Leaving your kids alone

[aylafsu1881]

I am part of a small mom group on FB. It is not TB or J12 related but a IRL friend invited me when I gave birth. It is an OK group and the 12ish ladies are nice. However, sometime I have to scratch my head and wonder if I am being lax or these women are way over protective.

One mom posted that she signed her kids up for summer karate class. The parents got to watch the first class but at the next class the instructor told her that parents have to wait outside. There is no observing room or glass door so they have to sit outside the room and wait. She is literally flipping out. She argued with the instructor about it and wants her money back. The other moms are all behind her and are like I would NEVER leave my kid alone for a class or dentist/doctor appointment.

I am left scratching my head. I mean I get if it was overnight or one on one. But in a class with other students and teachers? To me it just screams helicopter parenting. Of course they are all like you are to relaxed but I don't think so.

Would you leave your kids for classes/appointments.

ETA: The kids are 6-8ish and 4 years old.

[laurski81]

Yes and then I would go shopping for that hour or if there was a bar close by I would get a beer while I waited
Edit: this is for classes. I commented on appointments below.

[roo1582]

I would also totally leave them, especially at that age. I mean, I would even leave Kayleigh for an hour if I could, but I wouldn't make it far since she is in stage 5 clinger mode. Like laurski81, I would take that time to the full advantage!!

Edit: This is just for classes as well.

[mightybee]

I wouldn't have a problem leaving them alone for a class. To me, it's similar to a preschool setting--I don't sit and watch there.

Appointments are a little different. If my child was uncomfortable, nervous, or scared, of course I would stay with them. So I don't anticipate leaving D alone for these for a while yet.

What was your response to the group?

[laurski81]

Jun 1, 2015 6:58:29 GMT -5 mightybee said:

Appointments are a little different. If my child was uncomfortable, nervous, or scared, of course I would stay with them. So I don't anticipate leaving D alone for these for a while yet.

What was your response to the group?

I agree with this. My first response was for classes. I wouldn't leave either alone for doctors/dentist appointments at that age because of the reasons mightybee listed. Plus I want to be present for all health related stuff when they are too young to comprehend what is going on.

[jodielyn10]

I'm guessing these moms are SAHM? I can't understand the response otherwise. For appointments I wouldn't leave them alone - but that's a completely different thing. For a karate class,with a room full of kids and teachers, give me a break! Makes me wonder how these women are ever going to be able to leave their kids at school...gasp...alone...in a year???!!

[roo1582]

Jun 1, 2015 7:06:53 GMT -5 jodielyn10 said:

I'm guessing these moms are SAHM? I can't understand the response otherwise. For appointments I wouldn't leave them alone - but that's a completely different thing. For a karate class,with a room full of kids and teachers, give me a break! Makes me wonder how these women are ever going to be able to leave their kids at school...gasp...alone...in a year???!!

Seriously. And if some of the kids are 6-8? Do they sit at school with the kids and hold their hands too?

[britbratjf]

With her kids ages yes I would leave them alone for a class. But I thought about signing Dagny up for dance class this summer & with her age she wouldn't be in the parent child class so I would need to leave her (no observation area). For some reason this made me very uncomfortable even though she goes to preschool. I think a combination of me having never been to this place & her being so young just made me not ready to drop her off yet. I think I'll probably do it this winter though. But I acknowledge that it's weird since she does go to preschool.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

For a class? Absolutely. I'm pretty sure dance schools and places like that have "no parents" rules because they are a distraction to the kids. Jeez lady, go to Starbucks, get a latte and read for an hour, the kids will be fine.

[aylafsu1881]

laurski81, mightybee, I said I would leave her with no problems or a second thought. They were all like "OMG, molestation happens, I am the parent I need to be there, parents do not distract kids, you are to relaxed" kind of stuff.
I was like whatever, it seems like they are way to helicopter parents to me.

I leave my kids for classes all the time. It is 45 minutes and I can usually hear or see some portion of it. Plus there are usually 6-8 other kids and 2 teachers.

As for appointments our pedi dentist requests that you leave the kids after the first appointment or two. After they do the exam, brush the teeth etc they bring you back and go over all of the stuff with you. I thought it was odd and asked my IL's about it (they are dentist). They said it is common and they do it in their practice as well. Parents tend to distract the kids during the exam. They also say that sometimes the kids will act up since the parents are there. Now for a filling, crown type of stuff they allow parents back but for routine exams no. After thinking on it I could see this and will leave my kids.
I think the eye doctor does the same thing when they are checking their vision (just the can you read the lines, which is better type of stuff).

Now pedi appointments may be different since usually you want to talk about serious health stuff at the time.

[jodielyn10]

britbratjf, I would be hesitant to leave Ingrid alone right now too, but only because she still is really anxious around new people. Once she has a chance to warm up and feel comfortable, she's fine, but it takes a little while.

[jennmm]

I have left my 7 year old alone for karate class and ran errands. A lot of the parents drop them off and come back.

[aylafsu1881]

Jun 1, 2015 7:19:23 GMT -5 jodielyn10 said:

britbratjf, I would be hesitant to leave Ingrid alone right now too, but only because she still is really anxious around new people. Once she has a chance to warm up and feel comfortable, she's fine, but it takes a little while.

See I get that at this age. Our dance teacher allows the parents of new kids to sit in for a few classes until they become comfortable with her and the other kids.
What I do not get is a 6-8 year old, especially since the parents were there the first class.

[britbratjf]

Jun 1, 2015 7:22:52 GMT -5 aylafsu1881 said:

Jun 1, 2015 7:19:23 GMT -5 jodielyn10 said:

britbratjf, I would be hesitant to leave Ingrid alone right now too, but only because she still is really anxious around new people. Once she has a chance to warm up and feel comfortable, she's fine, but it takes a little while.

See I get that at this age. Our dance teacher allows the parents of new kids to sit in for a few classes until they become comfortable with her and the other kids.
What I do not get is a 6-8 year old, especially since the parents were there the first class.

Yes that is extreme IMO. Do you know what her reasoning is?

[bantyrooster]

I would leave them. I can leave Gage at swimming but it is to damn cute and its only 40 mins so I can't go to far.

[aylafsu1881]

Jun 1, 2015 7:25:42 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Jun 1, 2015 7:22:52 GMT -5 aylafsu1881 said:

See I get that at this age. Our dance teacher allows the parents of new kids to sit in for a few classes until they become comfortable with her and the other kids.
What I do not get is a 6-8 year old, especially since the parents were there the first class.

Yes that is extreme IMO. Do you know what her reasoning is?

This is her post about it (below). I get the reasoning if it was purely a one on one class. However, it is a room of kids. IMO it is the same as school. You send your kid without really "knowing" their new teacher. Yes you have an idea of the curriculum but who says they will stick to that.

"When I asked the instructor about it he got defensive and asked me why I wanted to stay. (Seriously? Um, because I don't know you. I don't know any of you. I want to make sure you're not teaching my children anything I don't want you to. You haven't earned my trust yet for me to be comfortable leaving my children with you.) They're excuse is that it would be distracting to the kids. I'm sorry but that's bull."

[okiemama]

As a mom, I've never left my kids, but I teach dance and as a teacher that sounds totally normal. We don't let parents stay and watch except on special party days. I wouldn't bat an eye at that rule, although I'm sure it will feel different when I'm leaving my own kid. (Of course, I won't have to because I'm the teacher ?)

[okiemama]

Supposed to be a wink face... Not a weird surprise face and question mark....

[bliz1712]

I would leave them as long as I didn't get a wierd vibe from the instructor or the child didn't feel uncomfortable. Obviously if she's clinging to my leg and doesn't want to leave me it might not go well so then I might not leave her. I know a lot of instructors don't want parents there because kids just act differently when parents are there. I see it at DC all the time when I hang out there with MIL. The kids need to learn that the instructor is the one in charge there and if a parent is there then they think they can get away with stuff, or at least that's MO. If there was something close by I would hit that up and come back. I plan on leaving Hanna at Sunday school this upcoming fall.

I agree appointments are a different story and after reading about that dentist in FL I will definitely not be leaving them alone or at least out of earshot.

[paddyb]

I would leave them without a second thought at the ages you listed.

In the fall Henry's swim classes will be sans parent. I haven't decided where I will watch from (the observation room or the deck)...I am going to want to take so many pictures! As he gets older I will definitely pull back . . . I remember teaching swim lessons and the kids whose parents were there seemed to do better after the first class (less distraction and more willing to try new things).

[xanthepants]

Cosette's dance class at 2 years is no parents. You can sit in the lobby. It is an instructor and aid but you cannot watch. Once a month they have a peek session. Didn't phase me one bit. You open that window and the class goes to shit. The kids literally do nothing and learn nothing but stare out the window and wave. It would be a complete waste of time and energy in my opinion. I'm with the teachers side on this.
If the moms are that uncomfortable though then find a different place to send their kids then. I doubt they will get much out of it as for learning IMHO. I think the 2 person rule sets up a safety for inappropriate behavior and I asked what they would be learning from the get go so I was informed. I'm saitsfied.

[samelly]

Haha, I'm excited for her to be able to do classes alone.  Things start to open up around age three.  We were thinking of putting her in a dance class and a swimming class in the fall.  She's done both before in a parented class, but at age three, they go by themselves.  The classes are only like 30-45 minutes long and they ask the parents to stay in the building.  But still...that's 30 minutes that I can sit down.  Yay!

[pinkluna]

At that age I wouldn't expect to be allowed to observe the class. Now at 2-3 yes, and I'm actually a little nervous about starting any non-parent involved classes but more so because I'm worried how my own kids will react.

When I was a kid I actually preferred not to have my parents watch. It just always made me nervous and more embarrassed for some reason.

For appointments I would prefer to be in the room, but I would accept their policies (for quick dentist and eye exams) as long as my kid is comfortable.

[mightybee]

Exactly xanthepants. Makes me wonder why that mom chose the facility in the first place. But she probably has trust issues with any people that provide care for her child.

[somethingcleverer]

I have Shane signed up for camp where I drop him off 3 days a week and Aubrey signed up for dance one day a week. I'm excited for Aubrey's class because then I get an hour of mom time with just me and Shane which I don't have very often now. I'm not the least bit worried about them being without me for classes.

The dentist we see wants the parents to wait in the waiting room and Shane has been going but I think I want to switch dentists with Aubrey. I'm more uncomfortable with her being back there alone even though Shane has always been fine and likes that dentist. I'm still trying to decide what to do about that.

[MissMusic]

6-8 yrs old? I've had parents leave kids younger than that with me for lessons. I've only rarely had a parent of a 6 yr old sit in on a lesson, and I think a class setting is even more of a no-brainer: of course I would leave a kid that age in a class!

4 yrs old I think I would leave them in a class. Its just a class. Helicopter parents, anyone?

For an appointment, I would not leave any child alone. Teenagers I think I'd be ok with leaving as long as they were ok with it too. I remember my mom waiting in the waiting room at the doc's office while I went in for school sports physicals...I think I was 14 or 15?

[snickers4everyone]

At 6-8 years old, yeah, I'd leave the child in a class if that child was comfortable and if I'd had a chance to observe. With Emmy, no, not at this age. She too anxious for me to even leave her in the church's kid class during service, though we always try. If she were less nervous? Sure.
As for appointments...no. Not for any reason until she's old enough to ask for privacy. I was molested by a pediatrician as a child and I can't stomach the idea of leaving her (or Nicky).
I fully own that I'm overprotective due to my history though. They shouldn't be telling you that you are too relaxed just because they wouldn't leave their children for classes/appointments. If you are comfortable, the kid is happy, and you trust who you are leaving the kid with, then that's all that matters.