Sometimes it's better to take one for the team, magaroni86. I haven't felt like doin' it but I do like the closeness of being with my husband, so I've been making an effort to be available. It's much easier for me to sleep instead. MUCH easier. But it's good for our relationship to not devolve into roommate status, for both of us.
I did tell him I don't need any marathon sessions right now because I'm just not up for it, which is true. Sometimes the biggest thing keeping me from wanting to have sex is this feeling of "ugh, that'll take forever." It doesn't have to.
It doesn't help that I work night shift so we don't even sleep together half of the time. We are having a date night tomorrow night so that will definitely help too!
DH and I haven't had sex since before my BFP. At first I was just being really cautious because we had just had a miscarriage but now I just don't want to. I feel bad about it and keep telling myself to just suck it up....maybe tonight?!?
I guess my response is a bit of a FFC - I'm jealous that you haven't had sex in that long. I have NO desire. None. Zero. I probably coulda been a nun.
Poor DH wants it every day but has learned that twice a week is a good deal. Right now I'm struggling for one time a week and it's a chore. And DH knows it. I try to throw him a bone every now and then to keep him happy.
I'm the total opposite lol, my sex drive has increased a lot. Dh is loving it right now.
DH and I haven't had sex since before my BFP. At first I was just being really cautious because we had just had a miscarriage but now I just don't want to. I feel bad about it and keep telling myself to just suck it up....maybe tonight?!?
We haven't either, and I haven't wanted to, and now I do want to, but I'm still scared to, even though we were cleared at 12 weeks. DH, bless him, is also a bit nervous, so at least we're on the same page. But it's frustrating. I'd really like for that part of our lives to be normal again for a little while, but also, don't want to do anything that could jeopardize this pregnancy given how difficult it's been to get to this point.
I'm going to be discussing this next week with my therapist and my OB, and hopefully will finally get back to normal.
I think sex is an important part of a relationship, but forcing it doesn't always work (I think sometimes it does, where you find yourself in the mood once you put things in play). Can you try reading or watching something with a romantic theme and see if it puts you in the mood?
FWIW I lost my goddamn mind on Tuesday because I weighed myself and I'm down a half a lb, probably again, because I'm not as nauseous so I'm not stuffing my face constantly to fend it off. It still convinced me something terrible had happened to the baby, and I sobbed uncontrollably in my office for an hour until DH called my doctor and brought us up for a quick HB check.
It seems like there's really no weight that feels good. Too much is scary; too little is scary. Woof.
Hugs to all of you. I lost a whole bunch (like 20lbs since October) and it's finally slowly coming back (along with my appetite). I have mixed feelings about it because I'm only supposed to gain 15lbs since I'm overweight and I'm afraid once I start gaining I won't be able to control it, but on the other hand I know it's necessary for the babies to grow.
Post by queenofcats on Jan 23, 2015 13:22:10 GMT -5
This lady totally just waved at me from across the room at the adult computers and said, "Hey you, come over here for a minute!" Ah hell no, my name is not Hey You and I am not your slave. Come up to the desk if you need help. I'm furious.
DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
FWIW I lost my goddamn mind on Tuesday because I weighed myself and I'm down a half a lb, probably again, because I'm not as nauseous so I'm not stuffing my face constantly to fend it off. It still convinced me something terrible had happened to the baby, and I sobbed uncontrollably in my office for an hour until DH called my doctor and brought us up for a quick HB check.
It seems like there's really no weight that feels good. Too much is scary; too little is scary. Woof.
Hugs to all of you. I lost a whole bunch (like 20lbs since October) and it's finally slowly coming back (along with my appetite). I have mixed feelings about it because I'm only supposed to gain 15lbs since I'm overweight and I'm afraid once I start gaining I won't be able to control it, but on the other hand I know it's necessary for the babies to grow.
It's so hard! I feel like I gained too much in the first tri because I was constantly eating. I'm also in the overweight category, and so should be in the 15-25 lb gained range. Blowing through a 1/3 of the high end of that in the first tri was not helpful, but losing weight now freaks me out.
Our bellies should come with like a light-up indicator that says "I'm cool in here - no worries." As it stands, I'll mention it to my doctor and see what they say.
sandybananas - we have oil heat AND an electric heat pump. This house is new to us, we moved in end of July. Our neighbours scared DH saying that they pay $600+ electric bills due to electric heat and we have to buy oil on top of that.
Everyone kept telling him how great a wood stove would be for our house & so much cheaper and he ate it up. I'm home FT so the stove burns non-stop. All of his friends with stoves are dual income, so they aren't burning during the day.
ladyannibal - I'm so sorry you feel that way! Please don't let other people tell you who you are. You seem like a loving, caring person. And, judging by how much you care about your bonus son, you will be a kind and loving mother to this baby, boy or girl.
So it is cheaper to use the wood then? I am confused. You have oil, electric, and wood set up? If so, maybe you can do some combo. Get the heat up during the day and then maintain with wood maybe.
BUT not knocking the fact that it seems like a giant pain and a lot of effort to keep up a wood stove. This conversation makes me fell very happy to live in CA, even if we pay in other ways.
Mine is a doozy. Probably the biggest confession of my life, one that haunts me still 13 years later.
13 years ago, at the tender age of 13 years old (not even one month past it), I lost my virginity. I guess as much as a 13 year old can. There was no orgasming from either party. I had a major crush on a guy. I got to be his "girlfriend" off and on the year prior and he was my first everything else (kiss, hand up the shirt, hand down the pants). It's not like he was super popular, but he loved stringing me along for some reason. And because I was insecure and wanted a real boyfriend who loved me, I let him do it. We did it a few other times in the following weeks (still as lame as the first time).
And that's when my whole sexual being got screwed up. My parents ended up finding out about it (that was horrifying). But I got to the point where I thought two (very wrong) things. Firstly that, sex was still the way I was going to get guys interested in me. Secondly, that because my Vcard was gone, there was no point in saving myself for anything anymore.
From 13-21 I had so many sexual partners that I honestly lost track (my guess is probably close to 30). Thankfully there were some long term boyfriends in there. I lucked out and managed only once to get HPV, and thankfully it was a strain that cleared up on its own over time. Shortly after I turned 21, I spent three months abroad in Senegal Africa and it opened my eyes and changed my life. I found God again, I found mself again. Living in a third world country was amazing. Ironically enough, I came home and met my husband. We went on our first date a week after I got home. We waited for our wedding night to have sex and it was the most incredible sex of my life.
Today always makes me sad because it started the domino effect of my past. A past I intensly regret. H is the only other person in this world other than one friend of mine who know my "number". It was so scary to tell him because I was afraid he wouldn't love me anymore. But he did.
Whew sorry to start our day with a doozy lol
Big hugs. I most mine at 16 to an ex boyfriends 20 year old friend at a party. I did not plan to, but my ex had gone into a room with my friend and so his "friend" comforted me with some Smirnoff and before I knew it we were in his room. I said no. Many times. But finally, because I felt like he would overpower me. I asked if he had a condom. I know it was technically rape but I do blame myself for allowing myself to be put in that situation. On April 19th 2 years ago, the ten year statute of limitations was up, and I actually felt free. I knew I'd never be able to prove what he did, and I just wanted to forget about it.
Many women are put in a bad place and many men put them there. I vow to tell my experience to my daughter and tell her how much I wish I had waited.
FFFC: I don't understand why people are still posting on TB after moving here. 99.9% of the regs from our BMB have migrated, so I don't understand the motivation to stay. People say it's because they don't want to see the board become BabyGaga or something but who cares? The board is defined by the people in it, not the web address it's under. It just seems like staying over there to try to hold back the floodgates is a complete waste of time. If TB Gods want it to be BabyCenter, so be it.
And I totally agree @sassycassieb I kind of do a head tilt when I see some of the old regs posting there. The only time I don't is when they are pointing out how ridiculous it has become over there
Hugs to all of you. I lost a whole bunch (like 20lbs since October) and it's finally slowly coming back (along with my appetite). I have mixed feelings about it because I'm only supposed to gain 15lbs since I'm overweight and I'm afraid once I start gaining I won't be able to control it, but on the other hand I know it's necessary for the babies to grow.
Does this recommendation change for you with twins? I'm similar to you, lost a bunch in the beginning but trying not to gain it back since I'm overweight. I did pretty well last time so I'm hoping I can control it again this time!
Post by wineandcake on Jan 23, 2015 13:48:09 GMT -5
ladyannibal never feel like you aren't good enough or not worth it. You are such an amazing support on here, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, and you are going to be an amazing mother. Your child is so lucky to have a mother who will support him/her and build up his/her confidence and self esteem. I hate that anyone ever has to feel the way you do and I wish I could take away the pain you are feeling. Keep your head up and know we all value you and anyone who has said something negative towards you is not worth your time.
Post by errsbear11 on Jan 23, 2015 13:48:34 GMT -5
I feel like an alcoholic saying this, but I literally can't find ANYTHING to do now that I'm not drinking.
Im too cold to hang out outside or go on night hikes or anything, sick and tired of movie theaters (I HATE movies), not a fan of eating out because I do that for work and the choices are slim, I'm incredibly bored of every game we own because game nights is all we can find to do, and there is honestly nothing else to do around where I live! I cry about this daily. It's really pathetic...and our friends are getting fed up with how boring I am
Post by wineandcake on Jan 23, 2015 13:52:14 GMT -5
I lost about 7lbs since my bfp. I was about 15lbs over my pre DS weight so I was happy to lose it and I am still in a healthy weight range. I gained 65+lbs with DS and I'm terrified to do that again. I'm hoping that I can keep this gain to about 20-30lbs in hopes of not being so extremely uncomfortable by the end of this pregnancy. I'm self conscious of my weight to begin with and I'm not liking it when I see the scale go up (gained back 2lbs so far).
We also have wood stoves but we love ours. The main one is located in the kitchen, and we have a fan system that circulates the warm air into the other rooms. The only trouble we have is getting the upstairs warm, but a fan blowing up the stairs has provided some relief.
We live in a rural area, where there are lots of fallen trees on our land and on other people's land. DH goes and knocks on doors, especially our neighbor's, and they are more than happy to let him remove the trees for us to split and burn. Are you able to do any of that to try to reduce your cord expenses? We got about 11-12 cord this way, for nothing but some labor on DH's part. You'd need a splitter, but if this is doable, the splitter would pay for itself in a few years. Splitting in the winter sucks, especially where we are, but to us it's worth it. We've only lived here for a few months, and lost out on being able to do wood during the summer.
Wood prices by us get ridiculous in the winter, but $250/cord is crazy!!
DH "lied" to me before we bought the stove and said he would get free wood. As soon as it was installed he told me he had no intention of "wasting his free time" looking for wood. He typically works a 60 hour work week and often feels that completes his contribution to the family.
Because wood is so expensive, I can't pack the stove but keep it burning with just 2 pieces or so at a time. Winter is half over and wood has cost is $1250. I don't think we'd have spent that on oil by this point, or electric. I think it would be about Even-Steven. With less work.
I also have a wood stove but LOVE it. Our home is small, just upstairs and down stairs, no rooms (but a door on bathroom, technically!). It actually stays super toasty all the time - I often have to open the doors and windows. Although I feel you on DH lieing about getting free wood! Mine spends his warmer months constantly chopping for our neighbor (his best friend) because he has two stoves to keep running and we have one. That or he chops down pine trees for the outside firepits. We pay $125/load which is ~1/3 a cord max. It's insane. But I did learn keeping it running with just a few logs is highly inefficient - it won't produce enough heat to help warm the house, and the fuel is just wasted going right up the chimney. Hopefully you convince DH to go with oil or some other heating source as this doesn't seem to be working out for you, but thought I'd offer some unsolicited advice in the meantime I used to keep baby fires going to save wood, and always wondered why I went through double the amount DH did and had a freezing house!
Hugs to all of you. I lost a whole bunch (like 20lbs since October) and it's finally slowly coming back (along with my appetite). I have mixed feelings about it because I'm only supposed to gain 15lbs since I'm overweight and I'm afraid once I start gaining I won't be able to control it, but on the other hand I know it's necessary for the babies to grow.
Does this recommendation change for you with twins? I'm similar to you, lost a bunch in the beginning but trying not to gain it back since I'm overweight. I did pretty well last time so I'm hoping I can control it again this time!
She already knew we were having twins when she gave me the recommendation, but they pretty much treat this pregnancy like a singleton as far as nutritional/weight advice. I don't think it would be horrible if I gained 5-10 more than 15lbs.
Confession- I can't stay away from the place that shall not be named. It's such a train wreck over there and being here has made me realize just how stupid over there can be!
We haven't even had ONE guess the sex of my baby thread, you guys!
Confession- I can't stay away from the place that shall not be named. It's such a train wreck over there and being here has made me realize just how stupid over there can be!
We haven't even had ONE guess the sex of my baby thread, you guys!
Hugs to all of you. I lost a whole bunch (like 20lbs since October) and it's finally slowly coming back (along with my appetite). I have mixed feelings about it because I'm only supposed to gain 15lbs since I'm overweight and I'm afraid once I start gaining I won't be able to control it, but on the other hand I know it's necessary for the babies to grow.
It's so hard! I feel like I gained too much in the first tri because I was constantly eating. I'm also in the overweight category, and so should be in the 15-25 lb gained range. Blowing through a 1/3 of the high end of that in the first tri was not helpful, but losing weight now freaks me out.
Our bellies should come with like a light-up indicator that says "I'm cool in here - no worries." As it stands, I'll mention it to my doctor and see what they say.
Me too! I'm supposed to gain 20-25 because I am clinically obese. That's only a lb a week from here on out. I gained like 3 this week and am panicking.
*** Please excuse the typos, my phone hates me***
Married September 14, 2013
TTC #1 August 2014
1st Pregnancy September 2014 - Chemical Pregnancy
2nd Pregnancy October 2014 - July 8, 2015 Due Date!Stick bean, stick!
FFC: I have insanely low self esteem. If you were to look at my facebook or instagram you'd think I was a concieted bitch, but I'm not. I have been told in so many relationships that my hair would look better if I would just relax it, I would be cute if I taller, that I'm the reason that women of my skin color aren't desirable, that because I've had many partners I'm damaged goods, I've even been told that they hoped I would never give birth because I would just be bringing more trash into the world, that I deserved to be raped...My own mother told me so many times that I'd never get married and if I did she felt sorry for the man that married me. That led to cutting which led to even more harassment and it's really been a battle within myself forever. I'm so afraid that if I have a little girl she will turn out like me and I don't want that life for her.
We also have wood stoves but we love ours. The main one is located in the kitchen, and we have a fan system that circulates the warm air into the other rooms. The only trouble we have is getting the upstairs warm, but a fan blowing up the stairs has provided some relief.
We live in a rural area, where there are lots of fallen trees on our land and on other people's land. DH goes and knocks on doors, especially our neighbor's, and they are more than happy to let him remove the trees for us to split and burn. Are you able to do any of that to try to reduce your cord expenses? We got about 11-12 cord this way, for nothing but some labor on DH's part. You'd need a splitter, but if this is doable, the splitter would pay for itself in a few years. Splitting in the winter sucks, especially where we are, but to us it's worth it. We've only lived here for a few months, and lost out on being able to do wood during the summer.
Wood prices by us get ridiculous in the winter, but $250/cord is crazy!!
DH "lied" to me before we bought the stove and said he would get free wood. As soon as it was installed he told me he had no intention of "wasting his free time" looking for wood. He typically works a 60 hour work week and often feels that completes his contribution to the family.
Because wood is so expensive, I can't pack the stove but keep it burning with just 2 pieces or so at a time. Winter is half over and wood has cost is $1250. I don't think we'd have spent that on oil by this point, or electric. I think it would be about Even-Steven. With less work.
We have a woodstove and electric heat. The cost of hydro out here is easily double what we paid in the city - our bill this past month was 420$. Wood is cheaper out here and because we are surrounded by bush it's easy to cut it down yourself. DH usually does the fire and I turn on the electric, the woodstove is so much nicer, but ah well, I'm lazy and pregnant so I go for convenience even though it costs and arm and a leg.
We also have wood stoves but we love ours. The main one is located in the kitchen, and we have a fan system that circulates the warm air into the other rooms. The only trouble we have is getting the upstairs warm, but a fan blowing up the stairs has provided some relief.
We live in a rural area, where there are lots of fallen trees on our land and on other people's land. DH goes and knocks on doors, especially our neighbor's, and they are more than happy to let him remove the trees for us to split and burn. Are you able to do any of that to try to reduce your cord expenses? We got about 11-12 cord this way, for nothing but some labor on DH's part. You'd need a splitter, but if this is doable, the splitter would pay for itself in a few years. Splitting in the winter sucks, especially where we are, but to us it's worth it. We've only lived here for a few months, and lost out on being able to do wood during the summer.
Wood prices by us get ridiculous in the winter, but $250/cord is crazy!!
DH "lied" to me before we bought the stove and said he would get free wood. As soon as it was installed he told me he had no intention of "wasting his free time" looking for wood. He typically works a 60 hour work week and often feels that completes his contribution to the family.
Because wood is so expensive, I can't pack the stove but keep it burning with just 2 pieces or so at a time. Winter is half over and wood has cost is $1250. I don't think we'd have spent that on oil by this point, or electric. I think it would be about Even-Steven. With less work.
We have a woodstove and electric heat. The cost of hydro out here is easily double what we paid in the city - our bill this past month was 420$. Wood is cheaper out here and because we are surrounded by bush it's easy to cut it down yourself. DH usually does the fire and I turn on the electric, the woodstove is so much nicer, but ah well, I'm lazy and pregnant so I go for convenience even though it costs and arm and a leg.
sandybananas - the house was probably originally oil heat. Previous owners most likely added a heat pump later. Since mid-Atlantic winters can be iffy they probably thought it was a good choice. DH doesn't want to pay higher electric or pay for oil - he thought we'd be golden with a wood stove because everyone else said so. Everyone else who gets free wood.
We set our heat to 61 (in case the stove burns out at night). Our heat will run electric until it's 35 degrees or lower, then the emergency heat (oil) kicks on. Heat pumps are most effective for more moderate temps.
I know a lot about heat but not where cost-effective is concerned.
errsbear11 - I think it works best when it's packed full. The chimney guy even told us it's better to work it hard than underwork it. But DH doesn't like it when I tell him. It has to come from someone else.
Im so confused. Can't you stop using the wood stove for a month and see how high your electric/oil bill is and then compare it to what it usually is when you are using wood plus the monthly amount you normally spend on wood?
It seems like you have all of the options already. Test em out!
*** Please excuse the typos, my phone hates me***
Married September 14, 2013
TTC #1 August 2014
1st Pregnancy September 2014 - Chemical Pregnancy
2nd Pregnancy October 2014 - July 8, 2015 Due Date!Stick bean, stick!
And I totally agree @sassycassieb I kind of do a head tilt when I see some of the old regs posting there. The only time I don't is when they are pointing out how ridiculous it has become over there
This. i only post sarcastic remarks because i enjoy getting ppl going there now. FFFC: i guess im considered a troll now on TB.
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