New Therapist/Psychologist

[Deleted]

What do you look for in a new therapist or psychologist? How many sessions do you give them to decide if it's a good fit? Anything that would have you running for the hills? How much stock do you put in online reviews?

Any horror stories? Any best of the best stories?

[Deleted]

I started seeing my old therapist when I was about 13. She was AMAZING. Truly the best thing that ever happened to me. I saw her until I moved away for college. I tried for 2 years to find a new therapist after I moved and after seeing 4 people and hating all of them, I gave up. Until I broke down and knew I had to see someone. So I found my old therapist and decided it was worth the 2 hour drive every week to go see her.

Unfortunately, now I'm on the other side of the country and I have no idea what do expect. I am meeting with a new psychologist next week and I really want it to work out, but all I can think about is how annoying and condescending all those other therapists were. I think the most important thing for me is that our personalities don't clash. But I don't really know what I'm looking for there.

[yoshijo28]

I see myself as a pretty picky person and thought I'd have a hard time opening up to my therapist. However, I like her.

First of all I made sure it was a female and someone younger (I think she's in her late 30s). I have a tendency to connect better with male authority figures but I also have an issue with trying to get their attention (in a non romantic way if that even makes any sense). So to prevent that I wanted a female. And someone closer to my age.

Then I wanted someone who wouldn't judge me. At first I thought she was because when I came to see her I thought she was trying to see how thin I was (I wore a sweatshirt) and she was kind of apalled I did an IUI while being clinically anorexic (even though I didn't realize I was at the time). But I told myself I'd give her 3 chances (sessions).

The 1 thing I like about her is she has a fantastic memory (or takes good notes and studies them before I come-either way it's appreciated). She also is really good at analyzing why I do what I do and asking good questions.

It's still a bit awkward when we first start because she says hi and just looks at me to start talking without inviting conversation but I guess that's her style. It's also weird because I don't feel like she gives me any goals or "homework" or coping strategies with my ocd, but that's my fault for refusing to change. But I'm comfortable talking with her and I am really not comfortable talking to anyone about stuff so I'll stick with her.

I think if you don't feel a connection or comfort level within 3 times I'd say move on and don't waste time. Also, I guess I would say to have a goal in mind with what you'd like accomplished by going to therapy. If no progress is being made, I'd say it's not working out. I didn't really look for reviews online and figured I'd just give her a shot.


Eta: I also like that she shows compassion and genuine concern about some of the stuff I tell her I do. She also gently tells me when I'm just bullshitting her or making excuses.

[Deleted]

Jun 11, 2015 12:10:36 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

I see myself as a pretty picky person and thought I'd have a hard time opening up to my therapist. However, I like her.

First of all I made sure it was a female and someone younger (I think she's in her late 30s). I have a tendency to connect better with male authority figures but I also have an issue with trying to get their attention (in a non romantic way if that even makes any sense). So to prevent that I wanted a female. And someone closer to my age.

Then I wanted someone who wouldn't judge me. At first I thought she was because when I came to see her I thought she was trying to see how thin I was (I wore a sweatshirt) and she was kind of apalled I did an IUI while being clinically anorexic (even though I didn't realize I was at the time). But I told myself I'd give her 3 chances (sessions).

The 1 thing I like about her is she has a fantastic memory (or takes good notes and studies them before I come-either way it's appreciated). She also is really good at analyzing why I do what I do and asking good questions.

It's still a bit awkward when we first start because she says hi and just looks at me to start talking without inviting conversation but I guess that's her style. It's also weird because I don't feel like she gives me any goals or "homework" or coping strategies with my ocd, but that's my fault for refusing to change. But I'm comfortable talking with her and I am really not comfortable talking to anyone about stuff so I'll stick with her.

I think if you don't feel a connection or comfort level within 3 times I'd say move on and don't waste time. Also, I guess I would say to have a goal in mind with what you'd like accomplished by going to therapy. If no progress is being made, I'd say it's not working out. I didn't really look for reviews online and figured I'd just give her a shot.


Eta: I also like that she shows compassion and genuine concern about some of the stuff I tell her I do. She also gently tells me when I'm just bullshitting her or making excuses.

I hate having to start the conversation. I'm terrible at that. But you're so right. Having goals is definitely a good thing to keep in mind. Thank you.

[yoshijo28]

Jun 11, 2015 13:13:36 GMT -5 @led said:

Jun 11, 2015 12:10:36 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

I see myself as a pretty picky person and thought I'd have a hard time opening up to my therapist. However, I like her.

First of all I made sure it was a female and someone younger (I think she's in her late 30s). I have a tendency to connect better with male authority figures but I also have an issue with trying to get their attention (in a non romantic way if that even makes any sense). So to prevent that I wanted a female. And someone closer to my age.

Then I wanted someone who wouldn't judge me. At first I thought she was because when I came to see her I thought she was trying to see how thin I was (I wore a sweatshirt) and she was kind of apalled I did an IUI while being clinically anorexic (even though I didn't realize I was at the time). But I told myself I'd give her 3 chances (sessions).

The 1 thing I like about her is she has a fantastic memory (or takes good notes and studies them before I come-either way it's appreciated). She also is really good at analyzing why I do what I do and asking good questions.

It's still a bit awkward when we first start because she says hi and just looks at me to start talking without inviting conversation but I guess that's her style. It's also weird because I don't feel like she gives me any goals or "homework" or coping strategies with my ocd, but that's my fault for refusing to change. But I'm comfortable talking with her and I am really not comfortable talking to anyone about stuff so I'll stick with her.

I think if you don't feel a connection or comfort level within 3 times I'd say move on and don't waste time. Also, I guess I would say to have a goal in mind with what you'd like accomplished by going to therapy. If no progress is being made, I'd say it's not working out. I didn't really look for reviews online and figured I'd just give her a shot.


Eta: I also like that she shows compassion and genuine concern about some of the stuff I tell her I do. She also gently tells me when I'm just bullshitting her or making excuses.

I hate having to start the conversation. I'm terrible at that. But you're so right. Having goals is definitely a good thing to keep in mind. Thank you.

Yup its awkward to jump right in. Usually I start with how are you? And she says good how are you? And I say ok or good.. and then I usually say well I have an accomplishment or last week was tough or something general. Awkward every time lol.

[Deleted]

In general, my therapist experiences have been good. I've had more difficulty with finding psychiatrists that I liked. I definitely do alot of research before stepping foot in the door. If I don't agree with their treatment approach, then I won't even consider seeing them. I look for hospital affliations, accreditions(sp?), awards, even colleges they've attended. I want to know they went to a legitimate school before I let them assess and treat me.
Honestly, I don't really think i've come across many patient reviews online. The ones I have found seem to be pretty biased, so i'm not sure how seriously I would take them.

The best therapist I had was an LCSW, I felt like she have a better understand of my job stressors and could me problem solve. She knew that I took several counseling classes in college and called me out for side tracking her whenever she would try to close the session. I was always her last appointment, but I was never in a hurry to get home.

I'm not currently in weekly therapy sessions. Instead, I see an NPP for a monthly for 45 minutes for a medication management/ therapy session. This works for me right now because of my schedule. However, when I had a pretty bad manic episode two years ago she had me coming in weekly until I stabilized again.

I like yoshijo28 's advice. If you aren't comfortable or don't feel a connection after three appointments I would look elsewhere.

[irishvodkagrl]

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I haven't liked a therapist/psychiatrist in years, and haven't actually seen one in almost 2 years. My GP right now gives me my scripts, but he is very straight forward about his discomfort in treating me beyond that.

I know that medication is a big key to keeping myself on an even keel, I do feel like the ability to really get into things with someone would be helpful.

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[Deleted]

Jun 11, 2015 14:31:25 GMT -5 irishvodkagrl said:

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I haven't liked a therapist/psychiatrist in years, and haven't actually seen one in almost 2 years. My GP right now gives me my scripts, but he is very straight forward about his discomfort in treating me beyond that.

I know that medication is a big key to keeping myself on an even keel, I do feel like the ability to really get into things with someone would be helpful. 

I cannot say enough good things about having a therapist. If any part of you thinks it would help, I say go for it. A GP can do the bare minimum, but getting help from the right people is key and can make a world of difference. 

[yoshijo28]

@wallflwr926 and anyone else who can answer- you made me think of something when you mentoned closing the session. Once again, it's awkward when she closes the session. What is the normal way to do this? I always have to turn to look at the clock and if I have less than 10 minutes left I start to shut down because I get anxious. I wish her clock was across from me. But it's always somewhat awkward because she says something like we have to end now or something weird. Idk maybe that's normal and I'm just socially uncomfortable.

[Deleted]

yoshijo28, my sessions start like that as well - she says 'hi' and then we sit in silence for awhile. After awhile she'll say "sooo... how are you doing?". it is awkward, but I'm learning how to be okay with silence... haha. I always feel awkward in silence when it's one on one, so this is a challenge for me! As for ending it, I don't ever look at the clock. She'll typically let me know when it's over. You should just focus on your session and let your therapist worry about the time.

@led, I have gone to 3 different counselors/therapists, and my current one is the only one where I leave the sessions feeling better than when I got there... always. This is my new standard. I also look for someone who will gently challenge me and ask me to challenge myself. Granted, I don't have a ton of experience with therapy... the longest I've done it was about 3 months and that was years ago - just started up again. I think you just have to ask yourself what you want to get out of the therapy and if you truly trust and feel that therapist is going to get you to that point. I hope this new one works out for you!

[Deleted]

Jun 11, 2015 15:20:21 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

@wallflwr926 and anyone else who can answer- you made me think of something when you mentoned closing the session. Once again, it's awkward when she closes the session. What is the normal way to do this? I always have to turn to look at the clock and if I have less than 10 minutes left I start to shut down because I get anxious. I wish her clock was across from me. But it's always somewhat awkward because she says something like we have to end now or something weird. Idk maybe that's normal and I'm just socially uncomfortable.

There should be a subtlety to it. Although, some therapist don't take the subtle approach. It's been so many years since I learned the technique that i'm not 100% sure how to explain it. I will see if I can find my textbook to give you a basic explainatiom.

[bocaburger]

This is a tough question. I had two horrible therapists in the past, and I stayed with them to "give them a chance" and see if we would start connecting. We didn't, and they did more harm than good.

On the other hand, my current therapist is excellent, but it took me a while to warm up to him (probably because of my other bad experiences). If I had stuck to the 3 visit rule, I may not have stayed with him.

I have a similar issue with the beginning and end of sessions - he is super awkward about it. But once we get going he's great. I knew I wanted someone who would help me make behavioral changes, not just talk therapy (talk allows me to ruminate too much), so I looked for someone who was trained in CBT. He has really helped me come up with tangible actions to take when I'm struggling.

I think an important thing to ask a new therapist is if you will be able to reach them in an emergency. Recently I had a panic attack, and I was able to reach my current therapist on his cell phone (after hours). He was able to talk me down. Then he called back later to make sure I was ok and give H instructions on what to do if it happened again. I honestly think if I hadn't been able to reach him, I would have gone to the ER, which would have been a disaster.

[juliayadda]

I havent been to therapy since I went to couples counselling at the breakdown of my last marriage.

Before that it was so hit or miss. One of my issues was in university the counsellors seemed not invested and neber said "okay come back in two weeks" or some schedule. I did have one amazing therapist in uni who actually helped treat my social anxiety disorder to the point I mostly no longer suffer.

I had a great psychiatrist who was amazing at treating my depression/anxiety.

I find in my province now the best therapists are social workers (also less expensive) who focused in counselling.