Parenting Check in Aug 3

[karlamo]

Good Morning. I need a super size coffee and an espresso IV drip.  Anyone else what one?

How are your kiddos? Anything new happening?

Sooo I'm getting down to my last 3 weeks of this pregnancy.   I usually start this check in before 9:30 on Monday but if anyone sees that it's not started feel free to jump in and start it.  Or if you see it started at 1am then you know I had the baby...hahaha

Parenting

kevinandjesse
foodislove
megd893
calsurb
andstilltrying
jazibel
kh826
karlamo
jgy
sherminator
mahler5
wittyandwaiting
kona
strings
mrsnorris
2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)
jennicole
amberreva

QOTW:  Donor talk. This came up on another LGBT group I'm in.  Seems like kids start asking questions really early on, like 3.  If this feels too private for you then don't feel like you need to share anything.

 Have you and your partner talked about at what age you will start talking with LO about their other genetic half?  What language will you be using?  If you used a KD, is that person going to be a part of their life?

[2brides]

How did I get such a clothes wh@re of a child? C is OBSESSED with name brand (namely Nike and Under Armour.) Neither L nor I are into name brand clothing at all and primarily shop for bargains. C knows every style of Nike shoe and was crushed to find out his wide feet don't fit in most Nike shoes (thank goodness we found some that worked.) The next issue will be pants since he is pretty short - and the Nike/UA pants he wants that fit in the waist will be MUCH too long. L is a decent seamstress, but doesn't have time to hem all of his athletic pants (many of which are lined) - nor are we interested in paying $10/pair to be hemmed. I ordered him a pair of Children's Place athletic pants and he was not pleased with them - but them fit in length. We did hit up the Under Armour outlet this weekend and found a ton of cheap shorts/shirts for next summer - so hopefully, UA isn't out of fashion by then.

QOTW: Crazily, this hasn't come up in our house. The kids have never asked about how babies are made/s$x/etc. I think it is a conversation for soon - ie. this summer. And of course, that conversation will prompt the conversation of a donor. We will talk about men who help out women who want to be moms but don't have a male partner or can't get pregnant. we will discuss that we are thankful for his gift (though we paid dearly for it!) to us because it allowed us to become moms and gave us them. C makes crazy connections and I fear it will take him seconds to put together that this man could have donated to other women and he could have other siblings - which they do. LOTS of them. Neither L nor I are interested in the sibling route right now....sigh.

On the other hand, G doesn't care what he wears. At all.

[kh826]

William will be 14 months tomorrow!

Yesterday afternoon he went from taking 3-5 steps then plopping himself down to running laps around the family room! He is now walking the entire length of the family room (and also the kitchen!). I think we can officially call him a "walker" at this point. Though he is still wobbly, he definitely can walk the length of a room without holding onto anyone or anything. Time for Stride Rite!

He has two bottom molars that are poking through the gums and giving him a hard time. He keeps holding onto his cheeks -- poor baby! He was a bit cranky yesterday AM, and when we tried to put our fingers in his mouth to check out the situation he flipped out. We ended up with an early nap, and then he was much better when he woke up.

We went to a bridal shower on Saturday, and brought Will with us. He did a really good job. He sat in his booster seat and ate with us, then played quietly (still in his booster seat) with toy animals and books while the bride opened her gifts. He sat there in one spot for over 2 hours - I was SUPER impressed and surprised. Later on that afternoon/night he was a wild man running around the family room. It was obvious that he had spent a long time sitting and he had LOTS of wiggles to get out.

One of his favorite games at the moment is to play fetch with Reese. He loves to throw her toys for her to run and get and then bring back to him. They will occasionally do a little tug of war with a toy also while playing fetch. William thinks it is hysterical. They played for over an hour yesterday until finally Reese got tired and curled up in her dog bed on the floor. William, of course, was still raring to go at that point. That child has SO much energy.

We are working on animal sounds, and it is so darn cute. So far he says the doggie says "woof," the kitty cat says "meow" (sounds like mow), monkey says "eee eee," horsey says "neigh" (sounds like ayyyyyyyy), and chicken says "bawk bawk." He claps for himself whenever we ask him what a certain animal says and he answers the correct sound.

He is obsessed with reading books, stacking and knocking down blocks, playing with his little plastic figurine zoo animals, and anything that involves a ball!

QOTW: So, we have talked about this a bit, but not recently. Our donor is "willing to be known" through the sperm bank after our kids turn 18. Our approach has always been that should our kids show an interest at 18, that we would support whatever they wanted to do. Prior to that, I think we will have to just be reactive and further discuss when the time comes. I think the answers we give about our donor will be different if the kiddo asking is 3 yrs old v. 15 yrs old. We plan to use the word "donor" in terms of language. I am not sure what other language there is to consider at this point, but I think this is one of those things that we really will have to see based on the situation, age of our kids, etc. what we decide to say. I am not sure that we will proactively talk to our kids about their donor much prior to them asking questions. We might, but I am not sure when. Maybe when we start talking about reproduction? Mid-to-late elementary school age? I am really not sure. We will have to talk about it more when the time comes.

[wittyandwaiting]

DS is just doing his thing and being 13, there's been a bit of sass lately but he comes around quickly. Overall he makes good choices so that's important.

2brides DS is into brands when it comes to shoes and athletic wear, he could care less when it comes to other things but overall he cares about grooming, hygiene and appearance. Adidas makes a wider shoe than Nike and the pricing tends to be better, plus most of their shoes are available in the same styles but in wide.

QOTW: not there yet but looking forward to reading your comments.

[2brides]

Aug 3, 2015 9:29:36 GMT -5 wittyandwaiting said:

 Adidas makes a wider shoe than Nike and the pricing tends to be better, plus most of their shoes are available in the same styles but in wide.

Oh, I tried to get him to try on Adidas/New Balance/etc. He begrudgingly tried them on, but was not happy by it. Given he basically has one pair of shoes for the fall/winter (sneakers) I was willing to hunt for shoes that fit him and he was happy with. Thankfully, we found a pair of Nikes at the outlet that were on clearance that he liked, fit him, and weren't expensive. WIN.

[karlamo]

2brides, WOW, they never even asked why they don't have a dad(dy)? That's the question I'm expecting to get at 4-5yo.

[shemarie82]

Good morning lovies! We had the twins this weekend. They are 14 months and are both officially walkers! The last time we had them #1 was walking, but now he is running and #2 is pretty steady on his feet as well. They were both teething which was a real treat. #1 is cutting his last two teeth until his molars come in. #2 isn't that far along but he has a mouthful as well. We had lots of cuddle time followed by raging pain. Whew, it was exhausting for us all. I am glad that I picked up some flavor-ice popsicles that they could chew on for some relief.

Neither of the boys seem to be saying much, just babbling to themselves. We try to work with them, #2 did finally get ball after 4 days. I know that if we had them more, that we would be able to do so much more that the current foster family cannot do with 7 kids in the home. When we had to drop them off, I could have cried...actually, I am fighting the tears right now.

I can say that was the hardest weekend of my life, but also that I felt so much love. If that is what parenting is, what a fricken trip!

[Stringy]

M is being toddlerific every day. She's started the slow stuff. She wants to climb up into her car seat 'all by myself' every time. But then stands in it looking around at where we sit (she's rear facing still, so I suppose it is new) and at all her toys strewn about the back seat and then it becomes a 20 minute ordeal to get her to SIT and get buckled in. Same with shoes on, clothes on, etc. Not to many major meltdowns, but a bit of whining I'd like to keep in check.

She still doesn't sleep in her own bed all night. But when she wanders in at 1-3 am goes back to sleep quick, which is bad cuz it isn't motivating us to change. We all just want to sleep.

She's been a beach baby this summer, boating, beaching, ponds, ocean, everything. So mostly loves it - but ocean water is cold in these parts, so mostly digs holes and fills them with buckets. She did get in most of the way last week with me.

QOTW: I plan to start talking about it when needed. She is very into families in books right now. Talking about daddies and mamas and mommies. I'm sure should she ever get a sibling that will follow, but she isn't really aware of brothers and sisters yet. So she doesn't get that she doesn't had a dad, but gets that some kids do, if that makes sense. We plan to treat it the same way some kids have brothers or not - some do, some don't. Ours is WTBK too, and I'd be happy to meet him anytime should he appear on a registry. We've been meaning to join the sibling registry but life has been too hectic. It is up to M how much of a relationship she wants with any of those people, but I'd rather have the connection made so that it isn't a "big event" later on. I'm all for non-events.

[mahler5]

C is 17 months.

Our LA trip was a bit rough on her last week. She threw up twice in her car seat, once Wednesday and once Friday. So we thought it was motion sickness from all the braking I was doing driving in LA. I forgot how crazy driving there is. I lived there for 6 years over 10 years ago and I do not remember traffic being so horrible. I don't know how people raise kids there. My friend has 3. And I seriously don't know how they do it. It's so expensive, driving is terrible, the smog is gross. It's making me very grateful we live here, even if I do miss the LA weather and all the great food.

So back to C. She was horrible on the flight there but great on the way back. She slept the whole time but felt hot. When we got home she had fever 103. So far Tylenol and Ibuprofen have gotten it down and she doesn't have a fever this morning but if it comes back today I'm bringing her in, as this afternoon would be 48 hours of having a fever. Plus, I'm worried she could have been legitimately sick earlier in the week too. She still has a lot of energy most of the time, so I think she is ok.

I don't think we are going to travel with her again for awhile. Luckily we slept ok together in the bed. That was my biggest fear. But I feel terrible she is sick. And she hated being cooped up in the car so much. She did enjoy watching my brother play tennis in Special Olympics and she loved meeting Pooh at Disneyland. And she liked the beach! That was a first for her. She hated the rides at Disneyland though. I know she is pretty young for Disney but I worked there in college and really wanted to take her. Next time I think we will go to Orlando though.

She is otherwise doing well.

QOTW-- I am still unsure about this. We will always be open and honest if questions are asked. I'm just not sure how proactive we will be at bringing it up. I did reach out to the families of two of her donor siblings and we stay in contact via FB occasionally. Both the families live in the same city and their kids see each other somewhat frequently. It seems to work well for them. They all seem like nice people too. I want to give her the option of knowing them, especially if we aren't able to have another child. But it is still weird and we are unsure at what point we would want to meet them. Plus, I kind of want to give C the option of deciding but at what point do we do that? I'm sure as she gets older it will make sense what to do.

[karlamo]

Stringy, the car seat...it kills me EVERY.TIME.

mahler5, Sorry C is sick.
R gets sick every time we travel. It's so predictable and we travel so much, that we now bring our own thermometer, ear infection check thing and meds with us. And then we plan to take an extra few days off from work when we return.

[2brides]

Aug 3, 2015 10:15:18 GMT -5 karlamo said:

2brides, WOW, they never even asked why they don't have a dad(dy)? That's the question I'm expecting to get at 4-5yo.

They have asked why they have 2 moms which we answered that families are made up in all different kids of ways - and talk about families we know with a mom/dad, dad/dad, mom only, grandparents raising kids...

They have asked why we chose to have kids...

But I think asking why they don't have a dad isn't really asking about conception...

[2brides]

Aug 3, 2015 10:49:30 GMT -5 karlamo said:

R gets sick every time we travel. It's so predictable and we travel so much, that we now bring our own thermometer, ear infection check thing and meds with us. And then we plan to take an extra few days off from work when we return.

Us too. At one point, we were 8 for 8 for having a sick kid on a vacation.

[karlamo]

R is 17 months

This is going to be an update on R and Moka, since we are getting so close to the due date, it's hard to separate the two. Think of it like when Grey's and Private Practice would do their cross over shows:)

We have been teaching him to say baby and what that means. I'll say baby and point to my belly and now he does it too. It's so cute. Except now he points to his belly and my wife's belly and says baby. Well, we tried. This is what trying to prep a 17 month old for a sibling looks like. LOL

He is also enjoying playing with all our baby gear that is around the house. What was once old is now new again in his eyes. His favorite is the bouncy seat which his fat butt doesn't fit in.

I plan on bf him again when Moka is here and until yesterday I was worried he might not want to nurse from me. Well yesterday he pulled down my shirt and rested his head on my boobs. So I think we may be ok in that dept. My wife and I talked and made a tentative plan for her to stop nursing both kids when Moka is 6 months and R is 2. She has put in more than her fair time with bf. The poor thing has been pumping everyday for the past 17 months! She is so over it and I don't blame her. I was happy to quit pumping after 9 months of doing it.

QOTW: I hadn't given this too much thought until the question was posed. For us, we plan to talk to him at the age he is at. So if at 4 he asks where is his dad, we will tell him he doesn't have one but has 2 moms. Then as he gets older and we talk more about sex, we will add in the donor part. He has the right to contact the donor at 18 if he wants and we'll make that known too at the right time.

[karlamo]

Aug 3, 2015 11:18:46 GMT -5 2brides said:

Aug 3, 2015 10:15:18 GMT -5 karlamo said:

2brides, WOW, they never even asked why they don't have a dad(dy)? That's the question I'm expecting to get at 4-5yo.

They have asked why they have 2 moms which we answered that families are made up in all different kids of ways - and talk about families we know with a mom/dad, dad/dad, mom only, grandparents raising kids...

They have asked why we chose to have kids...

But I think asking why they don't have a dad isn't really asking about conception...

I agree.  I'm expecting at 4-5yo to be asked the where is my dad question and will answer with you have 2 moms, but then as he gets older like 8-9, I would expect him to start asking more specific questions about how families are biologically made.  I have nieces/nephews who started asking those questions at that age and we have listened to how our siblings responded to them and have added our own explanation to them as to why R doesn't have a dad.

[jgy]

G will be 2 1/2 in September

Yes, Stringy, all that stuff. It drives me nuts. G is the biggest staller in the WORLD!! I try to be patient and remind myself that he is just learning/exploring, but the our lives work we just always seem to be in a rush so mostly I feel like I'm going insane. His new thing is that he not only HAS to get in and out of the car by himself, but it has to be on the street side of the car. I'm not a pushover and I don't do unsafe, but at some point you need to choose your battles and this is one I chose not to fight (it honestly took me by surprise). But it's irritating, to be sure.

Vocab is still exploding and that's really cool. He's starting using words like "Because" on a regular basis. I'm surprised on a daily basis, and I love it. He's started saying "That's too hard" which drives S absolutely out of her mind crazy. She's a doer. If you're struggling, try harder. It's a bit comical, but we're working on our encouragement.

What else? He's still in his crib and he's still sleeping like a champ once he goes down (after many many months of horrible sleep). Our going-to-bed routine is lengthy though, and I'm nervous about what's going to happen with the addition of this next kiddo. S will definitely have to take a more active role and I see a lot of tears with this change.

QOTW: S and I really need to sit down and talk about this. I think we have different views on some things, and we really need to get that out in the open so we can decide on a united way forward. We've started out conversations about the basics of all families being different, and all being okay. We will probably stick to that message until the topic of what-makes-a-baby actually comes up. And, depending on what kind of kid G turns out to be, that could be next year or it could be in 10 years. Who knows? I'm guessing that we will be very matter of fact about the separation between the science of how babies are made and the emotions of how families are created. We will use the word "Donor," I'm sure. We very specifically chose a WTBK donor, but feel strongly that the choices around making contact with him or any other offspring are G's choices to make. We know there are plenty of "Diblings" out there should he choose to search for them. And we will support and sit with him through those searches, but they are his to perform (of course I've already done quite a bit of looking, but will keep that info to myself).

I've seen a few really good books referenced recently that speak to the science behind making a baby, without attaching emotion or family connection to it. I'll see if I can find those names and post them here later this week.

[jgy]

2brides, my nephew is the same way as C is with clothes. A lot of it ties into his love of sports (actually, I'd say all of it). Isn't C the more sports-obsessed one, or do I have that backwards? Just a thought about the shoe thing ... if he likes college sports at all (can't remember), different schools have different contracts with sportswear companies. For example, U of MN is a Nike school, but WI is an Adidas school. Perhaps you might be able to super-sleuth and find a few schools that he likes and note on the brands they wear? Also, just for reference, the NBA is officially partnered with Adidas (which I find so odd) rather than Nike. Maybe C just needs to see that other brands are "Cool" too.

[mahler5]

karlamo-- it's so exciting that R will have a little sibling soon! I can't imagine trying to teach C about babies right now, although she does love them! I'm sure he will love the new baby!

We watched a lot of TV on this trip and saw there are new Daniel tiger episodes about Daniel meeting his baby sister and playing with her (and waiting his turn with his parents). Anyway, I'm not sure if they would be helpful to R at this point, and not sure how you feel about limited screen time at this age. But maybe they would be helpful in the next 3-6 months. I like that it's a pBS show and fairly educational. But it's still TV.

[karlamo]

mahler5, Thanks! At this time we aren't letting him watch any tv. I have no idea when that will change but I'll keep that show in mind.

People are funny. I have co-workers ask if R wants a brother or a sister. I'm staring at them like seriously. I think people forget what 17 months looks like. My kid barely knows how to say his own name.

[2brides]

Aug 3, 2015 11:31:12 GMT -5 karlamo said:

Aug 3, 2015 11:18:46 GMT -5 2brides said:

They have asked why they have 2 moms which we answered that families are made up in all different kids of ways - and talk about families we know with a mom/dad, dad/dad, mom only, grandparents raising kids...

They have asked why we chose to have kids...

But I think asking why they don't have a dad isn't really asking about conception...

I agree.  I'm expecting at 4-5yo to be asked the where is my dad question and will answer with you have 2 moms, but then as he gets older like 8-9, I would expect him to start asking more specific questions about how families are biologically made.  I have nieces/nephews who started asking those questions at that age and we have listened to how our siblings responded to them and have added our own explanation to them as to why R doesn't have a dad.

They are 9y - so, yes, I expect to have those conversations soon. I know among my friends, girls tend to ask sooner/question how they came to be sooner than boys.

[2brides]

Aug 3, 2015 11:41:54 GMT -5 jgy said:

2brides, my nephew is the same way as C is with clothes. A lot of it ties into his love of sports (actually, I'd say all of it). Isn't C the more sports-obsessed one, or do I have that backwards? Just a thought about the shoe thing ... if he likes college sports at all (can't remember), different schools have different contracts with sportswear companies. For example, U of MN is a Nike school, but WI is an Adidas school. Perhaps you might be able to super-sleuth and find a few schools that he likes and note on the brands they wear? Also, just for reference, the NBA is officially partnered with Adidas (which I find so odd) rather than Nike. Maybe C just needs to see that other brands are "Cool" too.

He used to be very interested in sports (more watching than playing) but it has waned. I think some of this is from his interest in sports and some is from conversations with counselors at camp (who tend to wear these brands.) Heck, part could be genetic - my mother was a HUGE shopper (though by the time the kids were around, she was too ill to do much shopping!)

[jillc0323]

G is 6 weeks tomorrow, and it seems like time has flown. We put her in her first 0-3 months sleeper last night, which was bittersweet. I am so happy that she's growing and healthy, but it just seems like it's going by too fast!

She is so interactive right now. She likes to make eye contact while she's eating, interacts with toys, smiles socially, and coos/"talks" to us.

We feel more and more comfortable parenting with each week that goes by and had the best weekend so far with her. We felt like she was really happy all weekend, which, compared to her first few weeks of life was a really great feeling for all of us.


QOTW: We haven't discussed yet, but I imagine we will talk to her early. Her cousins are older and know that we used a donor (it was explained to them because they are old enough to understand that reproduction requires male + female), so we want to make sure that we're the ones to talk to her. We don't know how or when, but we figure we have plenty of time still! Interested to hear how others will handle.

We used an open (but anonymous) donor and plan on doing the sibling registry after the adoption is finalized. In our state you can't surrender "rights" before a child is born, so even though it's paranoid to think something could happen, we want to make absolutely sure that we're protected before we do the registry.

[Deleted]

J is terrific this week. But he had to be separated from Eva his bff at school, if she chooses not to play with him, hes very upset. They need some alone time too, but most of the time are each others chosen playmates. I find it hard to stay out of, just something he needs to work through, but his sorrow at not "being her friend ever again" is hard to explain. He has a hard time adjusting to the idea if she wants to play with someone else for a time, its not forever.

I feel like Im on my soapbox pretty regularly for Question of the Week. I feel really pretty strongly that the word donor should come up early. One of J's sibs has "2 moms and a donor" a fact of which hes pretty darn proud. I wish more mom teams would help destigmatize the donor situation, by introducing that early. Stepping away from the box. That, and parents either gender who announce they are "single" parenting for the weekend or whatever. Isnt that just parenting? You dont get a medal. And try it for a few years, and then let me know how its going. steam from ears, but its just a phrase.

[jgy]

Aug 4, 2015 23:06:12 GMT -5 @sherminator said:

...

I feel like Im on my soapbox pretty regularly for Question of the Week. I feel really pretty strongly that the word donor should come up early. One of J's sibs has "2 moms and a donor" a fact of which hes pretty darn proud. I wish more mom teams would help destigmatize the donor situation, by introducing that early. Stepping away from the box. That, and parents either gender who announce they are "single" parenting for the weekend or whatever. Isnt that just parenting? You dont get a medal. And try it for a few years, and then let me know how its going. steam from ears, but its just a phrase.

Amen, @sherminator.  I will add that I've been guilty of using the term "Solo-parenting" when S has traveled for work.  I should think more about that before throwing it out there.  It's not "Single-parenting" but it's close enough.  The one that always gets me is when people (okay, not just generic "People" it's almost always Dads) say they're "Babysitting" when another parent goes out.  You're not babysitting, you're parenting your own child.  Get over it.  

[kh826]

I also HATE the "babysitting" thing. I just don't get it. In what world should a parent feel OK saying they are babysitting their own child? It makes it seem like they are so removed from being a primary care giver that it is some kind of extra responsibility and out of the norm for them to watch their own child?!?! What the heck?!?!

[karlamo]

I use the term solo-mommying when my wife is at a board meeting for days. I say it because my wife and I had children together and we work as a team. I never would have had kids alone. I tip my hat to single parents, those by choice and those not.

My family works best when we are both around to share in the fun and responsibilities. Being the solo parent for 3 days and nights is the most exhausting thing I've ever done. Speaking of which my next solo mommying is coming up in Oct. At that time I'll have a newborn and a toddler. At least I can drink this next time.

[kona]

O is 12 months

I think we are making progress with sleeping. I put her down for nap the past 3 days (which I rarely do lately). She fell sleep in her crib with me in the room in 5-10 minutes. I'm so thrilled with that!

Everyone survived her bday party. We had about 20 family members over to our house for cake. A few months ago she would have acted much differently in a crowd of people like that and I was worried about it. Amazing how fast they change. She did great and got a few toys that she enjoys. My dad asked if we had a 529 plan yet for her and we just have an ESA so far, but if he wants to contribute I will set that up pronto!

We had her 12 month check up and she grew 3 inches in 3 months! She's a tall kid, 85% percentile.

QOTW:
This discussion has me thinking about this more in-depth. We planned to tell O how she was conceived when she asked but perhaps being more up front about the term donor and who that is and what that means would be better (or at least a discussion between M and I). There is a possibility that we will use a different donor for other kiddos and that maybe a topic of discussion too.

[Deleted]

kh826, jgy, Yes! About the "babysitting" your own kids! I am totally with you on that. And, no offense to anyone who uses the term solo, or single parenting for the weekend or whatever. If you did it full time, you might find the term a bit grating, but really, I get that its descriptive of the time and place you find yourself in. as for me karlamo, cant imagine doing it with more than one kiddo. so its all relative. Except for my facebook dad friend who announced he was "going solo for 10 hours baby sitting" HIS kids, to which both me and another single mom wryly puked all over that post.