Heading Back to Work...

[penguininthecity]

Going back to work on Friday. I work at a very front-and-center part of the library I work at.

My coworkers already know that we lost Aurelia, and I know if we talk about it, I'm going to direct such conversations away from the public service desk I work at (It's mostly therapeutic for me to talk about her...). My concern is how to handle things when a patron who hasn't heard, but knew we were expecting, asks "how's your daughter?" at the desk.

Also strongly considering printing out her photo again, buying another frame, and putting her photo right by the wedding photo I have on my (ETA: personal) work desk. She may be an angel, but she still is my little girl...

[happyin14]

Hugs!

The first few times you are asked will be hard. My advice is to have a plan for how you want to answer. That doesn't mean you will actually say it. BUT I was less scared all the time. Then it gets easier. Eventually. Less people to ask and it gets easier.

Also, don't be upset if you cry in front of patrons. If they care enough to ask, they care that you are sad. And if they don't- who cares?

Whenever I cry and someone feels terrible, or they just start to go on and on about how sorry they are that they asked, I just say "Don't be, I love being asked about my child." And it makes us both less uncomfortable.

Absolutely put a picture there!! It may mean more people ask about her but if you want her there, she should be there.

Hugs.

[heartpresidents]

I say definitely put a photo out! She's your little girl and you should show her off if you want to!

As for how to respond to patrons, it's probably going to be difficult. Especially at first. When people who don't know our son passed away ask me or my husband about him we just say "I'm sad to say he passed away". The most typical response we get is just "I'm so sorry", which isn't bad because I can thank them and we can move on. If the person chooses to ask about what happened I also have a kind of planned response to that. Like pp said, if you have a plan in mind it helps take away the feeling of being caught off guard.

[things]

(((hugs))) HP.

I love the idea of putting a picture of her out on your work desk. I've been asked the dreaded "How's the baby?" and "How old is Duncan now?" within the first year of his birth. People who saw me pregnant, knew he was due soon, would ask, and I'd just explain that we lost him. But, in a way, I welcomed the questions because these occasions allowed me to talk about him, which, as you said, was/is very therapeutic.

[shandorfml2]

((hugs)) going back is hard. I agree that you should plan on what you would like to say to people when they ask. Take it easy on yourself...

[littleowl913]

(((hugs))) It's hard going back to work and having to answer those questions and then seeing their faces being absolutely mortified that they made you talk about it. I'll get easier.

Absolutely put your Aurelia's picture up!

[heartpresidents]

Just wanted to say hello, and I hope Friday went ok!

[penguininthecity]

Jan 26, 2015 8:35:05 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

Just wanted to say hello, and I hope Friday went ok!

Howdy, and thanks!

Should have been a little more clear (sorry... still mentally hazy at times). Heading back on the 30th...

[heartpresidents]

Jan 26, 2015 16:00:32 GMT -5 penguininthecity said:

Jan 26, 2015 8:35:05 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

Just wanted to say hello, and I hope Friday went ok!

Howdy, and thanks!

Should have been a little more clear (sorry... still mentally hazy at times). Heading back on the 30th...

Oops, sorry! I just had Friday stuck in my head.

[penguininthecity]

Had a HR paperwork scare this morning (received last minute) ...Crisis averted.

Didn't need that atop my present nerves...

[mrscw]

Thinking of you tomorrow.

[jenn83]

Thinking of you today - Hope your first day back goes as smoothly as possible. What helped me the most was having a place I could go in private to be able to pull myself back together. It is been over a year and I still lose it at random times. Sending Hugs.

[littleowl913]

extra ((hugs)) for you today.

[flutterfly88]

Thinking of you today, and sending (((hugs))) your way. Hope today is okay.

[happyin14]

How'd you do???

[penguininthecity]

Jan 30, 2015 22:17:38 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

How'd you do???

Not too badly... Most of the patrons who cared to ask were great about things (Just one professor seemed to be a bit long winded about things, but I was able to let that roll off my back because I know he tends to do that). Glad it was also relatively quiet patronwise, too. Monday afternoon will get a leeetle crazy.

I think my challenges will probably come more when I'm caught off guard.

My back and abs, on the other hand, are pretty sore. I think I need to wear that ab support belt still... :-p

Need to get a new frame for baby girl's pic. Stand broke off the one I got from CVS, which is a shame b/c I loved the imprint on it.

[penguininthecity]

Lesson learned from the past couple of days: While I do like to talk about my little girl, and it is therapeutic to do so generally, therapeutic is subject to the law of diminishing returns (same-day)...

[heartpresidents]

Feb 5, 2015 7:56:51 GMT -5 penguininthecity said:

Lesson learned from the past couple of days: While I do like to talk about my little girl, and it is therapeutic to do so generally, therapeutic is subject to the law of diminishing returns (same-day)...

I'm sorry, I totally understand how it could get to be too much. But you're doing a great job!

[penguininthecity]

Feb 5, 2015 8:45:58 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

Feb 5, 2015 7:56:51 GMT -5 penguininthecity said:

Lesson learned from the past couple of days: While I do like to talk about my little girl, and it is therapeutic to do so generally, therapeutic is subject to the law of diminishing returns (same-day)...

I'm sorry, I totally understand how it could get to be too much. But you're doing a great job!

Thanks! Very glad my colleagues understand that I might need to head out of the service area.

[heartpresidents]

Good colleagues make all the difference! So glad they're understanding

[mrswheelo]

I'm glad you have understanding ppl at work. Settling back into a routine helped me alot. I actually don't like to talk about my loss at work. I'm caught off guard there and fumble what I want to say. Then I cry. :/ So just take it one day at a time and keep up the good work

[happyin14]

Feb 6, 2015 10:27:07 GMT -5 mrswheelo said:

I'm glad you have understanding ppl at work. Settling back into a routine helped me alot. I actually don't like to talk about my loss at work. I'm caught off guard there and fumble what I want to say. Then I cry. :/ So just take it one day at a time and keep up the good work

I completely understand this. When I returned, I really wanted to be distracted. So I would get upset when people would try and get me talking about it. Now I like when people ask about my kid. But I have more practice answering and I don't get asked as often.