How's dinner going in your house?

[heatherbee]

Dinner has become the most frustrating part of my day and I'm wondering how it's going with others. I'm sure it would go fine if I served macaroni and cheese and chocolate every night, but since I'm clearly a mean mom and don't, it's been a test of my patience every night lately, lol. Protein is the biggest struggle I have with my son right now and I'm just looking for ideas and wondering if my expectations are reasonable. Up until now,, we have asked DS to try a bite of everything on his plate and if he doesn't like it, that's ok. Since he has turned 3 we told him he is expected to have 3 bites of everything on his plate. I always make sure there are 2 items he likes and only 1 thing I know will be a struggle. Occasionally he surprises me and will eat everything without complaint. But at least 3 nights this week he has sat for over an hour refusing to even try a bite. My DS can have an extremely stubborn personality so I think it will get better once he realizes we are being consistent with it (and eventually he will get bored of sitting so long that he goes right to bed after dinner because it's so late, right??? Lol). Does this sound like a reasonable request for his age? He will eat the things, it's not like he is gagging when he does eat them, it's just not preferred. So wwj12d? Am I ruining my kid?

Also - I have debated making him eat the stuff he likes last and only giving him the stuff he doesn't first. But I wonder if that's creating a habit of him only eating something healthy to get something sweet, like fruit? Idk. Maybe I'm overthinking it. That doesn't even work all the time with him. He is just stubborn...

[starfishy]

We definitely play the barter game. He doesn't get a treat if he doesn't try everything on his plate. If he wants more if something we make him have a bite of whatever else. It's a struggle. If you're ruining your kid, I'm ruining mine too.

[Riverdong11]

This is one area where I feel like I am failing miserably. Liam hates meat and has developed a sensitive gag reflex to food he's convinced he hates. It's ridiculous. I make him try a bite of everything still, but I'm pretty much trying to kill him at dinner every night if you go off his reaction. I don't make him sit at the table if he refuses bites, but I do offer it again as a snack since he's hungry from not eating dinner. That never goes over well which leads to terrible nights of trying to get him in bed. My bottle of Captain Morgan is emptying at a pretty fast rate lately.

[britbratjf]

Honestly she rarely eats dinner well. She eats breakfast & lunch fine but won't try much of what I make for dinner. I usually give her some fruit or yogurt with dinner but if she doesn't try a bit of the main dish she doesn't get anything else she may request later. I don't fight it. I figure fighting her will only make it worse so if she says she doesn't want to eat something I tell her that's fine.

[mommymadness]

This sounds like our house, pretty much to a T. Benjamin usually says he doesn't want supper and he rarely eats much of anything we put in his plate. I think getting him to take 3 bite of each food is very reasonable. We have been trying this also. Sometimes he does really well and other nights end in tears.

[junkytrunk]

Jul 30, 2015 19:16:53 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Honestly she rarely eats dinner well. She eats breakfast & lunch fine but won't try much of what I make for dinner. I usually give her some fruit or yogurt with dinner but if she doesn't try a bit of the main dish she doesn't get anything else she may request later. I don't fight it. I figure fighting her will only make it worse so if she says she doesn't want to eat something I tell her that's fine.

This is a lot like us. If he says he doesn't want it. I say ok, but if he requests something else I tell he he can't have it, he only gets what's on the plate. He will usually go back to it later and eat it. Sometimes maybe he's not as hungry when we eat and I understand that.

I'm a picky eater and came from a pickier eater (my mom) so I'm not going to force him to eat anything. My H is much more adventurous and so far M likes more things than even I do, which is good. It's not the end of the world to me if he doesn't eat certain things.

For protein, maybe throw in some beans or nuts, instead of just a meat.

[mightybee]

Maybe he's just not a big eater in the evenings? Does he eat larger breakfasts/lunches or snacks?

I've recently started the "you don't have to eat it" approach someone posted about on FB. Basically, you serve the meal how you want to (choosing foods and when to eat), but the child decides what and how much to eat. You make sure at least one item is something they like, but don't go out of your way to prepare kid friendly meals all the time. Sounds counterintuitive, but so far I've noticed a difference.

Really good article: m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7139710

[somethingcleverer]

We've been trying the same approach as mightybee and it seems to be working over here. DS is my picky eater, much more so than Aubrey so I think we don't pressure Aubrey to try new things because she already likes so many more foods. Basically any new foods were a struggle and if I even put anything DS didn't like on his plate he would gag, scream and cry or turn around and eat facing the wall because he couldn't stand to look at his plate. We've tried the "if you don't like it don't eat" it approach and it's helping. He's older so I was able to explain it more to him but now he doesn't flip out if there is something he doesn't like on his plate. If he finishes his preferred foods and wants something else I tell him that he has food on his plate he can eat but we don't have any more of whatever his food is. We just started but I can definitely see a difference and the power struggle is completely taken out of dinner.

[roo1582]

Dinner is definitely a struggle for us as well. Honestly, there are some nights where Kayleigh won't even eat one thing on her plate. We always have at least one thing that we know she likes, but with the power struggle, a lot of times she will refuse to eat that. She really enjoys snacking, so we cut back snacks that are closer to dinner. She tends to ask for snacks after dinner, so if she hasn't eaten her dinner, she doesn't get snacks. Sometimes us simply reminding her that kick starts her desire to eat dinner. Meat is probably our biggest struggle. The girl loves ketchup so she pretty has that all the time so she can dip the meat in.

[jennmm]

Sometimes she eats, sometimes she doesn't. I try not to make an issue of it. I know she eats well the rest of the day, so I don't worry too much if she doesn't eat dinner. Plus, she always eats bananas. So, if we are having something I know she's not going to like, I usually put a banana on her plate. At least it's fruit. I don't fix her anything special. We all eat the same stuff. It's hit or miss at this age, I think.

[heatherbee]

Thank you guys for the insight and the ideas. Maybe I need to be more flexible. It frustrates me so much that he is clearly hungry because he wants other foods but is so stubborn about meat! I think I'm going to try a combination of the "then don't it" approach but stage it so his first plate of food only has 3 or so bites of everything. Then the expectation is that he eats everything there if he wants more of something, but without the direct "you need to eat three bites" power struggle. Who knows if it will work but it's worth a shot

[jodielyn10]

So I've just had to stop fighting it because Ingrid simply will not eat food she doesn't like. If I tell her she has to sit at her spot until she tries a bite then she would sit all night every night and I just don't feel that's a battle worth fighting. I give her food that I know she will eat, I give her veggie pouches so I know she's getting some good vegetables, and we don't keep junk food in the house so she's not eating crap. I just had to finally come to the decision that having a simple, limited diet isn't the worst thing in the world and that food battles wouldn't take over our days.

[babywinks]

We don't usually fight her on food. Abby likes a good amount of foods so if she doesn't want something one night I just say OK, but this is what we are having for dinner and you don't get anything later. If she really seems to dislike dinner I will give her other things by request if it's 1. Healthy and 2. Requires no cooking. If she asks for another type of fruit, yoghurt, cheese or something like that.

[xanthepants]

I'm kind of where babywinks,is at. Cosette likes a fair amount of foods, healthy ones. But not necessarily what we are eating. So she usually has a simplified version of what we are eating. Less sauces, plain noodles, etc. And she takes a billion years to eat. I'd like her to try exactly what we are eating and usually she will eat 1 bite and dismiss it which is fine. As long as she will still eat a fair amount of healthy choices. I guess I should start pushing her to eat what we eat, but I just don't want to fight.

[samelly]

I definitely bribe her. Sometimes we offer a dessert, but not always because I don't want her to expect that all time.  A trip to the playground or watching a favourite show after dinner is also a good motivator.  

[sarasansh]

We do the "you don't have to eat it" method and it works really well for us. Robin's tried about 3 new foods in the however many months we've been doing it, but I figure 3 foods is better than nothing.

Also he's often not super hungry in the evenings, even if he didn't eat a good lunch. I figure he won't starve himself.

I'm super sensitive to food battles because H's parents imposed all sorts of weird food rules on him and his sister as a kid and I'm still deconditioning him from them 6 years into marriage (and 8 years of living together) so I'm trying really hard to instill good eating habits.

[sarahandeddie]

Avery is a picky eater. She refuses most veggies. I just make sure she gets them through other sources like pouches. I don't force my girls to eat everything but I do offer foods that I know they don't like. Lately DD#1 (almost 5) has tried a lot of new foods and is expanding her likes. It helps me see there is light at the end of the tunnel in this food battle.

As long as they are eating enough to be healthy I wouldn't stress so much. 3 year olds are more about trying to control their little worlds than healthy eating.

[justbeth]

We don't really fight it. I try to make at least one thing I know she will eat. Either she eats or she doesn't. Either way, she doesn't get anything else after dinner except water and we very very rarely have dessert. When we do have dessert we let her have it if she finishes her dinner or not, but I never tell her in advance that there is dessert. We don't make her special food, unless I'm making something spicy which I don't expect her to eat. Some days she eats, some she doesn't. I assume she will figure out in her own time what she likes and what she doesn't and won't starve to death in the process.