half before I delivered. With this one I lost it Friday night, I'm 36 weeks, so we will see. Both times my Mom tried to tell me it is usually 72 hours later you deliver. That might have been her and for some reason because we look alike she thinks we are exactly the same. Don't think so Mom.
Does a scheduled csection affect your ability to breastfeed because your body doesn't release all those happy labor hormones?? How does it know to start producing the milk??? <feeling oh so sheepish>
Have you been leaking any colostrum? If you can get your nipples to produce anything, you're most likely good to go. To my understanding, colostrum is all that's needed the first few days, and nursing encourages more milk to come in.
Does a scheduled csection affect your ability to breastfeed because your body doesn't release all those happy labor hormones?? How does it know to start producing the milk??? <feeling oh so sheepish>
Have you been leaking any colostrum? If you can get your nipples to produce anything, you're most likely good to go. To my understanding, colostrum is all that's needed the first few days, and nursing encourages more milk to come in.
Not leaking but if I press on my nipples then I get it.
pghtruelove as long as you aren't taking any narcotics for pain you should be able to drive home however the car ride home for me was super uncomfortable and I didn't want to drive for a week or two. A second degree tear made sitting pretty uncomfortable.
budders I started using my Boba wrap right away. It's the same thing as a moby. You can get those wraps so tight that I wouldn't think twice to put a 6lb baby in one.
This is really dumb I feel like and I've been hold on to it for a while because I feel so silly, but I am now having serious anxiety about it... Will k be allowed to drive home from the hospitial? I don't like being a passenger already and the thought of even SO driving J is giving me panic attacks mutiple times a day.
With DS (vaginal delivery) I was not allowed to drive for 2 weeks, carry over (20?)lbs (so I wasn't even allowed to lift him in his carseat), or take a bath. (I'm not sure if the restrictions were because I hemorrhaged or if that's normal). I think it will vary by hospital, doctor, patient, etc. Honestly I wanted to sit in the back with DS so it didn't both me at all to have DH drive. And of course he was extra cautious with DS in the car.
Have you been leaking any colostrum? If you can get your nipples to produce anything, you're most likely good to go. To my understanding, colostrum is all that's needed the first few days, and nursing encourages more milk to come in.
Not leaking but if I press on my nipples then I get it.
This is really dumb I feel like and I've been hold on to it for a while because I feel so silly, but I am now having serious anxiety about it... Will k be allowed to drive home from the hospitial? I don't like being a passenger already and the thought of even SO driving J is giving me panic attacks mutiple times a day.
ditto PP who said as long as you aren't on narcotics, it's a possibility. Though, I can't imagine you'll feel up to it, I certainly didnt. Plus, I really liked riding in the back staring at DS1. I was driving before the end of the week though.
(C-sec has different rules- i think 2w is the guideline)
This is really dumb I feel like and I've been hold on to it for a while because I feel so silly, but I am now having serious anxiety about it... Will k be allowed to drive home from the hospitial? I don't like being a passenger already and the thought of even SO driving J is giving me panic attacks mutiple times a day.
With DS (vaginal delivery) I was not allowed to drive for 2 weeks, carry over (20?)lbs (so I wasn't even allowed to lift him in his carseat), or take a bath. (I'm not sure if the restrictions were because I hemorrhaged or if that's normal). I think it will vary by hospital, doctor, patient, etc. Honestly I wanted to sit in the back with DS so it didn't both me at all to have DH drive. And of course he was extra cautious with DS in the car.
I hemorrhaged, with a c-section. I don't recall on driving restrictions (they have a mandatory 3 days in the hospital), but my carry limit was "nothing heavier than the baby in the carseat." I did not want to drive - even riding was fairly painful (every bump, right in the cut)... and yeah, just wanted to sit next to DS.
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