Before we knew the sex of LO#2, my SIL (who has 2 wild boys) told me that MH and I DESERVE a boy, meaning we have it FAR too easy with our 3yo daughter and we need to be punished some how??
I wanted to say to her first of all, you don't know my lyfe because I don't complain in front of you or FB constantly about my child rearing struggles. Maybe you think having boys is hard because you confuse your kids when it comes to discipline and they act out/misbehave constantly? You can't expect a kid to not hit YOU or others when the punishment for hitting is.....you spanking/smacking him! You also can't expect a kid to take threats seriously when you repeat it 10 times without actually following through!
edited for claaarrriiitttyyy
Ok but saying "I actually know how to make a child listen and he won't run around like that" is...laughable?
I'm just saying there's a difference in making your child listen and letting them run around doing whatever the hell they want with no consequences.
I usually say the "just you waits" to the assholes that think they're magically going to be perfect parents. Sorry, dude, your kid will throw tantrums, will color on the wall, will take their diaper off and pee on the floor, will smack you in the face and say, "I don't love mommy!" Because tiny humans can't control their emotions. Not because I'm a shitty mom. So, yes, I say that when I get defensive about my kid's actions.
No, I'm on your side with that. And obviously some parents really aren't effective with discipline.
But @ponychild's post about how well behaved and compliant her child will be is pretty much begging for a "just you wait."
If there was ever a time to appropriately use the statement 'just you wait', it was after her comment, lol.
Okay apparently I sucked at what I was trying to say and I'm sorry for that. Just like chuggingwater said the internet changes tone and interpret. If you actively discipline your child and they still run around because of their personality is one thing, but if you're just letting them do whatever they want with no consequences and then trying to say everybody else's child is going to act just like that is something completely different. And that's what I meant to begin with.
I just love when people with boys that don't behave (because the parents let him do whatever the hell he wants) tells me "Are you still ready to have a boy?" Umm yes! But my boy isn't going to act like that. I actually know how to make a child listen and he won't run around like crazy.
Ha! What a dumb thing to say...ready or not, that train is coming! I don't know why people with kids try to scare pregnant women.
Why can they say "just wait, the cuddles are amazing" or "just wait until your kid tells you, unprompted, that he loves you"??
Post by brettanomyces on Jul 1, 2015 14:25:53 GMT -5
Nobody knows I'm KU yet, so I suppose I have this to look forward to.
When we were TTC and dealing with IF the "when you have kids" comments bothered me. Nobody knew we were IF, but I was a bit resentful that they were so sure I'd be having kids.
DH was talking to his mother about kids, and DH joked that we haven't (and won't) make any mistakes raising our kids...obviously TIC, and her response was to laugh, roll her eyes and say "so you think" in a very condescending way. It was very obvious that she didn't realize he was kidding and it she already has opinions on how we are doing so far. Keep it to yourself hun because if you want to go there I have my own opinions on how you raised your kids.
If there was ever a time to appropriately use the statement 'just you wait', it was after her comment, lol.
Okay apparently I sucked at what I was trying to say and I'm sorry for that. Just like chuggingwater said the internet changes tone and interpret. If you actively discipline your child and they still run around because of their personality is one thing, but if you're just letting them do whatever they want with no consequences and then trying to say everybody else's child is going to act just like that is something completely different. And that's what I meant to begin with.
ETA: fix tag
Ok I was side eyeing your initial statement but I agree with what you just said above.
My SIL (and MIL) constantly pull the "oh, she's just 2" card with my niece, when in reality, the problem is that she literally has ZERO discipline/rules/consequences. They are the parents who will threaten consequences and not follow through, say "you're going to go in time out" and then either take her (but not really take her) to time out for 2 seconds (literally) and then give up. Natalie knows all she has to do is try something twice because then she'll get to do it - Mommy and Daddy will tell her "no" once, and then when she tries again, they relent and basically say it's just easier to let her do it.
^^^will NOT be my style of parenting, so for MIL and SIL to say "that will be you soon" about stuff like that really grinds my gears because, like I said, I'm not interested in allowing my kid to be undisciplined and without consequences. There is also a difference between a 1 year old doing things and a 2 year old doing things, just like there's a difference between a 2 and a 3 year old, and so on. My response as a parent will be tailored to my child's age and development, as it should be.
I understand kids will do bad shit - to a certain extent. The parent's reaction to said bad shit is what dictates (generally) the rest of the story (I realize sometimes you will try and try and try and nothing will work - there are NO absolutes in cases of children).
TL;DR - I agree with what you said above and not all kids and not all parents do things the same way.
If I ever mention that I'm slightly tired or overwhelmed with DS to anyone I get "Oh just wait until you have two of them to deal with!" Free throat punches to anyone who says this.
Post by peaseblossom55 on Jul 1, 2015 18:07:12 GMT -5
When we were celebrating father's day with my family in conversation I mentioned our plan to cloth diaper and breast feed. My mom and sister were completely negative about and were saying things, like just you wait until the baby gets here you will be too tired for that. I was so angry and sad. I realized like quite a bit in life I have to hold back what I share with my family. I really haven't spoken with them since, other than a quick text last week.
Post by jumpingpuddles on Jul 1, 2015 18:23:29 GMT -5
Nobody tells a mom with #3 just you wait. They just look at you like you are nuts. In all seriousness, the only sort of advice I have gotten this time around is a friend whose third is 8 months old who basically said don't expect them to be good sleepers just because your first two were. I literally lol'd and said yeah, my first two were complete shit sleepers, so I have no expectations of getting a good sleeper.
Nobody tells a mom with #3 just you wait. They just look at you like you are nuts. In all seriousness, the only sort of advice I have gotten this time around is a friend whose third is 8 months old who basically said don't expect them to be good sleepers just because your first two were. I literally lol'd and said yeah, my first two were complete shit sleepers, so I have no expectations of getting a good sleeper.
Generally it doesn't bother me, largely becasue many of the "just you waits" from DS came true. But the one I hate now is people saying "just you wait, you'll try for a girl afters this one" (since I'm having another boy). No, really. I won't.
I am having a girl and people say all the time "oh your done perfect family". I was done even if this baby was another boy! By the way what is wrong with having only sons, I don't get it either way the second baby made our family complete no matter the sex!
I think people think I'm more nuts because I have one of each already. Because clearly the only reason to have more than 2 is to have both sexes. Although I'll admit that there are plenty of days I think I am crazy for doing this, especially being in a 2 bedroom house with no plans to move for a year or two.
People know I have three older children, so I don't hear that from anyone. But I do say it to myself, just you wait, you will be back to NOT sleeping during the night nor having freedom anymore. LOL
What irks me now is my mother. She can be nasty. I had issues with my 15 year old back in Oct. In talking to her she went into her nasty snide remarks: "Welcome to being a mom of a teenager" "Welcome to my world". This is why I don't tell her much.
My mom has started saying this to me. Every time he talks back or has an attitude I'm suppose to just ignore it bc he is just being a teenager. She says things like this in front of him too, which doesn't help the situation.
Generally it doesn't bother me, largely becasue many of the "just you waits" from DS came true. But the one I hate now is people saying "just you wait, you'll try for a girl afters this one" (since I'm having another boy). No, really. I won't.
I get this a lot too (having my 2nd girl). Nope, not gonna happen. We have a boy & he's in my profile pic. I usually shut down talks of a 3rd kid asap.
Generally it doesn't bother me, largely becasue many of the "just you waits" from DS came true. But the one I hate now is people saying "just you wait, you'll try for a girl afters this one" (since I'm having another boy). No, really. I won't.
I get this a lot too (having my 2nd girl). Nope, not gonna happen. We have a boy & he's in my profile pic. I usually shut down talks of a 3rd kid asap.
When we announced our second girl, several people gave me a pitying look and said something along the lines of, 'oh, your poor husband!' as if he is disappointed! I can't fathom ever expressing myself to someone in this manner. People are so fucking rude sometimes!
Post by anonymouseliza on Jul 2, 2015 14:11:30 GMT -5
Just waits don't bother me much now because I don't get so many, and before, I was too busy hoping we had a living child.
What bugs me a lot more is "One of each! The perfect family!" and "Oh, boy and girl! now you can be done!" type comments. Uh, this is the second son - we will never have a perfect family, our first child is dead. And I have no idea if we'll try for a third, but it is not now and never was dependent on the sex of this child.
"You just wait until the baby is here, you will forget about your dog." That was one of the weirder ones I've gotten. Do people realize dogs are living things?
I got that one too. The person even suggested that I would give my dogs away now that I was having a baby.
"You just wait until the baby is here, you will forget about your dog." That was one of the weirder ones I've gotten. Do people realize dogs are living things?
I got that one too. The person even suggested that I would give my dogs away now that I was having a baby.
Post by jumpingpuddles on Jul 3, 2015 8:04:05 GMT -5
I by no means agree that you will hold ill-will towards pets once baby arrives, but I do find it amusing just how many pictures I took of my cats before kids (a billion) compared to after (zero). Maybe I'm just a shitty cat owner now, though, who knows.
The sad thing is some people do get rid of their pets (dogs especially) when they have babies. H's cousin's wife did. She hates dogs now. I don't think his cousin has much say in what goes in that house.
On the topic of getting rid of dogs/pets: in some cases I would prefer it if some people did get rid of their dogs. Our friends had a baby (she's over 2 now) and their dog is so neglected. We have no idea what will happen when the second one comes, but it's extremely upsetting to see.
I agree with this, but I feel the people should do their "homework" with where they put their dog. For instance a no kill shelter or a breed specific rescue. I really hope we don't neglect our dogs once the baby comes.
Hmm. I actually don't remember anyone saying this to me. I think DH said it a few times with DD, mainly when I was talking about being tired from getting up early for work.
I never say this to people. It makes me feel like I'm being too condescending or know-it-all -ish.
It doesn't usually bother me too much and I brush it off if it happens. I didn't blink an eye when DH said it because I knew it was true, ha.
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