Annoyed but at the wrong person

[wicked22]

So I'm being flexible at the moment with LOs dad since he's a quasi mechanic that works whenever people call if he wants to and its the only thing he does for work. He said he was busy all day this morning and he would like to see LO tomorrow. I still have him on facebook to share pictures and I saw that he was out at the bar having drinks with a particular girl, she buying the drinks. Is it weird that I'm more annoyed with her than I am with him. They have only been friends for about 3 months but she's seen enough to know he doesn't provide for his kids and that he really is just a very selfish person that plays the poor me card to his advantage every chance he gets. She's also a single mom. I don't know why it bothers me so much considering I'm the one that was dumb enough to stick around and get pregnant again. Maybe I'm just being hormonal but is it possible I'm annoyed because I don't want to see her being dealt the same hand I was when it comes to LOs dad.

[becwheat]

Maybe you should not be FB friends. There are other ways to share pictures and if you find yourself having these moments it is better to just not put yourself in the position.

You are not dumb! Though I would say his personal life is no longer your business. If he has a woman who wants to take him out and pay for his drinks then so be it.

[20thirteen]

I'm going to have to second what becwheat said. My DD's bio-dad is out fiddling around with other girls and probably playing the "oh, poor me" card, too. He's blocked on my FB, if he wants pictures, I'm sure he could get them from his mother. Or a mutual FB friend that could see my pictures, though I hide a lot of my posts from his mom and our mutual friends. I have albums that are specifically set so that they can see pictures but, for the most part, they can't see a lot of the status's about her or any random cutesy picture that I don't post to that album.

Anyway, if that girl wants to be around the dude, let her be around the dude. She can see that he has a LO and one on the way (I assume she knows about the bun in the oven?) but that doesn't mean she knows the story. In his "oh, poor me" stories, it could be "I pay my baby mama so much money, I can't do anything for myself" or "I don't make enough money to support myself and my child(ren)". You don't know what he's saying to her that could be clouding the situation between you, him, and the LOs.

I'd either unfriend or, at the very least, unfollow. That way, if he's tagged in pictures, if he puts up a status that you think might upset you, you won't even see it. You'd have to go to his profile to see anything. And I wouldn't suggest that, going to his profile. If you unfriend him, lock down your profile and make it as private as possible. Keep communication only via email/text. Seriously, you'll breathe easier. That was some of the best advice I was ever given. Given to me by becwheat.

[lolo918]

I agree with becwheat and 20thirteen. I actually blocked BD because I found out he used other pictures I sent him to be nice to paint a picture to someone else of him being this doting father. Since he has free access to your pics it may be easy for him to download and save your pics in his phone to show this girl the wonderful LO he has. So it may not be that she has the real story.

I just went through this not doing so much to accomodate thing, keeping to tech/phone calls, and it has made life easier. SO. MUCH. EASIER and less stressful. I am a little sad that DD sort of misses out but also realize that if he really wants to see her he would make time. Just like he makes time to go fishing and just like your LO's dad managed to make time to go have those drinks. It took posting here for it to really set in for me. You are not dumb just trying to do what's best for LO, which normally does mean including dad in their lives.

[wicked22]

Thank you ladies I will try to implement some of the ideas you mentioned and try to just focus on me and LOs. At this point I am happy to say its been easy sticking to the texting/phone rule that he's only allowed to ask Me questions that pertain to Joseph, the baby and appointment with the OB. Implemented that rule as soon as I broke it off with him. He tries to push it often and gets mad/offended when I hold firm.

[20thirteen]

Jul 28, 2015 9:42:57 GMT -5 wicked22 said:

Thank you ladies I will try to implement some of the ideas you mentioned and try to just focus on me and LOs. At this point I am happy to say its been easy sticking to the texting/phone rule that he's only allowed to ask Me questions that pertain to Joseph, the baby and appointment with the OB. Implemented that rule as soon as I broke it off with him. He tries to push it often and gets mad/offended when I hold firm.

Well, I'm glad you're standing your ground with him.  Good luck mama!