Anxious about RE appt

[lucylulu]

As some may remember from my post on that other site re: DBF's sperm analysis - it came back low morph and with anti sperm antibodies. He took it pretty hard but has been great taking his daily supplement cocktail. Over the holidays he was all talk about getting preg, seeing the doc, etc. Now that it's here he can only talk about what it's going to cost and that we haven't been trying long enough.
We both thought that any uncovered issues would be female so this is a bit if a mind shift. He's pretty immature about it and hates doctors. I was pretty direct with him last week and said I need him to be respectful - this doc is at one of the premier RE offices and she is the best in her field. We may not like what she says but she deserves our respect.
I'm so worried he's going to sabotage the appt or just put his foot down and be difficult altogether. I want to encourage him to be objective and to leave emotion out of this but I know I'll be somewhat emotional myself ...
Sorry not sure what I'm asking for here just nervous and need to vent.

[nikolie93]

I'm sorry, hon and it's pretty normal to be anxious.

I know this is so frustrating but try to take a step back when you find yourself getting frustrated with YH and try to understand what's going on with him. He's a man and it's devastating for a man to hear there are issues on his side. I know it sucks when we find it's something on our side but a males ego is pretty frail. You know the whole "I am man". I don't really blame them either

Have you tried to talk to him and make him know you still love him regardless? Just be there for him, and be open.

Hopefully he will feel a bit better soon about things and the appointment will go ok *hugs*

[WVaRN]

I hope everything goes well. I agree with nikolie93 I think it is hard on their egos.

[boobacat]

That sounds tough but you are handling it well. Hopefully he comes around.

[meredithcarole]

While I still hold the (shared) opinion that this is mainly an ego issue for YH, I do think it is time for him to put his big boy pants on and face the music. It's not like any of the women here want to hear that there is some issue with their fertility either, but we suck it up. I would be kind, but firm with him. Remind him that fertility is a two way street and it is quite possible for either side to have issues. On the plus side, his doesn't require surgery or anything overly invasive and painful. His requires some dietary changes. He can handle this.

[lickwed]

I agree with nikolie93 and meredithcarole. Maybe you can ask him if there are any questions he has for the Dr. or things he wants answers to such as cost. Also, maybe discuss options that would not be very expensive. Write them down and then maybe he can feel like he has some say. Sorry I don't have a lot of advice, but I can give you lots of hugs. Hang in there. Hopefully you guys will get through this.

[agpjt413]

I also agree w/ PPs. Hang in there lady - lots of ((hugs)) and hope it goes well.

[lucylulu]

Thanks guys. I definitely appreciate the support and agree its time for him to be adult about it. I've been trying to be supportive, told him I love him regardless and also laid out the costs of IUI. He seemed "OK" with IUI being around $700/cycle vs the conversation of IVF being $25-30K. I think with him I'm just not going to push it and let the doctor do that talking tomorrow. My fear is that he will rule out IVF altogether, and knowing that the RE is going to recommend only 1-2 cycles of IUI before moving on to IVF. But I can't control the conversation and am just going to be hopeful that he'll pay attention and actually hear her! lol

[vh2014]

lucylulu Big hugs. I think "haven't we tried enough" is their defense mechanism. DH said that at one point too. Their minds work different than ours. My intepretation is if they make the decision to stop trying, they haven't failed. But if nature makes the decision it's failure. Maybe a false sense of control that way?

Hope the RE goes well. FX for you.

[mushe]

Big, big hugs to you. We recently got back abnormal SA results (need to retest) and I think MH was pretty shocked to see those too. I agree with the PPs about it being an ego issue, but he's got to suck it up. I like that you had a serious conversation with him about giving the RE the respect she deserves.

[lucylulu]

I meant to come here all day yesterday to update but just got busy. The appointment went way better than I expected. We talked through all of our test results and prognosis for how easy or difficult it will be to get pregnant, I feel like DBF's finally is understanding the challenges. Hearing we have an 8% chance even with the meds was very eye-opening.
We agreed to two rounds of letrozole with IUI. If that doesn't work well go to IVF. I was so relieved that he didn't totally rule that out right away. Although he did make it very well known that he preferred to go as natural as possible. Which wouldn't we all?!
Anyway I was happy with the overall outcome of the appointment. I guess I like having a plan in place so I feel like we're working toward something rather than just acting blind. Thanks for all your support!

[nikolie93]

That's great you had a good appointmemt lucylulu!

[URMySunshine77]

I'm so glad that your appointment went well lucylulu. My DH doesn't want to get a SA, so I can understand your feelings. I think it's hard for men when you have already successfully conceived. Therefore, they don't think that the dynamics could have changed since then. I'm terrified of talking to DH about it again. He won't even take a multi.