Sort of NBR - friends with infertility

[ladymouse]

Situation:  You have a new baby.  Two days later, some good friends find out that a) IVF is the only way they can get pregnant, b) they have ONE shot at it before the guy is rendered sterile due to a needed hormone treatment, and c) they have less than a month to scrounge up the $10-15K to pay for it (on military pay).  

What is the kindest?

Do you
a) not shove a baby in their face until after their IVF treatment?
or
b) continue with your regularly scheduled interaction?

I just found out they've been dealing with both male and female infertility for 4 years.  These people will make FANTASTIC parents, and my heart aches for them.  I want to help however I can.  We're throwing in some financially (in the very off chance someone wants to contribute, I can send the gofundme link in a private message).  The part I need help with...  I don't want to make it worse by flaunting my good fortune OR alienating them.

[silv3rlining]

That's a tough situation. Part of me says continue with normal interaction but then I also want to say er in the side of caution. Not sure how close you guys are so maybe ask if they need some space?

Or interact as normal as possible and make it a point to ask about them/talk about things other than baby. I know it's hard to talk about stuff outside of baby when speaking on a personal level because they consume your life in the early stages.

[carolyngrace]

I would continue regularly, but ask the next time you see them. "I'm so glad to share DB with you guys, but I understand if you need some space from babies for a bit. Will you let me know if that's the case?"

[purpledaisy923]

As someone who has struggled with infertility, I would not shove the baby in their face. Even after they go through IVF, don't shove the baby in their face. If they want to spend time with the baby, give them a chance to express that to you. If they don't mention anything, I would just assume that they don't want to see the baby.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend time with your friends. Maybe arrange to spend time with your friends when you can get a babysitter. Spend time with them without the baby and without mentioning the baby. Trust me, infertility and babies are on their mind 24/7 anyways, so it would be nice to escape those thoughts for a bit.

((hugs)) to your friends. I really hope IVF works for them.

[mcp6286]

T&Ps for your friends! There are so many crappy parents out there that it breaks my heart when those who would be awesome at it struggle to conceive. Hoping for the very best for them!

[billyhorrible]

Like purpledaisy923 I would let them take the lead. I wouldn't mention or bring up the baby at all. If they want to talk about it, let them be the one to open that door. And once its open, treat it appropriately and respectively, not like it's carte blanche to talk all about the baby.