Tantrums in Public

[momofcatan]

I lurk for entertainment on O15 on TD and this thread caught my eye.

What do you do when your LO throws a tantrum in a restaurant or store? Right now I try to talk to her quietly/calmly to get her to calm down. If that doesn't work, I just give up and go about my business while she screams. As long and I keep my cool I feel like I'm winning as a mom in that moment.

I never think about removing her from the situation because I feel like she "wins" and gets attention for the tantrum. I'm curious to hear other perspectives. We just had a melt down at the shoe store this weekend and I'm starting to think that removing her from the situation might have been a better idea but I don't want her tantrums to control my ability to get errands done. What does J'13 think?

[musicalsilver]

Depends on the errand/outing.

We've been sooo lucky in this respect. We've had a handful of tantrums, but not too many.

If it's something like grocery shopping, I just power through it unless LO is *completely* losing it. Tears and screaming I can deal with, but if I can't actually continue to manhandle him through the store, then it's time to go.

Restaurants, nope. If LO is losing it, it's not going to be pleasant for me or anyone around me, so we just leave. We had one restaurant experience where he just completely refused to even approach the table or contemplate sitting down. I got some food to go and left. We might try walking LO outside some to see if he'll calm down, but I would not sit at a table with a genuinely losing it toddler.

[anustart1]

It 100% depends on the situation so I never really judge. If it were one child and we were easily transportable I'd totally leave. But frequently I have 3 kids and a stroller set up by the time someone decided to have a meltdown about the temperature of their chicken nuggets. I chose my locations accordingly though- if you are at a place with kids meals then deal. And if you chose to go to the Au Bon Pan inside the Children's Museum Building on your lunch break that's on you.

I'm also practically immune to meltdowns though so other people's don't bug me.

[momofcatan]

When at a restaurant I never consider that my kid might be ruining someone else's meal, just doesn't cross my mind. I appreciate the different perspective. With limited restaurant options all the ones we go to are nice, but still "family" restaurants. I've always assumed being around loud kids is a possibility when eating out. Unless they are knocking into someone else's table or chair or running around the place I don't think making noise is a big deal.

[melohdy]

In the store, H will give in to her a lot more than I will. He'll take her out of the cart, let her walk around, let her push the cart etc. all to prevent her from whining. If I am shopping by myself, she just has to deal. Sometimes I will give her a piece of fruit to chew on. Usually, after her initial fit, she's fine in the cart.

I'm super sensitive in restaurants. It is more the fear of being judged, than actually disrupting someone's meal. Rarely will we leave; usually, H will get up and walk around with her. Sometimes we give in and give her our phone.

We have been lucky in that we haven't had many full on tantrums to deal with in public. I have threatened to leave her if she doesn't want to walk nicely holding one of our hands. I'll walk a few steps away (no more than 3) and she usually changes her tune after that. I'm a mean mommy.

[melohdy]

Jul 14, 2015 12:10:31 GMT -5 thelorax said:

We have only had short tantrums in public- like under a minute. I usually just keep on doing my thing. If we get to the point where she is having more frequent or longer melt downs I will leave. I'm not above bringing a washed cored apple with us and the snack and "helping" usually prevents meltdowns.

<My kid gets all the pesticides! I don't usually bring our own snack. In the store, I will grab a piece of fruit and let her eat it...unwashed.

[kames12]

Jul 14, 2015 12:53:44 GMT -5 classictwitch said:

And then I pay for the empty pouches at check out. Just so no one thinks I'm teaching my kid to steal lol.

We do this with yogurt pouches

[megaroo64]

Eh - I think it all depends on the situation. And actually, this is why I prefer to go to louder restaurants - then other diners don't hear my kiddos as much anyway. Either way though, I will let my kids fuss a couple minutes before we come up with an exit strategy. And I ALWAYS have a snack for them. I am like a chipmunk - I have snacks stashed for my kids literally everywhere (my car, H's car, diaper bag, purse).

For the store, we pretty much never leave during a tantrum. Sorry - I'm there on a mission and likely when we are there, that is the only opportunity I have to be there. I don't putz around when my kids are losing it (or ever really) and often I make a point to say out loud "Ok kiddos - 3 more things to get" so other shoppers know that I know that my kids are losing it. You know... so they don't think I am oblivious to what is going on in a cart that is literally 2 feet from my face.

[anustart1]

Honestly at dinner time we've never had a tantrum. Our kids don't really tantrum, they are just loud and wild and need to run around. We rarely even go out to dinner with them because of it. and when we do it's like Panera or Texas Roadhouse so it's really way more kid friendly then places I know *have* a kids menu but aren't realy family dinner night places. If our kids want to be wild and loud snacks mean nothing.

But I stand by generally not judging because I don't know the situation. Once we had to keep crazy G at a table with us at a nicer restaurant for my FIL's big birthday party because we were waiting for the cake forever. I Usually just feel bad for the parents because no one wants it to stop more than them. And lord knows the minute I get judgey it will be like some kids' make a wish dream to have a steak dinner with his 2 year old brother before dying and then I'm a total asshole for feeling like my date night is ruined. I truly can completely block out other kids screams and tears though.

[lioness13]

KJ doesn't throw many tantrums and she is easily distracted most of the time so when she gets upset we can just direct her to something else and she will calm down. She likes to run around the restaurant or stand up in the booth and talk to the people behind us. Sometimes I worry that she's annoying someone by doing those things but I do as much as I can to contain her and also let her be if she does not seem to be too annoying. I can normally bribe her or entertain her with sugar packets, straws and unlimited refills of water that she can spill all over herself.

[megaroo64]

I think those five reasons are quite harsh! And really they are assuming that every parent everywhere just lets their kids do whatever in public without even paying attention! Am I naive to think that those sort of parents are the exception?? I mean- my kiddos are no Angels- but they are certainly not permitted to run around restaurants while I sit back and enjoy a latte.

[lizzybizzy]

Re the article - MH has worked in a bunch of restaurants and the safety and mess issues were high on the list of pet peeves related to kids in restaurants. It's hard for servers to get hot food and glass out safely with little kids running around unchecked. We take turns taking B outside if he's acting up or getting loud.

I'd also see a big group of adults come in and sit all the kids at their own separate table and then basically ignore them and let them do whatever they wanted.