Intro- hi!

[kaeguri]

I think this board might be helpful for me? I don't do well at trying to be open and stuff, but I'm working on it.

Currently due with my first LO in August. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression 15 years ago as an adolescent, along with anxiety disorder and ADD. I've been on every antidepressant and anti-anxiety med out there, most recently on Prozac and Klonopin and Adderall. I've been off the Prozac since late 2013, and only took the Klonopin as needed up until my BFP. I quit the Adderall cold turkey then too.

I've been in a stable place for a few years, but I'm still worried about PPD/PPA. I've had multiple suicide attempts in the past. Lately, I've been having what seem to be anxiety attacks, but every single day multiple times, usually when I'm not thinking of anything triggering. I have an EKG for next week due to that plus a host of other symptoms which may or may not be anxiety, but the whole mess has triggered what I know is a new wave of anxiety and chest pains I can't stop. I don't want to go back onto my meds at all for the rest of this pregnancy, and I want to try BF too. I'm scared I'm going to mess this all up.

DH is trying to be helpful, but he doesn't know what to say/do. He says to take it one day at a time and not worry, buuuut that's kinda impossible for me. I just moved to a new town so I'm nowhere near my friends or family, and none of them are very helpful with my mental illnesses anyways. At the recommendation of my OB, I set up an appointment with a therapist, I start June 24th. I don't have very good luck/history with my past counselors though, so I'm not too optimistic.

Sorry for the long intro. Hope y'all will have me!

[irishvodkagrl]

Welcome! I'm glad you are reaching out for help and community. I really hope you connect with the therapist quickly.

[icequeen]

Hi and welcome. You are going through so much right now so I don't blame you at all for worrying. It sounds like you have a great medical team and hopefully a therapist who can guide you with different tools and meds that can help you now and postpartum. Does your OB have a psych consult that her patients usually work with? Meds, especially Prozac, have been extremely helpful to me during my current pregnancy. We usually have check ins on the board on Tuesdays, and goal setting on Mondays, if you would like to participate. No pressure, though, just do what you feel comfortable with. I wish you all the best!

[juliayadda]

Hey kaeguri,

Sounds like you are having a hard time right now. Big hugs. I want to let you know that what you decide to do re: your medication, you will not be a failure or doing a disservice to your unborn child. Being pregnant is HARD, and the hormones are not doing our minds any favours. I took an SSRI while breast feeding and did not have any adverse effects.

I remember having a lot of trepidation about BFing while pregnant too. If it's really important to you, I recommend investigating Le Leche League in your area. They can set you up with a buddy to help you trouble shoot those early days.

On the flip side if you are able to control your symptoms without medication after starting therapy good for you too! It is all about finding what is best for you and your family.

Big hugs.

[Deleted]

Hi and welcome! There is a recent thread where we have started discussing what to look for in a therapist. If you find that you feel uncomfortable with the new therapist do not be afraid to speak up and ask for another recommendation.
Also ask you gyn if your area has PP groups (don't know what they would be called) where you might be able to meet and connect with other new moms after your LO is born.

[Deleted]

Welcome! You're doing a great job, mama. You have a LOT going on and all you can do is your best. I second finding a LLL chapter in your area, and start going now, while you're pregnant, so you get to know the people and it will be easy to get to once you have a newborn. I hope we can help you through this!

[kaeguri]

icequeen, my OB doesn't have a psych consult I know of, which is why she told me to find a therapist ASAP. Since I was fairly stable a few weeks ago, until all this crap came down on me, she wanted to me to meet someone who would get to know my baseline so when I did have the baby, they could tell easily if I was off or developing PPD.

juliayadda, I had never even heard of this La Leche League, and I keep thinking of some strange old school Mexican wrestling guy haha. But looks like they have a meet up that is literally within walking distance of my house later this month! So I definitely will check that out. And thanks. I've been trying to convince myself that logically and rationally I know this isn't my fault, my anxiety is a mental illness along with my depression. But irrational, hormone infused me is freaking out that this is all my fault, and maybe if I just calm down (ha) it'll go away. And I know it isn't like that at all. My child needs me stable and functional and unstressed so whatever it takes to get me there, I'll do. But definitely hope I can manage it without meds this time around.

@wallflwr926, I can't stop giggling at your avatar. I adore googly eyes on everything. Half our appliances at home have googly eyes bc I got bored one day. I had to take them off the toilet bc DH said it was awkward. But yeah, my last therapist sucked. It was pretty much "hey how you feeling" "...fine." "Ok cool, here's your new prescription, see you next month." Trying to find someone who can push and prod me a bit more.

Thanks so much for your sweet words guys. It's definitely nice to know that I'm not alone in this, which has been my problem in the past, not reaching out. Look forward to chatting with y'all!

[yoshijo28]

Just wanted to say welcome and good luck with your therapy appointment. I hope you find a good one!

[motownthrowdown]

Just wanted to say hi and to add that I hope you find a therapist you like. I don't know much about the meds available, but I'm currently on lexapro and have been since two weeks post partum. It made a world of difference for me in just a couple days. I've never been on anti depression meds before, so I can't really compare to anything else.

Also, if you are having the baby in a hospital, they usually have great resources in place to find and help ppd moms. Hugs!

[URMySunshine77]

Welcome and I'm glad that you have a support group surrounding you. We are also here for you.