Going Out of Your Comfort Zone

[icequeen]

Hi y'all! Happy 4th! Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

*ED behaviors mentioned*

I've really been pushing myself to go out of my comfort zone by trying different foods, working out less intensely, and adjusting to last minute changes in plans. My therapist and I decided on a different work out plan this week and to continue to raise my caloric intake. Once I set a plan, I am pretty rigid in sticking to it and have terrible anxiety if something goes wrong, like the storm last week that prevented me from working out in the morning. So this weekend DH asked me if I could take Sunday morning off from my exercise and just rest my body. Immediately I got defensive and had trouble articulating why this is not a good idea because I had different challenges set up for this week. I felt stupid telling him about why it was such a big deal to me to still do my work out and not change plans at the last minute, but I didn't want to get in an argument and derail our evening. So I agreed to not work out in the morning and tried to think of it as a positive. I know my body needs rest but I also feel very edgy and uncomfortable about tomorrow, when I have to really push myself.

I initially was going to just talk about your reactions to challenges like mine and not go into details, so I added the trigger warnings. I don't know if I'm asking for advice here or just looking to vent and get extra motivation for tomorrow. I suppose I'll just ask how do y'all deal with going outside your comfort zone in your individual struggles? How do you cope with your illness when you are faced with these kinds of curveballs? Thanks again for reading and I'm sorry for making anyone uncomfortable.

[bocaburger]

First of all, it's really impressive how hard you are working to challenge yourself. I hope you are able to reflect and feel proud, even if it doesn't always go perfectly.

I also struggle when I have to change my plans or adapt to unforeseen circumstances. When I set goals and don't accomplish them, I am really hard on myself and often get so upset that I ruin the rest of my day.

One thing that helps me is to be very mindful and logical about it. If I start getting anxious about a plan not working out, I think through the situation and usually find that from a logic standpoint, it's not nearly as big a deal as I'm making of it.

I also try to make alternate plans in case things don't go well, and set myself up for success as much as possible. Maybe if you're taking a day off from exercise, you could make a structured plan for how you'll spend that time. Make it something fun with YH or daughter that you'll look forward to. That way instead of thinking about not exercising, you can try to think about that fun activity instead.

Also, be kind to yourself. Even if you are not successful, give yourself credit just for trying. If you mess up, move on and try to do better the next time. Don't dwell on what goes wrong.

Good luck!

[icequeen]

Thank y'all for the responses. I do have a hard time giving myself credit for anything, especially with my ED. It is one of the reasons I use this board, because I need people to validate that yes I am trying and that I am making changes and still succeeding. Y'all know the saying "You are your own worst enemy"? Well, that is me to a T. I will always be the one to criticize myself and look at the flaws and ignore the positives.

bocaburger, I know what you mean by ruining the rest of your day if you have a bad start or something throws you for a loop. I do this all time, and mostly it is on the weekends when MH is home and we're all together. He has a hard time approaching and reacting to my ED which usually just stresses me out even more because I have to put him in an uncomfortable situation. I actually told him this weekend that I wish he could find a new wife because he didn't deserve someone sick like me. I really like your idea of making a plan B. I find keeping my mind occupied is the biggest relief for my ED behaviors, or even just taking a nap if DH is home. Like today, I didn't do my workout in the morning and we went to church then came home and packed our bags and went on a trip and came home early afternoon, just in time for DD to take a nap and for me to nap too! When we woke up it was already 4 so I just did some chores and kept busy and made it to dinner and now the day is done. It's a huge relief. A lot of times people don't realize that even though you might look fine on the outside, you are fighting a 24/7/365 battle in your head.

[juliayadda]

Usually the hardest things for me outside of my comfort zone involve lingering social anxiety triggers.

Like oh btw instead of a quiet night at home let's go to a party right meow!

I turned down a friend reaching out for me to go to a baseball game last minute because I just need time to plan.

Sometimes I have good/better days and I can do it. I try to embrace days where I feel better and push those boundaries.

Challenge for me right now: bluesfest equals 100000 people in one place and crowds and no parking and expensive bottled water and long lines... but it also equals Keith Urban and a bunch of awesome musical acts. I am trying to convince myself to go. I gave been trying to convince myself to go for 8 years

[bocaburger]

GREAT JOB going the whole day without working out! You accomplished your goal and did something major that YH had specifically asked for. You did it. Way to go, girl! :-)

[Deleted]

icequeen, I'm so proud of you! Sometimes keeping busy is all we can do.

[icequeen]

@usernameedit, bocaburger, thank you so much It was nice to have the rest and I feel better today

juliayadda, I definitely understand about your discomfort with the huge concerts and crowds. While I don't have any social anxieties, the crowds, noise, and chaos is enough to make me want to skip concerts and I've never actually been to a concert. I've been to small local shows where the main crowds are people I know or DH knows. I would feel a little better if it was outside rather than indoors.

The Bluesfest sounds like a great time. Is there anyone that can go with you that you trust with your feelings? Maybe y'all can go on a day that it's not as packed? I don't know what the schedule is like and it might just be packed all the time. If you don't feel like you can handle the Bluesfest, maybe you can pick a smaller concert that's more local just to build up your confidence. But if you do decide on Bluesfest, it would be good to have an "escape plan" if you feel like it is too much for you. I am a huge planner too and I would not be able to deal with last minute changes in plans well either. It's definitely something I'm working on too.

[Deleted]

I like to plan ahead too, and if it is something that will put me outside of my comfort zone I definitely need to think it through thoroughly about how I will approach it and what contingency plans I can put in place. I can definitely understand that if you are feeling like you are pushing yourself, and you have a plan for doing that, it would be really stressful to change that plan at the last minute. Don't feel bad about that, it's just who you are. Your H loves you and wants to help you, and he can do a better job of that if he can understand what it is that's stressing you out. I also understand how difficult it can be to communicate that kind of thing, so I'm not surprised you struggled to explain why it bothered you so much - just keep trying, you're doing great!