Husbands who travel...

[gibrown]

Any of the other SAHMs have husbands who travel for work? This is all kind of new for me, as MH started traveling midway thru my pregnancy and my LO is only 3.5 months. I find it isolating, and sometimes downright bullshit.

Tonight for example: he stayed an extra night for "networking" with a guy in his field. Which is actually just drinking, and he's still out.

I know I should chill out, but being responsible for everything plus the dog plus barely showering for days on end is exhausting.

How do you manage??

[gastro]

My husband travels a lot and did a lot more traveling when DS was younger. It was hard but he recognized how hard and isolating it could be and totally encouraged me to get a babysitter and someone to clean the house.
You said him staying an extra day is bullshit so if you believe he's using work as an excuse to stay away then I think it's time for a very serious discussion.
I would encourage you to get out everyday even if it's for a walk. And shower! Baby will be fine if you take a few minutes for yourself.

[babygsmommy]

Hang in there! You'll get into a routine and this will come a little easier. It's all about finding your rhythm. I used to love to nap a couple times a week with ds, especially since he was still up every 2 hours at 3.5 months.
MH also travels and it's hard! Only do what you can do. I found that once I stopped stressing about what I didn't get done, I became a much happier person. Make a list of things and cross them off as you do them. Whatever you didn't get done today can wait until tomorrow (Besides you, baby and dog eating)
Balance between pets, motherhood and taking care if yourself can be exhausting.
When he gets back, make sure you get some YOU time. Whether it be a long bubble bath with a book or a girlfriends day out. Make sure you get some time to yourself, so you can get re-energized. More tension and resentment can build if you're non stop 24/7 and you can't unwind.
As for him staying another night, not much to say there. Men don't think like we do. He probably sees it as an opportunity to make more $$ because of this new contact. At least I know my husband has pulled that a couple times. (It paid off once) It sounds like a sales job and with something like that, it is important for them and their name to stay in front of people. If it continues to happen, then I would say something and let him know how it bothers you.
We are here if you need us!
Eta:spelling

[Leapinglizards]

My husband also has started traveling for work and honestly it sucks balls. Mainly I get sad to think how much of DD's life he is going to miss. My dad traveled for work growing up and it was hard having him miss a lot. It is actually a point of contention because he was offered a promotion to a job with more money and doesn't travel. He didn't want to take it because it's not as fun as his current job. I don't get it to me I would write lines all day for work in order to get as much family time as possible. Guess I'm still trying to figure it out too

[esd]

My husband travels extensively - he's gone during the week and home weekends. He's been in this position for over a year and it just took time to get into a routine. My focus during the week is on the kids - I have 3 (ages 6, 2 1/2, almost 1) and then housework. What ever I don't get to, DH helps me on the weekends.
Yes it's hard with him being gone so much but I couldn't be a SAHM otherwise.

[mrslka]

My DH is away for 2 weeks at a time, then home for a week. It is a hard adjustment being alone that much. Try to get out of the house as often as possible and have social outings also. For me it is huge to go to church every week, we go to a small church and all of the kids freely play during coffee time. I get that time to relax and not worry about the kids while I have adult conversation. So if you can find a moms group or something that gathers during the week that might help.

It sounds like you are not happy with him staying gone extra days, I understand that completely. You need to communicate that with him, probably in person and more of a "we miss you so much it would be nice if you didn't stay gone longer than needed". Also make sure to let him know how isolated you feel. I also want to bring up something we had to deal with that could be part of the situation, you DH may be somewhat overwhelmed by the change of having the baby. My DH had a really had time adjusting and final went to the Dr to get help with the anxiety. For him it was easier to be away and busy so he didn't think about it, once he got it under control it was much easier for him to be at home.

[gibrown]

Thanks all. The rational me in the morning realizes that, as others said, I wouldn't be able to stay at home if he wasn't traveling.
babygsmommy It is sales, and so I think that it is about making new contacts. That stuff is hard for me to understand because I've only worked in like human/social services, where that type of thing does not exist. I need to be supportive, it's just hard.

Thanks again.

[babygsmommy]

gibrown it's definitely an adjustment with sales positions. Sleep deprivation doesn't make us think clearer in tough situations. You'll learn to cope and get in a groove of things. Looks like there are quite a few of us whose husbands travel if you need to vent

[thechickencoop]

Ah hang in there! Also, just make sure you talk to him about it. H travels maybe once a month for a few days for work, and then a weekend here and there in the spring for fishing trips. When I was pregnant we talked about it and decided it was fine for him to be gone for things other than work at first, but once it actually happened (DS was born in April and was like, a couple weeks old), oh man, it sucked. I was miserable!! But ya know, H had NO FREAKIN IDEA. None. Just no clue. So when he got back we talked about it then it was fine. But I get it, it's hard and lonely, especially if you don't have a lot of family/friends in the area.

Now, he still travels monthly, but it's NBD. I have a couple other mom friends whos H's travel or work long hours and we try to get together for a dinner play dates. Then everyone is completely beat when we head home so it ends up being an early bedtime too

[tela]

It can be rough when the kids are as young as yours and aren't sleeping through the night and you're sleep deprived and feel like you never get a break.

If you need help- seek it out. See if family can lend a hand, or hire a sitter, or look into Mother's Morning Out programs. Or find a gym with a good childcare- and shower there.

I promise it gets easier when the kids are a little older.

[velouria]

My H travels and it is rough, mainly because the boys are still young. DS2 never sleeps through the night yet, and even DS1 at age 3 is often up at least once. I also just don't sleep well at all when H is gone; anxiety being the only adult in the house, perhaps.

I've started taking the kids out for dinner on nights H travels. It just helps those tough last hours of the day pass a little more quickly and we all enjoy it. I also try to set up extra playdates so I have some social interaction when he is gone. I will often skip baths and simplify the bedtime routine. DS1 watches a show while I put DS2 to bed.

When H gets back from trips I often make a date to see a friend for drinks or brunch to refresh.

[gibrown]

Yeah one of the harder parts of this is that we have no family around. It's 2 hours to the closest family member. So breaks are non-existent. Luckily E is a decent sleeper at the moment...
velouria I have that same anxiety about being the only adult, what if something goes wrong?

I definitely need to find some play dates!!

I told my husband I need to get out for a mani pedi to refresh now that he is home. I'm hoping this will help

[queenbabee]

Same exact problem here. Those "networking" nights SUCK! I have found it can be really easy to be resentful and trust me, that sucks worse. It only makes things harder on both of you. Even though it may not seem like it, they do actually miss us and would rather be home (maybe not every night, but most of the time ) he chose you to marry and raise his baby. He loves you and trusts you to raise his LO. This is a big deal! Try to remind yourself of this when you start to get upset & I know it's not easy to do. The more negative your thoughts become, the harder the strain on your family as a whole.

[sugarkissed]

My DH has a pretty mixed schedule... sometimes he's in the office (in the city) for months without going out of town, but often he's gone for weeks at a time with only 2-3 days at home in between. It's tough. He was probably gone about half of the past year, which is pretty sad because of how young our DD is. I'm finally used to doing things on my own and keeping busy while he's gone, but I'm really anxious about adding another baby to the mix.

[URMySunshine77]

(lurker and WAHM)

DH travels for two weeks at a time every other month. We don't live around family. I try to convince my mother or MIL to come visit for a week when I can. If they aren't around, I have a babysitter once a week, and I try to get a girlfriend to come help me on another day. I also echo the advice to get out and go to library story time or a local recreational center to see other kids and parents. My next step is to try to coordinate some play dates because I don't get together with other mothers enough.

[icequeen]

Awww, that must be so hard. MH does not currently travel regularly but he is in the running for another job that will definitely mean lots of moving and traveling. I am very anxious about this, but excited for DH. He has worked so hard for this opportunity.

I think your best bet would be to talk to him and let him know that it frustrates you that his extended time at "work" is actually "social time". While networking is important, I would think coming home to your family would take precedent over that, more often than not. I don't know the whole situation, but I do know travel and being away from home causes a great deal of stress on everyone in the family and you really just have to make the best of the time you do spend together. I am sorry this is so hard for y'all. Hugs, mama!

[hlm184]

Get a membership to a gym with childcare if you can swing it. Working out helps your sanity, plus someone else watching the kiddos, plus showers? Win!

[Deleted]

My DH has to travel from time to time and while it is lonely I know he's only gone because he has to be. I try to get out of the house and do fun little outings with LO and DH and I would always FaceTime before one of us went to bed. I am one who believes it is okay if the house isn't in perfect shape. Don't wear yourself out trying to get it all done. When LO naps, you nap or use that time to take a shower (you will feel much better). Your LO would be fine in a bouncer/swing in the bathroom or in the crib/swing with the monitor for you to take a shower if you prefer to nap when LO naps. You will get the hang of it

[rodiesmum]

Jan 23, 2015 1:52:29 GMT -5 Leapinglizards said:

My husband also has started traveling for work and honestly it sucks balls. Mainly I get sad to think how much of DD's life he is going to miss. My dad traveled for work growing up and it was hard having him miss a lot. It is actually a point of contention because he was offered a promotion to a job with more money and doesn't travel. He didn't want to take it because it's not as fun as his current job. I don't get it to me I would write lines all day for work in order to get as much family time as possible. Guess I'm still trying to figure it out too

I agree. They don't think Like we do in terms of enjoyment etc. I'm the same as PP. I'd take a boring job if it'd pay more and afford more FAM time vs a fun job. I quit a fun job bec it took so much time. Anyway, i also agrer with kther PP. Put baby sonewhere safe and shower. Don't stress abt so much things and yes when your hub ones back take timw foe yourself

[arlhll2]

DH works out of state. 5 days on, 2 days off. Although sometimes when working under railroads he has to stay till its done. Last May he was in Toledo for 4 weeks. It was rough going that long with a 1 1/2 year old and TTC for another, recently had a miscarriage. DD and I packed a weekender bag and went to stay with him for a few days. We joked about it and said if I found out I was pregnant from that trip and it was a girl we would name her Talulla...didn't happen.