Am I the only 3t girl....(possible triggers)

[heatherj9603]

that LOVES other people's bfp announcements? 

I just found out my SIL is expecting number two. She let me know by FaceTime when my niece, whose almost 2, took the phone and I noticed her shirt said "big sister". I was so excited! Sure I get that twinge of jealousy, but I am always so over the moon about another baby to spoil! They were not even trying. I know a lot of 3t girls that would stomp their feet and say it isn't fair. But I can't control someone else's vagina and I would never wish IF on anyone! 

Am I just the odd one out here or does anyone else get excited too?

[DrHooch]

Depends if I like the person! I already didn't like my cousin in law (she's done some mean shit to a lot of DH's family) so when she announced it made me sick. If my SIL got pregnant again I'd be over the moon.

[heatherj9603]

Jan 24, 2015 16:57:42 GMT -5 DrHooch said:

Depends if I like the person! I already didn't like my cousin in law (she's done some mean shit to a lot of DH's family) so when she announced it made me sick. If my SIL got pregnant again I'd be over the moon.

Oh yeah I meant people you are close to! Lol. 

[bethkate]

I wish I felt that way, but I don't. My jealousy definitely takes over in those situations. It has nothing to do with wanting to control someone else's vagina or wishing IF on anyone, but it's really hard for me after 2.5 years and two losses to not feel like, at some point, it should be my turn. Once the baby is born, it's easier for me to be excited, but pregnancy announcements are incredibly hard for me to handle at this point.

[meredithcarole]

It depends on how close to me the person is and how "touching" it is. The closer they are the more bittersweet it is. If it is really creative and sappy it makes me teary usually. If I don't know them well I can offer congratulations without much emotion. I wouldn't say I love looking though.

[froggiesgirl]

Facebook is evil in this way, pure and simple, because I am so caught off guard most of the time. Oh, and my office environment. Probably if it was a close friend - no relatives and few relative SOs who would announce - it would be ok, though none know we are having trouble.

[theholmanherd]

I'm only ever tolerant of my BFFs or my SIL. That amounts to 3 people on the planet that won't make me cry immediately. Anyone else gets blocked on FB. Petty, but it's how I cope. I think it's great that you can get excited, though!

[tumbleweed]

**** losses mentioned*****



Uh, I'm not trying to control anyones vagina, stomp my feet, or wish IF on anyone. I'm a grown-up, as most of the women on this awesome board are. Maybe you're referring to women on Voldeboard?

However, after everything I've gone though, it is impossible for me not to feel some version of a punch in the gut when someone announces. I generally, eventually, find a way to be at least neutral for them -- but IF is very painful for me. My losses have been extremely painful, life altering events. They changed me as a person. They changed the way I see life. I will never be the person I was, before those losses.

I'm always happy for announcements from friends/family who have struggled though, because they feel like fellow travelers. I know they understand.

I'm happy for you that you don't feel this way.

[karenb676]

I do get excited for people when people announce a pregnancy. Of course I do get jealous and it is like getting punched in the gut, but I put on a brave face and I am really happy for them. I really like seeing how creative people get with their announcements and that has helped me to determine how I will announce when it is my turn. I find that it helps me to continue thinking positively.

[luchich]

I use to be happy for people but I'm coming up on 2 years TTC and now I don't give a shit who is KU, I. AM. A. MISERABLE. BITCH! And I can't help it. I wish this wasn't the case but I literally have a meltdown with every announcement that I see or hear about.

[Ann612]

Oh yes. That is my evil plan. One day I will control all the vaginas!!! Muwahahaha.

I can't even control my own uterus.

Just because I get sad for myself, it doesn't mean I stomp my feet. And I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy.

Were you meaning to insult people who react differently to things than you?

[bethkate]

Jan 24, 2015 20:39:23 GMT -5 Ann612 said:

Oh yes. That is my evil plan. One day I will control all the vaginas!!! Muwahahaha.

I can't even control my own uterus.

Just because I get sad for myself, it doesn't mean I stomp my feet. And I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy.

Were you meaning to insult people who react differently to things than you?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who was insulted.

[heatherj9603]

Jan 24, 2015 20:39:23 GMT -5 Ann612 said:

Oh yes. That is my evil plan. One day I will control all the vaginas!!! Muwahahaha.

I can't even control my own uterus.

Just because I get sad for myself, it doesn't mean I stomp my feet. And I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy.

Were you meaning to insult people who react differently to things than you?

No I didn't mean just getting sad or a little jealous. I've been there for sure! I mean the few people who cut off relationships, won't go to baby showers, etc. I've had people ASSUME that I wouldn't be happy for them because of 3t issues. 

[ttcbabyj]

I do believe that everyone reacts differently to BFPs. But IF is unfair. I may not have ever physically stomped my feet, but I will say that IF is very unfair. I definitely choose to keep my contact with others that are pregnant to a minimal, it is the way I cope. I believe it is extremely mature of me to be honest and true to my feelings. I think the jealousy feeling dealing with IF is a lot different than being jealous about another woman who has on an expensive pair of shoes. It's not a trivial jealousy but a yearning.

Kudos to you for not having these feelings but why insult others or make them feel bad for it. I have always viewed 3T as my safe haven to express my feelings about IF without judgement because these women understand my pain.

[heatherj9603]

Okay here is an example.....

I had a friend, who I've since cut from my life for NUMEROUS reasons. Mainly the clinginess and the "are you mad at me?" Texts because I couldn't reply within ten mins. But one thing that always rubbed me the wrong way is her constantly saying people "stole" her baby, or that they don't deserve a baby and that should be HER baby. Like just because they were not trying, they somehow deserve the baby less than her.

I 100% did not mean any offense! So I am truly sorry to anyone offended.

[tkb24]

Jan 24, 2015 21:23:25 GMT -5 ttcbabyj said:

I do believe that everyone reacts differently to BFPs. But IF is unfair. I may not have ever physically stomped my feet, but I will say that IF is very unfair. I definitely choose to keep my contact with others that are pregnant to a minimal, it is the way I cope. I believe it is extremely mature of me to be honest and true to my feelings. I think the jealousy feeling dealing with IF is a lot different than being jealous about another woman who has on an expensive pair of shoes. It's not a trivial jealousy but a yearning.

Kudos to you for not having these feelings but why insult others or make them feel bad for it. I have always viewed 3T as my safe haven to express my feelings about IF without judgement because these women understand my pain.

YES.. I wanted to respond but it would have been my true feelings :/ which may or may not have been stomping my feet.

[rainbowbridge14]

Jan 24, 2015 21:21:50 GMT -5 heatherj9603 said:

Jan 24, 2015 20:39:23 GMT -5 Ann612 said:

Oh yes. That is my evil plan. One day I will control all the vaginas!!! Muwahahaha.

I can't even control my own uterus.

Just because I get sad for myself, it doesn't mean I stomp my feet. And I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy.

Were you meaning to insult people who react differently to things than you?

No I didn't mean just getting sad or a little jealous. I've been there for sure! I mean the few people who cut off relationships, won't go to baby showers, etc. I've had people ASSUME that I wouldn't be happy for them because of 3t issues. 

This still feels kind of insulting to me. I have skipped a number of baby showers because it was the best option to protect my mental health during extremely difficult emotional times. as tumbleweed said, I am a grown ass woman, so I don't stomp my feet or cause a scene, but I have had to distance myself from friends who are KU or skip baby showers even if I feel bad about having to do it. 

[Ann612]

Jan 24, 2015 21:21:50 GMT -5 heatherj9603 said:

Jan 24, 2015 20:39:23 GMT -5 Ann612 said:

Oh yes. That is my evil plan. One day I will control all the vaginas!!! Muwahahaha.

I can't even control my own uterus.

Just because I get sad for myself, it doesn't mean I stomp my feet. And I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy.

Were you meaning to insult people who react differently to things than you?

No I didn't mean just getting sad or a little jealous. I've been there for sure! I mean the few people who cut off relationships, won't go to baby showers, etc. I've had people ASSUME that I wouldn't be happy for them because of 3t issues. 

I don't know anyone like this.  I know there are some girls here who have struggled very hard to attend showers, or who were not able to attend them due to emotional difficulty.  I'm sure there are some who have lost relationships because some people simply say hurtful things, or have not visited a friend because doing so might just be too painful at that moment.  

[bethkate]

I skipped a baby shower last year because I was coming up on 2 years TTC, and it was about a week before the anniversary of my first loss. For my own emotional well-being, I needed to avoid going to that shower, and it makes me really sad to think that people (especially others dealing with IF) would judge me for that.

[rachaeleigh]

Yeah....
Hmmm....I'm really trying to piece words together to even respond to this and I can't. Honestly, I'm one of the most non self-pitying people I know. I'm not one to stay stuck on something for long and this post even rubs ME the wrong way.
I'm the kind of person that skipped a baby shower, because I was still bleeding from my 4th miscarriage and couldn't stop crying

[astop87]

I feel a little mixed about my thoughts on this. On one hand I wish I could feel the same way, but on the other hand, how can I feel over the moon happy for anyone who accidentally gets pregnant when I've had failed IUIs and IVF attempts? I can fill all fingers on both hands of the women I know right now who are currently pregnant and either were accidentally KU or tried one month and it worked. I don't know a single person IRL like me. It's lonely. So no I can't relate with you feeling that happy for them. I wish I could though.

*Edited because I'm an awesome speller

[MellyKnu]

For the most part, I deal with pregnancies pretty well. It is easier to find out online or via text, just so that if I make a little sad face for myself, it won't insult them or detract from their joy. I am genuinely happy for my friends and most of my family, and wouldn't want them to think otherwise.

But this is where it gets a little dicey. I tend to be (more than) a little judgmental sometimes, if I deem somebody "unworthy," as if I had that right. For example, a coworker who I can't stand because of her selfishness, vanity, and mean spirit had been saying for the three years that I've worked with her that she didn't want kids. Her husband gave her an ultimatum, so she said okay. Got knocked up right away. She just returned from maternity leave and I judge the shit out of everything she says about her parenting. Also, she gave her daughter a stripper name. Which is great since she used to be a stripper herself. See what I mean? Judgmental. I need to work on that. Cases like this are pretty rare, though.

[durham1008]

Jan 24, 2015 18:52:26 GMT -5 tumbleweed said:

**** losses mentioned*****



Uh, I'm not trying to control anyones vagina, stomp my feet, or wish IF on anyone. I'm a grown-up, as most of the women on this awesome board are. Maybe you're referring to women on Voldeboard?

However, after everything I've gone though, it is impossible for me not to feel some version of a punch in the gut when someone announces. I generally, eventually, find a way to be at least neutral for them -- but IF is very painful for me. My losses have been extremely painful, life altering events. They changed me as a person. They changed the way I see life. I will never be the person I was, before those losses.

I'm always happy for announcements from friends/family who have struggled though, because they feel like fellow travelers. I know they understand.

I'm happy for you that you don't feel this way.

Agreed. I don't feel like I'm wishing IF on other people because I'm sad that I'm still not pregnant. I'm not stomping my feet because the friend that I hoped would be my pregnancy buddy is now on her second pregnancy and I haven't had a first. IF is hard. I am genuinely happy for my friends that get pregnant but I'm not overjoyed that I'm still sitting on the sidelines. And I feel like it's kind of immature to say "Look how great I am. I know so many other people on this board aren't as awesome as me."

[bluejello]

Yeah, I used to be able to just be happy for people but after 2.5 years of TTC and 3 losses, I mostly feel desperately sad and angry. Guess I'm just immature!

[crazycatlady6]

I am happy for the person in most cases since I don't wish IF on anyone, but I am extremely jealous. If they are on FB, I have to block their posts since I can't handle all of the sono pics or other posts. Baby showers are out of the question right now, it's too hard.

[bluejoan]

I would never wish IF on anyone but that doesn't mean when I see pregnancy announcements that I'm happy at that moment. I always get to happy eventually but not at the first moment. This doesn't make me a bad person or immature. It makes me real. Life is always shades of grey and as long as I don't go out of my way to hurt someone I feel like I've succeeded at being a good person.

I appreciate that for the most part our friends tell us first so we can get the jealousy out of the way. I love my friends' children and they are blessings but I am not afraid to skip a baby shower, ask to not be updated as much and if I'm having a bad day not dealing with babies.

[lemonliz]

Jan 24, 2015 18:52:26 GMT -5 tumbleweed said:

**** losses mentioned*****



Uh, I'm not trying to control anyones vagina, stomp my feet, or wish IF on anyone. I'm a grown-up, as most of the women on this awesome board are. Maybe you're referring to women on Voldeboard?

However, after everything I've gone though, it is impossible for me not to feel some version of a punch in the gut when someone announces. I generally, eventually, find a way to be at least neutral for them -- but IF is very painful for me. My losses have been extremely painful, life altering events. They changed me as a person. They changed the way I see life. I will never be the person I was, before those losses.

I'm always happy for announcements from friends/family who have struggled though, because they feel like fellow travelers. I know they understand.

I'm happy for you that you don't feel this way.

This. All of this.  Except for the losses (hugs tumbleweed).

I am definitely not the same person I was when I was still just TTC on my own.  

[murrt]

I'm happy for my friends and people I like as long as they don't say stupid ass things to me about my own attempts at TTC.

But when someone I don't like, or who is undeserving gets KU (like the bitchy person who can't afford kids, will be a horrible parent and gets KU without trying), Im 100% OK with hating them. I'll be a bitch and completely OK with it.

On the other hand, it annoys the shit out of me when friends tiptoe around me because they're worried I might feel sad or jealous. I'm all for compassion, but there's nothing I hate more than someone feeling sorry for me. I have too much pride for that.

I guess that's why I've pulled back from telling more and more people....I cant stand the looks I get.

Edit to add: my feelings on all of this have changed over time. I'm sure if I experience a loss or failed IVF cycles, i'll get more and more upset . But again, I'm OK with that. My feelings, and everyone else's are justified.

[hrushka]

Jan 24, 2015 17:06:25 GMT -5 bethkate said:

I wish I felt that way, but I don't. My jealousy definitely takes over in those situations. It has nothing to do with wanting to control someone else's vagina or wishing IF on anyone, but it's really hard for me after 2.5 years and two losses to not feel like, at some point, it should be my turn. Once the baby is born, it's easier for me to be excited, but pregnancy announcements are incredibly hard for me to handle at this point.

This.

[froggiesgirl]

Jan 24, 2015 22:29:01 GMT -5 astop87 said:

I feel a little mixed about my thoughts on this. On one hand I wish I could feel the same way, but on the other hand, how can I feel over the moon happy for anyone who accidentally gets pregnant when I've had failed IUIs and IVF attempts? I can fill all fingers on both hands of the women I know right now who are currently pregnant and either were accidentally KU or tried one month and it worked. I don't know a single person IRL like me. It's lonely. So no I can't relate with you feeling that happy for them. I wish I could though.

*Edited because I'm an awesome speller

**** Possible insensitivity/triggers****



I empathize with this. I have lost count of the "accidents/1 month and wham" announcements I have heard on FB, in the office, and around. When we began TTC, I used the "oh, we're just seeing what happens" line when people would ask, but now I just want to avoid the conversation entirely. I was really hoping to give my grandmother some positive news before she passed last year, but could not. Then my Dad (difficult relationship) asked on Christmas day (right as I was realizing we'd hit the year mark) when he was getting grand kids. That rocked. 

DH and I haven't gone to testing yet, so not sure what's going on, but at very low points, I have even thought that a MC would at least tell me that SOMETHING was working. I know that's terrible to All who have experienced one, but it bubbles up once in my head once in a while.