Thursday Toddler Confessions

[laurski81]

Henry:

- "When we go to the park my Mommy always packs a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me. If she cuts it I throw a tantrum that it isn't all in one piece...If she leaves it all in one piece then I flip out that it is not cut. She wised up and started leaving it in one piece and bringing a knife with her. But I won't let her get the upper hand...as soon as she cuts the sandwich I cry that it is broken. Now she has to make and bring two sandwiches...one cut the other whole. bahahahahahaha"

- "I know that Mommy thinks that I am no good at hide and seek; but that's funny because she sure had a hard time finding her car keys that I hid. That will teach her to doubt me."

- "It's only fun to want to eat dinner and insist on using the potty when it's time to go to bed."

- "I overheard my Mommy talking to my Daddy rather angrily about kid's spelling skills and something about how kids spell love. I not sure why it is so much of a discussion because everyone knows that it's spelled "M-&-M-s"."

[jodielyn10]

Ingrid:

- I love oatmeal. Like LOVE it. I ask for it at odd hours of the day. I sucker my babysitter into making it for me even though I had dinner a half hour before she showed up. I.LOVE.OATMEAL. ... Except sometimes, on random days, I like to just F*ck with my parents and refuse to eat if for breakfast saying "I don't like that" and crying all morning.

- I'm way too into my appearance and what I wear. I know I should feel bad about this, but I'm sorry...SHORTS ARE FOR PEASANTS!!!

[mrsdonati]

Elena:

I love seeing mommy and daddy panic so much that I shoved a pompom up my nose so they'd have to take me to the emergency room. When they wouldn't let me explore the waiting room I got bored so I sneezed and out it came.

I like to change my food preferences daily. Throw a tantrum when I get something, and then throw a tantrum the next day when it wasn't offered to me!

I purposely only fall asleep when mommy sits with me. I'm perfectly capable of going right to bed when daddy is home with me, but what else does mommy have to do anyway? I can't be that important!

[jennmm]

Anna:

I want bananas. All. The. Time.

It's so much fun to like a food one day, and then the next act as though it's going to come up off the plate and attack me.

I love asking for bubbles in my bath and then acting like they are made of acid. BTW, when I get out of the tub, I want to be dried off completely before I step off the bath mat. I do not want to be dried off in my room.

Pants suck, except for when they don't.

[somethingcleverer]

Aubrey:

I like to see how many screams it takes before I make my mom scream to stop screaming. The irony is not lost on me.

I tell my parents I have to poop every time I use the bathroom so I can have daddy's iPad. If they tell me I can poop without it I scream and cry hysterically like I might actually poop my pants.

Shane:
I can't make it through dinner without having to poop and need help in the bathroom, which of course ruins everyone's appetite.

Shane and Aubrey:
We like to get along only when it prolongs bedtime or it involves not listening to mom. If we get along she lets us keep getting away with what we are doing for a few more minutes.

[lainikins]

I hate eating. Everything tastes bad, or it gets me messy, or it feels (or looks) too squishy. Crackers are really the only thing that is not squishy or messy (not on me anyway, the couch is always a disaster after) and taste yummy. I can totally live on only Ritz crackers, right?

[mrsplaydoh]

Juno:

I like to stand on my tippy toes to reach the wipes dispenser and pull out literally 30 wipes, wipe my face with all of them bunched up, squeeze them together which gets my outfit all wet, then walk into the kitchen and put them all in the trash. I then repeat this process everytime Mom or Dad doesn't push the dispenser far enough from my reach. Throwing money away is satisfying to me.

I love love to watch my "Juno Baby" dvd on my portable dvd player. I scream and yell if that puppet Juno is not in every single frame. Like freak out yelling and pointing to the screen "baby?, baby?" Mom tells me "she's coming, she's coming" and once she is back on the screen I smile and laugh and say "baby!" I'm aware they don't make cartoons with the same character constantly on the screen but that just doesn't work for me.

Dahlia:

I refuse to wear any underwear that are not the My Little Pony "Rainbow Dash" ones. I know packages of underwear contain a mixture of designs and there are no packages of JUST Rainbow Dash ones so I threw so many fits it made Mom go out and buy 2 packages of them so now I have 3 of my favorites which have to be clean every third day at least. I have a drawer FULL of underwear I refuse to wear including Dora, Frozen and the other ponies.

When Mommy takes me shopping and we both have to go to the bathroom, once Mommy sits on the toilet in the stall I make sure to ask her if she has to go Pee or Poop or Both. I like to ask repeatedly until she answers me regardless that there are other people in the other stalls. Then once I hear her going I like to reach out my arms wrap them around her neck and loudly exclaim, "I'm SO Proud of you"

[nursedesi]

Henry:

I hate drinking water so I pretend like I dont know how. But I can drink a whole drink pouch or a 16 oz chocolate milk in 2 minutes.

I know how to pull up my pants, put my shoes on and blow my nose but I dont like to do it my self. If I say "I dont know how" my mom has to help me. Thats why shes home all day, right?

I ask why so many times I forget why I originally asked why!

I LOVE BUGS!

Mom must come get me out of bed in the mornings. Dad is unacceptable. He doesnt do it right.

[roo1582]

Kayleigh:

- I like to name things I shouldn't be doing a different name. That way when they tell me I shouldn't be doing it, I say I'm not, I'm doing xyz. For example. My mom tells me to stop hitting. I say I'm knocking or that I am bopping.

- I like to pee my pants because I know it drives my parents crazy. Sure I know how to pee in the potty and have been doing it for a year. But what is the fun in that? First off, it allows me to change up my outfit more often. Secondly, its fun to see what new ploy they will try to get me to stop. Sometimes I get toys, candy, special trips...

- I like to make my brother cry. I just have to be careful and not let mommy know! I like to knock him over or steal his toys. Then when he cries, I run away and pretend I am doing something else.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

Alex: I don't really need my mom to sit in my room until I fall asleep, I just like the company. It's nice to have someone to bounce my thoughts off of, and I know no matter how many times she tells me to stop talking or she'll leave, all I have to do is scream and she'll come back!

Tyler: I know how to walk. I just like to be carried. Suckers.

[starfishy]

Tommy:

I love getting my mom's anxiety all riled up. The best way to do this is to take my hand, wipe any surface that has liquid on it and then lick my hand right in my mother's face. Places I've done this include outside tables and chairs, dirty bathtub water, counter tops and tables and my favorite the garbage can and recycling bin. Rain water is the best!

You know what's cool to do? Scream in places that screaming is not acceptable. Best places are the library, restaurants and church. Make sure you do it louder and louder. Try it! Are lots of people looking at you? Does you're mother have angry eyes? Then you're doing it right!

[samelly]

"I always tell people that I like dinosaurs.  Mommy took me to see a robotic dinosaur exhibit at the zoo and I cried and screamed and begged her to show me the giraffe instead."

"I ate all the strawberries from the garden but I tell people the dog ate them."

"My favourite thing to do is run away full blast when leaving daycare.  It's so funny when my pregnant mommy has to chase me down the street and wrestle me into my carseat when it is a thousand degrees outside."

[bliz1712]

Hanna:

-I am big into wearing pockets so I can hide treats into them. However, I refuse to wear jean shorts and want to wear comfortable cotton shorts. But then I don't have my pockets so I can't wear any of the shorts Mom has offered.

-I can put my own shoes on, and most of the time insist on doing so, and I also enjoy wearing them on the wrong foot.

-I hate all sandwiches and refuse to eat the many types my Mom offers.

Eliza:

-I don't like to be laid down AT ALL. When you do, I scream my high pitched screech and let you know it until you pick me up again. However, when I fall flat on my face or just fall and it should hurt, I don't make a peep. Priorities Yo!!

-I have perfected my frog leg kicks during diaper changes so instead of just cooperating they take 5 minutes longer than they need to. I STILL make getting dressed/changing clothes very difficult for my Mom

-The only way to eat is to also allow your head/hair to have a taste by smearing it in there. every.damn.meal

[gk12]

Mirabelle:

I am being gentle with the baby (ok so maybe I've squeezed her a few times and am curious how far I can make her arms/legs bend).

It's fun watching mommy's and daddy's faces panic when I try to climb in Eleanor's rock n play while she's in it.

Time out...what a joke..daddy never makes me stay in and mommy gets distracted by the baby so I sneak out and she forgets.

Food is only eaten so I can get the treat after so I'm still winning haha.

Oh and it was super fun filling the sink with toilet paper and watching the water run over. Almost better than washing my hands with lots of bubbles for 10 minutes every time I see a speck of dirt.

[xanthepants]

Cosette:
I like to make a deal with Mommy that I will wear twill shorts the night before then in the morning throw and ultimate snotty tantrum until I get bike shorts or soft pants. Nothing but cotton for this girl. "the touch, the feel of Cotton".

I like to demand special things for dinner and then as soon as Mommy sits down, I decide it's time to poop. Then when that is complete I like to spin circles in my chair. Knock over my cup. Ask for napkins. I'm concerned about where the dogs are. I like to walk around the table and get a feel for the ambience. I like to do anything but eat. Once my parents are done eating, then I might start eating and draw it out another hour or so. I like my meals very leisurely. Who cares if they've got things to do? The world revolves around me these days - don't they know?

[junkytrunk]

Matthew:

I love the pool. Like, LOVE it. So when my mommy and daddy tell me warnings of when it's time to go home, I act like I am ok with leaving in 10 min, then 5 min, then 2 min. And then when it is actually time to go, I scream and try to run away and act like they are abducting me. It's so funny to see other people's reactions.

I also like to make my mommy repeat herself 10 times before I will pay attention and then most times I decide I don't even want to listen to what she said at all. I know she won't stay mad at me for long because who can resist this sweet face?

[bantyrooster]

Gage:
My parents better know what I am for the day : a fireman, police man, or cowboy. And have my appropriate outfit ready. Also you are not the boss of me, I have literally told dad that. Also I now call you by your first name or mommy (last name).

Ellison :
I hate night time and am actually a gremlin. You will never sleep again. Also I would appreciate if you just poured the baby food in my mouth. I can't be bothered with waiting for you to re dip the spoon.

[Riverdong11]

Liam:

I can't be bothered to do things that take effort and aren't fun. Can I dress myself? Sure, but mom does it better so why take that away from her? I just scream and cry "I can't do it!" over and over until my mom does it because we are running late.

My mom has wised up to the fact that when I say "see you in the morning" that means I will stay in bed and go to sleep. No matter how many times she tries to get me to say it, I refuse until I've gotten out of bed at least 40 times and mom is about to pull her hair out. She loves this game as much as I do!

[mightybee]

Dylan:

I love this little game I like to call "Find the Pee Smell." Sometimes I pee on my pjs (hey, don't we all forget to pull them down MOTN sometimes?) and toss them nonchalantly somewhere in my room. My favorite is when I don't make it to the potty in my closet and drench the carpet with urine. I don't want to bother the rents at night, so I just put on a fresh pair of pants and head back to bed. My mom just loves to crawl around on all floors in the morning trying to find that elusive pee smell! It's the best when it takes her a really long time or I do it more than once a week.

[lkamenko]

Veronica: I am with Ingrid - shorts are for losers. I refuse to put any of dozens of  shorts and tee shirts my mama bought for me. Actually pants are no better. The only clothes I agree to wear are pretty dresses. And I am not planning to change this any time soon.

I am not listening when my parents tell me what to do, but I am making sure they do what they told to. If mommy is not coming over when I call her, I start counting with my bossy voice. The other day I had to count until 17. They all need to be reminded who is the boss here...

[justbeth]

Emma:

I absolutely cannot wear an outfit of it doesn't have pink or purple on it.

I am not a princess unless I am wearing a dress. I am always a princess, so don't waste your money on shorts or pants.

I love to whine to go to the pool until mom wrestles me into my swimsuit, slathers us in sunscreen, drags me 3 blocks in my wagon to the pool in 100 degree heat, get in the pool, whine until mom gets in the pool, pour water on moms head when she says 'don't get my hair wet', then proclaim that it is time to go home... 5 minutes after we get to the pool.

I must take my shoes off every time I am in my car seat. Even if we are just driving 1 minute to the store. No, I will not put them back on by myself. That's what mom is for.

[lainikins]

I only wear train shirts. I will agree to other shirts in the store and say how much I love it, but once we are home, if it is not a train I will not wear it.

To be honest, i do not understand why I can't wear the same outfit every day. All my friends on tv always wear the same thing. Is it too much to ask for me to just have one outfit? I have worn the same shoes for a year now (on my 5th pair) and I am so proud of this win. I show them off to any stranger anywhere. My parents have no idea about the fight they are going to have if they ever discontinue my choo choo train shoes.

[cbear]

Elise:
I LOVE gym and swimming but I swear to God get a random person involved and I will lose my shit and scream "but I'm SHY!" it's especially funny to be fine the majority of the time then run out of class to find my mom, who is wrangling my 22lb baby sister, and demand she help me and sit in the room with me.

Food is for the birds ain't nobody got time to sit and eat an entire meal, except blackberries i do have time for that. I'll just give the rest to Vera, she's eats everything!

Vera:
For the most part I'm pretty happy, and that means for the most part you have to hold me 24/7 and/or be feeding me

[MissMusic]

"I hold my pee before bed so that when mommy leaves me in bed at night to go to sleep, I can throw a tantrum and pee all over myself! It means I can delay going to sleep AND I get mommy's attention!"

[heatherbee]

Ian:

"I am trying to perfect my ability to yell "no" in a wide variety of tones and dialects. I've mastered many, but still have many to go. I get plenty of opportunities to practice since my mommy and daddy have tons of silly rules and expectations they think I'm going to follow. Like wearing clothes when I go out of the house. Ridic."

Natalie:

"I think it's hysterical when my big brother acts up and gets in trouble. Free amusement all the time lately. Being a baby is the best."

[trixi282]

I love to tell daddy I love him and then immediately yell at him to "go away" as angrily as possible, even better to add in "don't touch me" if he's too close or even brushes a strand of my hair while passing me and mommy is in the same room.

Its super fun to start crying and making a fuss about daycare in the car.... Them stop and tell mommy and daddy I won't cry. But then, right as we get to the door, I pull back like they're trying to feed me to wild animals and start crying. The more hysterical the better, it makes them sad... Then a few minutes later I stop. I love daycare and tell mommy every night that "I like three's now!" really enthusiastically, I really do, that place is awesome - we have cool activities this summer and I play outside a lot! But I still cry the next morning. Its so fun!

Add me to the dinner haters of America! All I want is "bites" (belvita Berry bites) and I keep telling mommy I don't like dinner and don't want dinner, but she keeps insisting I have to eat it... And won't just let me eat a whole box of bites. I keep trying though, someday she'll give in. Oh.... And when I do eat "dinner" (ugh!) I make sure to eat it as slowly ad possible... Sometimes mommy will feed it to me if I wait long enough. Feeding myself is so much work, so mch easier for someone else to do it!