PPD/PPA is back

[junch817]

Ladies I am falling into the hole. I don't know how to climb out. I am reaching out to others but it's not enough. I started meds but they aren't working yet. I have health issues since delivery. I have to walk around with a catheter because I can't pee. I can't even put thoughts together to write this. I just want to close my eyes and sleep through the next 3 months. I want to give up. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to quit.

[carolyngrace]

Oh sweetie! Are you trying to BF? If so I would do formula instead (at least temporarily) so you can SLEEP. Keep reaching out as much as you can! And don't look too far ahead. You just need to make it through today. Hell, the next hour even. This too WILL pass. I'm so sorry.

[bendherova]

Hugs, Hugs, Hugs. I agree with Carolyngrace, hand baby over and skip the next feeding to get some rest. I know it's hard, bc you'll feel guilt/anxiety about it. Keep reaching out to your H, call your OB to let him/her know how bad it is.

Be kind to yourself. Big hugs your way.

[lunalovegood]

junch817 my heart breaks for you and I want to give you all the creepy internet hugs. Good job reaching out and not trying to tackle this on your own. I totally understand the dark place you are talking about and it is scary feeling alone. I wa there with my first, please feel free to PM me if you need anything. I will be thinking of you.

[erbear]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know you've said you've started medicine, but maybe your doctor can find you a support group or even one other person to talk to? You're not alone!

Imo, recognizing it is half the battle and you've already taken steps in the right direction. You can do this!

[Girlymama79]

Just wanted to offer some support. I had ppd also after I had my two girls. T&P your medication starts working quickly.

[ajm11]

I am so sorry you're going through this. I hope you are able to get the help you need and recover from your health issues soon. Be kind to yourself.

[missjenniebean]

junch817 - hugs, so much hugs

Keep reaching out, irl and on here. Hope you can get some rest soon!

[ladysif]

junch817 hugs, hope the meds help soon and the health issues improve. I know nothing I can say is going to fix things, but just know you have people supporting you here!

[wormgerm]

I had to go find my notes I took during a talk at the Birth Without Fear meet up about self care postpartum and ppa/ppd/ppp. First, "a dehydrated brain is an anxious brain" so please be sure you're getting in plenty of fluids. Especially if you're bfing and your body is already stealing your hydration. Get someone to watch baby so you can get a big chunk of sleep. Speaker said 4 hours is transformative. Like pps have said, baby can have formula during this time and be just wonderful. Exercise (walk if you have the energy) or simply park yourself in a chair in the sun. The sun is your friend. Keep telling your ob, pediatrician, partner, family, anyone that you need help. Coming to us is wonderful. So glad you recognize you need help. Go out and get a coffee or do a lap around Target or sit by the lake by yourself, whatever makes you feel like you for a little while. Sleep is probably your biggest weakness at this point I would think. Please take care and let someone else help with the baby and you.

[wormgerm]

Anyone struggling with postpartum anxiety/depression (yes, dad's too!) please check out this website. I'm linking to the mom's page specifically because it applies to us but poke around on there for more info.
postpartum.org/services/for-moms/

[kemdupuis]

Jun 10, 2015 8:17:21 GMT -5 junch817 said:

Ladies I am falling into the hole. I don't know how to climb out. I am reaching out to others but it's not enough. I started meds but they aren't working yet. I have health issues since delivery. I have to walk around with a catheter because I can't pee. I can't even put thoughts together to write this. I just want to close my eyes and sleep through the next 3 months. I want to give up. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to quit.

Oh I am so, so sorry you are feeling this way. I am glad you've got meds, but it sounds like you need more supports in place. Are there any mom support groups in your area? Any friends who can offer some advice and support? Just keep telling yourself that your body was made to do this, and you WILL get through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and although it make some time, you will get there. We are all here for you! Please know I will be thinking about you and praying that you can find some comfort and peace. You can do it!

[tulips114]

Hugs! Keep reaching out mama! I'm so sorry you're going through this!

[tiffbot]

Oh my, lots of hugs to you. Don't stop reaching out. This stage DOES end. You are doing your best, even though it's hard. You can do it!!

[lalamomma]

I will certainly be thinking of you. I'm so glad you are reaching out for help. It's important to get support and know you aren't alone. I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle. It seems so unfair some really wonderful women have to go through this.
I think your strength shines through in your ability to ask for help and openly admit needing support. I respect you so much for that!
You can and will get through this and find your new normal. This board is filled with support day and night when you need it!

[billyhorrible]

What do you mean by reaching out to others? Who is there to help you? Because that's what you need - family, friends, people who can be there with you, take the baby for a bit, take you out for a bit, let you focus on you and whatever you need to.

I am so sorry you're in this place. I can tell you it will get better, but really, you know that, and what you need is to get through right now. No amount of talk about the future can help with where you are in this instant. At this point, your number 1 priority needs to be you, especially if you're having health concerns of your own. Everything else will fall into place, let other people handle it. If you want to sleep, sleep. If you want to cry, cry. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon and make things seem not as dark. I agree with all the recommendations about a support group, your doctor or hospital should have information for you.

[Deleted]

Did your doctor say how long you will need to use the catheter? I'm so sorry you are going through this

[sunnyb]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[tjanca22]

junch817 I'm so so so sorry you are going through this. Take one minute at a time, this will pass. Hugs to you and take it easy. Things WILL get better.

[mrskblack11]

PP have given great advice. Lean on your support system at home. Take some time for yourself. Sending big ((hugs))

[belle0720]

Sending you hugs junch817

[veggiemo]

So sorry you are feeling this way. Hugs and positive vibes coming from me. You will get through this!

[turtletyme]

We are here for you. PPs have great advice. I hope you can take the time you need to take care of yourself, and that meds help you feel better soon. You CAN do it!

[junch817]

Thanks for all the support ladies. I'm not on here hardly at all anymore, but I just needed to reach out to any of you that might be the praying kind to add me to your list.

Has anyone ever known anyone else that had this bladder issue and needed a catheter? I'm just so afraid it's never going to get better and that I'll be self catheterizing for the rest of my life.

[Deleted]

Your doctor should really be easing your mind about the bladder/catheter issue. Have you talked to you doctor about your fears that it will never heal? he/she would be the best person to explain to you exactly what is going on and if they aren't I would get a second opinion since just the anxiety that it is creating is not healthy for you

[ombradellarosa]

I will pray for you, junch817. I believe you will find peace. I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I know that feeling that you can't do it and want to give up. It's terrible and it weighs you down. Please take care of yourself and don't feel any guilt about doing whatever you need to do to get better.