2. Forget #1 and do everything possible to not be in your third trimester in the middle of summer. Because seriously, nine months pregnant in the height of summer sucks.
Yep, we failed at that one!
Except me! Southern Hemisphere FTW!
I don't know about you guys, but the women in my friendship group are much more likely to talk about the negative aspects of pregnancy and motherhood than be positive about it.
I swear the worst realization was that I would never ever get to go to sleep and wake up when I wanted for a very long time. So so sad.
And I agree, breastfeeding is quite a trip. With my first I was not at all prepared for how difficult it was going to be. I lasted a week before throwing in the towel. She was down 10%, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, and too terrified to ask for help. She was pretty 100% formula fed and is thriving.
With my second I was a little more relaxed, she was MUCH better at nursing right off the bat, and it just worked. We still had our ups and downs, but I nursed her for 14 months.
I 100% maintain that neither option is better than the other. What gets your baby fed and keeps you sane is the most important.
And don't take PPA and PPD lightly. That stuff is real, reach out for help. There is nothing wrong with you.
Man, I'm going to start going off on tangents. The moral of the story, having babies is crazy awesome and crazy hard. Do your best to enjoy the ride, and weather the bad days/moments when they come.
And +1 on the breastfeeding issues. Nobody warned me and it was a nightmare, followed by a scramble for all of the research and BF'ing support I could possibly find.
For me, it was all about the latch. Poor latch led to bleeding, fissured nipples, which led to frustration, extreme pain, guilt, and repeat mastitis. The antibiotics that I took for mastitis led to thrush (in both me and little DS), and the bleeding fissures didn't heal for four weeks. I exclusively BF'ed on the less damaged side and pumped exclusively on the other, leading to an oversupply, frequent engorgement, and an overactive let down.
I turned to the Bump's BF'ing board at the time, and those women saved me and supported me every step of the way. But I wish I had known, because the dominoes started toppling on day one. As much as I loved and cherished DS, I cried constantly, and felt isolated and inept.
I wanted to love tit, but I just cannot because of all the pain you went through. I am so so sorry. I am glad you found the support you needed. Breastfeeding CAN be a beautiful thing. It can also be isolating, PAINFUL, and absolutely exhausting.
Internet hug!
FWIW (and to mitigate some of the doom and gloom of my post) DD was an absolute pro right from the start. I think partly because I was more prepared, but mostly because each kid is different - we had that beautiful, magical experience that you hear about. There's so much value in our community, as rainbowish as it sounds. There's value in the realness and honest advice.
2. Forget #1 and do everything possible to not be in your third trimester in the middle of summer. Because seriously, nine months pregnant in the height of summer sucks.
Yep, we failed at that one!
Except me! Southern Hemisphere FTW!
I don't know about you guys, but the women in my friendship group are much more likely to talk about the negative aspects of pregnancy and motherhood than be positive about it.
It's kinda uncool to be excited about anything.
I do agree that this sentiment does get kind of old from some BTDT moms. The best response I have, which is actually paraphrased from South Park, is "I don't get it. And I get that I don't get it and can't get it because I'm not there." But that doesn't mean that I don't get to be excited, because besides being terrifying, this is actually pretty cool. And terrifying.
2. Forget #1 and do everything possible to not be in your third trimester in the middle of summer. Because seriously, nine months pregnant in the height of summer sucks.
Yep, we failed at that one!
Except me! Southern Hemisphere FTW!
I don't know about you guys, but the women in my friendship group are much more likely to talk about the negative aspects of pregnancy and motherhood than be positive about it.
It's kinda uncool to be excited about anything.
That sucks. Even through all the fear and anxiety, I still had things I was excited about and I am sad that you can't be open as you want to be.
Also, I'm not trying to be there BTDT know it all STM mom. I am just trying to be realistic and let everyone know its not all rainbows/butterflies/puppy kisses, but it is also not the end of your life. Quite the opposite. For me it was the beginning of a new, better life.
Post by annabananabomb on Jan 22, 2015 15:39:47 GMT -5
quietdownfish - don't get me wrong, I'm still open with people about how exciting it is! I'm just a dork like that.
I'm happier when I focus on being grateful and excited. I'm also finding it hard and frustrating and I'm trying to be honest about that too without dwelling or making it a competition of who's got it worse (that's a competition I DON'T want to win).
Plus, I'm all for being realistic. I'm doing my research. I've been told not to read too much but it's how I approach things. Read a bunch, form an idea, prepare to be completely wrong and be open to change.
quietdownfish - don't get me wrong, I'm still open with people about how exciting it is! I'm just a dork like that.
I'm happier when I focus on being grateful and excited. I'm also finding it hard and frustrating and I'm trying to be honest about that too without dwelling or making it a competition of who's got it worse (that's a competition I DON'T want to win).
Plus, I'm all for being realistic. I'm doing my research. I've been told not to read too much but it's how I approach things. Read a bunch, form an idea, prepare to be completely wrong and be open to change.
Oh man, read all the things!!!! If that is what makes you feel better, DO IT! Knowledge is power to me. I wanted to know more so I could be more prepared. Some people that is not their cup of tea.
Y'know, it's great and all that she feels 100% fulfilled by motherhood, doesn't ever miss anything from life before baby, and fell in love with her kid at first sight. I mean, really. It's great. But it's not everybody's experience, not even CLOSE, and the whole "they should have warned me how fucking wonderful this would be" sentiment kind of leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. It's like she's implying that ALL women actually really truly do feel this way (or perhaps, that they SHOULD), and it feels a little like shaming of those who don't.
DS - May 2011 at 38w4d DD1 - July 2013 at 39w5d DD2 - July 2015 at 39w5d Baby Boy - Lost March 2017 at 5w6d (mm/c due to isochromosome 8q) Rainbow - due January 3, 2018
Oh jeez. This kept popping up all over my FB, but I refused to read it. I get what she's saying, I was on cloud 9 and drowning in happy tears after I had DS. I thought he was the most perfect thing ever and I was just so in love with him and DH. But her writing is so cheesy it makes me want to puke.
quietdownfish - don't get me wrong, I'm still open with people about how exciting it is! I'm just a dork like that.
I'm happier when I focus on being grateful and excited. I'm also finding it hard and frustrating and I'm trying to be honest about that too without dwelling or making it a competition of who's got it worse (that's a competition I DON'T want to win).
Plus, I'm all for being realistic. I'm doing my research. I've been told not to read too much but it's how I approach things. Read a bunch, form an idea, prepare to be completely wrong and be open to change.
This is how I am -- wanna get pregnant? Read a book. Wanna buy a house? Read a book. Wanna buy a car? Read a book. Wanna learn to breast feed? Read a book. Sometimes I can't even escape my ridiculousness. Be open to change and things not going to plan should be parenting mantra.
Also, in no way was I trying to say "don't be excited," because it is exciting as hell and I'm sorry if that's what my message sounded like. I know nothing, John Snow, and can't even believe God thinks I can do this again (which may be why I might come off as jaded -- trying hard to believe I can successfully parent two...). I, as others on here have said, do worry about all the "it's so wonderful and perfect" crap we read on Facebook and everywhere else because it can make people feel like failures when things aren't perfect.
I have a RAGING adrenaline headache -- I thought DD was choking on her dinner (she wasn't... score one for me) and the adrenaline spiked so hard I got an instant headache. Now I don't know if I'm making sense.
Also, in no way was I trying to say "don't be excited," because it is exciting as hell and I'm sorry if that's what my message sounded like. I know nothing, John Snow,
Can Game of Thrones please start its new season now?!?! I am getting so antsy!
I just saw this posted and did the same eye roll. I like to call the newborn days the newborn haze. It was all a blur to me. As a mom who spent almost two years planning/trying to get a baby, I was completely unprepared for how my life would change. I spent the whole 9 months picturing the Johnson and Johnson commercials not even thinking about the reality of taking care of a newborn. So when my son was born I had my ass handed to me big time. He turned out to be colicky. I spent the first week throwing up because I was a ball of nerves and thought I couldn't do this mom thing. It was the worst feeling in the world. But then as time went on I got more confident as a mother and fell in love with my new role in life. The one thing I refused to do was sugar coat it to people who asked how things were going. I told them the truth. It's the hardest thing I've ever been asked to do, but I wouldn't go back and change it. There's a balance between the true reality of taking care of a baby and the fuzzy feel good emotions that come with watching that sweet little one sleep. Now that I'm about to have 2U2, the comments are already rolling in on how hard it'll be. I just respond with, I'm planning for the worst this time around. It usually shuts them up.
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