TTMA Commutes

[dawnfire]

Okay other working moms, talk to me about commutes!

I had the interview yesterday, and I think it went well.  But I'm kind of terrified now of being offered the job (that's silly, right?)  Why am I terrified?  Because my current commute is 4 miles (15-30 mins depending on traffic).  The office I'd go to if I accept this position is 30 miles from home (took me an hour and a half to get home yesterday leaving at 4pm).

I'm worried about the havoc this would raise with the family.  The hours are 8-5 M-F (right now I work 9-6 most days with one 11-8 day and some saturdays).  I'd probably have to leave by about 6:45 am (and that may be cutting it close) to get there in the mornings.  (I am not a morning person.)  LO is used to waking up at 7am, so this would be a huge, huge change for him.  (Plus we'd need to find a new daycare, because I probably would always be late picking him up if he stays at the current one.)

What are your commutes like?  The mass transit here sucks unless you work downtown (and this job is not downtown) so that's not an option to alleviate anything.  WWYD?  

I don't know if the extra money would be worth the shakeup to our schedule and less time with LO/more time commuting. :/

[jnnfrrose6]

I have a reverse commute, so it isn't bad, but my hours are 7-4 M-F (summer I'm 7-5 M-Th, 7-11 F). I try to leave the house by 6:30 which gets the kids to DC just before 7 (I chose a DC near work) and me to the office no later than 7:10. Leave the office at 5 to get the kids and by their time we're loaded into the car heading home it's about 5:30 and we're home by 6. If DH is home before me, he gets dinner going, otherwise I throw something quick together and eat by 6:30. Bed is at 7:30. We don't get a ton of time during the week, but we make up for it in the weekends.

Are you sure the way you went home yesterday would be your quickest route? I've got several options depending on what traffic is doing (with or without highways). Sure, you'll have less time weekdays, but you will gain weekends. Would that be enough of a gain? What is your DH's commute/work schedule? Would it all be on you to get LO to/from DC and fed both mornings and evenings?

[liziz]

I'm very anti-commute (I work about 3.5 miles from home and it takes me about 7 minutes to get here in the morning)

HOWEVER, If the regular, 8-5 hours would leave you more time with E with no late day and Saturday work, it might be worth it.

I'm also a morning person (I get in to work at 7), so take that with a grain of salt.

[soon2bmrsn]

Wow, 90 minutes is a healthy commute! I'm about to start back with mine, which I thought was long-ish (but not 90 minutes!) I live 32 miles from work and it takes about as long to get there (all interstate). But I work 7:30-2:30 ish as a teacher so I avoid all of the PM rush. Getting up at 5 and leaving the house with at least 1 (and often 2) kids pre-6:30 SUCKS though.

I echo what others have said about having more time on weekends and getting rid of that 11-8 day too (do you ever actually get anything done or have time for yourself on those days anyway?) even if you hardly see E during the week.

Was this a pay increase? (I forget, sorry!)

[dawnfire]

jnnfrrose6, there's 2 possible routes I could take. One goes through an extremely congested area (nightmare scenario of 4 different major highways merging) and another goes through downtown (a different type of nightmare scenario, but one nonetheless). The downtown route adds a few miles and it wouldn't highway miles where you can speed along.

DH and I had originally talked about maybe carpooling, but we mapped it last night and his work isn't exactly close to where I would be.

And to complicate things further, this office will be moving in about a year to year and a half and will be about 5 additional miles farther than it already is.

[dawnfire]

soon2bmrsn, I don't know what the actual number would be, but yes it could be a $5-10k pay increase.

DH mentioned last night that he might have to help more in the mornings now if I get that job (no shit? I kinda wish I had help now!), but he's said things like that before so I still suspect it may all fall on my shoulders.

I currently only work every 3rd saturday, so it's not too bad but I sure do miss Elias those days. The night I work to 8 doesn't seem like too big a loss currently since that just means it's the one night a week I don't have to do everything for the baby when I get home from work.

I have so many mixed emotions!

[dawnfire]

@zerozeroone, I had a massive headache when I got home last night. Traffic can make me ragey. The sad thing is, there were no accidents to slow the commute down. Just endless herds of people.

[soon2bmrsn]

Jul 30, 2015 15:32:24 GMT -5 dawnfire said:

soon2bmrsn, I don't know what the actual number would be, but yes it could be a $5-10k pay increase.

DH mentioned last night that he might have to help more in the mornings now if I get that job (no shit? I kinda wish I had help now!), but he's said things like that before so I still suspect it may all fall on my shoulders.

I currently only work every 3rd saturday, so it's not too bad but I sure do miss Elias those days. The night I work to 8 doesn't seem like too big a loss currently since that just means it's the one night a week I don't have to do everything for the baby when I get home from work.

I have so many mixed emotions!

I hear you on the DH thing. I've done all drop offs and pick ups the entire time I've had kids. DH will be stepping up his game this year as it will be entirely on him to get DS1 on the bus every single morning (not until 8:00, so I'll be long gone by then). He keeps saying he'll also take DS2 to daycare but I bet I'll end up taking him because 1. he's a handful and 2. I'll be dropping DD off at the same place anyway. We shall see.

[jnnfrrose6]

Would a move closer to the new job be an option (sounds like your DH works that direction as it is)?

[dawnfire]

Jul 30, 2015 15:37:44 GMT -5 jnnfrrose6 said:

Would a move closer to the new job be an option (sounds like your DH works that direction as it is)?

We actually will be looking to move to a larger home when we're expecting #2.  But since biology hasn't agreed with that plan so far, that could be a ways off. (Another year and a half if it takes as long as with #1!)

DH also has unrealistic housing expectations.  Last night he did a search for 5 bedroom/2 car garage/media room/swimming pool homes and came up with 2...that are even farther out.


@zerozeroone, yeah I have to factor that in for sure.  I may also need to hope on the tollway to alleviate the commute at times, and in peak time that's $10 each way (and that's sure to go up.  They love to raise the rates.)  If I can get a DC near the office, though, then LO could count as a commuter for the HOV lane. (I'm just sort of dreading baby + traffic jam.  That doesn't sound appealing.)

[liziz]

Also, I'm not sure how your H feels about the new job, but maybe it would be good for him to help with baby stuff in the morning, especially if you're working on #2.

[dawnfire]

I've already put my foot down that when I'm expecting, he better darn well help in the mornings. I still remember how exhausted I was then!

DH is supportive of the job since it's really the only way I can advance at all in this organization. (Only way I can ever get a raise, too. We haven't had a raise in the 6+ years I've been here. One tiny cost of living increase.)

I'm kind of watching the traffic map online to see how the traffic is on the possible routes I could take. (The answer isn't pretty and involves a lot of the color red.)

[Liv]

From what I remember you saying in the past, you might be ready for a change career-wise? Maybe the change in job duties would be refreshing enough to you personally to outweigh more driving? (I'm no help as far as driving goes-- I hate driving especially when it's busy and stressful!)

[honeybee434]

This is all based on my own experience so take it how you will:

I have what I consider a long commute and I hate every.single.thing about it. I've actually thought about quitting my job at various times because of it. It's exhausting most days. My commute to work is about 40-45 minutes (30 miles) which I don't mind other than everything has to go like clockwork for my mornings or I get to work late. Same with wrecks that happen that I don't anticipate.

The drive home, however, is awful. Takes me 45-60 minutes. After sitting at my desk for 8 hours it literally drains me some days to sit in stop and go traffic for that long, I get home really worn out from it most days, and it can really affect my mood and attitude when I am home. It sucks. I also hate how much time I'm not spending with DD. Total during the week I spend 8-9 hours in a car, sometimes more if there are a lot of wrecks. Even if I just cut that in half, I would have 4 1/2 more hours to spend with DD which would be amazing.

I've also been making this drive for 5 1/2 years. I wears on me more as time goes by. Wasn't bad at first, but after doing this for so long I'm now soooo tired and sick of it. I've looked for other jobs closer and I would be looking at a 15k a year pay cut at least, if not more, and we just can't afford thag right now. If I could find something close to me for a 5k-10k cut, I would take it in a heartbeat.

[dawnfire]

Liv, yeah I am pretty tired of some of the people we have to deal with day in and day out. We're next to a courthouse which leads to a lot of angry people coming in to our building who are angry at us for no reason at all (they're just frustrated from the court.)

honeybee434, I'm pretty worried about that with the commute, too. I already feel like I have such little time with LO.

I was able to chat up one of the delivery drivers today and I asked him about the location the office will be moving to. He said it's in a not very good area next to a fish market (and not the cool one like in Seattle, more like a scary one.) So even though where I work now it's not totally safe, at least there's police right next door so there's some modicum of "safety".

I'm still so conflicted on this, meh. Is it bad that I hope they don't pick me? Because then I have 0 decisions to make!