STM support thread

[junch817]

How is everyone adjusting? How is older sibling doing? Harder or easier than you imagined? Hardest part and best part?

I doubt I'll participate much because I'm so overwhelmed and busy, but I thought it might be a good idea. Or maybe a check on thread?

[Deleted]

This one on the right keeps telling us to take the baby away. He's pretty jealous. I'm trying to balance things and spend one on one time with both of them. We have good days and bad days.

[Deleted]

Hardest part-The older sibling waking up at 5am crying and wanting mommy and me going in his room while simultaneously breastfeeding DD while walking over there. Then seeing the look on DS face when he sees I'm holding the new baby. Sad face.

The best part- seeing the bond that DS has with his dad grow. dad is definitely playing a huge role in making the transition smoother.

[veggiemo]

So far it has actually been easier than I imagined. New baby is like a piece of CAKE compared to my maniac 2.5 year old. I do already kind of worry I'm going to pick favorites with this new LO! (Kind of kidding, kind of not...) He's like this ray of sunshine in my hell of the terrible twos.
Hardest part: DS1 has been quite the challenge and is very aggressive toward the new baby. Purposefully pushes things on top of him, throws things into his bassinet, says he's going to kiss baby and then pushes his head forcefully onto the baby's etc. I was sitting on the floor holding the baby in my lap and he walks right over to us and kicks toward the baby's head. My pedi suggested not even verbally acknowledging the behavior, just getting up and leaving the room. I've been trying that but then DS just cries at the (locked) door while I eventually remind him from the other side that we had to leave because he was being too rough. Then when I finally come out, it's like it never happened and the behavior continues.
DH has been great and so helpful with DS1, especially. He hasn't done much with the baby yet but because of breastfeeding, there really isn't much for him to do. As long as he keeps the older one occupied, I don't mind changing all the diapers!
Best Part: When DS1 is on good behavior and we all enjoy things together, like the zoo or getting ice cream downtown. It feels so natural and perfect to be the FOUR of us. I love it now that I have my completed family.
ETA:

[tiffbot]

Honestly, I am so happy. I feel good about myself, I completely felt my love for DS grow even more when I saw him with his new sister. I'm realizing how much more anxiety I had with DS as a baby, and that the newborn tough stage that I feel now feels much more like 'normal' than it did with him. I stressed myself out more than I realized I did before. I feel like you veggiemo, where my family of 4 just feels that much more comfortable to me. I don't know if it's complete yet, but it feels good.
Best part-watching DS interact with her, trying to help, kissing her. Seeing his patience and independence. He's 2 next weekend and lately I've almost been forgetting he's not that old yet.
Hardest part-balancing time with DS. I've never seen him react with jealousy, so it's more me than him feeling this way. But this is where I see his independence start to shine, and if I'm feeding her or something he often just leaves us to get what he needs (a certain toy or book, or even the other day he wanted a fork with his snack and just went to the drawer and got it himself without asking me). Yep, he is really making my heart happy. 

Sorry if this is all a little sappy, but it's how I'm feeling and I'm just really, really glad.

*deleted pic*

[trixi282]

I feel a bit silly responding, since I don't have E home yet.... But its hard, and I'm struggling more with my H not being understanding about how much I want to be at the hospital during the day on weekdays. Its hardest on weekends when I want to go spend time at the hospital, but I have J (by myself in Saturdays),and I feel bad "pawning her off" to grandparents an extra day. Because I want to spend time with her those days too, but she only lasts a short time at the hospital, so bringing her is so much work....

Since we moved recently too, my H thinks I should spend some time unpacking stuff at home instead of being at the hospital "that long" (usually 4-6 hours). But honestly I could give two fucks if I live out of boxes for another month. I want to spend time with my baby, who I already am going to have extremely limited time at home with.

Sorry that turned into a giant rant....

[sugarkissed]

Things have been a bit hectic with DD1. She spent a week with my mom when we were in the hospital and since she's been home she's been extra clingy. Recovering from a c-section makes it worse, because I can't pick her up right now.... Anyone else in this position, how long are you waiting before you lift your older child? We've been trying to get out of the house as much as possible to help her get rid of some energy, and I'm thankful that DH has had the past 2 weeks off of work.

She has been pretty good with the baby. She tries to "help" by grabbing blankets, diapers, etc. We are still working on teaching her to be gentle. I can't believe how big and grown up she seems now. When we went to the hospital I felt like I was leaving my baby, but we came home to a complete toddler.

[veggiemo]

trixi282 don't feel silly. If anyone has it hard as a STM right now, it's you. Now my complaints seem so trivial and your story is a huge eye opener for me to put things into perspective. Hugs to you!!

[Widget123]

I'll just say that everything has been harder than i imagined, but i finally feel like things are starting to get better again. If my DD didnt fracture her leg the day after we got home from the hospital maybe i would be singing a different tune as i believe her physical pain was part of the reason her behavior fell to shit to such an extreme. The best is yet to come.

[billyhorrible]

So our original plan was to have these kids closer together. My brother and I are just over 2 years apart and we're so close, I wanted that for my kids. But it took us a lot longer to get pregnant than expected. Now that we've brought BabyHorrible home, I'm actually glad there's a larger age span between them because things have been beyond easy here and I think it's because LBB is older than a lot of the others on this board.

I was worried he'd be jealous, or angry, or difficult. The social worker who met with us in the hospital warned that it took kids a couple days until they realized the baby wasn't going away and then all hell would break loose. And there would be a lot of resentment toward me. None of that has happened.

LBB is SO in love with BH. He still calls him "my baby" or "our baby." He wants to hold him all the time. He follows me along during diaper changes. He has a whole stash of toys he's "saving" for BH. (Today he tried to give BH his special spiderman sunglasses) He's not favoring DH over me. And he is beyond helpful - like getting his own clothes or food while I'm feeding the baby. He'll run and get me things if I need them. No tantrums, no acting out. There's really no hard part - I just wish he'd sleep later in the mornings, but DH takes morning duties with him anyway so I can get a little more sleep.

[trixi282]

veggiemo your complaints are certainly not trivial. I'm sure once I have E home with me I'll be feeling very similarly.

sugarkissed, I am 4 weeks post RCS and I still haven't picked up J (will be 3 in 2 weeks). I just don't have the strength or stamina for that! I just remind her that I have a big owie and that helps. I'll lift her onto my lap, but that's about it.

I would listen to your body, but don't over do it. Just remember, if you lift her once she'll want you to again, and expect you to, so be careful with that slippery slope and don't try until you're really comfortable and ready.

[ladysif]

We have only been home 2.5 days so things are still novel. Plus my amazing mother stayed longer per our request so he is doted upon and I can focus entirely on baby. He shows a little sweet interest, we are being very positive about it when he does, but he is also a wild child. He knows things are different and is fighting naps and being a little more sassy but not taking it out on baby.

DH is enjoying having time with DS1 so that is good for both of them. No resentment toward us yet. I am just relieved to have so much time with baby guilt free!

[tulips114]

3rd time mom here...Things are going ok.

DD1 (almost 4) has been amazing. She's a great helper and loves her brother. She's been a little clingy with me, but nothing too bad. She'll literally cling to my leg and say 'I want you' and I reassure that I'm not going anywhere, give her big hugs and she's good.

DD2 (just over 2 yrs) is having a harder time. She was/is a mommy's girl so it's been harder on her. She flips between wanting only me and wanting nothing to do with me. Definitely some acting out going on, and attention seeking behavior, things she knows she's not supposed to do like standing in the kitchen table chairs, and proclaiming 'I stand up!' Of course some of this I'm sure is just 2 y/o stuff she'd be doing anyway, but we've seen an increase in that kind of stuff. She has been great with the baby though. Gentle as a 2 y/o knows how to be, and says 'I lub you baby brudder' it's the cutest.

The girls have been playing awesome together and that has definitely helped the transition. In fact today DD1 asked me to turn on the light in her room so they could play in there, and then told me "you go cook dinner, ok?" Which was nice to do without having to wear DS or worry about them being all over him. Although it was sad for me in a way too, to be kicked out of their little play time.

We've seen some potty training regression in both of them, worse in DD2. But I'm trying not to get too frustrated with it, just remind them that they are big girls and we need to remember to use the potty, and go on about our day.

These may be repeats from HDBD...

[silv3rlining]

Some things are easier than expected some are harder. DS (ell be 2 in July) is sweet but also semi aggressive/jealous. He just doesn't understand LO is little and he needs to be gentle. He will bring me her diapers and throw them away. He will also put stuff on her that's hers. One of the biggest adjustments is not being able just to leave the room (1 of them has to come with me). However LO makes that relatively easy since she's much more high maintenanced than DS ever was. I tend to be anti co-sleeping/bed sharing (DS was in his crib in his room the john we came home from the hospital). Let's just say I'm eating crow now...it's all about survival mode. If I want any sleep I'm realizing baby girl insists on sleeping on me. She hates the swing, hates pacis (except my boob). I can sometimes get her down in the crib or RnP for a short time.

yesterday I felt accomplished and like I was killing the 2u2 thing. It was my first solo day. I took LO to her (2 week) ped appt w DS in tow. I even arrived 15 mins early (and showered at that). DS was an angel while we waited (didn't get called back until 30 mins after scheduled time). Got home and we all napped. I even made dinner yesterday and straightened up the living room and kitchen some. And both kids were asleep in their beds (or at least quiet) by 745. LO didn't let that last past 830...

[wegrowsheep]

silv3rlining I remember when DS#1 was tiny, and DD was under 2, and they fell asleep before dinner time once. We got out crystal candlesticks and ate our pizza in quiet bliss! That was 4 years ago, and I'm pretty sure we haven't used the candlesticks since, lol.

DD and DS are doing quite well with the addition of DS#2. DD is almost 6 and is over the moon in love with the new baby. She's been asking when I'm going to pump milk so she can give him a bottle, and she lays down next to him and talks to him to calm him down. She always wants to hold him. She is in charge of paci duty in the car when he's fussy.

DS was a tougher sell, and told me a couple times that he basically didn't approve. He's a rather strong-willed, wild-child, all-boy kid, so I feel like his reaction has been pretty mild. He knows that he's a big boy and we play it up with big boy privileges, next up is a regular size bed. He climbed in my bed after about a week and told me, "Mommy, I changed my mind about little brother. He is pretty cute." And then he kissed him. However, crying babies are NOT allowed in his room, lol!

[tatersalad]

I was expecting things to be pretty awful since DS (will turn 3 in September) is such a mama's boy. It's only been a week but things have been pretty easy. Texas Ranger is a super low maintenance baby so far, and DS has been very sweet with him. We asked him what toy he wanted to take out the other night and he said, "I bring baby", which made my heart melt. Very good about gentle touching and tells baby not to worry when he is crying. Hardest part: DS has been "scared" more than usual about things but this started about a week before baby arrived. I've just been trying to comfort him even more than usual and reassure him that I'm not going anywhere.

[wifedeangel]

Things have been surprisingly good. DD who is just over 2, has been really good and sweet with DS. She's very gentle, and always wants to hold him. She gets a little upset when I have to feed DS during a cluster feeding time, but overall she's happy to have her Baby Boy. The hard thing right is getting in to a routine, but we can do that when the ILs leave tomorrow.

[sully326]

Things have been pretty easy. Our main problem is getting DS to leave DD alone, honestly. He's constantly wanting to hold her, touch her, kiss her...it's actually really annoying. People say, "At least he likes her". Yeah, but he's freakin' crammed up her butt & it's getting on my nerves. lol

But I do love how much he loves her & I'm glad that right now, he wants to be close to her. He's been a huge help with getting me things if I need them & helping me with her. He's constantly telling me how much he loves "his baby" & how beautiful his sister is. I'm glad he's old enough to understand & really "enjoy" having a baby around.

[sully326]

Jun 27, 2015 0:29:29 GMT -5 billyhorrible said:

So our original plan was to have these kids closer together. My brother and I are just over 2 years apart and we're so close, I wanted that for my kids. But it took us a lot longer to get pregnant than expected. Now that we've brought BabyHorrible home, I'm actually glad there's a larger age span between them because things have been beyond easy here and I think it's because LBB is older than a lot of the others on this board.

I was worried he'd be jealous, or angry, or difficult. The social worker who met with us in the hospital warned that it took kids a couple days until they realized the baby wasn't going away and then all hell would break loose. And there would be a lot of resentment toward me. None of that has happened.

LBB is SO in love with BH. He still calls him "my baby" or "our baby." He wants to hold him all the time. He follows me along during diaper changes. He has a whole stash of toys he's "saving" for BH. (Today he tried to give BH his special spiderman sunglasses) He's not favoring DH over me. And he is beyond helpful - like getting his own clothes or food while I'm feeding the baby. He'll run and get me things if I need them. No tantrums, no acting out. There's really no hard part - I just wish he'd sleep later in the mornings, but DH takes morning duties with him anyway so I can get a little more sleep.

I feel like I could've written this whole thing.

[honeybunches101]

Things are actually going better than I expected. DS is almost 3.5 and has been obsessed with the baby since we first told him I was pregnant. He loves his baby sister and is so excited to see her first thing in the morning and after nap and all day. He is a little too excited and aggressive though, what starts as a sweet kiss on her forehead turns into him basically sucking on her entire face. We are also moving on Tuesday so have been packing up and taking trips to the new house, so he is going through a lot of transitions at once. He has been incredibly hyper, which he usually is, but this is even more than normal. Literally bouncing off the walls (while he shouts 'boing! Boing!') and running and screaming non stop. I am so thankful DD is a much easier baby, I don't know how I would survive if she was as demanding as DS was. And everything seems easier this time, aside from moving with a one week old!

[megeliz1]

Things have been a little rough here. DD is 15 months this week and I think bringing home baby two weeks ago brought on more typical toddler behavior sooner than it would have otherwise. She is throwing tantrums now, is super clingy and just a handful. she has mostly ignored DD2.

[Deleted]

DS1 is eight so he is very independent, which helps, but mornings are tough. I'm still trying to figure out how to juggle a baby who needs to eat right now with getting DS1 fed and off to day camp and still remember to feed the dogs. We've had to completely change the routine to make it work. DS1 is a huge help and likes to "play" with his brother and read him books but is still intimidated by how small he is. 17 days into things DS1 still hasn't held him because he is afraid he'll hurt him. And DS1 will outright tell me when he is feeling jealous so that we can give him some extra attention. But like PP said, DH has really taken over with DS1 and they are getting closer and closer every day. It's wonderful to watch.

Kudos to all of you with young siblings. I can't imagine juggling two itty bitties at a time like this. You all rock!

[bendherova]

We got home today. So far DS1 has been nothing short of amazing. (he's 4). He ran right past me to check out DS2 when we came in, he wants to hold him, he starts singing or playing music on his leap pad when DS2 cries. (he started this in the hospital).

Oh my goodness, I'm just bursting with pride and happiness at how he is acting. I know it's early days, but DS1 is getting an exceeds expectations for now!

[nettje]

We had a rough couple of weeks. DD seemed to adjust well in the first two weeks that we were home but then we had to take Little Man to the hospital where he had a two week stint. Because I stayed at the hospital with him for most of the time and DH would come visit, DD spent a lot of time with grandparents. She started to act up a lot and wouldn't want to do anything (like bathing or leave the house). And she never wanted DH or myself out of sight. For the last week of DS stay at the hospital, I actually got to stay with him. They have beds for one parent to stay over night and in order to get him breast feeding again, I stayed with him.

Now that we're home, DD has been awesome. She helps out and always wants to give DS hugs and kisses. This week she loves him. We'll see what next week brings.

[alayne926]

DS (2) is doing pretty well with baby. He asks to hold her and he loves giving her kisses.

With us, though, he is testing majorly. He is trying to figure out where his new boundaries are, but it's frustrating. He's also having a rough time with me not being able to pick him up. Bedtime has always been our thing, but I can't put him in the crib. We've had to compromise so he'll let DH put him in his crib and then I rub his back and talk for a couple of minutes.

[theBeeMama]

I am struggling BIG time with guilt over not being able to be the same mom to DS as I was a week ago. (DD is four days old). DS has been my world for two years and having to look down at him when he says "mommy, hold you" and not being able to is so heartbreaking to me. I literally bawled last night for half an hour because I felt so awful for sending him to my mom's to spend the night, even though he wanted to go and I know he's having an awesome time. My heart almost physically aches and I'm so worried that I'm hurting him. I try to remind myself that billions of kids have gotten baby siblings throughout history and it almost never turned them into psychopaths or ruin their childhood. But I still just feel really guilty.

[silv3rlining]

theBeeMama I totally understand. When we were at the hospital I couldn't wait to see DS. I try to focus energy/attention on him but LO is much more high maintenance than DS was. In the evenings when DH is home it helps some and I've had some occasional one on one time with DS and it does my heart good. I miss my time with him but I also know that in several months the relationship DS and LO will (hopefully) have will be worth it

[billyhorrible]

Jul 1, 2015 9:05:56 GMT -5 theBeeMama said:

I am struggling BIG time with guilt over not being able to be the same mom to DS as I was a week ago. (DD is four days old). DS has been my world for two years and having to look down at him when he says "mommy, hold you" and not being able to is so heartbreaking to me. I literally bawled last night for half an hour because I felt so awful for sending him to my mom's to spend the night, even though he wanted to go and I know he's having an awesome time. My heart almost physically aches and I'm so worried that I'm hurting him. I try to remind myself that billions of kids have gotten baby siblings throughout history and it almost never turned them into psychopaths or ruin their childhood. But I still just feel really guilty.

I don't know if this helps, and I know it's harder since DS is only 2, but our rule is that he gets first dibs unless I'm feeding the baby. For anything else, the baby gets put down for a minute. I also babywear a lot so I can have 2 hands free to play with LBB.