Moms of 2+

[cookiesandwine]

Let's hear your best advice and tips on managing the transition from one kid to two! 




















(I'm terrified.)

[paddyb]

For us the biggest thing was dividing and conquering. Since I was BF that meant at least for the first few months I was on Greta Duty and H was on Henry duty (it is more flexible now). It was so much easier to keep track of if Greta was eating enough etc in my sleep deprived because of newborn state if I didn't also have to worry about getting dinner ready for Henry or Henry ready for school etc.

[jennmm]

Accept help. Seriously. You'll eventually develop a rhythm, but in the beginning, get your DH to help you as much as possible. Grandparents, too.

[laurski81]

I'm like the last person that should offer advice because I'm a hot mess all the time, but I have found that attending to Henry first and letting CeCe cry a bit is the best thing for our situation. He gets very jealous and the situation can go from manageable to a nightmare if I don't pay enough attention to him. I also wear CeCe all the time which really helps because she is so needy.

[jodielyn10]

Another vote for divide and conquer! Mornings and bed time in particular. While you're bfing it will naturally be your H on Sadie duty while you feed little man. I didn't make enough milk to keep chunker Eli fed for more than 3 weeks, so as soon as he was on bottle it was straight up taking turns - and it still is. We each put a kid to bed and get that kid up and ready in the morning. Whoever's night it is to put Eli to bed is also "on duty" for any motn wake ups for either kid and getting up with the earliest riser of the day. Next day we swap. That way, we each get the chance to sleep all night/sleep in at least once on the weekend (unless Ingrid decides to wake up early which she usually doesn't, praise the lord!)

Also a big fan of baby wearing - shopping solo is basically impossible without it.

If you haven't already: get some type of baby doll/bottle/diaper toys for Sadie so that when you're feeding and changing #2 she can "feed" and "change" her baby. I found that early on, those were the times she would get the most jealous and act out for attention.

Finally, I never really worried about a set nap schedule with Ingrid, but I did pay attention with Eli. I would try to time his morning naps (as much as I could) so that he would nap in the afternoon as close to overlapping with Ingrid's afternoon nap as possible so I could have some baby free time to clean or just feel human for a minute.

[jennmm]

My DH was a big help after Anna was born. He took Ethan fishing. He took him to and from daycare. He helped him get his bath, which was something he had never done before. Do remember to spend some one on one time with Sadie, though. Ethan and I would watch some TV after Anna had gone to sleep in the evenings and that was nice for him.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

Like laurski81, said, if they were both crying for me and there was no emergency, I would take care of what Alex needed first so he didn't get jealous of the baby.

A month or so before T was due, H started putting A to bed every night so when the baby came, A was already used to doing bedtime with H and it wasn't a big struggle.

I know I've said this a thousand times, but we got a tablet a few weeks before and loaded lots of kid games and videos on it for A. That thing was a lifesaver. It was so new and interesting to him that if I needed some time to nurse or deal with the baby or A was just losing his shit, I could hand him the tablet and he'd be able to entertain himself.

Since H was only home 3 days after we got out of the hospital before he had to go back to work, my mom came over every day for the first month or so since I had the RCS and couldn't lift A. That was a big help to have her there, even if just to have another adult to talk to! If anyone offers to come over and help, seriously consider it!

And just realize there is no way for you to do EVERYTHING. I remember one day I finally got T down for a nap and went into the kitchen and saw a huge pile of dishes and bottles and I just wanted to cry because we were out of clean bottles and I just wanted to relax for a bit and not deal with all these dishes. But then a switched turned on. I only needed two bottles to get to the next nap. Everything else can wait. Your sanity is worth more than a sparkling clean house.

T cried a lot (obvs) and it woke A up a lot the first few days. After that to make things easier, I ended up sleeping downstairs on the couch with him in the PNP and doing MOTN diaper changes on a diaper pad we set up in the basement. If it was like 10, 11:00 and he was still fussy, I would put him in the car and drive around for a bit or go to the grocery store and put him in the carrier and walk. That would always put him to sleep and gave H and A a quiet house for a little while.

Basically, it's survival mode. Just do whatever works best for your family

[cbear]

I wear Vera a lot and yes like laurski81 I would tend to Elise first and let Vera fuss for a minute. Obviously if she was crying her eyes out I wouldn't but you kwim.

I also made it a point to include Elise with "helping", it makes her feel important. Like she will help hold the bottle or put the bottle in the sink for me, stuff like that.

Divide and conquer for sure too! I also soon after getting home with Vera made sure to take Elise to the park just me and her, or let her come to the store with me, or hardware store with H. Just little one on one time things to help curb the jealousy!

Also, mrsplaydoh had given me the advice that when Elise first meets Vera to have Vera in a bassinet or swing, just so Me or DH isn't holding her. So the first impression isn't "who does my mom have?!?". I love that advice and I think it really helped start Elise on the right foot of not feeling jealous!

[sarasansh]

Obviously I'm not a mom of 2 yet, but like you I've been thinking about this a lot!

If your H is like mine, he's great if you tell him what to do but not if he has to figure it out himself. One plan we've talked about putting into place is physical lists of things he can do to be helpful. Even super obvious things will go on there, like "Bring her a glass of water." I'm also planning on making a list of easy (like 3 ingredient) dinners, both for my own reference so I don't have to think, and for MH, who is fine cooking but often needs help with the planning aspect.

[mightybee]

Baby wearing and the white noise app have been invaluable for me this time! I'm still wearing P for many of her naps and it allows me to be involved with D more when she's fussy.

For overnight stuff, I'm on P duty and H has D (he was having some rough nights closer to when P was a newborn, not so much now). This has worked really great for us. With D, part of me always felt a little resentment for having to do the overnight stuff, but this time I feel responsibilities are more evenly shared.

Being mindful of D's transition to big brother. At first he wanted nothing to do with helping with P. He reacted by acting out for negative attention and it was very frustrating. I tried to remember that he was just trying to figure out his new role, but it was still hard! Ignoring the negatives and praising his positive behaviors worked the best. I think heatherbee mentioned implementing the marble jar to acknowledge DS's positive behavior shortly after her LO was born. This seems like a great idea as it encourages you to be more attentive to noticing the good instead of focusing on the negatives.

Coming here to vent and get feedback! J12's support helps me be a more confident, happy mama.

[mightybee]

Oh, one more! I was also terrified of the transition from 1 to 2, but it's not so bad. The things I worried about (P crying, having to put D down for a nap while feeding P), haven't really phased D. And now, I don't think he really remembers life before P. Eventually, it becomes everyone's new, crazy normal.

[abseptember]

My situation is obviously a bit different going from 1 to 3 but I would agree with others advice. For me, baby wearing isn't so key bc there's still another baby to tend to but when one of the twins is super upset, he gets worn. Also for me it's not always the oldest that gets tended to first when all are crying, it's whoever I can calm down the fastest then, next fastest, and last the hardest. L usually is the first but if the boys are screaming bc they are hungry and she's crying at the same time, she ends up being last (unless she was hurt.) Honestly the second time around you know it is going to be nuts and babyhood isn't such a shock/unknown to you so in that way it is easier. I won't lie... things here are still crazy and we are still in survival mode. I've only taken all 3 out by myself like twice and the boys are almost 4 mths... but if I only had 1 kid and 1 baby it would be much more doable. You find your niche faster than you think

[bantyrooster]

Baby wear
Have 0 expectations
Tend to J12 kid first if they are both pissed.
Let the baby get use to the noise, then you aren't constantly trying to keep a toddler quiet.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I go to target a ton with them both, but do grocery shopping with just one or alone.

[jodielyn10]

Jun 5, 2015 14:27:08 GMT -5 abseptember said:

My situation is obviously a bit different going from 1 to 3 but I would agree with others advice. For me, baby wearing isn't so key bc there's still another baby to tend to but when one of the twins is super upset, he gets worn. Also for me it's not always the oldest that gets tended to first when all are crying, it's whoever I can calm down the fastest then, next fastest, and last the hardest. L usually is the first but if the boys are screaming bc they are hungry and she's crying at the same time, she ends up being last (unless she was hurt.) Honestly the second time around you know it is going to be nuts and babyhood isn't such a shock/unknown to you so in that way it is easier. I won't lie... things here are still crazy and we are still in survival mode. I've only taken all 3 out by myself like twice and the boys are almost 4 mths... but if I only had 1 kid and 1 baby it would be much more doable. You find your niche faster than you think

This. I know this sounds crazy...but I was much calmer 95% of the time with a newborn and a toddler than I was with just a newborn.  The whole newborn thing is much less stressful the second time around, even with a toddler in the mix.  It was only really crazy stressful the few times Ingrid went ape shit and melted down hard core right at the beginning. But those moments weren't the norm.  It's more a juggling act that you just sort of figure out as you go on, and it's tiring obviously, but it's not as emotionally stressful.

[cookiesandwine]

Thanks ladies I'm probably going to print this out to share with H too lol

[junkytrunk]

I've been wondering this stuff do. Did anyone have a toddler who basically doesn't want your H to do anything if you are around? ie: take him to the bathroom, make him dinner, get him milk, get him dressed....etc

I'm hoping it's just a clingy phase because I'm pregnant, but I hope it doesn't last into #2 being around because that would make my life so much more difficult. I was planning on having H handle M, just like most of you said you did.

[laurski81]

junkytrunk Henry wants me to do everything for him. It's all me all the time and CeCe only wants me as well. It's exhausting but my H still does things in my place and we don't give Henry a choice. He flips for like 30 seconds and then it's over and my H is ok. It wasn't always just 30 seconds, and it was difficult for the first couple of weeks but it has gotten better and I'm convinced if Henry can get over it any toddler can

[mightybee]

junkytrunk D was all about my H right after P was born. He wanted him for everything. There is hope!

[cookiesandwine]

junkytrunk Sadie was the same way and since I've been having H do more and more with her it has gotten better. He does bath every night already since I can't bend over the tub, but he's been getting her up in the mornings now too, carrying/walking with her when we go places. She even wants to cuddle with him now when she comes in to our bed motn!

[mommymadness]

Great advise so far, I don't think I have any to add! junkytrunk Benjamin always wanted me and i did everything for him before Abby was born. After he took to my hubs really well and things went pretty nicely. There was one or two rough days where he cried because he only wanted me and to hold him and carry him, which I couldn't because of the csection but overall I think they just know they have to share mom and adjust quickly!

[somethingcleverer]

I think the thing that saved us was already having a good schedule for Shane and trying to have Aubrey follow it as much as possible. When Aubrey was first born I was in my own with both kids at bedtime. S was never a good napper so synchronized naps were not a thing here. I also let s watch a ton of TV while I breastfed.

[somethingcleverer]

One more. If your baby doesn't sleep cosleep. I know it's not for everyone but I would do anything to sleep so cosleeping saved me. You can get the baby in their crib later after you are in a better groove.

[bliz1712]

Baby wearing has been huge. And I might be in the minority, but while I was on leave I still took hanna to dc a few days a week which I think helped my sanity, but also hanna. It kept her on a schedule and gave her some attention from other kids and the dc lady.

I also made a point of including hanna when I was bf. She would bring books and we would read while eliza was nursing. And I completely agree with the helping with Sadie.

[bliz1712]

And Co sleeping was huge for me as well in the sleep department

[bantyrooster]

We also cosleep on the regular. I usually nap/lay down with her everyday during Gages nap. I have to if I want to not have sleep deprivation breakdown.

[nesenotes]

It's a blur of insanity. Divide and conquer for sure! Sadie first within reason. I also tell Nora rules so Emery feels even just for the sake of leveling the playing field. We read a lot of big sister books. I emphasize how much more amazing being a big sister is. Nora has no teeth Nora can't have brownies.. I try to give her special one on one when I can. MH is not home too often so routine is really key for me. I sleep trained early again. I could not spend the time rocking her to sleep as much as I wish I could. It's much better for us that I can lay her down and walk away for naps and bed.

Basically you just learn to multitask at a crazy new level. Babywearing has been essential. We all know where I stand with that lol.

[snickers4everyone]

Everyone has given really good advice already. All I wanted to add was that at first, everything is completely scary. Just thinking about how I would manage naps/bedtime by myself or how I would juggle two kids at the store made me nervous. Give yourself time. I'm still figuring out how to do things efficiently (not the best word, but it's late and it's all I can think of), but you get to where you're fairly confident. It may not always be pretty...tomatoes might be pilfered and thrown across the supermarket, sippy cups may mysteriously appear on the sleeping baby's head, and crayons may show up in poop, but you'll know that you can navigate those situations when they arise.
ahead of time, it's scary. Once you're in it, you get the hang of it pretty fast. You're going to rock as a parent of 2.

[britbratjf]

I'm not a mom of 2 yet but Ive been working on a lot of independen stuff with Dagny - not being carried upstairs or bed/nap, climbing in and out of her car seat, holding my hand in the parking lot instead of being carried, opening the pantry door so she can pick a snack & bring it to me to open (she asks permission). I feel like a lot of this will help save time when baby gets here. Especially if I end up with a RCS.

[okiemama]

Great advice here. Along the lines with what several already said, unless it's an emergency, of course, try to tend to the older one first. I read a pamphlet at my hospital and it used the analogy that the first baby has always been treated like the ceo with the corner office. Don't let the baby come in and replace him/her and make them feel demoted, instead the new baby has to work their way up from a starting position. Idk something that made more sense than that.
And I second nesenotes about making things seem fair in the big siblings eyes a lot of times I "get on to" the baby and say things like "we don't hit" if her hand grazes him even though she has no bodily control, just to make him think the same rules apply to everyone and he isn't the only one always getting corrected and her getting just love and cuddles all the time.

[nursedesi]

We bedshared for the first 6 months and I felt like an actual person rather than a zombie. DS2 just goes with the flow and naps when he can instead of having a strict nap schedule. Baby wearing was a must. And just being through it all before was a huge help. With Henry I was like "he ate 1 hour ago he must not be hungry" this time I went by baby's cues not the clock. We got into the grove much faster than I expected. We also played up Henry being a helper tons and he loves it. You'll do great I'm sure of it!