But it always just makes me more pissed if DH tries to fight with me over things I'm being irrational about. Sometimes I just wish he would be like, "...ookay" and walk away. But I don't know what others think.
just under no circumstances mention the word "hormone" to your baby mama. that will not bode well for you, my friend!!
Try not to get mad or fight back. Compliment her on how much she is glowing, even when she doesn't feel good. My husband is pretty good at ignoring me for a bit and then saying something funny to bring me back to reality.
Post by kristhegirl on Jan 23, 2015 22:28:48 GMT -5
I can hear when I'm overreacting. I can't always stop it, but I know when it's happening or just after. I don't ever need my husband to point it out - in fact, the best thing he can do is kind of let it slide off him, because then I have no fuel for the irrational fire.
In calm times I have explained this to him, because he is a pitch-matcher in conversation, so his inclination is to fight back. Rationally it is not him, I just... can't control it, sometimes, and that is a very very strange feeling.
If it's sadness and she wants comfort, obviously comfort her. I haven't been sad much, I go from one to eleven in about three seconds over nothing, and then it's gone just as fast. If my husband comes down to my level, it's a fight. If he basically ignores it, it goes away.
I understand how unsure that might sound, but I really can't explain it.
I can hear when I'm overreacting. I can't always stop it, but I know when it's happening or just after. I don't ever need my husband to point it out - in fact, the best thing he can do is kind of let it slide off him, because then I have no fuel for the irrational fire.
In calm times I have explained this to him, because he is a pitch-matcher in conversation, so his inclination is to fight back. Rationally it is not him, I just... can't control it, sometimes, and that is a very very strange feeling.
If it's sadness and she wants comfort, obviously comfort her. I haven't been sad much, I go from one to eleven in about three seconds over nothing, and then it's gone just as fast. If my husband comes down to my level, it's a fight. If he basically ignores it, it goes away.
I understand how unsure that might sound, but I really can't explain it.
Unrelated, but I love the term "pitch matcher." Though unfortunately I think it describes my conflict style- definitely something for me think about!
Like previous posters said, if she's sad/upset offer a hug. If she's being irrational I suggest walking away. Personally when my husband calls me out when I'm being irrational it just makes more mad. I know when I'm being ridiculous, and don't need anyone to point it out. That being said even when I know I'm being over dramatic, it's like I can't help it. Pregnancy hormones are such a wonderful thing : )
Yes! DH is a problem solver and it drives me nuts! It's much sweeter when he asks what he can do to help make the situation better...usually something like putting my chihuahua on my lap when I'm having a meltdown on the couch...or making me laugh by acting like a goofball
I'll be honest when I get upset or irrational DH knows to get the hell away from me until I come back down. I find something to scrub and he locks himself in his man cave until I calm down. (I'm going to miss that place). Depending on the situation I can always get myself calmed down to the point I want to talk about it.
If I'm upset I don't want to be pressured to talk about anything, just held till I ready
I'm probably the most horrible person to be asking as I probably have more guy qualities than girl qualities when it comes to my feelings and communication ( and strangely enough, my degree is in communication lol).
But let her take the lead. Just be there for her when she needs it.
When I get hormonal H hugs and kisses on me. He tells me he's right here , we're in this together & asks what's wrong. It's not always well received in the beginning but I warm up and I'll either tell him what's wrong or ask for space. A lot of times before walking away he'll say "I just want you to know you're doing a great job" Showing support is the best way to handle it...
I'm guessing this is totally down to individual style, but for me, when I'm irrationally upset/angry I just want a shoulder and some support. I don't want anyone to fix my problems, I don't want you to ignore me because I'm being irrational. Heaven help you if you walk away. I want you to validate me, give me a hug, let me be upset even if it's ridiculous, let me cry and tell me it'll all be better soon. That's it.
I don't need alone time typically unless I'm really furious. My husband typically just sticks around and rubs my back or whatever and that we get me to the point in ready to talk.
Post by chelseamp11 on Jan 24, 2015 7:06:41 GMT -5
Your first bet: Deleting this post (if you can) or not posting one like it again. We are obviously here for advice but if my H were in here asking for advice how to deal with my hormones, I know I'd go on a rage. I'd be so livid. Rational me knows that you are trying to be a good SO, which is AWESOME! Just know that the dynamic of things you guys say will be open for the other to see. And as you know, hormones make us insanely irrational lol.
BUT! To answer your question, like others have said, it really depends on the "type" of hormones. Crying/sad? Hold her, comfort her, rub her back, etll her it will be okay. Pissed off at someone else hormones? Agree with her (even if she's being ridiculous). Pissed off at you? Try to listen to her concerns, apologize, buy her lots of ice cream and suck up big time
Post by wineandwalter on Jan 24, 2015 7:07:07 GMT -5
Sometimes I don't even know what I'm upset about. H has learned to not ask what is wrong but to ask what I need. Like PPs said, sometimes I need alone time, sometimes a hug, sometimes I need to just be upset for a minute so that I can get it out.
I agree with Chelsea on posting here- posts like this would really tick me off. I'd find your separate space to post about her. It's not wise to post about her here, IMO.
Why is it terrible to talk about his wife here? Do people not ask for advice about their husbands /various other relationships all the time?
I'm just curious as to why it would upset you guys. It wouldn't occur to me to mind, unless I was being trash-talked or all my faults were divulged to the world. The OP was the opposite of specific and detailed; he just asked for our own experiences. *shrug*
I feel like that for asking this question here, he handled it well. He didn't say what she was doing to make him think she was hormonal (something that is really a danger zone - don't assume I'm hormonal because you didn't follow through on a commitment you made), and he didn't make a judgment of her here for us to read.
That said, it might still irritate me if I was his partner reading this just because I know he's assuming I'm being hormonal. But I don't think he was in any way negative toward her in the post or made her look "bad" to us.
Why is it terrible to talk about his wife here? Do people not ask for advice about their husbands /various other relationships all the time?
I'm just curious as to why it would upset you guys. It wouldn't occur to me to mind, unless I was being trash-talked or all my faults were divulged to the world. The OP was the opposite of specific and detailed; he just asked for our own experiences. *shrug*
I guess it depends... Does she use these forums too? If so, I agree about not posting it here. If she doesn't at all, then I think it's safe.
The best thing my husband can do when I'm feeling out of control of my emotions is to just sit with me and not try to drag what's wrong out. She will talk to you when she's ready and may just need support.
*** Please excuse the typos, my phone hates me***
Married September 14, 2013
TTC #1 August 2014
1st Pregnancy September 2014 - Chemical Pregnancy
2nd Pregnancy October 2014 - July 8, 2015 Due Date!Stick bean, stick!
When I act like a crazy irrational pregnant woman, MH does one of two things (or both) 1. Hands me some food 2. Tells me to go to bed to get some sleep. Fixes almost everything
BFP#5 11/15/14, Team Caved, couldn't wait... its a girl EDD 7/22/15
BFP#4 4/30/13, baby girl born med-free Jan 2014
BFP#3 9/24/12, Missed m/c at 9w1d
BFP#2 9/23/10, baby girl born med-free June 2011
BFP#1 5/21/10, Missed m/c at 10w4d, D&C 6/29/10
I guess it depends... Does she use these forums too? If so, I agree about not posting it here. If she doesn't at all, then I think it's safe.
The best thing my husband can do when I'm feeling out of control of my emotions is to just sit with me and not try to drag what's wrong out. She will talk to you when she's ready and may just need support.
You must have missed his intro post a few days ago. She's a very active poster here.
I caught his initial intro, but missed the later question about if his SO was here. Thanks for clarifying!
Then yes, I agree, probably shouldn't be asking about your hormonal wife here. Questions are one thing, but despite us knowing we're extra hormonal right now, we don't really need the reminder.
Post by kristhegirl on Jan 24, 2015 10:00:05 GMT -5
I actually don't mind this question, I think I recall his SO mentioning that he gets frustrated when she's upset, which leads to disagreements and hurt feelings. I have a feeling this is an approved post, for other perspectives.
Why is it terrible to talk about his wife here? Do people not ask for advice about their husbands /various other relationships all the time?
I'm just curious as to why it would upset you guys. It wouldn't occur to me to mind, unless I was being trash-talked or all my faults were divulged to the world. The OP was the opposite of specific and detailed; he just asked for our own experiences. *shrug*
Because his SO is also here...
That is news to me, but, assuming she introduced him to this forum and is aware he is posting here, I think I'll leave it up to her to decide what she is and isn't ok with him posting. For me, I enjoy this space as a place away from my husband but that might not be the case for them. Nothing that he wrote was outwardly inappropriate, so I see no need for me to judge that. *shrug*
Anyway, just curious. Your objections make more sense to me now that I know his SO is active here too.
I don't really have much to add. I think PPs have covered it pretty well. The things that make things worse in our house are the use of the word "hormone" and arguing with me when I'm being irrational or overreacting. Like kristhegirl said, we're usually aware and just physically can't help it.
Also, keep in mind that sometimes there's nothing you can do to fix it. Let her know that you're there for whatever she needs and that's all you can do. Don't assume that it's something you're doing wrong (or she's doing wrong) or try to "fix" things. Sometimes the best thing to do is simply to ask "What do you need?" If she needs to be alone then give her that. If she wants to talk about it then listen, try to be understanding, and validate her feelings. Kudos to you for trying.
I guess I see it as being at a dinner party and my husband polling the group as to how to deal with my hormones...with me sitting right there. It would be awkward and upsetting for me, and rather awkward for other people to answer as well.
Sorry to the ladies that got offended by the question, It's not that we are or were going through problems I just wanted a general consensus of what is ideally done to handle this situation. I also thought about it and even though she introduced me to the forum its probably best to let her have this as her place. That being said, it was fun and was nice to meet you all but I'm going to leave this forum to you ladies because this is your escape. Thank you for all of you advice.
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