Lying to Strangers?

[jenn]

So I never really thought about this before we brought Ollie home, but I'm never really sure what to say to complete strangers when they ask about him.  I had the check out lady at Wal-Mart ask me questions about his birth - was he a c-section, did I have heart burn (all of his hair!), how did I loose all my baby weight... I never really thought about strangers getting this personal but they do!  I feel bad about lying but I also don't feel like I have to tell everyone that he is adopted.  Especially after I accept the compliments of how much he looks like both of us.  

Should I just keep lying or do I just say he's adopted and leave it at that?  I feel bad for lying but I don't want to 'out' us either.  Or am I just being crazy and overthinking this?? 

[pamela]

I don't feel bad about lying to strangers. Share whatever you want or not. They aren't entitled to anything and likely just trying to find a shared connection to pass the time.

[nobb14]

Granted I have no experience of this, so take this with a grain of salt... I would think it would be easier to keep white lying to strangers, otherwise you'll be caught up in a 20 minute conversation with a random asking for even more private information about his adoption. I would probably just be careful when he gets to an age where he can understand or follow a conversation, though, because that could confuse him depending on how open you are about adoption with him. ((Reading little kids adoption books for instance, etc.))

[pinkie]

With our first son (born in March) I had tons of questions because we were out and about early with warm weather. The "wow you look great" question was tough for me. I felt bad saying thanks because of women who have such trouble losing weight post birth...but I learned to get over it. So "thank you" was my response. Details about birth - I would just say what I knew (I.e. He was vaginal birth). Luckily I didn't get asked where he was born because I would have had to lie (our kids were born across the country).

With our baby, he was born right before a miserable winter so we were home a lot. I got way less questions,

Our toddler has curly hair and beautiful blue eyes. I get the where did he get them from a lot and I say "from his dad's side of the family"

We are so proud that our family was built through adoption but we don't automatically share with strangers. It's their story and they are too young to consent to it being so broadly told to random people. All of our friends and family know.

[gnomesweetgnome]

I don't have any advice, since everyone automatically assumes DS is adopted when they see him with us. I think you should do whatever feels comfortable to you.

[drl]

You can always go wth, "Why do you ask?"

If you're not comfortable sharing, a little white lie is NBD, as a pp noted. If you're comfortable sharing, just say you adopted him. If they ask follow up questions, you can always say it's personal.

I would recommend practicing answers, or at least anticipating them. I get "was she young?" all the time, and I usually answer with, "most birth parents are in their 20s"

[Captain Serious]

Jun 19, 2015 12:08:46 GMT -5 drl said:

You can always go wth, "Why do you ask?"

If you're not comfortable sharing, a little white lie is NBD, as a pp noted. If you're comfortable sharing, just say you adopted him. If they ask follow up questions, you can always say it's personal.

I would recommend practicing answers, or at least anticipating them. I get "was she young?" all the time, and I usually answer with, "most birth parents are in their 20s"

This is my go-to, a big smile and, "Why do you ask?"

If I get a really bad vibe off someone who is particularly pushy, I will say, "That's rather personal, don't you think?"  Don't feel bad about pointing out their rudeness.

[pinkie]

Jun 19, 2015 18:36:46 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

Jun 19, 2015 12:08:46 GMT -5 drl said:

You can always go wth, "Why do you ask?"

If you're not comfortable sharing, a little white lie is NBD, as a pp noted. If you're comfortable sharing, just say you adopted him. If they ask follow up questions, you can always say it's personal.

I would recommend practicing answers, or at least anticipating them. I get "was she young?" all the time, and I usually answer with, "most birth parents are in their 20s"

This is my go-to, a big smile and, "Why do you ask?"

If I get a really bad vibe off someone who is particularly pushy, I will say, "That's rather personal, don't you think?"  Don't feel bad about pointing out their rudeness.

Yeah the more I think about this, a comment like "wow you look good for having a baby x months ago" is totally innocent and normal.  But asking how he was delivered is pretty personal from a random person.  I haven't ever gotten anything like this (we get the hair/eye questions a lot which I also put in the innocent category) but something really personal I would probably go with the why do you ask response.

[hootiemommytobe]

You need to do what you feel is right. As many people above have said, this is their story to tell. If you don't feel comfortable telling strangers that your child is adopted, then don't. It's nice of them to compliment but they don't need to know your life story. You do what you feel is best for you and your family.

[Deleted]

Maybe this is terrible but in general I think my business is mine and have no qualms about lying to strangers. I'm private and people are nosy-- like a PP said- you would have to be careful when your child can figure out what you are talking about.

The lesser of the evils would probably be "lying by omission"- ie- If someone asks how he was born or whatever- tell them the truth- they don't have to know it wasn't YOUR vaginal birth.

And I agree- when someone says how great you look just say thanks!

[shemarie82]

We did respite care this last weekend for twins that are in foster care. I took twin #1 to the grocery store with me on Saturday morning and I was shocked at how many questions I got about him. I hope that I have never been so nosey to a stranger. I kept the conversations as short as possible, because there is a lot of information that I don't even know.