Long, but interesting read: father adoption rights

[spooko]

www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-father’s-struggle-to-stop-his-daughter’s-adoption/ar-AAcERlJ

If anyone wants to discuss.

[mlgnumbers]

Thank God that story ended the way it did. Far, far too often, it doesn't.

[persianmaman]

I am so glad the baby was able to stay with him. I'm so upset that the agency itself was unaware of the birth father and did not try to get his information.

I also feel for the almost-adoptive parents, given their history of failed adoptions, but most upset that they attempted to guilt him into relinquishing the daughter he wanted to raise. I can only imagine the hurt in having to return her to her dad, but I cannot imagine pleading in such a manner, claiming it's "the right thing to do."

[spooko]

You know what really struck me? At the end it was talking about how the father had to be found "fit" and that he could afford the kid and everything else. Well no one does that to the moms. I mean, yeah, SS may step in after abuse or neglect, but the moms don't have to prove themselves right off the bat. It seems unjust.

What's more, I'm surprised they were able to TPR the mom. In WI, TPR can only be done on both parents at the same time or if there's going to be a step-parent adoption going into place. It's not possible to just have one bio-parent.

[pinkie]

This is so tough. Everything that happened is obviously ridiculously unfair to the father. If he wanted to raise his daughter that should be as much his right as if the mother wanted to do so. But I cried for the PAPs. It's possible they knew the story and took the risk anyway, but it's possible they honestly didn't know. Now they are most likely out a lot of money in addition to the extreme heart ache.

With both adoptions we asked a million questions about the birth fathers because I don't know that we could survive something like this.

[lbey]

This makes me think of so many things...including how many of these babies end up in infant adoption...

Few years ago, I learned about a place where young women would go to do free pregnancy test. Once the test was positive, these women, who were mostly single, from low income, and with not much support, would be put into a situation in which they were told they cant abort (they actually watch a video on that showing how wrong is to kill a life and so on) and all of sudden, they were being told they cant be a good mom and it is best to place the child for adoption.

Later on I learned the clinic I learned about actually belonged to a big and well known adoption agency.
In my opinion, a child is always better off with biological parents unless there is abuse, neglect, and drugs involved. I believe these women should get proper support when they are deciding if the will place their child or not for adoption. Someone telling them to place their baby because they cant afford nice things is not support. Sometimes I truly think that adoption agencies treat these moms and babies just as a business and nothing else. They dont care about the grief the BM will go through, they dont care about where the baby is going to live. They care about the money they will get.

In the article shared, the father clearly wanted to parent his girl and he hasd proper support for that. Then he was found unfit? Why? Did he abuse the child? This is just so wrong but I guess it is all about the money. Some adoption agencies just want to get their handanon a baby so they can match and move on to the next family. The more matches they have, the more money they make. And this why im suspicious of agencies with high numbers of placements.

[gnomesweetgnome]

It is really sad how birth fathers get no real legal standing and the bare minimum is done to notify them, etc. I wish we had known to ask more questions about these issues before our adoption.

B's BF did pursue legal action in an attempt to get custody of him after he was placed with us. He had been uninvolved in raising him despite knowing he was his, etc., which was a main motivator for his BM to place him after parenting doe ~7 months. I obviously have very conflicting feelings about how it all played out, since I wouldn't have my son if he had been successful. It was horrible for us over those many long months, but it all could have been avoided in a couple different scenarios.

I don't really have any wise insight or intelligent rhetoric to contribute to the discussion, but I will say that the adoption industry needs a major overhaul. And it would be great if it could be standardized nationwide.

[mlgnumbers]

Jul 12, 2015 21:37:08 GMT -5 gnomesweetgnome said:

It is really sad how birth fathers get no real legal standing and the bare minimum is done to notify them, etc. I wish we had known to ask more questions about these issues before our adoption.

B's BF did pursue legal action in an attempt to get custody of him after he was placed with us. He had been uninvolved in raising him despite knowing he was his, etc., which was a main motivator for his BM to place him after parenting doe ~7 months. I obviously have very conflicting feelings about how it all played out, since I wouldn't have my son if he had been successful. It was horrible for us over those many long months, but it all could have been avoided in a couple different scenarios.

I don't really have any wise insight or intelligent rhetoric to contribute to the discussion, but I will say that the adoption industry needs a major overhaul. And it would be great if it could be standardized nationwide.

Absolutely agree! Same goes for Foster Care.

[mrsslick]

I read this through a link on fb yesterday. It makes me so sad and angry to think how often this can happen and how "easy" it can be.

Sure, there are situations where the bio mother might withhold the bf's info for safety or completely valid reasons. But there ARE situations like these where their rights (or lack thereof) are completely dismissed by so many. It's incredibly disheartening to see, even though this story had a happy ending for him.

[pinkie]

I also wish adoption related laws were standardized nationwide. I think it's crazy how much it varies state to state. And don't get me started on ICPC. If things were standardized it would help everyone in the triad IMO.