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[icequeen]

Hi ladies!

I hope y'all are having a good Monday so far. If you would like to set some specific goals for this week, please list them here and we can check in again next week to see how we did! If you had goals this past week, update us on how everything went and then create some new goals for this week if you wish, following the format below. Please also be sure to include any trigger warnings you feel are appropriate. Thank you!

Goal:
Short or long term?
Why is it important?
How am I going to accomplish it?

[icequeen]

* pregnancy/ED mentioned *

I had a breakthrough week this week. One of my goals was not to lose any more weight and I was successful with that. I gained a pound at my OB's office, which initially shook me a bit but I was able to let it go. My second goal was to have a "cheat meal" that I would not throw up, and I really surpassed my expectations with this goal. On Saturday, just on a whim because I was feeling so angry at myself for being sick, I told myself that Sunday I would not use any ED behaviors, meaning no restricting, binging or purging. I was able to go the whole day perfectly and I even ate a food item that was really scary for me to eat and not throw up, but I challenged myself anyway. My third goal was to not have a breakdown while talking to DH and I was not able to do this. I was in really bad shape mentally over the weekend, until we talked again on Sunday afternoon. Here are my new goals:

Goal 1: Do not lose any more weight
Short or long term? Long
Why is it important? I need to do this for my health and the baby's health
How am I going to accomplish it? Just continue repeating affirmations to myself that I need to gain weight in order to have a safe pregnancy.

Goal 2: Reduce my exercise over the weekend
Short or long term? Short
Why is it important? My electrolytes are low, showing that I am dehydrated. It is very hot here and being out in the sun working out causes me to sweat a lot and I need as much reserve as I can get.
How am I going to accomplish it? Ask MH to keep me accountable.

Goal 3: Have one more non ED day this week
Short or long term? Short
Why is it important? I am desperately trying to prove to myself that I can be free from this disorder like I was a few months ago. I want recovery to feel natural and more comfortable.
How am I going to accomplish it? Make sure to take my Prozac because I find that my anxiety about getting better is really preventing me from actually improving my behaviors.

[yoshijo28]

icequeen I'm so so proud of you!! You seriously did a fantastic job and I know it took a lot of courage to go back to having a non ED day. Once again, you've proven you can do it

I haven't posted goals in awhile so I'm starting fresh with a goal.

Goal: I have to give a 1.5+ hour presentation 7 times this week at work to groups of 5 employees. Part of my job involves creating trainings and presenting them to the employees. Sometimes I have a tendency to rush through parts of it because it's monotonous depending on the employees attending. I also hear it so many times I forget what it's like to learn it the first time. So my goal is to give the presentations each time like it was my first time and be fresh and engaging and take my time.

Short if long term? short

Why is it important? There are a lot of new procedures and it's up to me to make sure our employees follow them correctly. I also need to make sure I don't rush so they can comprehend and retain the info

How am I going to accomplish it? I'll make sure I'm not hungry or dizzy before I start. I'll also let myself have tea or coffee while I present because that calms me down and gives me something to focus on.

[icequeen]

yoshijo28, I know, it was a huge hurdle for me. I think I was mentally preparing to do this for over a month now. I'm so relieved I got through it and showed my ED that I am stronger than he is for once. I'm really debating if I want to try for 2 non ED days this week instead of 1 because my OB called and said my electrolytes are too low again. I have a week until we redraw so I have to get my shit together. I'm really terrified of going back to the hospital.

I think your goal sounds attainable and I'm glad you decided to start up with the goal setting again I think it would be great if you had a snack to recharge right before so you can have some fuel to get through it. You can do it!!

[motownthrowdown]

***LC mentioned***



Last week my goals were to get more rest and to get up for my 2am pumping session. I think I did a little better on my rest last week, but didn't make much progress on the pumping. I went back to work half days last week, so I would get off around noon, go the hospital, do "cares" with Amelia (diaper, temping), have lunch, and then take a 2 hour nap until DH got off work.

I've gone back to work this week full time, so I have no nap time. Due to this, I'm very tired and the 2 am pumping alarm is still getting turned off without me waking up. The nurses have said that this means my body is exhausted and I need the sleep, but I need to keep up my milk supply by pumping too. If I could put my boobs on pause for like 16 hours so I could sleep, that would be great.

Here's the new goals:

Goal: more rest
This is a long term goal.
Important? I need rest/sleep in order to be healthy and maintain my milk supply.
Accomplished by: planning ahead so I can sleep in a little in the mornings. I can plan or pack my lunch the night before, get my 3 bags ready for the mornings so I'm not trying to figure out what is in which bag.

I think I'm just going to focus on this one for this week. Being more restful and relaxed.

[bocaburger]

I don't have a goal to add right now, I just wanted to say great job icequeen!

[icequeen]

bocaburger, thank you so much!
motownthrowdown, I think your plan to get more things done in the evening so you can sleep longer in the morning is a great idea! I really think the extra sleep will help you feel more rested and relaxed, which could also work to increase your supply. I remember reading in one of my ped's books that both physical and mental stress can diminish supply. Instead of the 2am session, can you manipulate your day schedule to include more pumping sessions but spaced less far apart?

[motownthrowdown]

Jun 16, 2015 12:19:08 GMT -5 icequeen said:

bocaburger, thank you so much!
motownthrowdown, I think your plan to get more things done in the evening so you can sleep longer in the morning is a great idea! I really think the extra sleep will help you feel more rested and relaxed, which could also work to increase your supply. I remember reading in one of my ped's books that both physical and mental stress can diminish supply. Instead of the 2am session, can you manipulate your day schedule to include more pumping sessions but spaced less far apart?

Not at the moment, unfortunately. My usual pumping schedule looks like this:
2am-missed
4am-wake up for work
6am-hospital
9:45 am-work break
11:30 am-lunch break
1:45 pm-work break
4 pm-hospital
7 pm - hospital
9 pm-before bed
Midnight-if I wake up

I know that's a lot, but I'm trying to boost my supply, since Amelia was early and I had a rough start to pumping. I'm currently making about 15 ounces per day (I track each pumping session) when I should be making about 25,according to several sources. I started out making about 4.5 ounces, and that was about 3 weeks ago.

I'm thinking that what will end up happening is that I'll just lose the 2 am one and nail the one at midnight every day.

[icequeen]

motownthrowdown, you are working SO hard at this. I give you so much credit. I think it would be great if you just let yourself sleep through 2am and just get up at midnight. I'm sure you are already maximizing all the supplements and breast milk production aids out there, so try to relax. You are doing an amazing job.

[kaeguri]

motownthrowdown, I know just from reading the other posts from other moms that every mom pumps a different amount, regardless of what sources say. So please try not to beat yourself up over what you should be doing (much easier said than done). Sounds like to me you're doing the best you can given your circumstances and Amelia is a lucky little girl to have you. Creepy hugs.

I'm late to this but oh well. I need accountability lol.

Technically a long term goal but I'm focusing on short term while I get it down. I need to get at least 2 good sessions of speech practice in a day. (Tl;dr version: I have a severe stuttering disfluency, had it since I was 8. It's a huge catalyst for why my depression and anxiety started in the first place. I just went to a clinic for 12 days in May to learn techniques to help manage my stutter and speak fluently.)

Why is it important? Because we just spent a fuckton of money sending me to the stuttering clinic to learn these techniques and I can't lose them now. I need to be in control of at least one thing in my life, my ability to articulate what I need and what I want to say. Otherwise, I can't explain my concerns to my doctor. I can't talk about my problems to my therapist. I won't be able to call the doctor if my little baby is sick. I won't be able to call my husband's work when I go into labor. So many things. I need to do this.

How am I going to accomplish it? I set an alarm in my phone reminding me. I have DH on standby to help pull me in when I go off my speech targets.

[irishvodkagrl]

motownthrowdown You are doing an AMAZING job pumping. I never got more than 5 oz a day pumping every 2 hours so you are hitting it way out of the park! Don't compare yourself to "sources"-instead celebrate the amazing job you are doing for your daughter.

[icequeen]

kaeguri, it's great that you are thinking of the consequences of not working on your speech. I know it's easy to put it on the back burner but I hope you find the motivation to keep going and can relearn those tools so the can be valuable in your communication with people that are trying to help you.

[Deleted]

Great job icequeen! Keep up the good work!
motownthrowdown You are doing an amazing job. EPers get a huge hats off from me, that is sooo much work! Amelia is lucky to have you for her mommy.

I'm starting with a new goal too: book an appointment with a new therapist!
Short-term; I should really do it tomorrow!!
I need to do this for my own mental health. I've needed to do it for months and keep putting it off.
I will make this my priority for DS's nap time tomorrow.

[icequeen]

@rocknrollfriend, I really hope you get to do this today! Maybe a fresh set of ears will help you find another way to communicate with YH and ensure that you are doing everything right from your end. HUGS. I've been thinking about you!