Trying to stay positive.

[20thirteen]

So, I've been waiting for paperwork from DHS to tell me what is going on with DD's child care.  I finally called them Friday and they told me that I now officially make too much to be on assistance. My pitiful .30 raise knocked me off eligibility.  It's taken me a few days to compose myself.  DD's party ended up tiny, which in the end was ok because I don't do parties well, and I wouldn't have had enough food for everyone anyway.  I cried to my BF who told me that, with his new job, he's going to start helping me out with daycare.  "Because I've been her dad her whole life, and I want to help.  Because it's the right thing to do." That kind of threw me because this whole time, I've been insisting on doing things without help, to prove that I could do it.  Now I kind of feel like I'm failing, but I know I'm not.  The feeling is messing me up though. When I approached the director at the daycare, I tried to hide my panic and tears, but I'm pretty sure she saw it.  I asked how much it is a month and she wouldn't give me a number, just told me that she would talk to the other director and see what they could do about getting me a discount.  My assistance ends July 1, so a week and a half to figure this out.  I don't want to have to pull DD from that daycare because she loves it, everyone loves her, and it's close to home. The director knows that.  I'm grateful that she's going to try to help me, too.

Maybe this is just a sign to get my butt back in gear and go to school and get a better job.  One that, if the minimum wage does rise to $15/hr, I wouldn't feel like I've been set back (I make more than $15/hr but less than $17/hr).  Problem with that is school is costly.  

Anyone know of any scholarships or anything for working moms? Also, anyone have any daycare advice?  If I have to pull her, I'm not sure how the transition will be... 

[helenahhandbasket]

I'm so sorry- this is a sucky situation to be in. I totally get wanting to feel like you can support your DD yourself. Are you and your SO planning to be together long term? If yes, I wouldn't hesitate to take the help.

What is your backup plan for child care if you have to take her out?

[20thirteen]

I don't have a back up plan. I'm asking family and friends for help on that. So far, I don't know anyone who doesn't work during the day that could help out.

And my BF and I have discussed being long term, he wants to be in this for the long haul.  And even if I tried to decline help, he would do it anyway.

[helenahhandbasket]

Gotcha- so I would accept the help from your SO, but in the meantime, I probably still would make sure I had an emergency back up.

If your SO helps with daycare, can you swing it?

[freezorburn]

This sounds so stressful! And I totally get it about wanting to take care of things on your own. I hope it all gets straightened out. Sounds like you have some good people trying to help you.

[20thirteen]

helenahhandbasket, I don't know. I'm hoping so, but DC wouldn't give me an exact number on what the cost would be. Which is just so much more stressful. I can't prepare if I don't know what I'm preparing for!

freezorburn, Thanks. Also, freezorburn, you changed your name to mrstrashbarge? Why?

[20thirteen]

Just got the call, they're giving me the lowest they can offer which is $200/week. So, in total, it will be $800/mo which is roughly one paycheck plus a chunk of the second. My BF and I have been texting all day trying to figure out what the plan is. Whether this will be short term for now where we try to live with this cost until we find something better or long term where I just don't know what exactly that plan is, but it involves new jobs and the possibility of him adopting DD (if that should help the situation, however, the plan for him to adopt her was always there, just further down the road).

[freezorburn]

It's great that they got back to you so quickly and you have an idea of what you are dealing with, at least for the short term. FX that you can come up with an arrangement that works for everyone involved.

The name change comes from a running joke on my home board (Cloth Diapering). Back when my marriage started to blow up, I was sharing some of the crazy stuff that MH was doing, and one of the other regs said her H called MH a douchecanoe. And then more stuff happened and we decided a canoe just wasn't big enough .... which is why in my siggy I have the Jaws gif. A few times we've called him a douche aircraft carrier, but ultimately we settled on a trash barge as the right vessel for him. So over there I frequently refer to him as DTBH. I'm working on detaching, though, so I'm starting to transition to STBXH.

Anyway, this week there was an OT thread about name changing. And then with our father's day fiasco I started to look around for something else for my siggy and found my new image -- I don't even know what it's from, but I thought it was pretty funny in light of the name change discussion. And then I thought it would be really funny to temporarily change my SN in light of the name change thread. I might leave it there for a while. I had been thinking about changing it anyway, since I use freezorburn in a couple of other forums and it might be a good idea to not have those obvious links.

Oh, also since you had asked about financing education, I don't know a whole lot about it, but we had someone in the CD board also dealing with changing circumstances and trying to figure out how to stay in school. I think the best place to start would be the financial aid office of whatever school/program you are thinking of enrolling in. They would be able to look at what your tuition/fees would be if you were FT or PT, and then see what sort of loans or programs you qualify for. Sometimes they might know about programs that can help, that might not be widely publicized. I think it can vary from school to school.

[excited30]

I don't have a whole lot to add, but I did want to post and say I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that in the end it's a blessing in disguise. I've learned that sometimes the toughest moments lead to the greatest changes and some things we would never have thought of. I hope for you that this is one of those times. I can only imagine how stressful figuring out day care costs when the money isn't there to cover it would be. The thought of it freaked me out. I am strapped tightly for cash too, but not in your shoes.

That would be a huge change to have your SO adopt your daughter. I think that's a wonderful thought, but hopefully for you the timing is right and not too rushed feeling. If you and SO are totally serious and he's involved with some of the day to day stuff with dd, why not allow him to help out with your dd's child care. If he were only slightly around, I'd say no thanks and hold out on my own. But that's just how I roll...I guess kind of a self protect measure.

I was thinking about you and your daughter's party (actually the reason I came on to this board in the first place). I'm sorry to hear it didn't go quite how you had hoped. Don't be too hard on yourself. There are a lot of people who have a hard time throwing parties and it's not "their thing." Was your daughter happy? That's what matters at the actual event in the end.

May things look up for you soon 20thirteen All the best!

[20thirteen]

Jun 24, 2015 22:47:41 GMT -5 excited30 said:

That would be a huge change to have your SO adopt your daughter. I think that's a wonderful thought, but hopefully for you the timing is right and not too rushed feeling. If you and SO are totally serious and he's involved with some of the day to day stuff with dd, why not allow him to help out with your dd's child care. If he were only slightly around, I'd say no thanks and hold out on my own. But that's just how I roll...I guess kind of a self protect measure.

I was thinking about you and your daughter's party (actually the reason I came on to this board in the first place). I'm sorry to hear it didn't go quite how you had hoped. Don't be too hard on yourself. There are a lot of people who have a hard time throwing parties and it's not "their thing." Was your daughter happy? That's what matters at the actual event in the end.

BF and I were together starting when I was about 8.5 mo pregnant.  He's been daddy to her her whole life.  He has tried to be at every one of her doctors appointments (when he wasn't stuck at work).  He's a pretty involved figure in her life, and he said he was going to contribute regardless if I told him not to.  I have not once asked him for help, and he knows that I wouldn't ever, which is why he's not really giving me a choice here, haha.

And yeah, my DD was really happy.  I wish I could post the balloon surprise (we "filled" the living room with balloons, 3 helium and a small package of balloons we had to blow up) because I made sure I got a video of it.  I bought her a 6V car, like a power wheel car, because 5/6mo ago, target had it on super clearance and I had a gift card.  So, what was normally $220+, I got for $30.  Best deal I've ever gotten. LOL.  And her eyes lit up when she saw she had a little car of her own (haha).  It was good.

[20thirteen]

Jun 24, 2015 15:44:04 GMT -5 freezorburn said:

It's great that they got back to you so quickly and you have an idea of what you are dealing with, at least for the short term. FX that you can come up with an arrangement that works for everyone involved.

The name change comes from a running joke on my home board (Cloth Diapering). Back when my marriage started to blow up, I was sharing some of the crazy stuff that MH was doing, and one of the other regs said her H called MH a douchecanoe. And then more stuff happened and we decided a canoe just wasn't big enough .... which is why in my siggy I have the Jaws gif. A few times we've called him a douche aircraft carrier, but ultimately we settled on a trash barge as the right vessel for him. So over there I frequently refer to him as DTBH. I'm working on detaching, though, so I'm starting to transition to STBXH.

Anyway, this week there was an OT thread about name changing. And then with our father's day fiasco I started to look around for something else for my siggy and found my new image -- I don't even know what it's from, but I thought it was pretty funny in light of the name change discussion. And then I thought it would be really funny to temporarily change my SN in light of the name change thread. I might leave it there for a while. I had been thinking about changing it anyway, since I use freezorburn in a couple of other forums and it might be a good idea to not have those obvious links.

Oh, also since you had asked about financing education, I don't know a whole lot about it, but we had someone in the CD board also dealing with changing circumstances and trying to figure out how to stay in school. I think the best place to start would be the financial aid office of whatever school/program you are thinking of enrolling in. They would be able to look at what your tuition/fees would be if you were FT or PT, and then see what sort of loans or programs you qualify for. Sometimes they might know about programs that can help, that might not be widely publicized. I think it can vary from school to school.

Oh, haha, nice. I think Trash Barge is a good nickname for my BD, too.  BD's bro, B, came over to DD's party for 5min to tell me that he (B) got a promotion at work and is now making 41K/yr and that BD got really fat.  Then left without acknowledging the reason I invited over in the first place.  For DD's birthday.  In case anyone wanted an idea of the people I have to deal with for the rest of her life... LOL

Good thinking on the name change.  I did that on the bump because I used a name that could be traced right back to me and now I'm 20thirteen.

I'm going to call the adviser's office at the community college today to get some info about financial aid, thanks for that bit.  I often forget about contacting them about help.