The Unpunishable Toddler

[amelandre]

I am at my wits' end with my 2yo the last couple days. Literally every single thing I tell him to do/not do he gets this cheeky little grin on and immediately does/doesn't anyway. We have been using the SuperNanny style time-out up until now, but it is having zero effect on him anymore. I put him in timeout and he just sits there with a big grin on his face like he couldn't care less, and more often than not, as soon as his two minutes are up, he sprints right back over for a repeat offense!

He isn't old enough yet to understand delayed punishment so telling him "if you hit the dog again, we will not watch TV later" doesn't work. If I take a toy away because he threw it, he just runs off to find something else to destroy without any fuss.

I'm dying here! Am I missing something or am I just doomed to a child for whom punishment holds no fear forever?

[nemomof2]

I am unfortunatly facing this with my 2 yo. No advice but I hope you can find something and I will be following!

[Deleted]

I have a similar situation with my 2 year, replace dog with cat. When my LO is being mean to our cat I put the cat out in the hallway and shut my son's door. My son gets mad/upset and cries. After awhile we try again and practice touching nicely. If he is hitting me or just generally not being nice to me I leave his room and close the door, if we are in his sister's room then he gets sent to his room with the door shut. This works for us for the time being. With the throwing of toys it might help if you have toys he can throw and a place for him to be able to throw them. It could be something such as a bean bag, a soft squishy ball, etc and it could be a hallway, a certain area of his room, some other room, or outside. Redirection works fairly well. Also one thing I did a bit while teaching 2 year olds was put toys in time out (this happened when children were fighting over a toy or a child wasn't using it right). It worked pretty well, it got to the point that the children would bring me toys and tell me the toy needed time out. Why is it easier to think of possible solutions for other people's kids then my own?

[redfraggle]

Well, time outs aren't the right disciplinary method for all misdeeds. Redirecting still works fairly well at 2, though if you have an older 2 year old, it might be losing its power. Some other things I used on DS at that age and use with DD who will be 2 in a few months include:

speaking in the affirmative rather than the negative (i.e. "We pet doggy gently" while demonstrating gentle, rather than "Don't pull doggy's tail!")

instant, logical consequence (i.e. DD was playing in the back yard with me yesterday and when I had my back turned, she ran up to the front of the house through the garage and down the driveway, almost to the street. She knows she was past the boundary of our yard-- we use a tree and the sidewalk as our boundary markers-- and if she goes past them, I immediately put her in the house. When we were first learning the boundaries, I gave her lots of chances and warnings, but now that she's demonstrated understanding of them, I feel it is appropriate to make the consequence immediate.)

toy time outs (already explained by PP, very effective!)

limit threats and bribes (I readily admit I've used both on my kids, but I use them sparingly. Usually, the kid will do what I ask if I ask in a firm voice and wait for compliance. It is empowering to the kid to do something just because it is the right thing to do, not because mom will punish them if they don't.)

[amelandre]

Jun 25, 2015 14:34:59 GMT -5 redfraggle said:

Well, time outs aren't the right disciplinary method for all misdeeds. Redirecting still works fairly well at 2, though if you have an older 2 year old, it might be losing its power. Some other things I used on DS at that age and use with DD who will be 2 in a few months include:

speaking in the affirmative rather than the negative (i.e. "We pet doggy gently" while demonstrating gentle, rather than "Don't pull doggy's tail!")

instant, logical consequence (i.e. DD was playing in the back yard with me yesterday and when I had my back turned, she ran up to the front of the house through the garage and down the driveway, almost to the street. She knows she was past the boundary of our yard-- we use a tree and the sidewalk as our boundary markers-- and if she goes past them, I immediately put her in the house. When we were first learning the boundaries, I gave her lots of chances and warnings, but now that she's demonstrated understanding of them, I feel it is appropriate to make the consequence immediate.)

toy time outs (already explained by PP, very effective!)

limit threats and bribes (I readily admit I've used both on my kids, but I use them sparingly. Usually, the kid will do what I ask if I ask in a firm voice and wait for compliance. It is empowering to the kid to do something just because it is the right thing to do, not because mom will punish them if they don't.)

I definitely use the "logical consequence" punishments when applicable, like your example if he runs away when we're outside we go back in, or if he spits his juice out, it gets taken away, etc. He just never seems bothered by it! He's too laid-back for his own good. And he did JUST turn two, so maybe he's just too young to get it yet and i'll just keep on until he does.

[redfraggle]

Jun 26, 2015 10:47:24 GMT -5 amelandre said:

Jun 25, 2015 14:34:59 GMT -5 redfraggle said:

Well, time outs aren't the right disciplinary method for all misdeeds. Redirecting still works fairly well at 2, though if you have an older 2 year old, it might be losing its power. Some other things I used on DS at that age and use with DD who will be 2 in a few months include:

speaking in the affirmative rather than the negative (i.e. "We pet doggy gently" while demonstrating gentle, rather than "Don't pull doggy's tail!")

instant, logical consequence (i.e. DD was playing in the back yard with me yesterday and when I had my back turned, she ran up to the front of the house through the garage and down the driveway, almost to the street. She knows she was past the boundary of our yard-- we use a tree and the sidewalk as our boundary markers-- and if she goes past them, I immediately put her in the house. When we were first learning the boundaries, I gave her lots of chances and warnings, but now that she's demonstrated understanding of them, I feel it is appropriate to make the consequence immediate.)

toy time outs (already explained by PP, very effective!)

limit threats and bribes (I readily admit I've used both on my kids, but I use them sparingly. Usually, the kid will do what I ask if I ask in a firm voice and wait for compliance. It is empowering to the kid to do something just because it is the right thing to do, not because mom will punish them if they don't.)

I definitely use the "logical consequence" punishments when applicable, like your example if he runs away when we're outside we go back in, or if he spits his juice out, it gets taken away, etc. He just never seems bothered by it! He's too laid-back for his own good. And he did JUST turn two, so maybe he's just too young to get it yet and i'll just keep on until he does.

One other point I should make: "discipline" means "to teach". The kid doesn't have to get upset to learn his lesson; in fact, it isn't wise to always discipline in a way that upsets the child because children tend to focus on the anger or feelings of unfairness rather than on learning what behavior to change for next time. Don't misunderstand me, there are lots of times when the child will be upset and still learn the lesson, but I would focus my efforts on consistently delivering the logical consequences (good or bad), and the child will eventually get it. There is a reason our parents were always saying "if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times." Good luck!