Pick me up thread

[xanthepants]

Guys I could use a pick me up - and you laides are swell at this. It's not something I will admit to many so here it goes.

Night-times are horrid right now for us. I feel like the most horrible mom in the world for about 20 minutes a night while I have to pep talk and coerce my kid into the medication for the adhesion nightly. We are supposed to do it twice a day and I just can't. The biggest tears, the begging me to stop, the clenched legs and arms. It's horrible. I feel like I am forcing myself on her to get  a qtip into place. I feel absolutely beaten up, broken and demolished afterwards. Every damn night. How do people with truly sick kids go thru this?!? I know this is nothing in comparison which makes my mental whininess even worse! I can't even get a good look at her. And I cannot fathom this going on for months if  not longer. This sucks.

Anyway I could use a pick me up and a reminder I'm not a jerk who she's going to have nightmare about when she's 20.

Also - I thought maybe others could use this thread as a place to come to get a quick reminder when they need a pick me up as well.

[bliz1712]

xanthepants, you are the furthest thing from a horrible Mom and trust me that Coco doesn't think that either. In the moment she probably doesn't like what you are doing, but they are so quick to forgive and forget. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this and I wish I had advice for how to do it more smoothly. But here are a few funny things for you:

[bantyrooster]

Hugs momma! You are not a horrible mommy. She will thank you for this someday. Could you call the doctor for some ideas? Does the medicine hurt? Can she help do it to herself?

[xanthepants]

Thanks bliz1712,. bantyrooster, It's just premarin crème - which doesn't burn or itch as far as I can tell (or from what I remember when I had to use it). But she is SO clenched and violent that when I go in, it probably does hurt even if I try to be gentle and fast I do have to force it and hold her hands and legs down. She will "help" me by letting me quickly get a peek but only if we don't have and medicine nearby. She's not ready to do it herself but we talk about her eventually doing it herself. After 6 weeks we can go to Vaseline or aquaphor and I will let her do that on her own with supervision no problem. But for now I really need to get it in the right place.

[bantyrooster]

Could you let her use some dermablast on it first? Then if it does hurt it will sooth it and she may get in the mindset that the special spray protects her. Just an idea! Poor girl.

[lkamenko]

I am so sorry you have to go through this! You are great mom, don't doubt that! And Coco knows you are the best mom.
Can you bribe her with something? Like "I will do the medication and then you can watch 20 minutes of your favorite show?" Or cookie or ice cream cone? Also may be you can distract her by giving her a phone to play with while you are doing the thing? I know from experience that forcing the child to take medicine is the worst and it never worked for us. Negotiation is the key.

[bliz1712]

Could you do it while she's asleep? I remember you saying that's how you used to cut her fingernails, maybe you could try that?

[cbear]

You are so not a bad mom! Can you say we have to do this, the doctor said so and reference doc mcstuffins or something? That way it's off you haha! Or yes I would bribe with a Mickey episode or something. Hopefully it will get better! Big hugs lady!

[summergirl1211]

xanthepants, I'm sorry this is so hard on you and Coco. You are absolutely NOT an awful mom, she just isn't old enough yet to realize that what you're doing is helping her. I don't really have any suggestions as Riley won't even take oral medication these days, but I think some kind of negotiation is the way to go. Maybe a special movie or book that she can always watch/read right after you're done applying it? Or maybe stickers towards a new toy? Ugh, I wish I knew how to help. Sending you hugs friend.

[jodielyn10]

I'm so sorry, xanthepants, I had to use some cream on Ingrid recently - something she hasn't needed in a long time, but she had a little poop wiping trouble at daycare apparently - and it was an awful experience. She cried and writhed on the ground to get away a begged me not to. It was truly awful and I can't imagine having to do it every night. I have nothing to offer but the biggest of hugs.

[mightybee]

Ugh, I would be torn up over it too. You are a bad ass mom.

Have you tried doing it while she's watching a show? Would that work? Isn't she really into TV? I would also totally bribe with something extra special.

[xanthepants]

Yeah we tried bribes with ice cream, new toys, TV time, doing it in front of the tv, with the Ipad, holding toys, getting stickers so far. I explained why we are doing it, that we'd have togo back to the doctor if we didn't do it and the doctor would have to do it , that she'd get very sick if we didn't. I drew pictures of it. I honestly just feel like I'm traumatizing her. I might try a night-time attack tonight and see if that works. Good idea.

[bliz1712]

Could you make your H do it to make him the bad guy? lol I say that to make you laugh!!

[lainikins]

You are not a bad mom at all! We have been having to give Emmett medicine 3x a day and he does not take medine well. I know how it hurts to have to hold down your kid while they are screaming that you are hurting them. What has worked for us is giving him 5 gummy bears after he takes his medicine. I have the bears there and ready to go in a little cup so he can see them before we start. The first few days were hard. My husband had to come home in his lunch break to help me give him his medicine because it was a two person job to hold him down. It got better though when he started associating the medicine with the gummy bears. Now I just say that it is gummy bear time and most of the time he will just sit there with his hands over his eyes and take his medicine. You are doing an amazing job though and I hope you can find a way for her to cooperate a bit better.

[snickers4everyone]

Oh xanthe...I'm so sorry. You are NOT a horrible mom, you are amazing and wonderful and spectacular. I have no advice (but liked that dermaplast idea), just commiseration. We just recently discovered that Emmy has an adhesion also, but a mild one. It sucks when you have to do something that upsets them so much, and then the added frustration you have with thinking all of this was behind you...I know you must feel awful. You'll get through this and she will ultimately be happier/healthier.
Hugs to you and Coco. Let me know if you ever need to talk.

[starfishy]

Just ditto what everyone else has said. It's awful now but it no way are you traumatizing her. She knows you're trying to help.

[trixi282]

That sucks, I didn't realize you were dealing with it again. I have no advice, but I hope something works so you can get her to at least calm down during it. Hugs Mama, you're amazing!

[justbeth]

Big big hugs! You are a wonderful momma! We had a similar struggle back when Emma was having pain while pooping and I had to give her suppositories. It's even harder now that they are old enough to sort of understand privacy. I know that's a big issue with Emma- not that it hurts, she just doesn't want be all up in her businesses.

I know you mentioned using a q-tip, have you tried using gloves and applying the cream with your finger? It might be less intimidating and easier to control while she is flipping out. I wish I had some good tips, but nothing but force ever works with Emma for the suppositories. I know the feeling of thinking you are traumatizing your child though, and that really sucks. Bad. Just know you are doing what's best for her and it will end one day.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this again. Hopefully the night time sneak attach will work. Maybe put her in a night gown to make it quicker and easier. Praying that works!

[mrsrek10]

Being a boy mom, I am clueless about this whole issue...but, I am not clueless about what kind if mom you are!! You are a great mom in a difficult situation. You are doing what is best for her and she will not think horrible thoughts about you.

Some random ideas:

Could you maybe do it near a mirror or use a mirror so she can see what is happening? I think the unknown and not seeing what is going on can make things scarier.

Or could you tell her the number of steps and then count them off so she knows what to expect each time? Example, tell her "Mommy has to do 3 things. 1. Take off your panties. 2. Put medicine on this qtip (hold up qtip) and 3. Touch your (privates or whatever you call it) with the medicine. Then we are all done!" Before you start and then narrate each step as you do it and say only 2 more things to go...only 1 more thing to go...all done!!!

These may sound like lame ideas but sometimes knowing all the details or seeing what is going on can ease the anxiety of it.

[somethingcleverer]

Everyone had great ideas. You are not awful at all, you are doing the best for Coco and that makes you pretty great. Aubrey is a horrible wiper and clenches when I wipe or try to clean her privates so I end up having to use an extra baby wipe before we put her jams on. She hates it. If H is around I have him hold her legs and just wipe super fast. Maybe you could get your H to help? This is just a short time in her life and it will be over soon.

[mommymadness]

You are truly a great mom to coco. I'm confident you will not scar her by doing this.. Hopefully some of the tips help or the night time raid and as the days continue she will get more comfortable with it happening (Kind of like a routine. )

[MissMusic]

You are so hard on yourself--all of the great moms are. You are doing the right thing, even though its hard. The right thing is usually the hard thing. I agree with the person who said Coco doesn't like whats happening RIGHT NOW, but thats how kids think: RIGHT NOW.

I feel really bad for the both of you. Kids can't always reason things out to know WHY something is happening, but they somehow instinctively know that you are doing it because you love them and its for the best.

Here are some puppies, because everyone feels better with puppies.

[xanthepants]

Thanks guys. There are some really good ideas and you've already made me feel better. h doesn't know what to do. Whether he is making it worse by being in there or better. Tonight was brute force again, but the both of us so at least it went a little faster and I could actually be gentler at the area of issue. She just gets so worked up at the mere mention of it, I'm so sad for her. 1 week down. 5 more of these meds to go then we can switch to maintenance stuff hopefully! She is fine 5 minutes later and cuddles up so I know she doesn't hate me yet.

[irish1213]

You're the furthest thing from a bad mom. A bad mom would just not do anything. You care for her and want her to be well and she will know this in time. I understand your feelings though, it's hard to see your child fearful and/or in pain. Just remember this too shall pass.

[roo1582]

I have no other advice over what has already been said here. Just know I am sending huge hugs to you. You are seriously one of the greatest moms I know and Coco definitely knows it too The fact that you even had this post shows what a great mom you are and how much you love your little girl. As scary and unfun as it is for her (and you), I'm sure she knows you are just doing it to help her out. I hope that as time goes on, she will start to become a little more comfortable with it and it becomes a better process for you both.

[jennmm]

Everyone else has already given great advice! You're a great mom! Try not to be so down on yourself.