Intro/would it be okay if I posted here?

[honigbiene]

Hello everyone! First I want to make sure it's okay for me to post here, because I don't want to step on any toes or anything like that!

I was married for several years in an awful marriage.  However, for the past few years I have been with a new, amazing partner, who is transgender (FtM). So, it is my partner who falls into the LGBT umbrella, rather than myself, but I'm hoping I'm still welcome here. We are currently in the process of trying to have a baby using donor sperm, IUI, clomid, and ovidrel.  Thanks to the new ruling, we are also now able to and about to get married!

I work in the medical profession, however this assisted reproduction stuff is ALL new to me, and I have been very overwhelmed.
There was a post over on name of board I shouldn't have named which a same-sex partner had started, and someone from here jumped on and recommended this board.

My partner has not had any surgeries (just taking testosterone for several years) and still has his ovaries.  We had wanted to use his eggs since I already have 3 kids with my own eggs.  But that would require him to stop taking testosterone, and would also require IVF.  My insurance does not cover any ART therapy, so that is just out of our price range right now.

We FINALLY saved up enough money to pay for the donor sperm + IUI fee, and I will be starting clomid by possibly next week!  Now we're just under the gun to hurry up and decide on which donor we want to use, out of the handful we have narrowed down.  NOT as simple of a choice as I thought it was going to be!!!

Again, please let me know if you all think I fit in here, or if you have any suggestions that you think I would be a better fit for

Melissa

[healz413]

Hi Melissa! Yes welcome! I think you totally fit in our big LGBTQ umbrella!
We had another cis woman partnered with trans man introduce on this board recently, too.
I'm sorry that your partner won't be able to use his eggs. My best friend can't use his eggs for the same reason.
Good luck choosing your sperm.

We have a TTC check in on Mondays that you should join. Other than that, just jump in wherever and whenever you want.

[JustJudy]

Welcome! We found that picking a donor was one of the hardest parts and wish you both well finding the perfect one for you. Definitely stick around and I look forward to seeing you in the TTC check ins.

[mahler5]

Welcome! Glad you found us!! Good luck with the process.

[wittyandwaiting]

Welcome Melissa! I'm happy that you found us and of course you can go here!

I'm sorry to hear that you weren't able to use his eggs and good luck in the donor search - I think that many of here have found that to be a very difficult part of the journey.

Feel free to jump into the TTC check in for this week if you'd like, we tend to keep the conversation for most of the week.

[Stringy]

Hello honigbiene, - you are definitely welcome here! I also encourage you to keep lurking on the 3T (trouble trying to conceive)/IF board - because you will learn a lot (there is an IUI specific thread). I just started posting there recently on the IVF thread, as I've been at it for about a year now, with help - with no results. Prior to that I didn't want to step on any toes over there as they have all been thru a longer period of trying and most don't have kids already. (I have a daughter, but my wife carried her, so its a little different). That board also has a third party reproduction check in - and you'd be welcome there - but its pretty slow. The collective knowledge here can probably answer most any of your questions - so feel free to ask. It is overwhelming.

Good luck choosing a donor and getting started!

[crazyaunt84]

Hi honigbiene - and welcome!! Choosing a donor is tough, agreed. This group has a huge amount of knowledge to share. Definitely join us in the TTC check in on Mondays, and ask away.

Best of luck to you both!!

[kh826]

Welcome! I am glad that you found us and decided to jump in. Good luck to you on your TTC journey. I hope that you will stick around and share with us. We have a TTC check-in on Mondays, as well as a number of other recurring weekly threads. Happy to have you here!

[honigbiene]

Thanks for the welcome everyone! I've learned to be overly apprehensive about the whole transgender thing due to past experiences with people. Not only have I experienced the typical discrimination from the general public, but I actually had a falling out with my best friend since 3rd grade and who was still my very close friend as adults. He is gay, and he believes that both my fiance and I are both really lesbians, but we are too "homophobic" to admit it to ourselves and so we pretend to be straight and label it as transgender instead  It was pretty heartbreaking for him to think that I feel that way, and I am sometimes scared that opinion is held by more people than just him, and I guess it just kind of makes me feel anxious about discussing our situation.

Thanks so much again for the welcome. My progesterone level came back at 26, which I'm pretty sure is a good number. Tomorrow I meet with the nurse practitioner at my RE office for an education visit on how to use the Clomid/trigger shot/IUI procedure timeline. I am REALLY looking forward to this visit. Not only because I'm hoping it will help me feel less overwhelmed and ignorant, but also because it will help solidify that THIS IS ACTUALLY FINALLY HAPPENING!!!

[shemarie82]

Welcome! Good luck with everything!

[officerofthelaw]

This board is always great about welcoming individuals.  That is exciting that you two are working on another child! Congrats.  Welcome to the board and I will keep my fingers crossed for the two of you!

Jul 14, 2015 21:40:47 GMT -5 honigbiene said:

Hello everyone! First I want to make sure it's okay for me to post here, because I don't want to step on any toes or anything like that!

I am pretty hopelessly heterosexual, and was married for several years and had 3 beautiful children from that awful marriage.  However, for the past few years I have been with a new, amazing partner, who is transgender (FTM). We are currently in the process of trying to have a baby using donor sperm, IUI, clomid, and ovidrel.  Thanks to the new ruling, we are also now able to and about to get married!

I work in the medical profession, however this assisted reproduction stuff is ALL new to me, and I have been very overwhelmed.  I have been lurking around on some other fertility boards, but they are mostly all "standard" couples who are undergoing fertility treatments due to hormone/biological issues.  Ours is just an issue of not having any sperm   I feel like I don't really fit in on those fertility boards and that a lot of the stuff they discuss doesn't pertain to me. 
There was a post over on the bump which a same-sex partner had started, and someone from here jumped on and recommended this board.  I had the thought that our conception attempts related more to same-sex couples trying to conceive than women who have PCOS or ovulation issues, etc.

My partner has not had any surgeries (just taking testosterone for several years) and still has his ovaries.  We had wanted to use his eggs since I already have 3 kids with my own eggs.  But that would require him to stop taking testosterone, and would also require IVF.  My insurance does not cover any ART therapy, so that is just out of our price range right now.

We FINALLY saved up enough money to pay for the donor sperm + IUI fee, and I will be starting clomid by possibly next week!  Now we're just under the gun to hurry up and decide on which donor we want to use, out of the handful we have narrowed down.  NOT as simple of a choice as I thought it was going to be!!!

Again, please let me know if you all think I fit in here, or if you have any suggestions that you think I would be a better fit for

Melissa

[wittyandwaiting]

honigbiene, I so sorry to hear that your family has experienced such discrimination; it actually hurts my heart.

As the mother of a 13 year old, I feel so optimistic that his generation will change the world and make it a kinder, more caring, compassionate and less hateful place.

I'm happy you made it here and I know that you'll find it to be warm and welcoming place to be.

[honigbiene]

Jul 15, 2015 16:39:34 GMT -5 wittyandwaiting said:

honigbiene, I so sorry to hear that your family has experienced such discrimination; it actually hurts my heart.

As the mother of a 13 year old, I feel so optimistic that his generation will change the world and make it a kinder, more caring, compassionate and less hateful place.

I'm happy you made it here and I know that you'll find it to be warm and welcoming place to be.

Thank you very much for that. Part of the problem is that we live in a "bible belt" state in the midwest.  I work in an ER which you think would be "safe", but I receive some kind of comment/"joke"/harassment from my coworkers on a fairly regular basis, including a DOCTOR (of all people) I work with most of the time that can be downright hostile to me. This was after one of the nurses who is friends with my fiance's mom "outed" me in front of everyone I work with at the nurses' desk by saying, "Don't you know THAT used to be a girl?!"
A few months ago, we were actually under a CPS investigation because someone was concerned that being exposed to my fiance was "corrupting the moral character of the children".  I had a child protective worker coming into my house and snooping around, pulling my kids out of class in front of their friends to question them, the whole thing.  I pretty much said to the worker that this was discrimination, and she said they had to investigate every report that is made. But then she went on to ask him what surgeries he's had, if he is sexually inappropriate with the kids, etc.  It made me F***ing IRATE. 

But yes, even here in the midwest, I have SO much more hope for the next generation.

I really wish I could move away from here, but I have to stay in the state due to my children's father.

[bexincanada]

So sorry to here about the transphobia you've experienced honigbiene, sending support and positive vibes. Welcome!!!

[wittyandwaiting]

That's all so effin terrible honigbiene.

How old(ish) are your children?

[healz413]

Oh my goodness honigbiene!!!!! I'm so sorry to hear that!!!!!!

[karlamo]

Welcome to the group!

[honigbiene]

Jul 15, 2015 19:46:13 GMT -5 wittyandwaiting said:

That's all so effin terrible honigbiene.

How old(ish) are your children?

My kids are 5,6, and 8.  They have never known fiance to be anything other than male/current name.  The only thing is sometimes my oldest will overhear one of his family members slip with his old name, and she once asked why he had a different name.  At this point in time, I've just told her that sometimes people don't like the name they have, and pick a different one.  We are definitely going to tell the kids at some point, so it's not like we're hiding it from them.  We just want to have the discussion when they are age-appropriate enough to understand it. (don't ask me how we are supposed to know what age that will be yet!...still trying to figure that out)

The person who filed the report is my ex-MIL.  Funny thing about her concern over "corrupting the kids' moral characters" is that her son was horribly abusive to me, and the day I was finally able to manage a way to get out, he caught me and sh*t went down in front of the kids (it had never been in front of them before).  Two of my kids ended up needing counseling after witnessing that.  But the only thing concerning my ex-MIL is that the person who I'm with now and treats me like I'm the most amazing person in the world and is the best example of a husband/father figure these kids have EVER seen....happens to be transgender. (which ex-MIL only knows because of small-town setting)

I'm honestly a little bit worried that this baby thing will give her another reason to attack us again (if we end up being lucky enough to conceive).  I am just SO GLAD that we are finally able to get married now, it will take away a lot of the anxiety I have about possible persecution/legal problems that my stupid over-imaginitive brain can come up with.

Wow, I'm really making it sound like my life is a huge dramatic mess! It's really pretty boring most of the time

[morveng]

Hi honigbiene! I'm actually in a similar place as you. MH is post-op FTM transgender and I have a 6 year old son by my XH, so we decided to TTC with MH's eggs and he was lucky enough to have them frozen before his medical transitional process started, so we are hopeful (if cautiously) that it will work.

I'm sorry about the transphobic comments you've been getting, we've been lucky that we live in a very liberal area and that no one here seems to really care, though a few people still refer to MH as she.

Also, you're kids will probably be ready sooner than you think to know about your fiance's gender. DS has known DH wasn't always a man since he was very young, only about 3, and he just kind of accepted it and understood it as much as a three year old can. Now he has more questions, but he doesn't struggle with the concept at all.