FFFC
Jan 23, 2015 7:16:58 GMT -5
Post by chelseamp11 on Jan 23, 2015 7:16:58 GMT -5
Mine is a doozy. Probably the biggest confession of my life, one that haunts me still 13 years later.
13 years ago, at the tender age of 13 years old (not even one month past it), I lost my virginity. I guess as much as a 13 year old can. There was no orgasming from either party. I had a major crush on a guy. I got to be his "girlfriend" off and on the year prior and he was my first everything else (kiss, hand up the shirt, hand down the pants). It's not like he was super popular, but he loved stringing me along for some reason. And because I was insecure and wanted a real boyfriend who loved me, I let him do it. We did it a few other times in the following weeks (still as lame as the first time).
And that's when my whole sexual being got screwed up. My parents ended up finding out about it (that was horrifying). But I got to the point where I thought two (very wrong) things. Firstly that, sex was still the way I was going to get guys interested in me. Secondly, that because my Vcard was gone, there was no point in saving myself for anything anymore.
From 13-21 I had so many sexual partners that I honestly lost track (my guess is probably close to 30). Thankfully there were some long term boyfriends in there. I lucked out and managed only once to get HPV, and thankfully it was a strain that cleared up on its own over time. Shortly after I turned 21, I spent three months abroad in Senegal Africa and it opened my eyes and changed my life. I found God again, I found mself again. Living in a third world country was amazing. Ironically enough, I came home and met my husband. We went on our first date a week after I got home. We waited for our wedding night to have sex and it was the most incredible sex of my life.
Today always makes me sad because it started the domino effect of my past. A past I intensly regret. H is the only other person in this world other than one friend of mine who know my "number". It was so scary to tell him because I was afraid he wouldn't love me anymore. But he did.
Whew sorry to start our day with a doozy lol
13 years ago, at the tender age of 13 years old (not even one month past it), I lost my virginity. I guess as much as a 13 year old can. There was no orgasming from either party. I had a major crush on a guy. I got to be his "girlfriend" off and on the year prior and he was my first everything else (kiss, hand up the shirt, hand down the pants). It's not like he was super popular, but he loved stringing me along for some reason. And because I was insecure and wanted a real boyfriend who loved me, I let him do it. We did it a few other times in the following weeks (still as lame as the first time).
And that's when my whole sexual being got screwed up. My parents ended up finding out about it (that was horrifying). But I got to the point where I thought two (very wrong) things. Firstly that, sex was still the way I was going to get guys interested in me. Secondly, that because my Vcard was gone, there was no point in saving myself for anything anymore.
From 13-21 I had so many sexual partners that I honestly lost track (my guess is probably close to 30). Thankfully there were some long term boyfriends in there. I lucked out and managed only once to get HPV, and thankfully it was a strain that cleared up on its own over time. Shortly after I turned 21, I spent three months abroad in Senegal Africa and it opened my eyes and changed my life. I found God again, I found mself again. Living in a third world country was amazing. Ironically enough, I came home and met my husband. We went on our first date a week after I got home. We waited for our wedding night to have sex and it was the most incredible sex of my life.
Today always makes me sad because it started the domino effect of my past. A past I intensly regret. H is the only other person in this world other than one friend of mine who know my "number". It was so scary to tell him because I was afraid he wouldn't love me anymore. But he did.
Whew sorry to start our day with a doozy lol