Anyone else being called out?

[wildermom]

We have an almost 3 year old so I guess society expects it any day. It also doesn't help that I'm desperately trying to cover a bloat bump that's outta control. But it's strange. People are literally asking left and right. And when I deny it, they look at me like "whatever, we know."

My theory? When DH and I went to the OB's office for our for US, we ran into (literally) some friends of ours that are about 28 weeks. Obviously with DH there I couldn't play it off like I was just getting a yearly or something. DH texted them right away letting them know this was completely under wraps. But everyone that knows this couple knows that they can't keep anything to themselves. I'm pretty sure they've told all our mutual friends and that's why we keep getting called out.

While I personally find it rude to ask someone and none of their business at this point, I don't like lying to people to come back in two weeks and say "just kidding, we're pregnant." Ugh! Stop asking! It's like everyone forgets what's it's like to be in the first tri!
Anyway, I'm tired of this secret and lying and covering this damn bloat under the prying eyes. Ten weeks today and I think we're coming out of the closet to just end our frustrations.

Anybody else having issues being called out?

[thewop]

Yep. At my SIL's wedding when I ordered a NA beer at the bar after making sure I was the only one around. The bartender told the other bridesmaids "Oh yeah, one of the other bridesmaids was just in here ordering a NA beer." Who fucking says that?! And I got called out later in the night by friends when they questioned why I wasn't drinking. I caved, but WTF? Also, at said wedding everyone in H's family is asking me "So, when are you going to have more kids? Your daugher needs a sibling." Why do people think this is any of their business? We didn't have any kind of IF issues, but they don't know that. And not everyone wants kids back to back and super close together. Hell I wasn't even sure I wanted #2 a year ago. I always got "Aw, you can't have just one!" when I said I wasn't sure I wanted another. Why do I feel like I'm always being baby-shamed?

[bcmomsaysso]

We are already public with ours (at 9.5 weeks, I had to tell clients as early as possible to avoid conflicts with appointments and such) but honestly if someone would have called me out I probably would just have owned up and requested privacy until the announcement was made.

It sucks that your "friends" couldn't honor this for you Hang in there! I'd be annoyed too...

[aelias]

we're in a somewhat similar place. My husband's brother and his family live far away and trying to plan a trip to visit my husband's parents this summer. We'd love to visit at the same time, because it's easier to travel halfway across the country than all the way across the country. But they're pushing for August (of course).

We've expressed that we'd rather travel earlier in the summer, keeping it vague like "we've already got something in the works for August." Then my MIL asked us straight out what our plans for August were. We lied, something about planning a trip with friends.

We're holding out a little longer, but they need to buy plane tickets and stuff. At 12 weeks, we're going to have to tell them. "We're planning a different trip" is not as good an excuse as "I'm going to be a million months pregnant!"

[vtcnicely]

We get called out a lot by our running group. If anyone straight up asks I tell them the truth and just mention we really aren't trying to tell people yet because it's still early.

[laurelita42]

I haven't been called out per se, but when I announced to my family that #2 was on the way, everyone admitted that they all frequently speculated on whether or not we were going to have another baby. It just feels kinda gross to know people are talking about such personal stuff when you're not around.

I honestly thought I was a one-and-done kind of person and I really didn't have any regret about that. My husband was deployed during almost the entire first year of DD's life and wanted a chance to go through that 'baby stage', so I agreed. It isn't that I didn't want another, but I felt completely fulfilled with what I had. I got only child shamed all the time, though. All. the. time.

[abvintage]

I got called out for the first time yesterday. I have crazy bloat. My theory is the baby is in the spot I normally get bloated and it has to go somewhere, so I end up looking 4m pregnant. I also thought it was crazy that they asked because I've always thought you don't say anything unless you are 100% sure that person is pregnant. Like at least 6 months. WTH is wrong with people?

[Deleted]

The only time we got "called out" before telling everyone was when we went out to dinner with friends. We got there early enough and I asked for a virgin strawberry daiquiri. Later at dinner our friend asked for one and the server asked "Do you want alcohol in yours?". Really dude? We told you that we didn't want anyone to know I wasn't drinking and that is what you ask. Jerk.

[pmcd886]

Nobody has called me out directly, but I have gotten side eyes for looking like I am going to puke all day. I think some suspect at work, but only a couple people actually know.

abvintage I can't even fathom calling someone out based on a little bit of bloat. Nobody straight up asked me until I was between 32-34 weeks, both times.

[bcmomsaysso]

abvintage
Same here with the "look like your 4-months" bloat. When I told two of my clients they looked at each other then said "We thought you might be..."

Gee, thanks.

[skylark12]

I haven't been called out yet, but my very cute 6yo student asked me why I didn't have any babies lol. And then she asked where babies come from. It was quite the lesson!

If someone calls me out I think I'll tell them but also let them know it's rude!! I cannot fathom why people think it's okay to ask.

[econmarie]

I was called out in December by my neighbor. I was only 8 weeks then! I can't believe people have the balls to say anything. If I wanted you to know, you would know so STFU.

[kmartturtle]

I think it's so incredibly rude for people to do that. I had a friend do it, and I know her intentions were more worried. But H's work friends (we drink with them on a regular basis) have gotten to the annoying point of analyzing every single thing I do. "Oh, she's carrying a beer." "Yeah, but I haven't seen her drink from it yet." I'm ready to tell them just so they'll stop.

I think that people either don't know, or forget, how personal that situation is. Which, in no means justifies their questioning, but I genuinely think that most people aren't trying to be rude. They may not realize (especially if they don't have kids). Before my sister got KU with #2, I would annoy and ask her all the time. At the time I thought nothing of it, now that I'm KU, I officially went back and apologized to her for how inappropriate and rude I was. Even if we are sisters, it wasn't called for. As for those who have been there and still do it? Well, they just suck.

[carabassa]

Haven't been called out yet, which is good, since I'm not a good on-the-spot liar.

I did, however, accidentally out myself to an acquaintance. Somehow I managed to send a gchat to H's friend's wife (who I'm friendly with, but would never, say, talk to on the phone. Never even talked to her online.) I thought I was sending it to H, but instead sent her that moving gif of fetal development. She responded saying, "Is this a subtle hint that you're pregnant?"

Whoops.

[lawndog1216]

Not called out, but as I've mentioned we're not telling a SOUL until first tri is over -- originally I wanted to just hear the heartbeat and then tell family, but since we heard the heart beat I still don't want to tell.

Anyhow, this morning my mom was visiting and playing with DD and she did something incredibly cute and my mom got all teary eyed and said, "Aren't you so glad you have her and you're done??" And I just smiled and said "I'm so glad we have her, for sure," as I walked out of the room...

[sissykate21]

Jan 23, 2015 10:51:35 GMT -5 wildermom said:

 People are literally asking left and right. And when I deny it, they look at me like "whatever, we know."

Are your boobs huge? That's usually a dead giveaway - and the reason the little old ladies at my church give for "knowing" before everyone else. (awkward) 

In fact, my DD called me out on this just this morning. "Mommy, why are your boo-boos bigger now?"

Busted.

[laurennowa]

I got called out in a different way. I had a mc in September and it was my reason for not taking a job. Anyway, fast forward to yesterday and I got an email from a parent whose kid I teach and she said "I heard you were pg. All good?" I don't know how to answer that. Yes I was, but I lost it and now I am again... seems strange. Besides, I am not ready for my students to find out yet. I lost my first at 16 weeks, so I am not going public for another 6 weeks at least

[daffodil428]

I was called out at a party by my husband's friend's wife's sister. (yea a lot to follow) We were over my husband's friend's house for his daughter's bday and the aunt of the bday girl said so I hear congratulations are in order, how far along are you? My jaw literally hit the floor and I stammered back.. uh-uh-uh-uh n-n-n-nine weeks. I immediately wtf'd my husband. He let me in that the sister asked the wife and her face was a dead giveaway. Apparently my giant watermelon boobs betrayed me. The only people that knew about the pregnancy at that point were our parents and 1 friend each.

Then I self-outed myself on the app loseit. I was using it to lose a few lbs and mentioned to my friends on there that I would be taking a break bc I'm pregnant, completely forgetting my colleague is my friend on there too.. UGH pregnancy brain is terrible.

[divinemsbee]

Ah, the joys of rarely leaving the house (I SAH, so I really don't see anyone I don't have to, and half that time has been doctor's appointments).

I know there have been some people at H's work that ask about us, but he kind of went off on them several months ago about not asking because you don't know what people are going through, so they chilled. H's brother really really wants to do some sort of photo shoot (amateur photog) when we're back there in Feb, but I told H it's pointless because I don't and won't really look pregnant. He's also pushing for a Valentine's Facebook announcement, which is not happening.

Also, the joys of being a kind of fat girl to start with. I'm bloated, but haven't really gained much, I don't look too different. And most of my clothes sort of skim anyway.

[Deleted]

I teach high school. My aid was getting something out of my desk for me and saw the OB appt. card. It just happens that my reg doc is also my OB so I could play it off, as Family practice is listed before OBGYN. Now though every time I have anything that's remotely close to a symptom I get asked. There are rumors galore, and some of them have me pegged as either having one kid already, or having one anyway.

I LIE! I'm a lying liar who lies. I flat out to,d a freshman is wasn't any of her business, and why would she dare to ask about my relations with my husband. That stopped the kids from asking me, but the other teachers won't shut up about it.

[gingerygirl]

About two days after I found out I was talking with my mom and I mentioned that I wasn't feeling well (nothing to do with pregnancy, i actually had a nasty cold). She gave me the MOM look and asked if I was pregnant again. My mom is one of those moms that you CANNOT lie to. It's impossible. She will call you out instantly. Well, I knew I couldn't lie to her so I just stared at her. She took that as a yes and said "so will you be telling your siblings or would you like me to spread the news?" At least she asked if she could tell!

[wildermom]

Jan 23, 2015 13:21:02 GMT -5 sissykate21 said:

Jan 23, 2015 10:51:35 GMT -5 wildermom said:

 People are literally asking left and right. And when I deny it, they look at me like "whatever, we know."

Are your boobs huge? That's usually a dead giveaway - and the reason the little old ladies at my church give for "knowing" before everyone else. (awkward) 

In fact, my DD called me out on this just this morning. "Mommy, why are your boo-boos bigger now?"

Busted.

Other than being bloated (which I THOUGHT I was doing an okay job of hiding) I'm totally the same. It was waaaay too knowing. We're officially out now, and I'll see them this weekend. Kind of expecting a few confessions from people so we'll see, haha.

[wildermom]

Jan 23, 2015 13:31:43 GMT -5 laurennowa said:

I got called out in a different way. I had a mc in September and it was my reason for not taking a job. Anyway, fast forward to yesterday and I got an email from a parent whose kid I teach and she said "I heard you were pg. All good?" I don't know how to answer that. Yes I was, but I lost it and now I am again... seems strange. Besides, I am not ready for my students to find out yet. I lost my first at 16 weeks, so I am not going public for another 6 weeks at least

Ugh. That is freaking HARD. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd do the same in your shoes.

[jumparoundbucky]

We announced super early, but what the crap people? I can't believe people think it's okay to flat out ask or assume. It's none of your damn business, random lady at the grocery store. Go away and let me buy my oreos in peace.

[blakely24]

Around the time I started telling people, I had just gotten over being sick with a terrible cold, causing me to have to miss a few events with my friends. When we announced, One friend said "We knew it!!! We knew that's why you've been bailing on us!" I don't know why, but that frustrated me so bad, because I really was just sick with a cold! And it was weird everyone was talking about it behind my back all because of my silly cold.

[kcebeling]

I live in the Mid-atlantic--our winters are cold and the nature of my work has me going in and out of offices many times a day. As a result, I layer knits and sweaters and wear scarves beneath my enormous winter coat. In one of my medical offices, one of my favorite MAs put her hand over my coat onto my belly, where the scarf had bunched and made a bulge. My face couldn't contain it and honestly, I couldn't remember if I had told her (damn "pregnancy Brian!") anyway. Totally out-ed myself without meaning to...

[malelz]

I am living in blissful anonymity. We moved an hour away from our home 5 months ago. We have been so busy with work and stuff that we haven't visited friends too often yet. It's so nice not to have to deal with the prying like last time.

[xxbxx]

Is there a specific reason you're keeping it a secret?

[melohdy]

I had to out myself at work today. We had a baby shower for another co-worker and people started going on about "who's next?!" At one point and even spun a marker on the table to guess who is next and it pointed to me. I kept it cool during the party but confessed to my immediate team shortly after.

[hopefulreturn]

I keep getting called out at work. Now that we are 11 weeks, I'm not lying about it anymore but I was up until about a week ago. A few people caught on when they heard me vomiting one day, and others knew we were going through infertility treatments because I finally admitted that to get people to stop asking me constantly when we'd have kids. Last time we were pregnant we told almost no one before our loss, and then we ended up telling a lot of people close to us about the loss for support. So this time I don't mind as much people knowing in my life, but I don't want it out at work until after the NT scan.