PPD/Baby Blues

[wormgerm]

I'm no expert but it sounds like you need help with breastfeeding. If he is pulling away and spitting up after you force him back on I would think he's taking in more than he needs. I'm content if my baby goes 12-15 on one side and doesn't want more when I offer because if he doesn't get enough he let's me know within a few minutes and latches back on. You're probably working yourself up over the perceived feeding issue when, if he's gaining weight to your pediatricians comfort and making enough wet/dirty diapers, he's probably just fine.

At 3 weeks out you should be feeling fairly normal so I would contact your OB for help with the PPD/PPA. They can help you. No sense suffering through such a beautiful/crazy/amazing/hard time anyway. No shame in that!

Make an appointment with an LC to learn how to wean off the shield and get some confidence building support.

You are a great mother and you're doing your best. We're happy to have you here and are glad you're reaching out. Drink lots of water, eat well, get some sunshine and exercise, let someone else watch the baby so you can get a solid nap in. This will pass.

[billyhorrible]

Never let anyone make you feel like your feelings are invalid. It doesn't matter if no one else in the world feels overwhelmed, you do. And if you feel overwhelmed, you need help. Help from your husband, friends, and/or a professional, depending on what you feel like you need help with.

It's really hard to say what's "normal" because it's going to vary per person. So try not to focus on that. Call your OB/PCP and let them know that you're feeling out of sorts since having the baby. My hospital sent a social worker to speak with me following the birth because of my history of anxiety. She said the first two weeks it's "normal" to be overly hormonal and emotional, but if it feels overwhelming, call someone, don't wait and see if it levels out.

[wormgerm]

I reread your post and wanted to add the following:

Right or wrong I let my baby eat off one breast per feeding unless he's on for half an hour or more and still going and I think it seems emptied. My understanding is that this way he gets the fatty satisfying hindmilk instead of just lots of watery foremilk. Take it or leave it but it works for us. I feed on demand as frequently as he wants. I try to let it be natural for us instead of watching the clock constantly between feedings because for me that would make it more stressful.

Yesterday at 19 days old was our first long outing where I had to feed him away from home. We did it in the car using the diaper bag for support. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as using my my brest friend pillow at home but it got the job done and made me a little more confident. Milk sprayed everywhere (including all over my husband) but we were ok! You'll be ok too! It was actually really funny and lightened the mood of something that had been causing me anxiety since he was born. After that we were able to enjoy a meal in a restaurant with family (I had dreaded this but it was fine and a nice break) and then we visited family an hour away. I nursed him there twice (privately in the cool basement away from the commotion) using the my brest friend pillow. It was perfectly fine. The only way to get rid of that fear of the unknown with nursing outside of the house is to just do it. Give yourself grace. You'll figure it out. My next goal for outside breastfeeding is to learn to do it in the ring sling.

[wormgerm]

Sorry for the very long posts.

Good point billyhorrible. My use of "normal" meant not overwhelmed to the point of feeling like you can't cope. It was what the OB who delivered and a bunch of nurses said when I asked what to expect as I have a history of depression and anxiety. I feel different today than I did the first week and a half where I was constantly crying and questioning my ability to keep the baby alive. Questioning if I had ruined my life having a child because I was sure I would never sleep and breastfeeding would never get easier and life would never get better. It's still hard but I don't cry every day anymore and I can see he is getting stronger.

[missjenniebean]

I felt the same way. My day consisted of feedings and that's all I could see. I cried all the time. My SO became nervous, took us out for a change of scenery. It helped temporarily but I was crying every night, without him knowing and thinking I didnt want to do this anymore and how I would survive. At my 6 week, they were checking up on me and my bp was higher than it was when I was pregnant and they asked how I've been feeling. I told them and my SO voiced his opinion too. I had depression/anxiety issues before hand as well and they put me back on my meds.

I should not have waited that long to get help, I put myself in to more stress by not seeking help.

Take some walks and call your doc, it'll be worth it.

The nipple shield was the worst thing that could have happened to us for breastfeeding. We went cold turkey and everything is a million times better. You can always call a LC as well.


You're doing great, don't let anyone make you feel like you are not.

[veggiemo]

Im so sorry you are feeling so down. I definitely had baby blues with DS1. A difficult baby paired with a very painful recovery was a bad mix. Just wanted to tell you that you're not alone and it does get better.
For me, it was very helpful to get time away from the baby. Schedule a dinner date with a girlfriend if and when you can and give yourself a break. It's so hard when we feel so lousy and then never get any time to ourselves. If you can't get out of the house yet (I know how hard this all is with breastfeeding, etc) make sure your husband gives you time to take a really really long hot shower or bath every day with no interruptions. Have him take the baby on a walk or out of the house so you don't even have to hear them fuss. You need to make sure to give yourself those breaks or you're going to feel worse and worse.
Hang in there, and talk to your doc if you need to. Nothing to be ashamed of, I have been there, trust me.

[carolyngrace]

These ladies have pretty much covered everything. I just want to agree that there's no "normal" and if YOU think you are TOO depressed and overwhelmed, by all means talk to someone and get some more help!

Your breastfeeding situation sounds so overwhelming. I would also suggest giving a bottle (pumped or formula) here and there so you can TRY to get a little more sleep. Sleep is key!

Best of luck. Check back in with us as often as you need! xo

[tiffbot]

Jul 6, 2015 12:27:45 GMT -5 @freckleface said:

Sometimes I find myself missing work which I didnt expect at all and I think it's because it's a normal routine for me- if I can just find a new "normal routine", that would really help things.

I've been a SAHM since my son was born 2 years ago, and I remember how weird and hard it was getting through to my head that I don't have a boss anymore, or a schedule for that matter! That I truly had ALL the decisions to make myself all the time. It's definitely a huge adjustment but you do get there!

[mathistm]

Know that you aren't alone with the feeling of being overwhelmed! Being a mommy is much harder than I had ever imagined.
I spoke with my doctor today and he wrote me a prescription for the lowest effective dose possible of Zoloft. My anxiety was feeling out of control and consuming. It's the safest for breastfeeding and it starts working in just a few days so if I don't like how it makes me feel I will know sooner rather than later. Our plan is to just use the 30 day prescription to see if that can take the edge off and get over the hurdle of the first month. I beat myself up about it at first a little bit I feel like it was the right decision. I was starting to resent the baby and breastfeeding a lot. This is supposed to be a happy time in your life, feel free to reach out!