Scared To Go To Bed Help

[roo1582]

Lately Kayleigh has really been freaking out about going to bed. For a while she has been asking us to "stay" with her while she falls asleep. But she then wakes up in the middle of the night, freaks out that we aren't there anymore, and wants us to stay in her room again. We can't keep doing that. We have a ton of things to do after the kids are in bed. We're all exhausted. She tells us she is scared of the shadows in her room. We've tried turning out the nightlights in her room, but eventually she starts freaking out that its dark. I created "shadow spray" but that didn't help at all. We've tried telling her to close her eyes and the shadows go away. We've tried giving her all sorts of her toys to snuggle with. We've tried telling her to think about happy things so she stops focusing on the shadows. Last night she freaked out and cried hysterically for 1.5 hours. She only fell asleep after we let her come in the room where we were working to clean up some of our office filing/bills. This morning I bought her one of those twilight pets hoping that it will keep the "shadows at bay". Any other ideas on what we can try to help her go to sleep?

[jennmm]

My son is 7 and he is scared of the dark. He is also scared of noises he hears during the night. I keep a lamp on in his room all night. It's not a really bright one and a very low wattage bulb but it allows him to see everything in the room. He also likes me to play music to drown out any sounds he might hear from outside. Again, it's not loud, just loud enough to give him some background noise. Confession: I can't sleep in a dark room, nor can I sleep when it's quiet. When DH is working nights, I sleep with the TV on very low for light and for sound. So, I completely understand where he is coming from.

[tribute17]

I'm a complete wuss too so I would recommend a light on. Patrick has been having trouble lately too so I have been staying with him. We talk a lot about what we are going to do tomorrow and happy things from the day. He always asks if there are bad guys in his room so I check it for him. I think it helps that it is still light out when he goes to bed but that won't last forever. Also you may try rearranging some things so the shadows aren't there. I had to put away a couple of toys that were weird shadows and it helped.

I will add that he still has trouble and wakes up a couple of times in the week and I have to go in and lay with him because he is scared. I think it is just a phase but I am super sensitive because I'm such a scaredy cat.

[somethingcleverer]

We are going through the same thing but not quite as bad. Aubrey is always talking about the shadows too. Some nights she goes right down, other nights she's too afraid of shadows no matter what we do. On those nights I let her come in my room and lay in bed to fall asleep then move her back to her room. Sometimes she wakes in the motn sometimes she doesn't. It's kind of hit or miss what each night will bring.

[summergirl1211]

roo1582, we've been struggling with this since Memorial Day, to be honest. Riley isn't afraid of the dark, but she constantly mentions throwing up and I think she's worried she'll throw up if she's in her room alone. My H currently sits in her room while she falls asleep (usually 45 minutes or so) and then she cries MOTN until he goes in and sleeps with her. It's a horrible habit we've gotten into, but otherwise she freaks out and destroys her room.

I've decided we'll deal with it once we move, and then just put her bed in her room without anything else until she starts sleeping by herself. That way she can't throw things around if it's basically empty. It'll be disruptive enough to move and I don't want to go through the entire process now just to regress in a few months anyway. It sucks.

[roo1582]

We have tried leaving a light on. She has a lower wattage lamp, but then that causes shadows. She has a big overhead light on her ceiling fan, but the kid also refuses to sleep with her door closed, so it lights up the whole upstairs. We have tried to remove some of the things that cause the shadows, but its literally everything: the woodwork around the door, picture frames, her ceiling fan... It is at least nice to hear that we're not the only ones going through this stage.

[mightybee]

Dylan doesn't talk about being afraid of anything in his room, he just insists on having all of the lights on at night--closet, bedroom, and hallway. He will call out for us to turn the lights on if he wakes at night sometimes and they're off, so I've just started leaving them all on so we can can all have a more restful sleep. We can shut our bedroom door to block out the hall light and still hear him if he needs us.

He also goes through phases where he wants us to lay with him. I usually do for a few minutes and then explain that I have a few chores to do and that I'll check back on him when I'm done. Works most of time, except when he's in a more clingy mood!

Sounds like a phase. I'm sure it will get better. Have you asked her what she needs for her room to feel safer/less scary? Maybe she'll have a good idea to try!

[roo1582]

mightybee - We tried last night asking what she wants us to do, what will make her feel better. All she says is she wants us to stay with her. It used to work where we could just sit with her and then tell her we needed to do some stuff, but that doesn't work anymore I guess I'll just see if the twilight pet helps. If not, maybe we'll just have to settle on leaving her big light on all night.

[junkytrunk]

We had the same issues last October and it took a little while to get him back to normal. It was also linked to us having just come back from a weekend trip away from him. It was taking hours to get him to calm down, so we eventually just started letting him sleep in our room on the floor. We did that for maybe a week. Then we would put him in his room and sit next to the bed. And tell him after a little while, if he was still asleep, that I would be back in 5 min. Come back in 5 min, and then tell him I'd be back in 10 min and so on, making 15 min the most in between. We usually never had to go back in after 10 min, he would fall asleep.

We also started using the twilight turtle we had gotten at his baby shower, never used it until that day and I was beginning to think it wasn't going to be used. This really helped to distract him from anything that was scary and he could focus on the stars on the ceiling, the moon, count the stars. Anything to distract.

Eventually, maybe a couple of weeks of doing the "I'll be back in 5 min" thing, he eventually didn't need me to say it and he was fine again.

Hopefully you can get this taken care of soon!

[bliz1712]

Recently Hanna has been infatuated with the glow sticks. Would they maybe work? They are super cheap and you can find 5 packs of bracelets at the dollar store. I let Hanna have one each night as well as her night lights are on. It kind of is a 2 for 1. It's also a toy for distraction and then she goes to sleep. Or what about leaving a closet light on with the door somewhat closed? Also, one of her gifts for her b-day was a M&D flash light that she likes to sleep with too.

[samelly]

Not a solution, but when I was a kid I was scared of the dark and my parents decided to let the dog sleep in my room to make me feel more secure.  I also kept the door open and a night light on.  I still wondered into their room occasionally, if I had a bad dream or something. I think it takes a little trial and error to find something that works.  

What about a reward system?  She gets stickers for each time she sleeps in her room and after 10 stickers she gets a little treat or toy?

[snickers4everyone]

We are in the same boat. I have to sit with her until she goes to sleep, then sometimes she wakes up and comes to get me and sit with her again. Sometimes she freaks out and wants me to sleep with her.
We are also going to address it when we move. There's no sense in working on it now just to have it all go to crap again because of the move.
So. No advice but tons of commiseration.

[MissMusic]

We have been dealing with the same thing since early June. Lillian also asks us to stay with her.

We have given in and stay until she falls asleep. Most of the time she'll wake up without us there and have a panic attack in the MOTN. We are making a lot of progress though, here's what we've done that you haven't mentioned:

-Told her we're checking on her all the time, all night. I will lay with her for maybe 10min, tell her I'll be back in 5min to check, and I will leave the room. I will go back in 5 min, and she thinks I'm doing this all night. Along those lines, we have a video monitor with intercom, and if I see her wake up I'll talk over it to let her know I'm just in the other room.

-Explained over and over that I don't LEAVE; grownups never LEAVE, I'm just in another room. I show her where we sleep (even though she already knows). We count the steps from her room to our room ("See how close it is!?"), and I give her examples. Ex: I'm in the shower and she's in the adjoining master bedroom with a puzzle--I'm not WITH HER, but I'm very close by.

-We put night lights (soon to be replaced by xmas lights on a string) down the hall. We gave her a kiddie flashlight. We practiced what to do if she's scared: turn on your flashlight and look around! If she's still scared, get out of bed with the light and walk the 10 steps to mommy's room.

Its working! We're not 100% but its so much better than it was!

[roo1582]

Thanks for all the ideas! You've definitely given me some other options to try Hopefully we find something that works. I feel horrible for her but we're all exhausted and know this can't keep going on.

[MissMusic]

Please keep us updated, roo1582